Insecurities

[invin]

I have been seeing this girl for about four months now, and mostly, everything has been fine. We aren't at a stage of total commitment yet, but both hope that things do progress smoothly along, and taking our time.

 

The only problem of late, arising mainly from me, is her ex-bf. Now, I'm unsure if he or she has feelings for each other, but the ex has just been posted overseas(asia) for some months. And while they weren't in regular contact before, he has called her daily, when possible, to update her on his life, and for casual conversation, which could carry on for hours.....

 

Naturally, I'm uncomfortable with this all, as I don't believe someone overseas would make all this effort to call back daily, if he didn't want more. Or to put it simply: "There's more than meets the eye?"

 

She has told me that he(ex) doesn't want anything than just being friends. And that she doesn't want to think too much into his calls.

 

I just don't know what I should do, as I feel strongly for her, but yet, knowingly know, that we aren't in anything exclusive. I just don't see how, she wants this to develop further.....

 

I have lost my temper at her, and know this is wrong. But really, am I being insecure? As much as I want things to move on, I believe this has simply to be resolved, and not thinking about it, won't help... right or wrong?

[Tony T]

1. "I have lost my temper at her, and know this is wrong. But really, am I being insecure?"

 

Of course, you are being very insecure. But I think in some measure you are being reasonable as well. I don't think it's proper for her to handle such frequent calls from another guy right there in front of you.

 

On the other hand, she is not in a committed relationship with you and therefore is free to get all the calls she wants from as many guys as she desires.

 

She should accept these calls when you are not there...and she need not tell you about them for they really aren't any of your business anyway. Even if she were in a committed relationship with you, these calls would not violate that if the subject matter is not romantic.

 

2. "As much as I want things to move on, I believe this has simply to be resolved, and not thinking about it, won't help... right or wrong?"

 

And precisely how would you resolve this? Have her uninstall her telephone? Promise you not to receive his calls anymore?

 

My friend, there is nothing to resolve right now. She is totally in the right. Your reaction is inappropriate, not what she is doing....if she's not doing it in front of you. I think it's pretty childish of her to tell you about these calls but, then again, she may have no idea just how much they trouble you.

 

If she is taking these calls and talking in front of you for hours, she's extremely rude and I would dump her in a second for doing that. Otherwise, you could kindly "request" that she cut down on the frequency and length of the calls if one day she agrees to be in a committed relationship with you. If she senses you are very jealous and insecure, she will not agree to do that.

[scoobs93]

Tony said: Of course, you are being very insecure. But I think in some measure you are being reasonable as well. I don't think it's proper for her to handle such frequent calls from another guy right there in front of you

 

Especially an ex.

 

 

My friend, you are being very insecure. I understand your reasoning, however, you are in the wrong. The girl should be able to have her own life and recieve calls from as much guys as she wants to. Whether it be the "Wonderful Ex" or just some guy she met a few days ago you have to trust her when she says she likes you, and only you.

 

 

Anthony

[invin]

Thanks for your replies guys...

 

I knew about her ex, as we have a common group of friends. And it didn't bother me then. It only bothered me, when before he left to take up his overseas posting, he talked to her, and made her feel very emotional. And she mentioned to me, that she is unsure about the whole situation now...

 

She does not pick up the calls in front of me, but seriously, how many would call someone back home, being thousand of miles away, in another continent, on a daily basis, other than someone one cares a lot about? It just doesn't measure up.... Yes, it really is none of my business actually....

 

As I am typing, perhaps I should just stay out of the picture for a while, rather than face the problems I have, and live with constant bickering.... Its just a little sad, having spent almost everyday with her, and enjoying most of the time, while in the hope something will develop. I presume better now than later...