Citizen Erased Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 It is really hard for me to talk about my family. My parents split 7 years ago but my voice still catches when I tell people my parents are split, my father lives in another state and is married. I think about the places we went on holidays when I was younger, how I used to like going through our photo albums. Now I have one photo. That is it. One photo of my sister and I when I was about 7, out the front of our house. No-one knows where our photos are. Where the photo frames, ornaments I used to clean on a sunday when our family cleaned the house. Where the old record player, the records, the furniture, my stuffed toys, the little figurines my sister and I had from when we shared a room that sat on our dressing table. My mothers wedding dress, my dead brothers birth certificate. All these things are only memories to me now, when they were always there for so long. Why is it that I am the only one who thought it important that they didn't disappear. Yet I don't have any of them and the rest of them don't care enough to look for them. It has taken me this long to realise that I miss my family being together. I hate how my life has turned out, that I get text messages on my birthday or a long distance phone call. My mum can't say once nice thing to say about my father. They can't even consider being in the same suburb, let alone room. Yet they can't go to the trouble of finding things only I consider valuable and they consider trash. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 It sounds like your parents' divorce was a difficult one. Look at it from the perspective of a breakup, where neither party wants to be reminded of happier times instead of looking at it from the child's need of family integrity. I can see why it would make you sad, especially since your mother appears to continue using her children as a battleground and your father isn't available for his children. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 It is really hard for me to talk about my family. My parents split 7 years ago but my voice still catches when I tell people my parents are split, my father lives in another state and is married. I think about the places we went on holidays when I was younger, how I used to like going through our photo albums. Now I have one photo. That is it. One photo of my sister and I when I was about 7, out the front of our house. No-one knows where our photos are. Where the photo frames, ornaments I used to clean on a sunday when our family cleaned the house. Where the old record player, the records, the furniture, my stuffed toys, the little figurines my sister and I had from when we shared a room that sat on our dressing table. My mothers wedding dress, my dead brothers birth certificate. All these things are only memories to me now, when they were always there for so long. Why is it that I am the only one who thought it important that they didn't disappear. Yet I don't have any of them and the rest of them don't care enough to look for them. It has taken me this long to realise that I miss my family being together. I hate how my life has turned out, that I get text messages on my birthday or a long distance phone call. My mum can't say once nice thing to say about my father. They can't even consider being in the same suburb, let alone room. Yet they can't go to the trouble of finding things only I consider valuable and they consider trash. Why can't they go to the trouble, DC? And wouldn't they allow you to go and look for yourself? You can't get them to love each other. You're going to have to rely on memories of that. But maybe you can get some comfort from spending time with each of them. Maybe you can tell them how much it hurts you when they say bad things about each other. Tell your mom to please knock it off. My parents broke up when I was 10. Things started going wrong maybe a year earlier. I remember letting my dad go, and accepting the divorce. I was definitely sad about it, but not too much. I have no idea how it affected me deep down. I never had feelings of missing how things once were. It's kind of funny that I've always analyzed stuff so much, but I hardly gave that a second thought. I think it was just too big for me to deal with at that age. So I just went on with things. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 It is really hard for me to talk about my family. My parents split 7 years ago but my voice still catches when I tell people my parents are split, my father lives in another state and is married. I think about the places we went on holidays when I was younger, how I used to like going through our photo albums. Now I have one photo. That is it. One photo of my sister and I when I was about 7, out the front of our house. Same here. I only think about it in general terms... I rarely go into detail when I talk about it. I used to be really ashamed. The memories are not gone... but they are not the same. I look back on events and everything is changed... altered. Have you dealt with the emotions involved? Sometimes I feel disconnected from others... seperated and awkward. Is it the same for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Angelina Nisse Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 You sound so very sad. I think you should consider some counselling to help you deal with all this pain. I do understand why you are sad. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
woodsfield Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 It is really hard for me to talk about my family. My parents split 7 years ago but my voice still catches when I tell people my parents are split, my father lives in another state and is married. I think about the places we went on holidays when I was younger, how I used to like going through our photo albums. Now I have one photo. That is it. One photo of my sister and I when I was about 7, out the front of our house. No-one knows where our photos are. Where the photo frames, ornaments I used to clean on a sunday when our family cleaned the house. Where the old record player, the records, the furniture, my stuffed toys, the little figurines my sister and I had from when we shared a room that sat on our dressing table. My mothers wedding dress, my dead brothers birth certificate. All these things are only memories to me now, when they were always there for so long. Why is it that I am the only one who thought it important that they didn't disappear. Yet I don't have any of them and the rest of them don't care enough to look for them. It has taken me this long to realise that I miss my family being together. I hate how my life has turned out, that I get text messages on my birthday or a long distance phone call. My mum can't say once nice thing to say about my father. They can't even consider being in the same suburb, let alone room. Yet they can't go to the trouble of finding things only I consider valuable and they consider trash. hearing stories about other's life like this one make me feel so blessed for what i have and had. like others stated, it sounds like your parents have selfishly attempted to forget their "painful" past and have neglected one of their kids. have you tried to talk to them about this? i hope that you and your parents should try to resolve some things because i think you will be hurting until you have closure. i sorry you hate the way your life has turned out. you should try to start a new, wonderful life with the one you love (or find one) and make some more memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 It sounds like your parents' divorce was a difficult one. Look at it from the perspective of a breakup, where neither party wants to be reminded of happier times instead of looking at it from the child's need of family integrity. I can see why it would make you sad, especially since your mother appears to continue using her children as a battleground and your father isn't available for his children. Yes their divorce was difficult. Many family dramas, and now my siblings and I are pretty divided. However, since the start of this year I have developed a much better relationship with my mum than before. I think my father understands he has no real part in my life because he was the one who wanted me in the middle, wanted me to choose between them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Why can't they go to the trouble, DC? And wouldn't they allow you to go and look for yourself? You can't get them to love each other. You're going to have to rely on memories of that. But maybe you can get some comfort from spending time with each of them. Maybe you can tell them how much it hurts you when they say bad things about each other. Tell your mom to please knock it off. My parents broke up when I was 10. Things started going wrong maybe a year earlier. I remember letting my dad go, and accepting the divorce. I was definitely sad about it, but not too much. I have no idea how it affected me deep down. I never had feelings of missing how things once were. It's kind of funny that I've always analyzed stuff so much, but I hardly gave that a second thought. I think it was just too big for me to deal with at that age. So I just went on with things. I think, as some have mentioned, they don't want to be reminded of the past. But when I look back on my childhood all is overshadowed by my parents divorce when I was 13. They don't get that I would actually like to be reminded of when I was young and stupid and thought my family was actually happy. I definitley relate with not dealing with your own parents divorce. Everyone expected me to cry, to yell, to blame my parents etc but I didn't. I was going into the stage of being a teenager and I wouldn't have been able to deal with everything without going insane. It hasn't been until recently when my dad moved away, I have a steady job, great relationship etc that I have come to realise I never delat with it. I thought at the time I had my own way of dealing with things but I just pushed it all aside to be dealt with later, so of course now I've stuffed myself because when I should be happy I am being reminded now I can't leave my past as the past until I have dealt with such a huge issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Same here. I only think about it in general terms... I rarely go into detail when I talk about it. I used to be really ashamed. The memories are not gone... but they are not the same. I look back on events and everything is changed... altered. Have you dealt with the emotions involved? Sometimes I feel disconnected from others... seperated and awkward. Is it the same for you? I remeber when my parents orginally divorced that I called my mum a whore for cheating on my dad. I said I hated her to my friends, I made out as if I didn't care beyond that. But every second weekend I would be looking forward to going to see her because I still missed her. Then I moved in with her after a year and my dad has never forgiven me. It was like I had betrayed him. But the point is that no I never dealt with my actual feelings. I had to put up a front whilst at school so I didn't have everyone know just how bad that I felt my life actually was. So yes, I did feel separated from my friends, my family. Because they expected me to be emotional over the divorce and when I wasn't they just assumed I had gotten over it and they assumed everything was great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 You sound so very sad. I think you should consider some counselling to help you deal with all this pain. I do understand why you are sad. Good luck I was going for more wistful but sad will do I have never actually considered counselling which is funny considering I am studying Psychology... I myself am not the sort of person who tells people face to face what I am thinking. On here amongst strangers I am fine but otherwise I freeze up and won't reveal anything. But giving out the advice I am fine with Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 hearing stories about other's life like this one make me feel so blessed for what i have and had. like others stated, it sounds like your parents have selfishly attempted to forget their "painful" past and have neglected one of their kids. have you tried to talk to them about this? i hope that you and your parents should try to resolve some things because i think you will be hurting until you have closure. i sorry you hate the way your life has turned out. you should try to start a new, wonderful life with the one you love (or find one) and make some more memories. I don't hate my life as such, I have a great boyfriend, a fantastic new job, friends and the remnants of my family. PLus the support of my bf's family. I just regret that I can't talk to my parents about one another without them being snotty, that they sat on separate sides of the hall at my graduation and will probably continue to do so for the rest of the major events of my life. But I am not the only one who has to face these things which is even sadder Link to post Share on other sites
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