Why do exes get married so quickly after long-term relationship breakups?

[dermal]

Something I've noticed in the threads here. It seems it's not uncommon for people to leave long-term relationships and get engaged/married in a relatively short timespan afterwards with the new partner. Why and how does this happen? How is the person able to jump from a committed multiyear relationship and make an even bigger commitment to the new partner after only 5-6 months?

[amaysngrace]

Personally I find it pretty strange myself that people can just relationship-hop with relatively no down-time.

 

I think it's because these people hate to be alone. They don't like themselves very much and need to be part of a couple all the time because they feel incomplete unless they are.

 

JMO.

[Travis L]

Something I've noticed in the threads here. It seems it's not uncommon for people to leave long-term relationships and get engaged/married in a relatively short timespan afterwards with the new partner. Why and how does this happen? How is the person able to jump from a committed multiyear relationship and make an even bigger commitment to the new partner after only 5-6 months?

 

Maybe after years with someone, seeing exactly what they don't want makes it easier for them to see what they do want... When they find it, they want to lock it up Granted, what they want will change over time and so will the newness of the new relationship... It's also a self affirmation for him/her to say, "Look, I knew I was right to leave you..." Who knows...

[Tony T]

Something I've noticed in the threads here. It seems it's not uncommon for people to leave long-term relationships and get engaged/married in a relatively short timespan afterwards with the new partner. Why and how does this happen? How is the person able to jump from a committed multiyear relationship and make an even bigger commitment to the new partner after only 5-6 months?

 

Sound reboundish to me. People are weird when it comes to love. I also suppose sometimes a new face may look incredibly great after getting out of an unpleasant relationship....great enough to marry. With people, you just never know.

[LakesideDream]

Come on everybody! The Cheater/Walk Away Spouse has a new committed relation before they "walk away". It ain't all that quick, they've already been at it for awhile.

 

Plus... they have an immediate need to validate themselves, they just walked away from an LTR, and they are building walls around their new relationship.

[Travis L]

Come on everybody! The Cheater/Walk Away Spouse has a new committed relation before they "walk away". It ain't all that quick, they've already been at it for awhile.

 

Plus... they have an immediate need to validate themselves, they just walked away from an LTR, and they are building walls around their new relationship.

 

Is someone bitter? Seriously, not EVERYONE who leaves a relationship has a new one all lined up... I will agree that there is a considerable percentage who do, but to say that in essence ALL, or even a majority, do is pushing it...

 

Let's face it, people with new found freedom (i.e. the dumpers, who have made the choice and therefore feel better about it) tend to exploit that and go out and have fun with their friends (i.e. bar, club, polka lesson, whatever their shtick) and have a higher likelihood of meeting new people. Those of us who were dumped tend to stay at home for a considerable amount of time, moping around and not out there finding the next man/woman...dumpees are on here trying to find ways to win her/him back (that's what brought me here originally) while the dumpers are moving on with their lives...

 

We look at it and say something to the effect of: "Holy $hit, how can they be moving on so quickly while we are feeling devastated...?" Well, he or she probably emotionally checked out a while back and has been looking forward to the day when he or she could finally get out there and meet new people. They are ready as they made the choice...

[amaysngrace]

Let's face it, people with new found freedom (i.e. the dumpers, who have made the choice and therefore feel better about it) tend to exploit that and go out and have fun with their friends (i.e. bar, club, polka lesson, whatever their shtick) and have a higher likelihood of meeting new people.

 

As a dumper (as you say) it took me longer to find somebody else than it did my exH. He hooked up with and professed his love to a woman not even one month after our break-up made him suicidal.

 

For me, coming out of a lengthy bad marriage, the last thing in this world I wanted was to jump back into another relationship.

 

Also, before the divorce went final, I didn't even think of having a man in my life. I was still married. I didn't initiate eye-contact or anything with anyone, because I was still married. Even though I was the one who wanted out of the marriage.

 

Yes I agree with you, Lakeside speaks in absolutes and nothing in life is for sure. And you should know that not all dumpers act or feel the same way either.

[allina]

There was a really interesting article written about this, I wish I knew how to locate it. It's basically about men in normal, stable relationships that last 2+ years but never cross in to a super serious stage (like engagement, marriage) After these relationship ends the man if often engaged to the new girl after 9 months or so.

 

I don't remember how this was explained but it talked about how this is fairly common.

[LakesideDream]

Is someone bitter? Seriously, not EVERYONE who leaves a relationship has a new one all lined up... I will agree that there is a considerable percentage who do, but to say that in essence ALL, or even a majority, do is pushing it...

 

Let's face it, people with new found freedom (i.e. the dumpers, who have made the choice and therefore feel better about it) tend to exploit that and go out and have fun with their friends (i.e. bar, club, polka lesson, whatever their shtick) and have a higher likelihood of meeting new people. Those of us who were dumped tend to stay at home for a considerable amount of time, moping around and not out there finding the next man/woman...dumpees are on here trying to find ways to win her/him back (that's what brought me here originally) while the dumpers are moving on with their lives...

 

We look at it and say something to the effect of: "Holy $hit, how can they be moving on so quickly while we are feeling devastated...?" Well, he or she probably emotionally checked out a while back and has been looking forward to the day when he or she could finally get out there and meet new people. They are ready as they made the choice...

 

Sure, bitter. I'll always be bitter about a 25 year marriage blown up for "true love".

 

And I should have inserted the word "often" in my post, my apologies. It' often happens that way.

 

I'm not into making excuses for walk away wives and husbands, sorry.

[finallyhappyme]

I agree with Travis L! I think afetr being with someone for soo long you really come to find out a lot about yourself and what you like/ don't like. Once you find out that person is really more of what you don't want you leave and find what you do.

 

Once you do find what you want why not get married?

 

I also believe letting go of what you don't want just makes a straight path for what you DO want to walk right into your life. You just had to make room for it.

 

But I will have to semi-agree with LakesideDream 70% of the women / men I know have left their Long term relationship already having someone lined up. Maybe not exactly dating that person already, but they may have a crush on a co-worker / an ex they can't get over / a friend they would like to make a lover. For that I believe that they were unhappy in the relationship and these things / person opened their eyes and made it easier for them to leave.

[Msblueyes]

I bet this will happend to my x boyfriend to be...I have that feeling since we have not been intimate for two months. It wouldn't surprise me, or his moving out is to possibly see other people. I am like the dumpee who knew it was coming in the pit of their stomach, and had to just watch it kind of surreally. My boyfriend took me out fri. night & then talked to everyone but me...and told friends he couldn't wait to be free...and no wonder I freaked out & went psycho....it hurts, it causes anger and it triggers every bad feeling in the world. And still, I cling to something I don't even think I had...imagine that?

[Travis L]

Yes I agree with you, Lakeside speaks in absolutes and nothing in life is for sure. And you should know that not all dumpers act or feel the same way either.

 

Very true, I should have followed my own suggestion to not speak in absolutes. I truly believe that a majority of the dumpers feel better about the situation initially as they themselves have made this decision to leave. An exception to this majority would be when a dumper leaves because the dumpee cheated or did something severely irresponsible (abuse, alcoholism, etc...). In this case, both parties would probably be devastated.

 

I don't know your story but if you simply fell out of love with your husband and didn't face one of the above situations while not feeling some form of relief, I am very surprised. Then again, most of the people on here are the type of people who do a lot of soul searching and are trying to improve before just jumping back out into the market. We are the few, the proud, the information seekers

[Travis L]

Sure, bitter. I'll always be bitter about a 25 year marriage blown up for "true love".

 

And I should have inserted the word "often" in my post, my apologies. It' often happens that way.

 

I'm not into making excuses for walk away wives and husbands, sorry.

 

Sorry to hear about your negative experience. I, as well, simply wish more people would work on their problems rather than ditch them..

 

I actually never made an excuse for walk away spouses... My point was simply that not all walk-a-way'ers leave because they have found someone else. Furthermore, that it is typically easier for a dumper to move on as he or she has been thinking about this for a while and it was their decision. They have been looking forward to the freedom and thinking about what they will do (i.e. go out more). That is why the dumpers are typically able to move on quicker than what the dumpee sees as appropriate for a LTR. It doesn't make it an excuse...just a possible reason...

 

I was pretty bitter at first when my ex started seeing someone two weeks after she left our 4 year relationship...I was freakin' pissed off... In retrospect, she had been giving signs of unhappiness for quite a while. I didn't respond to them as I was comfortable. This is my rationale for why it was easy for her to move on...She had been contemplating an exit strategy for quite a while.

 

A little over 4 months later and I have forgiven her... Why? Well, she was right...we weren't as happy as we should have been. We had fallen out of love with each other... I'm at peace and loving every minute of it. We are friends now and we both know where we stand... I could see us getting back together in thee future but I'm having the time of my life with new women... Lost weight, in grad school, blah blah blah...

 

I digress... Anyway, good luck to you and I would be bitter after a 25 year marriage, as well...