out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[storm]

sometimes you never get that closure we are all looking for. She is not the type of person to give that to you. Not even my ex gave me closure. If she gave you closure then she wouldn't have you waiting anymore.

 

The safest route would be to ask her "what do you want from me?" If she replies with some friend crap then tell her that you will go back to ignoring her and that is how the rest of life will be between the two of you. She has her AE boy and she needs to come out and tell you what her motives are. Plain and simple.

 

Don't let her know how you feel unless she actually tells you how she feels first. She is the one that broke up with you.

[heartoutside]

Ok, I can agree with doing #3. But I'm thinking it has to be a little more tactful, such as "(her name) what is that you want from me? I don't get it?"

[storm]

Yes, my reply was generic and straight to the point. No more telling her how you feel right now. You have done enough of that. Time for her to tell you how she feels, and what her motives are. If she doens't give you an answer, good riddance! Ignore, Ignore.

[serendip]

Ok, I can agree with doing #3. But I'm thinking it has to be a little more tactful, such as "(her name) what is that you want from me? I don't get it?"

 

 

Then if she can't give you what you need...just tell to please stop contacting you

[heartoutside]

2. Call her and tell her how you feel again or send that email. This would void all the time you spent ignoring her. That would only set you back to where you began. She would say something stupid like "I miss having you as a friend and I don't want you to be mad at me". Calling her would be just like that serious talk you had with her before, got you nowhere. She would just feel comfortable again and proceed with AE boy fulltime. I think if you called her, and told her how you feel or told her that you want her to leave you alone would just end like all these relationships end. She probably wouldn't call anymore. And your posts would dwindle.

 

I don't get this......isn't the whole point to make myself clear to her? I don't want her to keep texting me. It gets me no where.

 

I want her to either stop it all together and do what she needs to do with her life and let me do what I need to do with mine, or try and work something out.....more likely to be me getting on with my life!

[storm]

Well deep down inside I'm sure you don't want her to quit texting. There is a certain pleasure when you ignore her attempts to contact you. But if you can handle the texts stopping for good, and moving on, then have a talk with her.

[heartoutside]

what's the point of living off those texts? Nothing, it doesn't get me anywhere does it? Sure it might give a little go boast for a day or an afternoon, but then when I don't get one for a day or two, I start to wonder.

[serendip]

what's the point of living off those texts? Nothing, it doesn't get me anywhere does it? Sure it might give a little go boast for a day or an afternoon, but then when I don't get one for a day or two, I start to wonder.

 

 

it sounds like you already know what to do

[storm]

And don't tell me you enjoy it when she doesn't text you. I've seen how down and blue your posts are when days go by without a text. But that is something you may have to face sooner or later.

 

I would say my advice comes across as rather pointless. Because what i've always suggested has been sort of a game now that I think about it. And almost always you have to play a game with this type of girl to get her back. But the other part of me says, why would you want someone back if you tricked them into it. Yes I know, games are stupid. But in all honesty, if you do what your heart says, this girl won't be back. Choose your own adventure.

 

Do what you want from this point. Disregard my childish advice. Tell her how you feel and to leave you alone. End of the soap opera.

 

The End!

[heartoutside]

I'm not saying it's childish at all, you've given me some solid advice and a good sounding board. I'm totally grateful for that! And as much as I want her back in my life, this isn't the way to do it. If she can't see my love for what it is, so be it....

[storm]

yeah. I think the origninal plan was to get this girl to show up at your door for a talk. But everyone else feels sorry for her and considers this torture.

[heartoutside]

Here's a conversation I just had with my brother about sending the email to her

did you send your email yet]

Heart says

no

Brother says

good

Heart says:

so far everyone thinks it's fine

Brother says:

dont send it

shes still just trying to get attention

Heart says

i agree

Heart says

but how much longer can this go on

Heart says

i should just ignore her

Brother says yup

Heart says

?

Heart says

i'm lost

Brother says

first

Brother says

the fact that she is questioning your love is so stupid that you cant possible answer that

Heart says

agreed

Brother says

I just dont think childish behavior warrants a response[/FONT

Heart says

so i just keep walking?

Brother says

if she had written something like "Herat Im totally confused, I thought you loved me

Brother says:

like sincere and honest

Brother says

then your email would be just about right

Heart says

good point

Brother says

keep walking

Brother says

you will feel better the more you keep walking

Heart says

for some odd reason, I want to send the letter though

Brother says

I wouldnt

Brother says

you are sending to answer the questions and doubts you hope she is asking

Brother says

but shes not asking them, it sounds like shes just pissed and f'n with you to get revenge

Heart says

yeah

Brother says

so your email lets her get her revenge

Brother says

see my point

Heart says

yeah

Brother says

you are reacting to what you want her to be saying, not what she is actually saying

[storm]

Your brother is right. Don't send an email to this girl. If you do anything that involves her now, call and ask her what she wants from you.

 

Otherwise, ignore her. I'm sure she is still fuming for being booted from myspace and facebook. She probably has more text tricks up her sleeve.

[heartoutside]

What my brother said got me thinking.....

 

3 times in the past 5 months my ex has done something like this. (i'm sure there are other times I just can't think of them)

 

1st time: I went to south america and didn't tell her about it, she found out through a friend of ours, and felt I was trying to hide it from her (not the case). She sent me an email or a myspace thing while I was in south america telling me that she was pissed off, and would have all her stuff out of the house when I got back, and that she would never be cool with me again! She didn't get her stuff out and i guess she got over the cool thing. BUt I replied to that, instantly infact and it got me no where.

 

2nd time: About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I went out with a girl friend, a friend that I haven't seen in 10 years. MY ex called as I was leaving and I talked to her and had to cut the conversation short because I got in the car and I was driving. She asked what I was up to so I told her I was going to a my friends party that she was having for HER dog. My ex instantly got pissed when she heard the words HER and said goodbye....5 mins later, I get a text saying I can be so mean sometimes. I called her back instantly on that one as well..

 

3rd time: THIS CRAP.....this whole thing about how I don't love her, and I'm so childish....I know I'm not childish, and I know I love her. I can live with that.

 

BUT, I don't think she'll text me....I don't think she'll have anything to do with me...maybe a few months down the road. But I think she's done....

[storm]

I say, wait until her next text,call or email. Trust me, there will be another one. Instead of replying with a text or email, just call her and try to have the final conversation. Ask her what she wants from you. If she somehow avoids the question then just hang up or something. No more of this, you have to end the madness.

 

The reason you must not ask that through text or email is that she will have time to come up with an untruthful devious answer. If you call her and ask this, she will be caught off guard, you will be able to tell if she fumbles her words to come up with an answer. Don't stoop to her sad text level. Text messages are very impersonal and meaningless.

 

I think the best would be a talk in person but I worry she will find a way to stand you up like before.

[thelegend]

i really don't think you shoud ignore her anymore. I think it's time to give her a call and get some closure for yourself. I don't think the in person thing will go to well. Just a simple convo will. Just text her and say i need to talk to you. She'll call you and then you say your peace and let her say hers and go from there

[heartoutside]

I've played that card before.....twice......I'm running out of card! Bar time..

[Coughlin]

I think sending a letter would be a great idea and I'll tell you why. Because you a tough guy and you could use another beating. I say, go for it, so that she could have even more power over you. Your probably thinking that your letter to her will change the way she thinks about you and treats you. I guarantee it will make her feel like she's got you right where she wants you--under the kitchen table, like a good little doggy.

 

I mean if my exgirlfriend tried to guilt me into a reaction with that whole fish tank, garbage can line, I would definately write her an email expressing my soft side for her. Did you ever think that she is trying to get a reaction out of you because she want to feel like she got the best of you. Maybe you feel like she did and that's what keeps you holding on. I think that everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end. I bet that if you honestly looked back at your relationship, it wasn't all that great to begin with even though you probably put in a good, solid effort.

 

That's a sign by the way that your relationship isn't working when you find yourself trying too hard. Trust me, the hardest thing to do sometimes is nothing at all but sometimes thats what it takes to get over somebody. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that your not over her.

[storm]

"Love? Totally knew you weren't in love."

 

I still can't get over that text. What does removing someone from facebook and myspace have to do with love?

 

And if she is hinting that she has some great love for you, then why is she hanging with some AE boy.

[heartoutside]

are these replies suppose to help? thanks, very solid advice coughlin....i don't need a dick, i've alread got one...

[Coughlin]

Yeah right, you just don't have any balls!

[heartoutside]

I've decided to call her, but I can't seem to do it.....I have no idea why?! All those other times I had talks with her I wasn't like this. I think I'm really fearing what I'll feel like afterwards. But the only thing is if I don't do it, I'll always wonder, you know...as you know I thought about emailing her, but I've always told her to call me if she wanted to talk, so it just seems a little hypocritical of me to send an email. But I've got nothing to loose I guess.

 

As for the party the other night, she showed up, without AE boy. It seems to me like they don't hang out on fridays, because that's when she would seem to always contact me the most, sundays as well. I did say hi to her, but she gave me a weak and quite hi back.

 

Some of my friends close to this situation (know both of us really well) say i should send the email. My brother says to call, as do a few of you on here, and then a 3rd friend, also knows both of us really well says I shouldn't call at all and give into her manipulation.

 

NO idea

[storm]

No email! She will have too much time to come up with a cunning manipulative reply. You need to catch her off guard on the phone or in person and ask why she is contacting you. Just plain and simple "crazy ex, what is it that you want from me?"

 

I would still wait until she texts again, then maybe call her. Don't say she won't text. The history of this wacko repeats itself.

 

Don't her and AE boy have better things to do than show up at a party that you will be at?? Damn, there are a million other things the two of them could do. Your ex pisses me off.

[heartoutside]

he didn't show up.......just her...I can understand her coming, and I'm glad he didn't. It's her friends party as well so she has just as much right to be there as I do...what was funny was when she got there she sat next to my buddie who I was talking to, so basically my buddie was stuck between me and her. I apologized to him later for that, but when she was talking to him all she did was complain about her roommate (who I thought was her best friend!?). She used to have the best roommate! Me

 

You really think she'll text again?! I don't know. I saw her face. Although when I asked her to talk she didn't say no, I don't want to...or I don't think it's a good idea, she just said I have to leave. Stupid thought.....I know. But I don't think she'll text me anymore, esp after I told her at the party when she was leaving that I can't do the texting thing, that if she wants to talk that she should call....

[storm]

so wait. You left that part out. You said you only said "hi" to her at this recent party. You never said anything about telling her to quit texting you. I'm confused now.

 

And when did you ask her to talk? Was that ages ago?