out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[heartoutside]

Well I still haven't called her back after she called and left her VM after getting out of class. The night before thanksgiving she sent me a text saying she heard I was out of town, and that she hoped I would eat a lot of turkey and stuffing. Happy thanksgiving. I didn't reply to the text.

 

I've thought about calling her while I was out of town, but then I thought I would call her when I got back. And then I thought I would call her last night, and I'm thinking about calling her tonight. I doubt I will

 

I guess I figure she's dating this other guy, what's the point?

[storm]

Well don't get sidetracked here. What was the point of calling her in the first place? To ask her why she kept texting you. etc etc.

 

I'd wait again until she repeats her texting pattern. Put her on the spot and ask what she wants from you. You need some type of closure unless you can pretend she is dead and move on without contacting her. Sitting on this call might just be delaying the healing process that you still need to go through. You should either call her and get it over with or wait until she starts the stupid texting again.

[heartoutside]

Yeah, I don't think she'll start that up again.....

[storm]

Ha Ha, yeah right. I never lose any bets.

[storm]

So what has been going on heart? I imagine that you haven't spoken to your ex at all. I'm 5 months from my break-up and I still miss my ex more than anything. I've tried going on a bunch of dates but it just sucks.

[heartoutside]

I'll let you know in a few weeks......we have talked and she regrets ever leaving.

[storm]

Roger that!

[heartoutside]

SO i'm not sure why I'm posting in here again, I guess to vent. But as it stands my ex and I talked again last week, only after she had sent me an email telling me that she thinks about me every day, every song she hears reminds her of me and that she finds herself crying all the time. So I called her.

 

We talked for over an hour, she told me that she missed me, she regretted ever leaving and the min she saw my face at the halloween party a little over a month ago she knew she made a big mistake! She thought I was going to ask her to marry her and she freaked out, she thought that was "IT"! She also said she thought I would have fought for her when we first broke up. I'm not really sure how I could have, I thought if I did anything it would push her away. But she admits that her thinking that is very childish and immature, and not fair. She also said that she regrets getting involved with this new guy, that she never meant for it to get to this point. She's never been so unhappy and misserable in her life, and I could tell in the tone of her voice.

 

She would have panic attacks whenever she knew I was coming to a party that we would both be at, and she found it impossible to talk to me in person because she would just start to cry, so she avoided it.

 

So since the conversation about a week ago, nothings change. She's in the middle of exams and takes her school work very seriously (seeing how she's paying her own way through school) so I told her we can talk when she's done with her exams which is at the end of this week.

 

Also, a friend of ours is having a xmas tree decorating party this weds, she was invited, but I'm not sure if she'll be going. I know I'll be going. How should I act? I think I need to stop ignoring her like i've done at every other party....

 

there you go storm.....there's an update for ya...... any advice?

[storm]

Well my final bit of advice is to just be careful. I can't believe that she wanted you to fight for her. That statement could be truthful or bogus. It could be bogus because that would make you chase her and not move on. I always thought she just wanted to keep you waiting. If she is really miserable and missing you then you two should be back together soon. I don't see what the problem is with her. But then again, my ex probably is thinking the same way. They are just messed up. I just think it was better that you didn't chase her because you would have never gotten to this point. She probably has a new found respect for you, I hope. You are only to this point because she has actually had time without you to think about things. You did your best to not be her friend and that gave her time alone to think. Chasing her would have pushed her away whether she believes it or not.

 

I just say to be careful from here on out. Protect you heart for as long as you can. After the two of you are back together then maybe you can remove the wall. If you guys don't get back together sometime soon then just walk away. Set a certain amount of time in your head before you drop out. None of us really know what she is thinking so be careful. I really don't have any advice, my advice mainly involves games. Just do what you think is best for now.

 

The most important thing is your heart. Don't allow it to be broken again. Love always involves giving someone your heart in hopes they won't break it. Just be careful my friend. I hope for a happy ending to this.

[heartoutside]

I don't doubt what she said on the phone or in her email, but again like you said I'm extremely guarded right now. Which is one reason I don't want to go to this xmas party tomorrow night!

 

I agree about the fighting for her thing. Its is kind of lame, but at least she admits too it. The thing is I have no clue what is best now....? I know I shouldn't ignore her, but I don't know if I should be contact her now? Or should I wait until her exams are over......that kind of crap!

[storm]

Well she knows you are interested. Therefore you don't have to tell her what your heart is thinking right now. Just be civil with her. I think the ignoring isn't good for now, but you already know that. That game is over for now, the ignoring game is what got you to this new level.

 

What you really need to do now is start all over again with her. You have to attract her like when you first started dating her, ages back. Think back to how you acted then. You were friendly and kept your feelings guarded. You were just friendly with her and most likely hung out from time to time. And you most likely didn't contact her very often in the beginning. Avoid talking about the past relationship with her, it is nothing but the past. Just try to move forward with her, however she has her school issues so this may be a slow process. This is still a delicate situation you are involved in now.

 

Go to this party. Maybe she will be there and you guys can talk more. If she doesn't show up, then just have fun like always. Just try not to get your hopes up because they could easily be smashed. I guess I would call it cautious happiness. Be yourself but protect you heart for now.

[heartoutside]

So this party that was suppose to happen was called off. So I was ready to sit at home and drink some beers and watch a movie. But she called. We talked for a little while, her exams ended today and she had a bad exam today so we talked about that. Then she said that she was going to go over to our friends house (the same friend who was suppose to have the party) and said she really needed a drink to blow off some steam. I was going to suggest that we should go get a drink but when I asked her last time we talked if she wanted to go get a cup of coffee or something she said that wouldnt' be a good idea, so I didn't ask. But then she suggested that we get a drink. So I said sure and told her I would pick her up at the train and we would go to a bar.

 

First though we went to the drug store and got some cold meds for our friend who was sick. This is the same friend who's couch I spent 4 days on the first week of the break up. So I guess my ex is ok with letting him know that she and I are getting a drink.

 

So then we go to this bar. I picked a bar I knew she would like but had never been to. It was also chill and didn't have a lot of people in it so we could talk.

 

I didn't talk about us at all, we just joked around had a good time. But she kept saying things such as my eyes are so cute, or pretty. And she told me how her and her gf were up late last night looking at all the pictures of me and her, and she started telling me which ones, and I told her to stop. she then told me that she still keeps a picture of me, her and our friend in her bedroom.

 

All in all the bar was good, I had no clue where it was going and i still don't know. We stayed there for about 2 hours had a few beers, and she flirted here and there, would touch my nose, or touch my hand.

 

At one point she asks me what I'm doing for new years. I kind of have something going on, but i really don't want to go. I ask her what she's doing and she says "something I don't want to do." And I ask her what and she says that her "bf" wants her to go with him to hang out with his friends. She sounded pissed,sad and disappointed. She surely doesn't want to go, that is certain!

 

Then we had to go. She can't drink a lot, so 2 beers was enough for her. We get in the car and again we're talking and she starts saying things like, "what are you thinking?" And i would just reply, nothing. And again would say things about my eyes, and call me by my nick name and say that she misses me. At one point I told her that, "she was good" meaning she knew how to play with me. Or we would get to a stop light and look in each others' eyes and she would again ask me what i'm thinking and i would say, I think you know what i'm thinking.....

 

So we drive off to get some hot coco, but the place is closed, so I jokingly suggest that we should go bowling. Her face totally lites up, but I kind of shoot it down because I would feel like I was being taken advantage of and I don't think it would be a fair or a good thing to do. So i suggest that we get some pie at a diner.

 

We get to the diner and again we have a good time. She keeps up with the comments about my eyes, touches my hand a few more times, and we have long gazes into each others eyes...again with her asking me what i'm thinking.....she eats some of my pie, i eat some of hers. She feeds me a bite of her pie.

 

SO now it's around midnight or so, we've been hanging out for about 4 hours or so. It's like nothing has changed in some respects, we still act totally the same around each other. We are totally ourselves...pulling each others fingers through out the night (yes, we fart in front of each other!) and just having good fun.

 

BUt we are both tired so I take her home. At one point she put my hat on and wears it for the rest of the ride home and I tell her she looks cute, that she always looks cute and she puts her head on my shoulder. She then fixes my hood on my jacket.....I take the long, but nice way back to her place but when I get to her place I kind of F up. I really don't know what to say or what to do so I just say, well ok, goodnight. I had a good time, goodnight. She then asks me, are you mad, you think I'm mean don't you. And I just say no, goodnight. So I was kind of cold basically, but it's really all i could do to keep from kissing her goodnight. GOD did I want to kiss her goodnight. Should I have kissed her goodnight......

 

I have no clue what to do now...I don't know what she wants from me or what I should even expect now. I didn't even expect her to call me and ask me out for a drink! I mean a week and a half ago when I asked her if she wanted to get dinner when she was done with her exams she said that wouldn't be a good idea. But tonight it was like she was someone else......

 

I then get home and she sends me a text saying, "did you have to be so cold?" Agian I didn't mean to be, so I replied to her saying just that, that i didn't mean to be cold. I wanted to reply telling her it was all i could do to keep from kissing her, but that would probably have been a bad idea.

 

So Storm, any ideas on this one? Suggestions? Advice?

[storm]

I think what you did and how you handled it was perfect. You have to remain somewhat mysterious. Again, keep those feelings locked up for now. Let her fall in love all over again just like when you first met this girl way back. She threw out the "you acting cold" comment because she wants to hear you say how you feel about her. Just a little trick of hers. I'm sure you weren't being cold, you guys went and did all sorts of things together. I wouldn't let those feelings out right now, it could scare her away. If you said that you loved her when you first met her back in the day, she would have ran fast.

[heartoutside]

So i woke up this morning and she sends me a text saying "you would never believe who facebooked me last night." I go back to sleep and then get up a little later and shower and reply saying goodmorning to you too. She writes back sorry goodmorning. I then ask her who wrote her last night and she tells me "some guy from australia:)" This guy she's talking about is this dude she was talking to before she and I started dating way back when. she had bought a plane ticket to go see this guy down under but then feel for me and never went and ate the $2000 cost of the ticket.

 

I haven't replied and I'm not sure if this is even some kind of game. Should i reply? I have no clue what is going on? Everything seems to playing out like it did when she and I first started dating. She was dating someone else when we first hung out, but I didn't think anything of it at the time, i just though she wanted to be friends (they were on the outs to begin with, so I/she didn't move in until he was gone). It took a few months for me and her to actually start dating......so I guess I've just to wait it out again?!

[jmargel]

She is just playing games with you. It's all due to her immaturity. You can't trust her, since she has a past of doing this to men. She is not mature enough to truly know love, she is in it for the puppy-dog love stage, the infactuation.

 

IMO, I know this might be hard, but I would tell her that you are done with her, that you won't allow yourself to be strung along like this. She seems like a drama-queen and you are one of her pawns.

 

Even if you 'get her back', good chance you won't be able to hold onto her. She is just one of those types of girls. Once maturity reaches her, only then will she realize what she had that she let go.

[Graduate]

I think she is just trying to make you jealous by bringing up that Australian guy. She is upset you did not try to kiss her when you went out for drinks and now she is not sure if you are still in love with her.

 

Keep playing it cool, and listen to Storm!

[heartoutside]

So do I make any effort or let her do all the contacting? She texted me all day yesterday, I took my time reply'n and didn't reply to everything. (Dumb game I know, but I was actually busy). Or just wait it out? It's really bug'n me knowing that one she doesn't want to be with this guy, never did and that she doesn't want to spend new years with him.

[jmargel]

You continue to play her game. You won't win it. The only way to win this game is to not play it.

 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you were to get back with her now. Do you honestly see yourself happy with her, or with her at all?

[heartoutside]

I do so see myself being happy in 5 years with her or with out her, but I can't see into the future....I'm curious, do you ever think it's right for someone to take someone back? Or do you think no matter what the situation an ex is an ex for good?

[niceguy27]

It completely depends on who the person is and why you split. I really believe a lot of people do get scared/confused about looking into the future. They are afraid of finding someone and thinking that "this is it forever."

 

If the two people really do care about each other, they will find ways to keep in touch through the years and when/if both parties are ready, I think that there is a GOOD chance of reconciling. Other times, people just run away and dont look back and end up settling for less than their full potential with a mate.

 

Its sad but true I hate say.

[storm]

Yeah she is throwing the Aussie guy out there to make you jealous. Why is she acting this way? Mainly because girls like to do this and it is also a maturity issue. Also could be because you didn't pour your heart out and kiss her. But that is a good thing, do not let her know what you are thinking right now. Keep your heart locked up until the time is right(much further down the road). But maybe kiss her next time.

 

This could be a game and maybe it isn't. We just don't know. She poured her feelings out, that is great. Leave it that way, don't feel obligated to let her know what you are thinking. She can judge you by your actions instead of words, hanging out with her and kissing her will show enough. The mystery that you created when you first met her is what attracted her to you. You have to be mysterious. This has to happen all over again for this to work. I don't see anything wrong with getting back together with an ex, as long as you have dated hundreds of other girls in your life and have something to compare her to. As long as you don't get cheezy wheezy and spill out your heart, then I can't see this not working for you.

 

Avoid talking about AE guy, at all costs, let their little relationship die out on it's own. The more you talk or complain about him, the more she will pull away and return to him. In reality, she needed to date AE boy to realize how special you are. It all worked in your favor! And don't talk about the past relationship. If she brings it up then just agree with whatever she complains or compliments about. Arguing about the past relationship does no good, You might win the battle for the time being but lose the war.

 

Be cautious, this could be a game, we just don't know if her words had any merit to them. As long as you don't dump your heart out on her then you don't have much to lose if you give this a shot. After some time has passed and you aren't getting what you wanted out of it, GET OUT!

[storm]

In reality, she broke up with you and should be making great efforts to contact you. But the sick twisted truth to the dumper/dumpee balance is that she might think you should make effort.

 

Let her make most of the contact. Maybe like a 90/10 or 75/25% mix, with her being the higher percent. Again, you must go back to when you first met this girl. Did you contact her all the time? Heck no. This is going to be a long hard road for you, but i'm sure you already knew that.

 

Big word of caution: She likes to say how she feels right now and get pissy when you don't say the same. She will say something like "heart, I have missed you more than anything." waiting for you to reply, it is a little trick that makes you feel obligated to say the same. You should reply with something like "you know how I feel" with a big smile. That is mystery and it will make her go head over heels for you. She might act mad but that is her act, you should know that by now.

 

Remember when she used to always say "are you mad at me?" or "I thought you were mad." That is just a little trick, to make you think you have to prove that you aren't mad by spilling out your feelings. Don't buy it.

 

We don't know what is really going to happen. But if you do find this is a game, then drop out immediately and start dating other girls asap.

[heartoutside]

Storm, Thanks.....I think we can finally end this Thread

[storm]

Don't forget to come back to your journal and report, good or bad. This girl can be unpredictable sometimes, anything is possible.

 

Good luck!

[heartoutside]

Ok, I won't end the thread.....I'll keep you in the loop.. ;) But seriously, thanks for all the help......I never thought I would be where I am today...