out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[storm]

No problem, just wanted to see a happy ending to this soap opera that your ex has created.

 

One last thing. Try to avoid talking about getting back together. Remember, this is like starting all over again. Just be yourself and let it happen naturally. It is something that she may bring up, but let her be the one to bring it up.

 

If you bring up these types of topics then she could get weirded out again. She is kind of like a cat, if you approach her too quickly then she has a tendency to run scared.

[heartoutside]

So my ex and I have been back together now for about 2 or 3 weeks. We started "dating" again a few days after xmas. Spent xmas together. All those days spent together were great. A week or so later I got a text from her saying she was happy that we were together, and happy spending time together and happy that we were trying to work things out.

 

We've spent maybe 2 or 3 days together every week since xmas. She and I went to her fathers' place together on xmas eve. It was the first time I've seen him since he sobered up.

 

As for our status, she made it clear that she wants us to date, but right now doesn't want us to have the title of GF and BF (I really dont' understand that?). I also told her about 3 weeks ago that I think we should keep it on the downlow around our work friends. So right now only a few people know we are dating again.

 

She is still kind of hesitant to hang out with our friends as a couple, but is cool with us hanging out with her new college friends (the 2 girls that have been by her side since our break up 6 months ago).

 

Then there was new years. We had several options for things to do that night, 1: hang out with our good mutual friends and eat ribs, pizza and drink (they also happen to be in the same building as her) 2: Go to another friends party where a few of my GF's close work GF's friends would be and 3: Go out with her childhood best friend who I get along with really well at a bar they rented out for the night......The weather was crappy so we went to our friends place in the same building and ate some food and then went out to our friends party at the bar.

 

WE got to the bar and our friends weren't there yet and it looked super shady so we went to a better bar across and waited. While drinking her beer, my GF said she was cramp'n up (like gassie kind of cramps ). And then she said she wasn't feeling good at all. She smoked a cig or 2 and we finally saw our friends, said hi to them and got in a cab and went back to her place. We celebrated new years in the cab.

 

I kind of felt like she was faking it, she ended up just passing out that night. She didnt' drink anything at all, just went to sleep on the couch with me while watching a movie.

 

The next day, I kind of started interlizing things, and pulling away because I started doubting things.

 

Anyway, so I haven't seen her new years day.

 

Last night I sent her a text asking if she was still awake, she wasn't I guess. But this morning I got a text saying morning and asking me if I was working. I was, but told her I was going out tonight and that she should come and bring her roommate and her other friend. She replied saying "ummmm, i don't think so. I'm kind of in a funk right now. I'll let you know."

 

I asked her what kind of funk and she said it was too hard to explain over text message. So I asked if it was about us, and she replied, kind of. It's about a lot of stuff.

 

So I just told her that we can talk later. I"m still going out tonight and haven't talked her since that conversation this morning. I did get home this evening and saw that she tagged me in her facebook photo album in some pics of me, her and her roommate at a bar last week.

 

I'm not really sure if I should call her tonight or just let it be for now? She knows we can talk and she knows we should. Any advice.......any advice as how i should approach this new relationship, because I think I'm doing something wrong.

 

thanks

[Freddy]

I was about to say congratulations till I read the rest. I didn't know the Shanghai Olympics already began.

 

Whatever you do be careful.

[CalamitousJane]

If I were you I'd let her know once that you're thinking about her, then back off totally and let her get herself together.

 

Maybe just a quick text or email saying something like "Thinking about you.", nothing else.

 

A friend of mine was telling me why she finally decided to settle down and get married, after many years of jumping from relationship to relationship. She told me that when she got cold feet with her now-husband, he stayed perfectly calm and confidant and left her alone. He knew he was good for her, and he trusted her to figure it out. And she did.

[upsetnhurt]

Heartoutside,

 

Do you really want to walk on eggshells every moment with this girl? Never knowing if she is into you or simply repulsed at the thought of being with you?

Her actions to date prove that she is not that into you as you are her and she will continue to be hot and cold for the rest of your friendship. Let it go and walk away. I know it is tough but you are just pining away for someone who just does not give you the respect you deserve. I know you will say that you are not pining....as you are going out and having fun, yet face reality...this is encompassing you and keeping you from moving on entirely as well and finding the real thing. It's the NEW YEAR, start with a clean slate.....

[upsetnhurt]

By the way Heartoutside, she does not want to label you as her BF because she feels by just saying that you are dating casually, she is entitled to still look for someone better as time goes by. A poster said it best in an earlier message, if you start feeling you are playing in a game, get out immediately. Take charge and make the decision for yourself before she does it to you and breaks your heart again.

[heartoutside]

No, I know she's into me but she has a lot of issues, she's very afraid right now. She's told me and we've talked about it. She wants us to work. We dated for 4 years, I think I/we can try to make it work. It's only been 2+ weeks. I wouldn't expect our relationship to fall back right into what it was and I don't think it should. I"m just not sure if I should just back off a little and let her have her room? Just go out tonight and not contact her or text her or what have you.

 

I asked her what she meant by the title not having the title of bf and gf right now and if that was what it meant, she then said that she wanted to date me and only me. So who knows.

[Freddy]

Yes go out and have fun and not contact her tonight. At least you can have some fun at this moment in time.

[heartoutside]

So I went out, didn't call her or text her at all since we talked that morning. I get there and for about an hour and a half I hear nothing. Then everyone shows up, and she sends me a text (like she knew I was having fun) asking me if I was at the bar? But I didn't realize I got the text and then she sends another one asking me if I'm ok? I write back yeah, I'm fine I'm at the bar. She then writes back, oh, I thought you would have texted me or called me. And she says goodnight. I then give her a call, and see what's up and I guess this whole thing was her just being kind of depressed and we'll talk about it tonight.

 

We'll see.

[loveinlife]

Hi Heart, Im kinda in the same shoes. I think my ex might of met someone else and for about a month we've been contacting each other and seeing each other until new years eve where she went back to school for unknown reason, perhaps there was someone else. My ex says she needs time to think about a month to decide but recently she has been flaky and we haven't spoken to each other since wednesday, her leaving on a trip to vegas with some friends. I left a few missed calls and one text but nothing came up. Just really awckward we are so close one day and nothing the next. Seems to me that she is playing games or has made up her mind not to be with me. Its really depressing. I hope your situation works out.

[heartoutside]

Hey storm, you still around? Loveinlife, I don't think ex has meet someone else, she actually dumped the guy she was hanging out with 4 or 5 days before xmas.

[heartoutside]

So, things have kind of changed. The other day my ex asked me if we could talk and she told me that she is stressed, and needs help and can't be in a relationship right now. She needs to be single for now. I actually brought this up to her when we were hanging out during xmas. I asked her what was the longest period of time she had been single and she really couldn't say. We still talk and I'm here to support her. She has some issues she needs to work out and it was actually one of the things I said would have to be worked out before we got back together, but I jumped the gun, we both did and we kind of just jumped right back into a relationship. BAD BAD idea! If you set demands about getting back together, esp in a situation like this one, they should be addressed first before any real relationship is once again established.

 

So I'm not really sure where to go from here? I'm kind of convinced she has a hormone issue brought on by something (thyroid or something else) due to some symptoms she told me about a few weeks ago. She is ok with going on some casual dates here and there, but doesn't want to be in a relationship when she doesn't have her own act together and isn't happy with herself. She knows she needs help but isn't ready to face those demons (and there are a lot of them!).