out of the blue, ex wants to meet up...

[wowIlose]

oh p.s minor detail .. I told her I love her and can't live without her, right after I said hi

[heartoutside]

She started to leave with a friend of ours whos an older guy, thinks of me like his son. He stopped to talk to me before he left and she was standing right next to me basically. So I grab her elbow (softly and nice like, I didn't jerk her over or anything) and asked her if we could talk. She said no, and I asked why and she said because she was leaving. I told her I didn't mean right now (I was a little drunk and it wasn't the right place). I then told her that I can't do the texting thing, that if she wants to talk she can call. She then said she did, and said she called 3 times. Which isn't right at all, she called once in the past 3 or 4 weeks and I didn't answer that call, and called one other time way back when, I did answer that one and she ended saying I can be a mean person sometimes.

 

Anyway, I questioned the fact that she called 3 times but wasn't about to argue that with her, so I said I've been busy. At that point we both didn't say a word and just looked each other in the eyes for a long long time, and she turned away to leave and as she was leaving I said I would call her. Dumb thing to say, but again I was a little drunk.

 

I asked her to talk about 1 and a half months ago maybe (it looks like oct 4th from my posts), and we did talk about 1 month ago. We meet up at a coffee shop/smoke shop. So this was my making a new request to talk....

 

That's what happened.

[storm]

oh this is such torture. not for her, for you and us.

 

wowIlose. Your P.S. That was pretty damn funny. Gave me a good laugh today.

[vivrantflo]

Heart, how do you seriously torture yourself like this?? Why are you still talking to her?? I've read this thread all the way through, and it's frustrating how you're letting her walk all over you!

 

You want her back? That's fine.. but right now, she's with another guy. Bottom line. You don't want to be in friend zone with her, so just IGNORE her. Don't talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Don's answer her texts, or phone calls. She already knows you love her, but right now, she doesn't care. You are just stroking her ego to no end, and by you doing this, has NO REASON to leave her AE man. None! She sees you at a party, WITHOUT her man there, and barely wants to talk to you.. Why should she?? She knows that once she snaps her figners asking for you back, you'll be right there! And where is the fun in that?!

 

When you were ignoring her in the earlier posts, and she was freaking out.. you had it made. You were enforcing her decision to be with someone else, and she was freaking, cause she was just starting to experience what life would be like without you!

 

Anyway, you keep asking if she'll text again. Why do u want her to text again?? The ONLY time that you should want to hear from her, is if she's telling you that she misses you, and wants to try again. You're not gonna hear that while she's dating Brandon Walsh, and with you speaking to her.

 

Man up, and walk away. Give yourself time to heal, and let her experience life without you. You see her in person, don't go out of your way to avoid her, but treat her in the EXACT same way she just treated u at the party. One word answer, then walk away!! You're not interested in what she has to say while she's someone else's woman! Please man, just walk away!!

[heartoutside]

I haven't talked to her in a month and a half, I have been ignoring her. She's been torture'n me....Yes, I talked to her at the party, but I was drunk or at least had enough to be stupid. I don't ask if she'll text again, I keep thinking she won't text again, but some how she does....take my word for it, I"ve been trying to walk away.....but when she constantly is texting me its not so easy....luckly she hasn't sent me a text in sometime, not since I deleted her from myspace and facebook.

 

I know I was talking about sending an email, or calling or whatever, but I'm not. I'm walking.

[niceguy27]

Well, heres an update on my situation guys:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t135744/

[niceguy27]

whoops!! Sorry I posted this in the wrong thread. My bad! Can I delete it from here or not?

[heartoutside]

So storm, this is for you. She did contact me after I deleted her from myspace and facebook. (Other then texting me the night that I deleted her). On thursday, she sent me a another bombing of texts.

 

Hey

 

R u busy?

 

Can I call ya?

 

She calls at this point but hangs up almost as soon as it starts ringing.

 

Office? (or favorite show, i guess she assumed I was watching it)

 

She then calls again, but I don't answer. I'm at a loud bar with friends. This time she leaves a voice. She hasn't done that since we broke up. I listen to the VM and it's just silence and static except the end, I can make out her saying in a sad and quite voice, "I guess I"ll talk to you later."

 

Then about 30mins later I get another text asking me "remember 'return to me'" It's my favorite, bad and cheesy love story kind of movie. She and I watched it about 2 months before we broke up and she knows I love it, and why I love it.

 

The next day (last night). My good friend is having a house warming party last min, but I've already bought tickets for a concert with some new friends (outside my circle of mutual friends, thank god!). So I go to that, but it ends much earlier then I thought it would and my friends have to get up early the next day, so we have one more beer after the show and head out.

 

I give my buddie a call at the house warming party. (not the friend who's having the party but another friend) I ask him if it's worth going, and he says that my ex is there. I ask is her BF there and he doesn't answer, but just says I think you should come. So I go, I'm about 3 hours late....

 

She's there, looking super dolled up and amazing, everyone else is in t-shirts and totally laid back casual. I don't know maybe she got that dressed up for school, you know curled her hair before she went to class....who knows?!

 

I say hey to everyone, but not really anything to her. I don't for most of the night. We go on through out the night having fun, playing games, drinking and I really don't say anything to my ex. I react to a few jokes she makes and comments, but nothing directed to her.

 

Then I decide to leave. My ex oddly enough is still there. It's late, she never stays late, at least she hasn't been. Such as the birthday party last week, she left super early and everyone was having a good time. This time she stayed way past 2 and drank way more then usual! And kept bringing up little things such as her cat (or our cat) and the office (again our favorite show). But I didn't want to think anything of that, and I still don't. The comments just seemed so forced and out of place.

 

So I say my goodnights to everyone, except my ex. She doesn't say anything to me, so I don't say anything to her. I know maybe I should have, but I said Hi to her last week at the birthday party and all I got back was a cold hey back. I'm giving my friend a ride home, the same girl I took as my date a month or so ago to a company dinner.

 

We walk to the car and no sooner then I turn the key to start the car, I get a text. I turn to my friend and say to her I bet you a million dollers it's her. She says, "no, no way!" or something like that. And sure enough, it's her.

 

We need to talk.

 

Sounds kind of pissed off to me? But who knows it's a text and you can never tell.

 

So that's where it stands. I'm still not sure if I should call. I've put my self out there 3 times, only to have it thrown back in my face and to feel like a fool each time. Who knows. I guess I've got to suck it up and do it......

[heartoutside]

For the life of me I can't bring myself to call her!! I've never had this fear before. All those other times I didn't even give it a 2nd thought, I just picked up the phone and called. But now, now it's like more is at stake. 1 and a half months of NC, and then there's the fear that she'll just crush me again! I'm kind of hoping she'll call, at least I'll answer this time.

[heartoutside]

storm, you must be out of town.....

[storm]

Yeah i'm still around. Heard some stuff about my ex staying at some party with some guy. Damn did it burn. It was the most horrible feeling i've felt in a while and i'm 5 months from my break up. I don't talk to her at all but f$ck it hurt like hell to hear that. Sounds like she is moving on fine and here I sit hurting all over again. I'm just waiting for things to get better but I won't lie, it is taking forever to get back to the old me. She destroyed me man.

 

Anyways, back to your story. I understand when you say you are afraid to talk to your ex. That is a very dangerous thing to do. I'm absolutely terrified to ever see my ex in person or hear her voice. I just worry that your ex will beat around the bush and not give you a definite answer. I'm torn between if you should just continue to ignore her or maybe, just maybe answer when she calls or call her back after she calls you.

 

If you do decide to call her. Do not let her side track your goal. Don't let her sit and ask about how your life has been, and what she has been up to. Just go straight to the point. Ask her right out, "ex,what do you want from me?" Do not tell her how you feel one bit. You need to find out what her agenda is and motive for texting/calling. If she avoids that question then just terminate the call immediately,pretend someone showed up and you have to go. But I would only do this if she calls again. Like I said before, you need to catch her off guard. If you send a text then she will have time to create a clever answer. This is if you do decide to call her.

 

As long as you hide your feelings then you really have nothing to lose. Yes, you have told her many times before. She needs to understand that if she is going to break up with you and see others, then she will not get even one tiny piece of you. You shouldn't tell her that, she will get the hint when you return to absolute no contact. You need to find some closure. If she can't tell you what she wants then this is obviously a game she is playing. A sick twisted game to keep you waiting for as long as she wants.

[storm]

and when you ask her "ex, what do you want from me" She is probably going to say some sad sob story garbage about how she misses you, and misses having you as a friend. It will probably be something along those lines. Just don't tell her how you feel. Just say "Oh well that's cool." And get off the phone asap and return to absolute no contact. You will know that all this has just been games.

 

And if you tell her you love her or miss her. I'm going to slap you man. DO NOT REVEAL ANOTHER FEELING TO HER!

[storm]

Oh by the way, she can't crush you if you have control of this situation. Just dont' follow her lead anymore. You must be the leader and dicatate how when and where from now on. And if she avoids the question and you don't tell her what you are feeling, oh well. Nothing lost. Just let her know you are done with this. Tell her "see you in the next life"

 

And be a man of your word, do not talk to her again until you see her in the next life.

 

Unless she makes an effort and shows you her love. And you know, actions speak louder than words. Make her earn you back.

[heartoutside]

Well I haven't called her. I figured I would tonight. I'm not going to wait around for her to call. I'm heading out of town and I don't want this to f up my thanksgiving with my family.

 

But I was talking to my friend about this this afternoon. She was at the house warming party on friday and I guess she had a talk with my ex before I got to the party. And basically my ex just thinks I'm ignoring her, or something. My friend and I didn't get to really talk about it too much, so I really don't know what was said. But I do know that last week, this same friend said to me that I just need to let her go, and now after this talk with my ex she's saying I need to call her....

 

I know if I do call her, I'm not going to say I love her, I'm not going to pour it out like I did last time. I've already done that. I'll probaby just tell her what I wrote in that email....not word for word, but that I'm not a fool. I also figure I'll let her take the lead.

 

Who knows.

 

I forgot to tell ya, that on thursday after she had sent me all those texts and called me twice and left a VM, I got home from the bar and checked my email. I got a message from myspace saying that my ex had requested me as her friend. I deleted her a week ago and already she wants to add me back to her myspace page!!!

[storm]

The time to tell her your feelings is when she is back in your arms. Think back to when you first met this girl. Did you come out and tell her how much you care about her? Hell F'ing NO! She would of ran and this relationship would have never existed.

 

Be careful who you talk to about your ex. And i'm serious, i've had people I trust run to the other side and spill all sorts of stuff.

 

Oh brother. Do not say anything that you wrote in your email. This is time for her to talk. She gets a rise hearing you tell her how you feel. Stop the madness will ya? No more of that, don't even think about it. This power hungry ex of yours will eat it up if you tell her what is on your mind. And she will run back to AE boy. She'll be announcing marriage on myspace this next time. You know the process, history repeats itself. Just come out and ask her what she wants from you. But be prepared. She will most likely say something along the lines of friend. If you don't like what you hear then keep walking, terminate the conversation. Let her know you mean business.

 

Now call this wacko. I need something to read at work tomorrow. I'm just worried she isn't going to answer. She might try to ignore you back.

[upsetnhurt]

heartoutside,

 

Wow! I was surprised to see that you are still involved in this rollercoaster with your ex as it has been sometime. I need to ask, what are you hoping for by playing this game? Please don't say you are not playing (as in that you are not contacting her) as it is evident that you are still emotionally involved with this girl. After all this time, her deceit and disrespect of you, do you really want someone like her as your significant other? Can she really be the one for you, the one to make you feel special each day?

[heartoutside]

How am I playing....I love the girl yes, I was a week away from asking her to marry me, that love just doesn't go away. THUS NC....which I have been in for the most part of 2 months now. Trust me, a part of me doesn't even want to call her and wants to just keep going NC, but then there is a part of me that still loves her. I didn't say it was right.

 

I've tried to get her out of my life, i've made new friends, I've deleted her from myspace and facebook, I don't call her, I don't email her, I don't reply to her....how is that a game? She's playing a game with me and it's got to stop. I just don't want to have my heart stepped on again.....

[storm]

So what the heck. You call her?

[heartoutside]

I called this afternoon, left a short VM. Now I'm off for thanksgiving travels....we'll see what happens.

[Coughlin]

I'll tell you why your afraid. Because deep down you know that your setting yourself up for my heartache. I have to ask you something, are you like 12 years old? This is a game that your playing and whether you realize it or not, it's pretty obvious. I think you should tag her the next time you see are and say, your it and then run along like a little girl.

 

Dude, you have to realize that no matter what she says in an email or in a text, on the phone or in person doesn't matter. Her actions will have to match her words and that means, she will have to tell you that she wants you back and that she misses and loves you. But the tricky part is this, She's gonna have to prove it.

 

My ex told me the words that I was dying to hear for the longest time after we broke up. She said she missed me and that she loved me. The problem was she never really meant it because she never really showed it besides having s@x with me a couple times. That doesn't mean anything though. She's having s@x with this other guy, right, so what's the difference. The difference is he gets to spend all the moments with her that you hope for.

 

Here's where you will probably respond with something like, "I haven't spoke to her in 44 day 11 hours and 16 minutes and that means that I'm doing everything right." The right thing to do is leave her alone. Let her wonder about what your doing and who you will become without her by your side. This is your life--not a game. Be happy but do it for real, not just to get a reaction out of her.

 

She is gone and it will never be the same. Let it go and move on. Each time you post here, just know that means your not over her and that's fine but the longer you fixate on her and play games, the longer and harder its gonna be for you to get through it.

 

My ex still tries to talk to me at work and I just treat her like any other coworker. The difference between what I'm doing and what your doing is that you actually still care about her. If she cared back, you would know it and she would show it. Not in an email, or a text message or at random moments of weakness, BUT AT EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU SPEND TOGETHER. That's the type of relationship that we all deserve. Don't allow yourself to ever settle for less.

[storm]

Damn, I knew she wouldn't answer. Do not call her again. Next time she calls ask her what she wants from you.

[heartoutside]

she was in class. I forgot that she had class until today. But she did call back, right after she got out of class. I couldn't answer because I was in the airport but she did leave a VM.

[storm]

Well if you do end up talking to her on the phone. Keep your feelings to yourself. Do not reveal anything. It is her turn to talk and explain why she keeps texting you.

[Freddy]

Heartoutside: Even though some of these threads and advice are similar, only you can understand what is best for you. I sat here for 4 hrs reading all of your postings and it has helped me a lot to see there are other people out there. I think sometimes you need to give in a little and other times not give in at all. We all made some kind of mistakes to get to the situation we are in and if we can reflect on that without trying to overly change who we really are, then maybe the other person will see that. She liked you once and with planning and timing, she may fall in love with you again. Good luck and happy holidays.

[heartoutside]

Thanks Freddy, I'm glad my threads helped. Every situation is different, but one thing that everyon has in common is a need to be truthful to themselves.....