Whitewolf Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] I am currently 25 and I am approximately 20 weeks pregnant. I am not doing the best financially but I know that I would love to keep my child. At the same time I wonder if that is the best thing for this child. I realize that this child would do a whole lot better in the loving home of some one with some money. I am having a hard enough time just supporting myself yet alone a new baby. I currently work 40 hours at my full time job and an additional 20 hours at a part time job(cut down from 30-35 hours when I found out that I was pregnant). I have the support from my family but they don't have the finances to help me any more than they already are. I guess I am at a loss as to what to do where to go and all. I love in northern IL, and I really want to keep this child, but yet I want whats best for the child also. Also a little bit about my situation. The father is not in the picture, because he wanted me to get and abortion and I could not do that. He even offered me a large amount of money to do so, but I still could not go through with it. His response was, " Then this is your problem, your deal, and your issue. You are not going to screw up my life because you won't take care of this mistake. I hope your life is just wonderful, but you are not taking me down with you." Nice guy huh? NOT! We had only dated for about 5 months when this happened. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 First of all, the father is financially responsible for this child. See an attorney immediately and begin the legal proceedings so you will get sufficient monies to take care of this child, whether you keep it or put it up for adoption. Do not hesitate to do this....this is NOT for you. You are now the ONLY advocate your unborn child has in this matter. You should also seek the counselling of social service professionals or a member of the clergy of your church if you attend one to get the practical and spiritual advice you need at this time in order to make the very best decision for this child. There are way too many variables that you have not set forth in your post for anyone on this forum to properly advise you. The way I see it, given the money you are entitled to from the father you could keep the baby if you elect to do so. Otherwise, there are many agencies that will help you financially with doctor and hospital bills if you want to put the baby up for adoption. This is a very sensitive decision that requires a lot of thought. The proper social service agency has people who are trained to deal with these kinds of matters. To get a phone number, call one of the larger churches in your area or you may phone your local Planned Parenthood Organization for a referral. You need to put your mind at ease as soon as possible and the best way to do it is to talk with people who deal with this kind of situation every day. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 First of all, bless your heart for standing your ground, following your heart and not giving into your selfish ex's idea of a solution to the life you both created (abortion). I might expect a heartless, selfish response like that if you 2 had only dated a few times, but if you were together for 5 months, he's a major asswipe. I hope you know that just because he doesn't want any part of your or your child's life, that does NOT mean that he's off the hook for years of child support. His offer of a large sum of money to get you to have an abortion is not in any way, a trade-off for child support that he's legally required to pay until your child is 18. You might consider talking to an attorney who deals with family law.....so that you can find out your rights in terms of ensuring he pays support. Most attorneys, at least here in Canada, will give a person a free 30 minute consultation, by phone or in their office..so get out the Yellow Pages of your phonebook and search through the listings of Attorneys, and call around. Also, if you live in a major city, or close to one, there's likely some type of Support Network for women in your position, or for Single Moms who are in a tough situation financially and otherwise. A group like this could also be a great resource for helping you to find affordable decent housing, daycare, etc...and referring you to a good attorney re: the process you'll need to follow to get your ex dickhead to pay the child support he so rightly owes to you/your child. You know, there are lots of young couples out there, where only the guy works, and their income isn't great and they don't have very much, but they manage to make it......and raise the child with lots of love and security. Don't feel bad that you are not rich. A child mostly needs security and a Mom who loves them. And you never know what tomorrow might bring...you could end up meeting a very wonderful man who will love you immensely, and accept your child as his own.....and you could have a very good and stable, secure life together/family. Things may look grim now, but there is always hope and there is always tomorrow and sometimes things seem bleak for a time but can turn themselves right around better than we ever expected. You could also contact your local Planned Parenthood organization where you live (or the nearest one)....just look in your white pages of your phonebook, and see if anyone there can refer you to any agencies where you live that provide support to single moms. Wishing you the best of luck. The fact that you're here seeking advice shows what a smart, caring person you are.....and what a great mom you'll be :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitewolf Posted April 20, 2003 Author Share Posted April 20, 2003 Thanks for your reply Tony. However I have no way of even contacting the father now. I don't even know if he could be gotten ahold of to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whitewolf Posted April 20, 2003 Author Share Posted April 20, 2003 thanks for your reply Justagirl2. I am glad to know that there are people out there who care and who can empathize with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 All you really need is his name. Let DNA do the rest. There are mechanisms in all fifty states for tracking down deadbeat dads. The sooner you seek legal assistance, the sooner this man will be able to be found. Remember, you are representing your unborn child here and you can't allow yourself to fall short by not at least trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted April 20, 2003 Share Posted April 20, 2003 I just did a search on Google ( http://www.google.com ) and typed in: single mother support ...and came up with some great websites all about, and for, single moms. There are message boards on some of them, articles on the issue of child support, how to go about getting child support, helpful resources, etc etc. Here's the addresses to some of them: http://www.singlemomz.com/ At this one, note on the LEFT hand side of the page, all the different links you can click on...check out the one "child support"....gives you lots of info. This site below is like a Directory of helpful websites for Single Moms: http://dmoz.org/Home/Family/Parenting/Mothers/Single_Mothers/ Try doing a search, too, on Google, type in: single mothers support illinois and see if there's anything local, too. Link to post Share on other sites
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