Obsession At Work

[fleck]

Hi, i need to vent and also get advice so maybe you guys can help me? Hope i don't bore you too much!

 

I'm 22 and in a longterm relationship. I have finished uni and work as a temp in a really big building full of offices. In my office, i've been there now for about 3 months, there's a guy who i haven't noticed for like, 2 of those months. He sits about five metres away from me and i knew he was there but i always thought he was a bit ignorant. He never acknowledged me or anything and that sort of made me a bit nervous. He would stare at me sometimes or look at me but not ever speak and sometimes i thought, what an a-hole.

 

Anyway, i woke up one day with the biggest crush on him . I have never fancied anyone except my partner whilst i've been in this relationship. I am so mad at myself and really confused. I feel horribly guilty. I can't stop looking at him but at the same time i'm nervous to look so whenever i walk past him, which is a lot since he sits where i need to go, i sort of ignore him. I often catch him looking. I really want him. The other night, as sometimes we work later, he had been looking at me quite a lot and i had been glancing at him- i think we both knew it, when his phone rings and he comes and stands next to me and says really loud whilst facing away from me- "Does anyone know a *insert my name here*". I thought to myself, how does he not know my name, he must do surely. I was a bit upset and i said- "That's me" and he said "Sorry?" and i repeated myself and smiled, we both laughed and then he said "Your boyfriend is on the phone."

 

 

So i apologised twice and took the call at my own desk. So now the hot guy knows i have a boyfriend and i feel like a bitch for not wanting him to know. The looks are still continuing though. I can't tell which of the following options apply:

 

a) i'm imagining all this and he does not like me

b) he only looks at me because i look at him

c) he does like me and is shy

d) he looks at me because he does not like me

 

I want him so much to want me the way i want him. I have never ever ever imagined anyone else making love to me before whilst i'm in bed with my partner but the other night, i imagined it was the work guy instead and then i felt HORRIBLE afterwards. Is this something i need to get out of my system/ is this normal?

 

I've never cheated on my partner and he's a good person- he's very jealous/ possessive though, which makes me feel evern worse. I can't imagine myself doing anything about this guy and if anything ever got out at work i would probably make a fool of myself/ be a laughing stock. But i want to know if he likes me back.

 

And the day after tomorrow i move office and won't be near him anymore. I might see him in the corridors from time to time but it will make it so much harder to get to know him. I'm only working there until Xmas- maybe this is all for the best that i won't see him as much.

 

I think i miss being the object of someones crush. That probably sounds silly but, i want someone to want me and want me enough to do something about it. He won't though. Especially now he spoke to my boyfriend on the phone. My boyfriend is more physically attractive than the work guy to me, and more 'my type' so why do i like him so much? Normally i'd think he was unattractive, i did at first. Now i can't stop thinking about him.

 

Reasons i think he might like me:

 

- I had to go into a different office for a week last month and i think a lot of people in my own office thought i'd left for good. When he saw me in the corridor his jaw literally dropped open and then he looked at the floor. (This could also indicate that he hates me, lol)

- He stares a lot.

- His dad or an older guy who looks similar to him always comes to speak to him in our office and looks at me a lot so maybe he's mentioned me at home?

- Was he too shy to directly approach me that time when the phone rang for me?

-He drove past me the other day and turned his music up when he went past. Attention seeking? He did the same this morning.

 

Reasons i think maybe i am a fantasist:

 

- Maybe his dad looks at me because they think i'm the weird girl who stares too much

- He doesn't stare all the time and it's not always obvious

- I see him sometimes check out other girls who walk past who are clearly more attractive than me

- He either didn't know my name or lied about it

- That's the only time he ever spoke to me

 

To make it worse, i tried to find his name on myspace. Stalker or what. And he's not on there as far as i can tell. I know nothing about him apart from his name, his car, his birthday (it's on a chart on the wall at work) and that he lives locally. So i can't speak to him online or anything like that. The onyl way i could ever even broach anything would be face to face at work (awful) or by leaving something on his desk (disgrace and potential dismissal?). Oh and he might even have a girlfriend. I have friends at work but i daren't tell them incase they give the truth away.

 

Am i a terrible person? Shall i pursue him and if so how? Shall i leave it and if so how do i get over this stupidness? I have many theories about this situation- this fact alone perhaps indicates my obsession with this person.

 

Argh!

[reboot]

First. Break up with your boyfriend, or at least tell him this same story and give him the opportunity to drop you.

 

Second. You're free. Do whatever floats your boat.

[norajane]

I want him so much to want me the way i want him. I have never ever ever imagined anyone else making love to me before whilst i'm in bed with my partner but the other night, i imagined it was the work guy instead and then i felt HORRIBLE afterwards. Is this something i need to get out of my system/ is this normal?

 

You're having sexual fantasies about a guy you've never had a conversation with, and whom you do not know at all - you really have NO CLUE what kind of person he is or anything about him at all, except that he works at this company, has a dad, and drives a car. NOTHING.

 

It's a sexual fantasy. Masturbate to it, knock yourself out. But keep in mind that's all it is. You are not in love nor anything close. It's a FANTASY you have 100% completely made up in your head.

I think i miss being the object of someones crush. That probably sounds silly but, i want someone to want me and want me enough to do something about it.

 

Well, there you go. You answered your own question - you want the ego boost of knowing someone has a crush on you. It's fun, right? You want the little giggly flirtation, and that validation of your attractiveness, and that little sense of 'power' that puts an extra bounce in your step and a shot of excitement to your day.

 

My guess is if he ever started talking to you, you'd realize your fantasy of him was a lot more intriguing and exciting than he actually is.