hasn't called me for over a week

[CaliGuy]

Apparently he's not interested. He says he has fun with me, but he's pretty much been in relationships consistently for like 4 or 5 years. This is the first time he's able to just do what he wants. He's not ready for anything and my text made him realize that he didn't want to lead me on.

 

Oh well. I'm not upset about it.

 

A guy who's interested in you will freely show it and not make you get to the point where you'd have to ask them.

 

Be thankful you didn't fall too hard. I'm positive a great guy will come along that will sweep you off your feet.

[Blackberry]

Go with your instincts. A guy who doesn't call you just isn't that into you! Also, don't EVER tell a guy to call you because you wonder if he is interested. The amount he calls is related to the amount he is interested. Calls at least once a day because he loves to hear your voice and it is the highlight of his day = he is crazy about you, he is in it for real. Calls less than that = just not that into you. Especially after two months of dating??? Not calling = I'm Not at ALL into you.

Let this one go. By the way, I wrote this before I read the other answers...turns out I WAS right, he's just not that into you...he's not into you at all.

[Pyro]

CG,

would you say that he was in it for just the sex? More props to you for not giving it up to him.

[oppath]

Sounds like you handled it well. And if you had not asked, you'd be left wondering for a couple more weeks .

[maynard]

Freakin' men. Either they say you're playing games or you're needy. How's a girl supposed to do anything right?

sorry about that. some guys and some girls just arent great people

[crazy_grl]

Did he just tell you all of that?

 

Yeah, he did, along with something about how it's cool if we still see each other when the mutual friends hang out and he doesn't want things to be awkward.

 

I might change my mind later, but I'm probably going to pass on any mutual friend hanging out when he's around. And if I do, I'll be sure to bring another guy along.

 

Thats the right attitude to have.

 

Thanks, but I have to admit, I was fronting a bit. I am a little upset about it. Though I know myself well enough to know that I'll be sad and cry now, but once I get it out, I'll feel great. After all, crying takes the sad out of you.

 

A guy who's interested in you will freely show it and not make you get to the point where you'd have to ask them.

 

Yeah, I know that. But I always like these dorky, shy types and I always wonder whether they're just too shy and need encouragement. Guess I'll stop doing that. Doesn't matter if a guy's shy, he's gonna have to grow some balls if he's interested in me. Haha.

 

Be thankful you didn't fall too hard. I'm positive a great guy will come along that will sweep you off your feet.

 

Thanks. I'd really rather have no guy come along that interests me though. I do just fine on my own. I only find myself confused and unhappy when guys get involved.

 

Go with your instincts. A guy who doesn't call you just isn't that into you! Also, don't EVER tell a guy to call you because you wonder if he is interested. The amount he calls is related to the amount he is interested. Calls at least once a day because he loves to hear your voice and it is the highlight of his day = he is crazy about you, he is in it for real. Calls less than that = just not that into you. Especially after two months of dating??? Not calling = I'm Not at ALL into you.

Let this one go. By the way, I wrote this before I read the other answers...turns out I WAS right, he's just not that into you...he's not into you at all.

 

I tip my hat to you.

 

CG,

would you say that he was in it for just the sex? More props to you for not giving it up to him.

 

Well... I didn't think so, but if he didn't want a relationship, I wonder why he asked me out at all if not just for sex? If he didn't want to lead me on, a good way would have been to not start kissing me every time we went out. Guess I had him all wrong. He's a jerk in sheep's clothing.

 

Sounds like you handled it well. And if you had not asked, you'd be left wondering for a couple more weeks .

 

That was kinda my feeling. Though I didn't get a chance to ask. He brought it up right away. I feel like if I hadn't texted him sunday, I would have just been wondering for a lot longer. I don't mind if a guy's not interested, but wondering drives me nuts.

 

sorry about that. some guys and some girls just arent great people

 

Yeah. I thought I had good instincts, but I'm finding out more and more that I don't... at all.

 

This isn't really relevant, but I'm going to share it anyway, because I so adore my friend. I called a guy friend of mine, and he told me I should kick the guy in the balls. He was at a bar and had to go outside in the cold to talk to me. He got too cold, but he's leaving and calling me back. We kinda dated long distance awhile back, and he told me "If a guy doesn't want to be with you, it's his loss. Trust me I know." How sweet. I so him.

[oppath]

Well to be honest, his whole "not wanting a relationship" is likely an immature excuse because he can't simply say "you know, I do like you, but I'm just not feeling it. I don't think we right together."

 

And don't go for the shy dorky types...go for the reformed shy dorky types! We're much better .

[crazy_grl]

Well to be honest, his whole "not wanting a relationship" is likely an immature excuse because he can't simply say "you know, I do like you, but I'm just not feeling it. I don't think we right together."

 

Maybe. I figured it could be an immature excuse for anything. It doesn't really matter.

 

And don't go for the shy dorky types...go for the reformed shy dorky types! We're much better .

 

I'll keep that in mind.

 

I didn't want to mention it before, but now that I know he's a jerk, I don't feel bad about it. Part of the reason I'm not too disappointed is that when we were messing around, he was kind of clumsy. It made me wonder whether he'd actually be any good in bed. And I always got the impression that he might be a little too conservative in the bedroom for me.

[oppath]

Is it possible he was clumsy because he didn't want to lead you on? It is lame though. Personally, I won't go out with a girl more than 3 times unless I'm down for the possibility of a relationship. Until then, I think casual dating is ok, but at some point if I'm truly not ready, they need to know. Otherwise friends. And if the want a FWB, they can propose it, but I've turned it down before. Nothing is magical about 3 dates, but the woman needs to know it's not going to happen before she can say to her friends "so I'm sort of seeing this guy."

[crazy_grl]

Is it possible he was clumsy because he didn't want to lead you on?

 

Never thought of that. You might be onto something.

 

It is lame though. Personally, I won't go out with a girl more than 3 times unless I'm down for the possibility of a relationship. Until then, I think casual dating is ok, but at some point if I'm truly not ready, they need to know. Otherwise friends. And if the want a FWB, they can propose it, but I've turned it down before. Nothing is magical about 3 dates, but the woman needs to know it's not going to happen before she can say to her friends "so I'm sort of seeing this guy."

 

Exactly. And this was a conversation he could have had after he slept at my house. Generally, when you sleep in someone's bed at the end of a date, it's a sign you're open to something more. I didn't make him sleep here. He could have left and went home. The "I don't want to lead you on" speech could have come after that. But he waited until after we made out again then decided he didn't want to lead me on. Seems to me like Rid was right, and he was just making one last attempt at getting laid.

 

Is it wrong that I'm seriously considering taking a guy along next time I hang out with his friends?

[oppath]

I once dated a girl > 3 months before she told me "I was in a 2.5 year relationship until like, 2 weeks before you asked me out."

 

Me: "why didn't you tell me that after the 2nd or 3rd date?"

Her: "It would have felt weird."

 

People are stupid. Yes, bring a guy! Don't do it out of spite though. Do it because it is fun.

[crazy_grl]

I once dated a girl > 3 months before she told me "I was in a 2.5 year relationship until like, 2 weeks before you asked me out."

 

Me: "why didn't you tell me that after the 2nd or 3rd date?"

Her: "It would have felt weird."

 

People are stupid.

 

Couldn't agree more. "It would have felt weird." That deserves a slap upside the head.

 

Yes, bring a guy! Don't do it out of spite though. Do it because it is fun.

 

I'll probably take one of my friends. A long time ago, I promised to take him out to this specific thing they all go to. I never took him after I met this guy, because I didn't want him to think I was dating other guys... which in hindsight was pretty stupid I guess. Maybe I should learn to not care as much about guys' feelings and to be more self-centered.

 

One of my guy friends keeps telling me that I need to date some guy and treat him like sh*t so that I know what hot girls can get away with. I've always told him that I wouldn't be that mean to someone, but I'm starting to wonder if he's right.

[birdie]

One of my guy friends keeps telling me that I need to date some guy and treat him like sh*t so that I know what hot girls can get away with. I've always told him that I wouldn't be that mean to someone, but I'm starting to wonder if he's right.

 

until you made this comment I had thought you had your head screwed on and that you were smart. the above makes me wonder though, it makes you sound bitter and silly

[Kamille]

Now you know! And yeah, humans are not the most rational beings out there.

 

until you made this comment I had thought you had your head screwed on and that you were smart. the above makes me wonder though, it makes you sound bitter and silly

 

I disagree... CG just found out he wasn't interested. I think a little resentment is normal at this point. And if her friend is telling her this it could be because she suffers from 'Nice girl syndrome', which I recognize because I have a touch of it too.

 

Perhaps the recommended action is not so much to treat guys like ****, but to learn no to do too much to make them feel confortable.

[crazy_grl]

until you made this comment I had thought you had your head screwed on and that you were smart. the above makes me wonder though, it makes you sound bitter and silly

 

birdie, sometimes people do feel bitter, especially after they've been rejected. I was venting. Even if I tried. I don't think I could ever treat someone badly on purpose. Fortunately, and sometimes unfortunately, I'm much too empathetic for that.

 

I disagree... CG just found out he wasn't interested. I think a little resentment is normal at this point. And if her friend is telling her this it could be because she suffers from 'Nice girl syndrome', which I recognize because I have a touch of it too.

 

Perhaps the recommended action is not so much to treat guys like ****, but to learn no to do too much to make them feel confortable.

 

Thanks, Kamille. That's exactly it.

 

I want a guy to feel comfortable, because I want to feel comfortable in a relationship. Unfortunately, most guys are too dumb to see that as a good thing.

 

If I like a guy, I'm going to show it and make him feel important. If he can't appreciate that, he's just a little boy. I prefer men.

 

Then again, look how well that idea's been working for me so far...

[CaliGuy]

Yeah, I know that. But I always like these dorky, shy types and I always wonder whether they're just too shy and need encouragement. Guess I'll stop doing that. Doesn't matter if a guy's shy, he's gonna have to grow some balls if he's interested in me. Haha.

 

Confidence is sexy, isn't it?

 

I say it often on LS and it bears repeating. Looks may spark that initial attraction but it's PERSONALITY that really inspires attraction in women. A confident, funny, happy go lucky guy who may not be the most handsome thing on earth will have more success than a good looking guy who lacks confidence.

 

Too many men are focused on how they look on the outside when how they look on the inside is much more important.

 

This isn't really relevant, but I'm going to share it anyway, because I so adore my friend. I called a guy friend of mine, and he told me I should kick the guy in the balls. He was at a bar and had to go outside in the cold to talk to me. He got too cold, but he's leaving and calling me back. We kinda dated long distance awhile back, and he told me "If a guy doesn't want to be with you, it's his loss. Trust me I know." How sweet. I so him.

 

Didn't I say this earlier? It IS his loss. And it's why I say to you when the right one comes along, there will be no question in EITHER of your minds as to the interest level. And you darn sure won't have to call the guy to ask where you stand.

 

You'll know -- and so will he.

[CaliGuy]

One of my guy friends keeps telling me that I need to date some guy and treat him like sh*t so that I know what hot girls can get away with. I've always told him that I wouldn't be that mean to someone, but I'm starting to wonder if he's right.

 

That's not you, CG. Don't bring yourself down to the level of jerks like him.

 

Raise the bar for yourself

[CaliGuy]

Never thought of that. You might be onto something.

 

Exactly. And this was a conversation he could have had after he slept at my house. Generally, when you sleep in someone's bed at the end of a date, it's a sign you're open to something more. I didn't make him sleep here. He could have left and went home. The "I don't want to lead you on" speech could have come after that. But he waited until after we made out again then decided he didn't want to lead me on. Seems to me like Rid was right, and he was just making one last attempt at getting laid.

 

Yep. He was...

 

Is it wrong that I'm seriously considering taking a guy along next time I hang out with his friends?

 

If you do it to spite him, then yes it's wrong because it shows you're still angry.

 

If you do it purely because you want the company of the person you're with and do not want to leave an impression on someone else then it's perfectly fine.

[crazy_grl]

Confidence is sexy, isn't it?

 

Too some extent. I don't find myself attracted to really confident guys though. I find it more intriguing when a guy has little bit of shyness.

 

Didn't I say this earlier? It IS his loss.

 

Yeah, I think you did. It was just nice hearing it from essentially "the one that got away" even if he was just saying it to make me feel better.

 

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't even want a relationship. Even if I was in a relationship, I'd want it to be one where we see each other occasionally but are mostly free to do our own things and neither of us is worrying about what the other is doing when we're not around. But somehow I end up sending out the message to guys that I'm going to hog all their time and attention.

 

Part of me wants to write that guy an email to tell him that, because I don't think I got that across very well when we talked. But then I realize that I may as well write "Hey, I forgot to tell you how pathetic I am. It was a good thing you got rid of me when you had the chance."

[CaliGuy]

Too some extent. I don't find myself attracted to really confident guys though. I find it more intriguing when a guy has little bit of shyness.

 

I don't mean cocky, just confident. I agree a little shyness is good, but a lot is really, well - meh.

 

Yeah, I think you did. It was just nice hearing it from essentially "the one that got away" even if he was just saying it to make me feel better.

 

Well I'll give him kudos for being understanding and realizing the same thing we all do.

 

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't even want a relationship. Even if I was in a relationship, I'd want it to be one where we see each other occasionally but are mostly free to do our own things and neither of us is worrying about what the other is doing when we're not around. But somehow I end up sending out the message to guys that I'm going to hog all their time and attention.

 

Part of me wants to write that guy an email to tell him that, because I don't think I got that across very well when we talked. But then I realize that I may as well write "Hey, I forgot to tell you how pathetic I am. It was a good thing you got rid of me when you had the chance."

 

At this point, the guy doesn't deserve any more of your time. You've already given him far more than he deserved. Kick his arzz to the curb and just enjoy life. You have far too much going for you think twice about this.

[latefragment]

crazy_girl, I just found your thread yesterday and read through it and I wanted to say I'm in the same boat. I went on about 5 dates in the space of 3 months (just like you) with a guy who treated me really well on the dates, lovey-lovey, wanted me to sleep over, and said stuff about "being in a relationship" (yeah right) but was a jerk in between dates.

 

He NEVER called. Usually I would break down after 2 weeks of no contact and text or call a hello, how are you, and then he'd be like, when are we getting together again? Once in a while he'd text me, like with your dude, he went to Vegas and texted you about that right? This guy would text me - 'out of town for a week for work' - terse little gems like that.

 

Now we haven't spoken on the phone (a few texts) for 6 weeks+ (i've been traveling for part of it) and it is painful. How can someone behave like they like you when they're with you but then in reality they *don't care*.

 

I think your situation is totally similar - your dude was really into you when you were together but barely made *any* effort to line up dates. You hardly realized so much time went by because you probably only went out a handful of times, and of course he eagerly slept over ... and probably treated you really well when he did, snuggling and whatnot, right?

 

This might sound bad but I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. (and in the last couple years I've encountered a LOT of guys who do this hot and cold thing). What I don't get, and what you expressed very succintly, is why someone would do such a thing. Also the girl always gets blamed, like she's needy or psycho.

 

No crzy girl you're NOT needy, at all. Neither am I. It just appears that way to guys who treat people poorly (like leading them on). They get surprised when someone calls them out on it. Suddenly the blame is back on the other person because they couldn't have possibly done anything wrong.

 

One other thing that you said that I can empathize with is that you thought this guy was a shy, kinda nice guy, who wouldn't just be in it for sex or whatever. And you were surprised that you weren't as good a judge of character, at least in this case. This gets me too. Sometimes these guys (and this has happened to me a MILLION times) act so sincere, genuine, nervous around me, they act so enamored of me and show it in these little cute endearing gestures, and I think, oh he really means it, and then next thing you know they have disappeared and ignoring you.

 

Isn't that weird? It makes you feel crazy, right? It makes me feel crazy. Anyway hope this doesn't count as hijacking the thread, just wanted to chime in because what you've been through sounds EXACTLY like what I am going through, and have gone through, for the past 3 millions years. LOL.

[oppath]

If a guy likes you and is available for a relationship, he can see you once a week. If you only see someone once every 2 weeks, is that even casual dating? To me, it suggests a friendship. Personally, if a woman can't see me once a week after 3 dates lets say, and on those 3 dates nothing physical has happened (not sex, but making out), it's difficult to initiate any physical touch, because it feels like she wants a friendship.

 

It works both ways. If a guy or girl is too unavailable it feels like effort, or a chore, to get together...don't wasted your time. You can be very busy but it is still easy to schedule someone if you like them.

[latefragment]

Thanks oppath you are totally right. like I said, it doesn't make sense. Obviously He NEVER called and I NEVER called either - except I might break down after 2 or 3 weeks and then maybe send a text, if that. I don't get why he said stuff about being in a "relationship" though (I did not believe him of course). Joke's on me.

 

I know I shouldn't be hung up about this but it still sucks ... and believe me, I'm not sitting at home crying by the phone. I keep myself busy with my goals - almost to the point of overscheduling...

[crazy_grl]

He NEVER called. Usually I would break down after 2 weeks of no contact and text or call a hello, how are you, and then he'd be like, when are we getting together again?

 

How confusing. That would make me think he's been waiting for you to get in touch, but then again, there's nothing stopping him from doing it.

 

Once in a while he'd text me, like with your dude, he went to Vegas and texted you about that right? This guy would text me - 'out of town for a week for work' - terse little gems like that.

 

Yeah. I don't know what you thought about the texts, but when I got the one about Vegas, I was like "why did he send me this?" I didn't need to know he was going to Vegas. If I happened to text him while he was there, he could have easily told me then.

 

Now we haven't spoken on the phone (a few texts) for 6 weeks+ (i've been traveling for part of it) and it is painful. How can someone behave like they like you when they're with you but then in reality they *don't care*.

 

I wish I knew.

 

and of course he eagerly slept over ... and probably treated you really well when he did, snuggling and whatnot, right?

 

Yep. Whenever we were walking anywhere, he'd even hold my hand. At first, I was taken back by it, because I don't usually hold hands with people, especially when they're not my boyfriend.

 

And he would act all excited to go out with me. When we were making plans to go out once, he actually used the words "I'm excited".

 

This might sound bad but I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this.

 

Not bad at all. I think I know what you mean, because it is a bit of a relief to hear the same thing from someone else.

 

What I don't get, and what you expressed very succintly, is why someone would do such a thing. Also the girl always gets blamed, like she's needy or psycho.

 

Exactly. It couldn't possibly be because the guy is sending ridiculously mixed messages.

 

Now that I think about it, I didn't even have relationship on my mind when I started talking to this guy. It was his behavior (hand holding, sleeping over) that had my mind considering that possibility.

 

One other thing that you said that I can empathize with is that you thought this guy was a shy, kinda nice guy, who wouldn't just be in it for sex or whatever. And you were surprised that you weren't as good a judge of character, at least in this case. This gets me too. Sometimes these guys (and this has happened to me a MILLION times) act so sincere, genuine, nervous around me, they act so enamored of me and show it in these little cute endearing gestures, and I think, oh he really means it, and then next thing you know they have disappeared and ignoring you.

 

It's happened to me a lot too. To me, it seems like the only way to avoid this is to not give a guy the time of day unless he's pursuing like crazy. But that has it's downfalls too. And it seems like such a negative and cynical attitude to have.

 

And ya know what. This is the second time the guy's friends have been telling me how much he likes me and encouraging me to pursue him. They'd tell me this without me even asking. I trusted their judgment better than my own. I've learned my lesson. Never listen to the friends!

 

Isn't that weird? It makes you feel crazy, right? It makes me feel crazy.

 

Yes it does. How have no idea how much of a relief it is to know that it's not just me.

 

Anyway hope this doesn't count as hijacking the thread, just wanted to chime in because what you've been through sounds EXACTLY like what I am going through, and have gone through, for the past 3 millions years. LOL.

 

If it helps you feel better, jack away. Reading your post made me feel better. Thanks for sharing.

[latefragment]

Okay a couple things I wanted to say - first of all, I'm glad that reading this made you feel better. Really, that's good. It means that we're not "crazy."

 

Also, I can see why his friends telling you he was interested threw you off. That would mess with my head too. Yuck. That sucks.

 

This quote from one of your other posts really resonated with me:

 

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't even want a relationship. Even if I was in a relationship, I'd want it to be one where we see each other occasionally but are mostly free to do our own things and neither of us is worrying about what the other is doing when we're not around. But somehow I end up sending out the message to guys that I'm going to hog all their time and attention.

 

Exactly. I'm exactly of the same mind. I'd like to be in a relationship where we both have our own lives but we still can spend some time together - NOT joined at the hip. And I don't think i send out this "message" either but guys, I think, imagine that *all* girls want to be in some kind of suffocating relationship and unfairly characterize any tenderness as such. And what a jerk, to be holding your hand like that and everything, I mean, GIVE me a BREAK!

 

Now that you mention it this guy that I told you about did that very same thing! Remember how I broke down and contacted him 2 weeks later (after a great date where he was falling all over himself to impress me). He asked me to see him the next day. Like an idiot I said yes. Oh boy, was there hand-holding, and lovey dovey gestures, and the dreamy eyes.

 

It's happened to me a lot too. To me, it seems like the only way to avoid this is to not give a guy the time of day unless he's pursuing like crazy. But that has it's downfalls too. And it seems like such a negative and cynical attitude to have.

 

This is what some of my friends tell me. They are like, you should only go out with guys who are making a lot of effort. I agree somewhat, but as you pointed out, there are pitfalls. Think about it, doesn't it smack of codependency or neediness or something if a guy is pursuing you like crazy ?(not in a psycho stalker way, but in a ... I don't know, just ... in between jerk and psycho... ?? that didn't come out right but you know what I mean).

 

I'm not saying it IS needy - I know there are a lot of well adjusted non-codepenedent guys who will actively pursue someone they're interested in, no hangups, nothing, but I'm just saying.

 

Now take the *other* extreme of guy who actively pursues: this is the meaner, more aggressive type. Not mean to you, but just a guy who isn't accustomed to getting no for an answer. He'll charm you like Prince Charming ... maybe it's just for sex, or maybe he has a different agenda.

 

That doesn't sound too enticing either. but then again, let's say you get one of those "hands-off-the-wheel" type guys that you and I have encountered. Then you're left wondering if you are even on the same planet as him. LOL. No winning.

 

My ideal relationship is a 50-50 balance of everything: decision-making, doing nice things for each other, asking each out to do fun stuff. Seems like it's awfully hard to find the right balance of guy.

 

oh and one more thing - what you said about the vegas text was funny, I laughed. "Why the hell would I care that you're going to Vegas??!!!":rolleyes: