Serious questions about Women & Relationships

[Anna Comnena]

I just really don’t understand people. I’ve got to say, I’m usually on this blog because I sit in long boring classes and need something to read, but reading most of these blogs really brings sadness to my heart. These are some common problems:

 

Women #1

Usually the first thing out of this woman’s mouth is.. I’m in a common law marriage for X amount of years, then proceed to argue that marriage doesn’t really matter, it’s "the fact he loves me" that counts.

I’ve read 2-3 different posts from different women who living with a man for a few years, PLAN TO HAVE a child with him.. Have another child with him.. He may have asked her hand in marriage, but for whatever reason, he never married her..

She calls it a "common law marriage" which, in legal terms is nearly non-existent in modern law, and is afraid to DEMAND THE GUY MARRY HER. Ever heard of not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Then people go on about.. "ohh, it’s the same thing as marriage, it’s the fact he’s taking care of me"

Yeah right... if it were the same thing as being married, WHY ARE YOU UPSET & BLOGING ABOUT the fact he won’t marry you. It’s not just a commitment, it’s not just an emotional act, it is a way that a man pays the utmost respect to a woman. You know there something to it, or else you wouldn’t try so hard to prove "I’m actually a common law wife".

Why?? I mean.. 1, 2, 3 + kids and you’re afraid of demanding the guy marry you? Does this make ANY sense?? Why make kids with a guy for whatever reason won’t marry you???? Screw the "big wedding," stop delaying, and go get married by the judge.

Woman #1, needs to gain a backbone, and demand respect or else leave the guy. Respect is earned, won’t be given to you unless you require a person to respect you. Eventually, per the woman’s worst fears, the guy will leave the woman and shell have the 3 kids to take care of,.

End Result: Children who really have no respect for their mother as well as a utter lack of a proper father. (After all, children learn to disrespect their mother from their father.)

 

++++

Women #2

Ok, scenario number 2 involves usually an educated/overachiever woman, who marries a guy who isn’t as ambitious as she is and is likely not to make as much money as she wants him to. Hell, he might even be "lazy" by a reasonable person’s standards.. But she married him and lived with his lazy self for years before CONSCIOUSLY deciding to have a child.

So what does she do?? Of course, plan pregnancy, then bitches about the fact he needs to take an additional job in order to afford her but then doesn’t pay attention to her.

Then has the kid, and due to her unreasonable expectations of her husband, she’s mad.

Men.. What do women don’t do when they’re mad??? Sex

Then, the poor guy will cheat or spend his entire life sexless, wife finds out, and files for divorce and full custody.

End result: Husband gets to visit his child 2 or so times a month.

 

++++

Female # 3

Female number 3, is not quite a woman yet, since she’s typically very very young. What does she do?? Wants to get married young.. 22 years old and less regardless that the ENTIRE WORLD says she should wait and maybe even attending college prior to getting married... but does she listen??

Well, she marries her HS sweetheart, immediately gets pregnant, while her man works his butt off to provide for the family. Of course, there are financial struggles, after all, it is likely that neither husband or wife are educated and haven’t acquired the job skills necessary. Wife is young, full of energy and stuck at home taking care of 1-2 kids while the husbands works extreme hours

Wife gets jealous of husband. Jealous of the fact her husband is "out there in the world" meeting other women while wife is "stuck at home." The relationship is strained. They’re both strained, and one may even take to drinking or drugs.

Hell, the husband may even want to do something as silly as "have his own time or own friends" aside from his demanding 22 year brat of a wife.

Wife blows up, leave the husband, usually finds a new guy quite quickly..

Result: Divorce & displaced kids.

 

My point: I know there are some really really terrible guys out there, but women have the power to avoid these situations, to avoid broken homes. We must take responsibility for our choices and be kind, caring, and sexual with our husbands. YES, we’re the ones who chose them.

We need to make decisions, such as marriage and picking a husband, on rational factors such as.. Is he reliable? Does he make poor decisions with money? Will he be able to provide for the family? Will he be there "for better or worse" Does he have character issues? Do I really know him well? Do we fight often & is it controlled or out of control? Are we compatible both with our religions, goals, and lifestyle?? Rather than making impulsive decisions based on emotions.

Really ask yourself, would I recommend my child marry a man like him??

 

Anna

[Woggle]

The world needs more women like you.

[LankyGuy]

It's tough. Women can be extremely high strung and demanding, but at the same time soft when it would be a lot easier for us if they could tough it out..

 

There is never going to be an easy solution, but I agree that people need to pick their mates very carefully. I have a couple of divorced and divorcing friends/family and in my opinion these motivated women married men who were not a match...they married them for how they made them feel... It's a romantic idea, but not necessarily enough for a LTR. Basically scenario 2.

 

Now these couples are paying for it. In each case, the woman is disgusted about her choice, and marriage in general, and the man feels rejected and worthless...and he was no different of a person when they were dating...it's just that her expectations and demands changed/matured. She realizes she's with a guy who is never going to provide what she really needs.

[Woggle]

Many women are like children. Not all but there are certain women that are.

 

Overly emotional

A complete refusal to take any responsibility for their actions

Prone to outbursts

An unrealistic approach to life

 

It is impossible to deal with a woman like this on a rational level.

[Road Rage]

With all the internet wild monkey sex going on men really should consider sorta staying uncommitted to get the most out of this techno world we live in:rolleyes:

 

Great post Anna. Guys like me are basically saying the same thing about women but are getting shot down quicker than being on Normandy Beach on DDay.

 

And it is the women in the bunkers with the machine guns:confused:

[Woggle]

With all the internet wild monkey sex going on men really should consider sorta staying uncommitted to get the most out of this techno world we live in:rolleyes:

 

Great post Anna. Guys like me are basically saying the same thing about women but are getting shot down quicker than being on Normandy Beach on DDay.

 

And it is the women in the bunkers with the machine guns:confused:

 

And I'm general Patton unafraid to confront women and their own crap and don't flinch in their presence. If men just stopped letting women get to us we can turn things around very quickly. I don't care if I get called a misogynist and in fact I am proud of certain women think I'm sexist. If feminists were to start liking me I would wonder what I was doing wrong.

[Cobra_X30]

Anna, you have some good points!

 

Here is how I see it. When it comes to marriage there is currently a huge economic disinsentive for men to marry. Its a fact that if you marry... have kids and your wife leaves you... you lose 60% of your income. So, why would you put yourself on a chopping block like that? Prenups only cover wealth you had before you got married. This is a huge issue with middle class America. If I make 200,000 a year and lose 60%... that hurts but I can still buy food... If I'm making 50,000.... I have to move in with my parents! Mitigate that risk, and dont marry her! Basic child support is much easier to deal with!

 

More and more girls are career oriented. In fact more girls go to college now than boys by a good number! I'd say that because of this selective pressure is against them! There are simply fewer educated ambitous men... and half of those guys are going to be more attracted to girls who have a GED. I've read some interesting studies in a sociology class in regards to education and women.

 

Your scenario 3 is a pretty tough one! I've seen this one play out all the time! Honest, if you get married that young, it should be required that you take a relationship managment class, because most of these guys are totally unprepared for marriage. Ever notice how they are always completely blindsided when thier wife wants a divorce?

[Road Rage]

I think the US is on the verge of a wave of immigration similar to the one that has taken place with the hispanics crossing the border to find jobs. The opportunity is here in the workforce because there are not nearly enough workers. It is a win-win situation.

 

It is getting close to a situation where US men will not be able to find spouses and an enormous amount of more traditional women who are more of the "wife" persuasion will have a sea of men looking for her. Just like employers are happy to find hispanic workers.

 

It is just the same thing. Finding someone who is happy with what you have to offer. Sometimes it is a job, sometimes it is the person you are and the lifestyle you have.

 

American women are extremely close to pricing themselves out the marriage market and men are likely a lot closer to looking elsewhere than these women can imagine right now.

[Woggle]

This is very true. There are many Eastern European women who work in the businesses around and when you talk to them the difference between them and American women is like night and day. They are a joy to be around and are quite intelligent while many American are miserable nags and only want to talk about what was on Oprah that day.

[Anna Comnena]

I think that most women may want to shoot me for this right now, so let me give you some background about myself before someone flips out.

I'm not religious. If anything, I have strong opposition towards organized religion. I believe that all people should strive for the highest level of education possible. I believe men, women, regardless of race or sexuality should have equal rights in all aspects. I believe that women should have the ability to achieve the same level of pay and respect as men in the work force.

but I honestly think women in the US are horrid nags for the following reasons:

---------------------------------------------

1. Due to WWII and feminism, instead of a single income, most house holds require 2 incomes. I honestly believe that a mother cannot work 45+ hours a week, raise children effectively, and keep up a healthy relationship with their husband. Women are stressed out beyond words, and are miserable. They then take this stress out on their husbands. Raising kids and taking care of a household and a husband is a daunting task. I can't imagine why a woman would want to throw a stressful job and a daily commute on top of it all. There are certain jobs, like being an elementary teacher work 6-7 hours per day that are very "doable". But as a Professional working woman without kids, I can't possibly fathom adding children to my current schedule.

---------------------------------

2. The US is so media/consumer driven, all we do as a society is buy things. The average American work week is in excess of 45+ hours with a 2 year vacation.

Husbands even ask their wife's to work more so they can buy new toys. I spent time in Europe, and it is very very different society. Usually a household may have only 1 car, and limited "toys" but the average household also works 36 hours of week and gets 4-6 weeks of vacation a year. Europeans enjoy their leisure time, enjoy their family time.

In addition, some European counties, for example Czech Republic, pay women 85% of their work salary to stay home with their children for the first 5 years!!!!!

 

-------------------------------------

#3 Man/Woman relationship

Now, I got to say, I'm quite assertive, strong-willed and opinionated, but when it comes to my relationship, I want a secure MAN. I think sometimes women pick men whom need them like a child needs their mother, because they want to feel secure..

but the novelty of dealing with an overgrown-kid wears off quick and instead, women get really angry.

I believe, despite all the feminist BS, women are "wired" to want a man who is a caretaker. When a man acts more like a child than a man, a woman's attraction for that guy diminishes greatly, especially when an actual child is involved because that woman then shifts from whipping her husband's nose to taking care of her child, rendering the husband 100% pointless.

In most circumstances, men need to work, be able to provide for the family, and likely, are better off making more then their wives. Thereby, a woman needs to marry up, rather than marry down. Of course, the higher education a women receives this becomes more and more difficult, thus, the overachiever unhappy wife is more prevalent today than it was 30 years ago.

 

++++++++++++++++++++

In conclusion, something has to give, and give quickly. Due to the inner workings of society and the frequence of divorce, the kids in this population are out of control. As a society, we need to get away from "keeping up with the Jones" and back to spending quality time with the family. Only with a purposeful de-emphasis of material items and a realization that women really can't do it all at once and done sufficiently. Of course, I know there are those who disagree, but look at today's divorce rate... THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING.

[Trialbyfire]

Hmmm...something tells me you're not a woman.

 

Much of your opinion is not based on womens' equality and belief in such. It is based on the belief that women are responsible for all aspects of family and relationship.

[allina]

 

My point: I know there are some really really terrible guys out there, but women have the power to avoid these situations, to avoid broken homes. We must take responsibility for our choices and be kind, caring, and sexual with our husbands. YES, we’re the ones who chose them.

We need to make decisions, such as marriage and picking a husband, on rational factors such as.. Is he reliable? Does he make poor decisions with money? Will he be able to provide for the family? Will he be there "for better or worse" Does he have character issues? Do I really know him well? Do we fight often & is it controlled or out of control? Are we compatible both with our religions, goals, and lifestyle?? Rather than making impulsive decisions based on emotions.

Really ask yourself, would I recommend my child marry a man like him??

 

Anna

 

Something in me suggests I shouldn't agree with this but I do, especially the underlined part

[Woggle]

Hmmm...something tells me you're not a woman.

 

Much of your opinion is not based on womens' equality and belief in such. It is based on the belief that women are responsible for all aspects of family and relationship.

 

She never said that. Men have their part as well but all we ever hear is how horrible men are and how men need to change who we are to fit to a woman's liking but women cause just as many problems in relationships as men. Why do women get so mad when the focus is on them and how they contribute to relationships not working these days?

[Trialbyfire]

She never said that. Men have their part as well but all we ever hear is how horrible men are and how men need to change who we are to fit to a woman's liking but women cause just as many problems in relationships as men. Why do women get so mad when the focus is on them and how they contribute to relationships not working these days?

In presenting his/her points, it's solely from one perspective. This isn't a personal story he/she is telling.

[Woggle]

In presenting his/her points, it's solely from one perspective. This isn't a personal story he/she is telling.

 

Yes it is from one perspectibe but since we hear the other perspective all of the time what is wrong with some balance? Women really seem to hate other women that tell it like it is.

[Trialbyfire]

Since this is a thread about relationships, here goes:

 

Both genders settle down with people who are not emotionally or financially healthy for each other. It's a reality.

 

Both genders are equally responsible for making relationships work.

 

Neither gender controls the relationship, if it's a healthy one.

 

People have children when it's not financially feasible.

 

People change in relationships, over periods of time.

 

Shyte happens...

[Anna Comnena]

Hmmm...something tells me you're not a woman.

 

Much of your opinion is not based on womens' equality and belief in such. It is based on the belief that women are responsible for all aspects of family and relationship.

 

 

hahahaha.. well, I do understand how incapable men are at certain things. Years of working as an executive assistant to high level/wealthy attorneys have left me with the opinion that men can be really brilliant at one or two things, and utterly retarded at most other things..

 

And while watching one attorney in particular, despite the fact he brings in a multi-million dollar paycheck, his WIFE ran his entire house and if his WIFE had a bad day... he had even a worse day.

 

Ever heard the phrase "if mommas not happy, NOBODY is happy"

 

I mean, honestly think about it.. a pissed off woman is impossible, however, generally speaking, from BIRTH, women are taught to deal and manage & mellow a pissed off men.

 

I recall growing up with my father and my mother. My mother literally taught me to speak in a "certain tone" and "manner" when I wanted something from my father. She also taught me that if my father was mad or grumpy, to use a "certain voice" & a smile to calm him down.

 

Men - ever been to a strip club? Do you notice how many of the girls will baby talk you?? What exactly do you think that is??

 

Whether it be consciously or unconsciously, women are taught how to manipulate the moods of men. A man who new the magic tone or words that could mellow a nutty woman out, would be a utter heron among men!!!!

 

So yes, because women are UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE and men aren't, there is more weight on a woman to make for a happy relationship. (Men still have responsibility).

[Trialbyfire]

hahahaha.. well, I do understand how incapable men are at certain things. Years of working as an executive assistant to high level/wealthy attorneys have left me with the opinion that men can be really brilliant at one or two things, and utterly retarded at most other things..

 

And while watching one attorney in particular, despite the fact he brings in a multi-million dollar paycheck, his WIFE ran his entire house and if his WIFE had a bad day... he had even a worse day.

 

Ever heard the phrase "if mommas not happy, NOBODY is happy"

 

I mean, honestly think about it.. a pissed off woman is impossible, however, generally speaking, from BIRTH, women are taught to deal and manage & mellow a pissed off men.

 

I recall growing up with my father and my mother. My mother literally taught me to speak in a "certain tone" and "manner" when I wanted something from my father. She also taught me that if my father was mad or grumpy, to use a "certain voice" & a smile to calm him down.

 

Men - ever been to a strip club? Do you notice how many of the girls will baby talk you?? What exactly do you think that is??

 

Whether it be consciously or unconsciously, women are taught how to manipulate the moods of men. A man who new the magic tone or words that could mellow a nutty woman out, would be a utter heron among men!!!!

 

So yes, because women are UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE and men aren't, there is more weight on a woman to make for a happy relationship. (Men still have responsibility).

All I can say is that you pander and empower childish behaviour. Not my style.

[nittygritty]

I think that most women may want to shoot me for this right now, so let me give you some background about myself before someone flips out.

I'm not religious. If anything, I have strong opposition towards organized religion. I believe that all people should strive for the highest level of education possible. I believe men, women, regardless of race or sexuality should have equal rights in all aspects. I believe that women should have the ability to achieve the same level of pay and respect as men in the work force.

but I honestly think women in the US are horrid nags for the following reasons:

---------------------------------------------

1. Due to WWII and feminism, instead of a single income, most house holds require 2 incomes. I honestly believe that a mother cannot work 45+ hours a week, raise children effectively, and keep up a healthy relationship with their husband. Women are stressed out beyond words, and are miserable. They then take this stress out on their husbands. Raising kids and taking care of a household and a husband is a daunting task. I can't imagine why a woman would want to throw a stressful job and a daily commute on top of it all. There are certain jobs, like being an elementary teacher work 6-7 hours per day that are very "doable". But as a Professional working woman without kids, I can't possibly fathom adding children to my current schedule.

---------------------------------

2. The US is so media/consumer driven, all we do as a society is buy things. The average American work week is in excess of 45+ hours with a 2 year vacation.

Husbands even ask their wife's to work more so they can buy new toys. I spent time in Europe, and it is very very different society. Usually a household may have only 1 car, and limited "toys" but the average household also works 36 hours of week and gets 4-6 weeks of vacation a year. Europeans enjoy their leisure time, enjoy their family time.

In addition, some European counties, for example Czech Republic, pay women 85% of their work salary to stay home with their children for the first 5 years!!!!!

 

-------------------------------------

#3 Man/Woman relationship

Now, I got to say, I'm quite assertive, strong-willed and opinionated, but when it comes to my relationship, I want a secure MAN. I think sometimes women pick men whom need them like a child needs their mother, because they want to feel secure..

but the novelty of dealing with an overgrown-kid wears off quick and instead, women get really angry.

I believe, despite all the feminist BS, women are "wired" to want a man who is a caretaker. When a man acts more like a child than a man, a woman's attraction for that guy diminishes greatly, especially when an actual child is involved because that woman then shifts from whipping her husband's nose to taking care of her child, rendering the husband 100% pointless.

In most circumstances, men need to work, be able to provide for the family, and likely, are better off making more then their wives. Thereby, a woman needs to marry up, rather than marry down. Of course, the higher education a women receives this becomes more and more difficult, thus, the overachiever unhappy wife is more prevalent today than it was 30 years ago.

 

++++++++++++++++++++

In conclusion, something has to give, and give quickly. Due to the inner workings of society and the frequence of divorce, the kids in this population are out of control. As a society, we need to get away from "keeping up with the Jones" and back to spending quality time with the family. Only with a purposeful de-emphasis of material items and a realization that women really can't do it all at once and done sufficiently. Of course, I know there are those who disagree, but look at today's divorce rate... THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING.

 

 

Make parents legally equally held accountable for the children they have. Problem solved.

[Anna Comnena]

Of course women hate other women for telling it as it is..

 

I mean.. to tell a women who has 2-3 kids, never married it's their fault they're children don't have a father..

 

Or how about the wife who never screws or pays attention to a husband, who divorces her because the lack of attention, leaving wife with kids, and evetually, multiple marriages.

 

Lets be honest, rape aside, the ONLY person who has control over pregnancy is the woman. They're the ones who ultimately decide to have sex & who they're going to have sex and potentionally make kids with. They're the ones who decide if they're going to take the pill, or get some other wort of birth control and they're the ones who decide to have an abortion. THEY ARE the ones in control.. so when they screw up, they have to blame MEN in order not to look so bad/dumb.

 

 

I expect some men to screw everything in site if it is available. I expect men not to think about the pregancy consequences. I expect some men to not really care if they ever talk to the girl again... But Honestly, some of these women.. 2-3 kids with 2-3 fathers??? Come on.. Make better choices.

[Trialbyfire]

Of course women hate other women for telling it as it is..

 

I mean.. to tell a women who has 2-3 kids, never married it's their fault they're children don't have a father..

 

Or how about the wife who never screws or pays attention to a husband, who divorces her because the lack of attention, leaving wife with kids, and evetually, multiple marriages.

 

Lets be honest, rape aside, the ONLY person who has control over pregnancy is the woman. They're the ones who ultimately decide to have sex & who they're going to have sex and potentionally make kids with. They're the ones who decide if they're going to take the pill, or get some other wort of birth control and they're the ones who decide to have an abortion. THEY ARE the ones in control.. so when they screw up, they have to blame MEN in order not to look so bad/dumb.

 

 

I expect some men to screw everything in site if it is available. I expect men not to think about the pregancy consequences. I expect some men to not really care if they ever talk to the girl again... But Honestly, some of these women.. 2-3 kids with 2-3 fathers??? Come on.. Make better choices.

Once again, empowering childish behaviour or disempowering men by believing they aren't adult enough to be responsible for their own actions.

[Anna Comnena]

haha. You've got it wrong lady..

 

Women are the ones who decide. HOW do you empower a man to decide to get pregnant??

 

Please, you don't want to admit that women are the ones who make the hard decisions. Men's responsibilities are only consequences of such decisions.

[nittygritty]

haha. You've got it wrong lady..

 

Women are the ones who decide. HOW do you empower a man to decide to get pregnant??

 

Please, you don't want to admit that women are the ones who make the hard decisions. Men's responsibilities are only consequences of such decisions.

 

Women don't self reproduce. You should know that.

[lindya]

I read your opening post, Anna. What you said struck me with this intense feeling of nostalgia for lost times. I thought to myself....where-ever did Hyperpen go?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1238602&postcount=1

 

The usernames come and go, but the posting styles last forever.

[nittygritty]

I read your opening post, Anna. What you said struck me with this intense feeling of nostalgia for lost times. I thought to myself....where-ever did Hyperpen go?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1238602&postcount=1

 

The usernames come and go, but the posting styles last forever.

 

 

Great ANSWER!

 

I also find Woggle's responses very telling.