Serious questions about Women & Relationships

[lindya]

Great ANSWER!

 

[annieo]

"There are certain jobs, like being an elementary teacher work 6-7 hours per day that are very "doable"."

Firstly, I have to get this misconception out of the way. I spend from 8 am to 4:30 pm ( 8.5 hours) at my school working. I teach grade 4. Unless it is French/Music or lunch/recess, I can't go and pee if I want to. Plus, I do approximately 3 hours per week of marking (much more at report card time), usually at home. Let's kill this myth of the 6 hr workday for elementary teachers NOW!

 

And I will admit that somedays (today, for example) I am pissed off. I do most of the housework (cooking, cleaning, getting up first so everyone can get showered and out of the door on time). Most of the help I get is asked for and it even kind of bothers me that I call it "help", because doesn't my husband (and kids, who are 13 and 10) live and eat here too? Why is it my primary responsibility?

I'm at an age where I don't have the patience/weakness to talk baby talk to a grown man to wheedle favours out of him. And it is starting to hurt our relationship, because he can't understand why I am such a bitch sometimes. Even though I've explained that I feel overloaded. Even though I practically cried tears of gratitude when he cooked me dinner last Valentine's Day.

My husband's self-proclaimed defense is that I have different standards of cleanliness and that he would get around to some of the chores if he found our abode disgusting enough (or if people were coming over to witness the squalor in which we normally live). Fair enough. I am more allergic to mess than he is.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[nittygritty]

"There are certain jobs, like being an elementary teacher work 6-7 hours per day that are very "doable"."

Firstly, I have to get this misconception out of the way. I spend from 8 am to 4:30 pm ( 8.5 hours) at my school working. I teach grade 4. Unless it is French/Music or lunch/recess, I can't go and pee if I want to. Plus, I do approximately 3 hours per week of marking (much more at report card time), usually at home. Let's kill this myth of the 6 hr workday for elementary teachers NOW!

 

And I will admit that somedays (today, for example) I am pissed off. I do most of the housework (cooking, cleaning, getting up first so everyone can get showered and out of the door on time). Most of the help I get is asked for and it even kind of bothers me that I call it "help", because doesn't my husband (and kids, who are 13 and 10) live and eat here too? Why is it my primary responsibility?

I'm at an age where I don't have the patience/weakness to talk baby talk to a grown man to wheedle favours out of him. And it is starting to hurt our relationship, because he can't understand why I am such a bitch sometimes. Even though I've explained that I feel overloaded. Even though I practically cried tears of gratitude when he cooked me dinner last Valentine's Day.

My husband's self-proclaimed defense is that I have different standards of cleanliness and that he would get around to some of the chores if he found our abode disgusting enough (or if people were coming over to witness the squalor in which we normally live). Fair enough. I am more allergic to mess than he is.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Go out of town by yourself for a week or two. Do tell them your visiting family and friends but don't tell them which ones or the number where you will be. Leave your cell phone and laptop at home.

 

They will either sink or swim. Hopefully, they will be more helpful when you get back. If not, then start planning your next trip.

[Anna Comnena]

"There are certain jobs, like being an elementary teacher work 6-7 hours per day that are very "doable"."

Firstly, I have to get this misconception out of the way. I spend from 8 am to 4:30 pm ( 8.5 hours) at my school working. I teach grade 4. Unless it is French/Music or lunch/recess, I can't go and pee if I want to. Plus, I do approximately 3 hours per week of marking (much more at report card time), usually at home. Let's kill this myth of the 6 hr workday for elementary teachers NOW!

 

And I will admit that somedays (today, for example) I am pissed off. I do most of the housework (cooking, cleaning, getting up first so everyone can get showered and out of the door on time). Most of the help I get is asked for and it even kind of bothers me that I call it "help", because doesn't my husband (and kids, who are 13 and 10) live and eat here too? Why is it my primary responsibility?

I'm at an age where I don't have the patience/weakness to talk baby talk to a grown man to wheedle favours out of him. And it is starting to hurt our relationship, because he can't understand why I am such a bitch sometimes. Even though I've explained that I feel overloaded. Even though I practically cried tears of gratitude when he cooked me dinner last Valentine's Day.

My husband's self-proclaimed defense is that I have different standards of cleanliness and that he would get around to some of the chores if he found our abode disgusting enough (or if people were coming over to witness the squalor in which we normally live). Fair enough. I am more allergic to mess than he is.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

See? this is exactly what i'm speaking of. The level of strain on women.

 

Ok honey, I read this, and I honestly feel so bad for you. It shouldn't be your responsibility to do everything, but.. see there's the guy's response.. "not to help clean it up, but rather, it's ok if it's sort of dirty.." -- that's typical, really really typical.

 

And I understand teachers work, both my parents were teachers, but it is a far cry from my average work week of 65+ hours & two weeks of vacation and working Labor day, memorial day, ventrans day..etc. Teacher's get TONS of time off.

 

My suggestion: either work less or higher help in the house. Start with a maid. It really isn't that expensive and it will free up time for yourself and gie you some more down time.

 

Of course, with those hours and demands.. and to keep it up for 18+ years till the kids are out of the house???? It makes sense to me that so many women end up taking Psych drugs. I'd be out of my mind too!!

[nittygritty]

See? this is exactly what i'm speaking of. The level of strain on women.

 

Ok honey, I read this, and I honestly feel so bad for you. It shouldn't be your responsibility to do everything, but.. see there's the guy's response.. "not to help clean it up, but rather, it's ok if it's sort of dirty.." -- that's typical, really really typical.

 

And I understand teachers work, both my parents were teachers, but it is a far cry from my average work week of 65+ hours & two weeks of vacation and working Labor day, memorial day, ventrans day..etc. Teacher's get TONS of time off.

 

My suggestion: either work less or higher help in the house. Start with a maid. It really isn't that expensive and it will free up time for yourself and gie you some more down time.

 

Of course, with those hours and demands.. and to keep it up for 18+ years till the kids are out of the house???? It makes sense to me that so many women end up taking Psych drugs. I'd be out of my mind too!!

 

 

Another solution would be to divorce him.

 

Sell the house and split the proceeds. Divide all financial assets acquired during the marriage equally. Both parents have custody of the kids 50/50. One week at Moms. One week at Dads. Share holidays. Each pay equally to support the kids.

[Anna Comnena]

Well, believe it or not, I'm not very keen on divorce & remarriage. How can one consciously ping-pong their child back and forth between to households??

[sIZE=3]I believe divorce and remarriage while the child is underage to be very damaging to children. I think that a couple should "suck it up" and act civilly toward one another until the kids are up and out of the household.[/sIZE]

I do not believe a division of assets and households is a better for the kids. In most situations, parents should grow up and treat each other with respect. .

Divorce is way to easy and is creating chaos in our society.

[Anna Comnena]

Women don't self reproduce. You should know that.

Yes, it takes two to tango, but it's the women's decision to keep the child. What exactly is your opposition to women taking responsibility?

Look, I don't believe that men should act in such a way. I don’t condone their behavior. But, in most circumstances, who really has the control? Who in the end most of the responsibility?

I as a woman am responsible for my reproductive capability. If I get pregnant.. It’s not "whoops, how did that happen, must have been the guy’s fault" no, its.. I screwed up, I was not careful, and now my child will pay for my mistakes.

Not all guys are scummy. Some guys will step to the plate, marry the woman, and take care of the situation. But, if all men did that, there wouldn’t be a woman in such situations. Thus, women need to wake up, be careful, and take responsibility for creating such disasters.

It’s empowering to realize that women have the power not to have kids with loser men!! Women have the power marry before purposefully having kids!!!

[nittygritty]

Well, believe it or not, I'm not very keen on divorce & remarriage. How can one consciously ping-pong their child back and forth between to households??

[sIZE=3]I believe divorce and remarriage while the child is underage to be very damaging to children. I think that a couple should "suck it up" and act civilly toward one another until the kids are up and out of the household.[/sIZE]

I do not believe a division of assets and households is a better for the kids. In most situations, parents should grow up and treat each other with respect. .

Divorce is way to easy and is creating chaos in our society.

 

Well neither is having a mom whose gorked out on psych meds because dad won't do his fair share of household and child care duties.

 

The kids will be most happy having happy parents.

[nittygritty]

Yes, it takes two to tango, but it's the women's decision to keep the child. What exactly is your opposition to women taking responsibility?

Look, I don't believe that men should act in such a way. I don’t condone their behavior. But, in most circumstances, who really has the control? Who in the end most of the responsibility?

I as a woman am responsible for my reproductive capability. If I get pregnant.. It’s not "whoops, how did that happen, must have been the guy’s fault" no, its.. I screwed up, I was not careful, and now my child will pay for my mistakes.

Not all guys are scummy. Some guys will step to the plate, marry the woman, and take care of the situation. But, if all men did that, there wouldn’t be a woman in such situations. Thus, women need to wake up, be careful, and take responsibility for creating such disasters.

It’s empowering to realize that women have the power not to have kids with loser men!! Women have the power marry before purposefully having kids!!!

 

Nope, women are held accountable. Men aren't yet but they will be...just you wait and see....

[Trialbyfire]

All you men better cross your legs and think pure thoughts because if every woman were to wait for marriage before having sex, to ensure there wasn't a chance for an unwanted pregnancy, there's no one to tango with.

 

Go Girls Go!!

[Anna Comnena]

Once again, empowering childish behaviour or disempowering men by believing they aren't adult enough to be responsible for their own actions.

 

 

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I don't give a damn about who takes "responsibility for their actions." I'm looking to help women AVOID the situation before it occurs and the only way to do that is for women to realize that the choices they make with their body lead to consequences.

[silktricks]

.

I don't give a damn about who takes "responsibility for their actions." I'm looking to help women AVOID the situation before it occurs and the only way to do that is for women to realize that the choices they make with their body lead to consequences.

 

oh geez, there's an eye opener.

 

And BTW, have you ever looked into the failure rate of most methods of birth control? Still wanna talk about everything being the woman's responsibility? Or do you just think that a failure should equal an abortion?

[Anna Comnena]

What do you mean by "women are held accountable and men will be"?

[Trialbyfire]

.

I don't give a damn about who takes "responsibility for their actions." I'm looking to help women AVOID the situation before it occurs and the only way to do that is for women to realize that the choices they make with their body lead to consequences.

As are the choices that men make with their bodies. It's ridiculous to believe that it's one person who's responsible for everything. When a man wants to marry a woman or wants to bed her, he also takes the same amount of responsibility.

 

Men deserve far more credit than to be treated like children, unable to make decisions and take responsibility. Stop neutering them.

[nittygritty]

.

I don't give a damn about who takes "responsibility for their actions." I'm looking to help women AVOID the situation before it occurs and the only way to do that is for women to realize that the choices they make with their body lead to consequences.

 

Lucky for all of us gals that they have male versions of birth control like condoms and vasectomies to cover that argument.

 

Those DNA paternity tests help all of the serial single mommas narrow down which one of those guys knocked em up. Just got to keep your fingers crossed that its the one with the job.

[nittygritty]

What do you mean by "women are held accountable and men will be"?

 

Well you know how smart women are. There going to make sure that legislation will cover all the issues. Men will be held legally equally accountable for the child they help create.

[Anna Comnena]

I believe most birth control failure rates are skewed. People will lie for studies.

I’m not advocating abortion, I’m not advocating no-sex before marriage. There are plenty of options open for women. From abstaining, birth control, "getting fixed", to adoption. There really is no excuse why a women has 3 kids with 3 different men, while never being married.

Let me rephrase what I said, because I’m really not able to help women, thus, I’m not looking to help women. What tI am looking for is the answer to understand WHY women make such bad decisions. I sit back, read these bloggs and even speak with girlfriends...all the time I in my head I ask.. "What are they thinking"

Why does a woman plan a pregnancy with a man who won’t marry her. WHY???

Why does a woman marry a man whom they think is not ambitious enough, or drinks too much, or is too lazy... Have kids, and Divorce him because he wasn’t ambitious, drank, or is lazy.

The bloggers here are acting as though, it’s an "accidental birth" and it’s not the women’s fault.

Have you read some of these women’s posts??? They openly admit they planned the pregnancy!!!

I make jokes to some of my friends, that God must have put a gay man in a woman’s body.. Because, I feel like I can’t even relate to most women. I have more than one friend who have a one night stand with a guy they met at a bar, then come cry to me about how he never calls her, and but how "trashy" she feels.

Now I really feel bad for my friend, she’s in a lot of pain, but a part of me wants to "hit her upside the head" and say.. "well DUH?!!" Then, next week they’ll go do it all over again. It’s seriously insane.

I even had a girl friend who got into a serious car accident, rushed to the hospital with cracked ribs and a broken nose. The accident was seriously enough, her clothes were cut off her body. She had called me to pick her up at the hospital, but that day, I dropped my cell phone in a puddle and didn’t get her phone call, so she decided to call the guy she had been dating/sleeping with for 2-3 months.

He owned his own construction company and told her, for him to drive up to the hospital, he’d face traffic, so he couldn’t do it. She, half nude in hospitals robes, got a cab driver to driver her home despite the fact she didn’t have any money on her.

Later that week, despite the fact she had a nose was broke, bleeding and she was in extreme pain, her bf came over and demanded a blow job, and she complied!!!

I could go on, but it only gets worse.. She dated this jerk for over a year!!!

WHY????????????? I honestly don’t understand!!! I feel like "well adjusted" women are few and far between.

[Anna Comnena]

Well you know how smart women are. There going to make sure that legislation will cover all the issues. Men will be held legally equally accountable for the child they help create.

 

Still don't quite understand what you're getting at. Men are financially obligated now!! All women have to do is prove the father, and the ct will hold him legally obligated.

[Trialbyfire]

Btw, errrr...Anna...as a...woman, who wants to mother men, who is working towards a doctorate...in law, I believe, do you have a man who will be supporting you when you have your children? Also, will you be a stay-at-home... mother?

[Anna Comnena]

As are the choices that men make with their bodies. It's ridiculous to believe that it's one person who's responsible for everything. When a man wants to marry a woman or wants to bed her, he also takes the same amount of responsibility.

 

Men deserve far more credit than to be treated like children, unable to make decisions and take responsibility. Stop neutering them.

 

I'm not neutering men..I'm not saying men are unable to make decisions and take responsibility. I stating it's women who fail to make proper decisions and take responsibility for their scew ups. Women always blame the men, as if women had NOTHING to do with it.

 

I'm a woman.. I know guys are guys, and if I wanted to, right this very moment, I could go to a bar and find some radom guy to have un-protected sex with and possibly create a child. Is the guy responsible?? of course he is, but it doesn't change the fact that if I don't drive myself to the bar and commit the act, I won't get pregnant. Rape aside, I am in control of whether I get pregnant or not. Guys are in control if they don't get some girl pregant, but I'm in control of my body. I choose who I sleep with. I can make a decision not to sleep with a guy who doesn't have a job, or does drugs, or who won't marry me. That's alot of power & a lot of responsibility.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm not neutering men..I'm not saying men are unable to make decisions and take responsibility. I stating it's women who fail to make proper decisions and take responsibility for their scew ups. Women always blame the men, as if women had NOTHING to do with it.

 

I'm a woman.. I know guys are guys, and if I wanted to, right this very moment, I could go to a bar and find some radom guy to have un-protected sex with and possibly create a child. Is the guy responsible?? of course he is, but it doesn't change the fact that if I don't drive myself to the bar and commit the act, I won't get pregnant. Rape aside, I am in control of whether I get pregnant or not. Guys are in control if they don't get some girl pregant, but I'm in control of my body. I choose who I sleep with. I can make a decision not to sleep with a guy who doesn't have a job, or does drugs, or who won't marry me. That's alot of power & a lot of responsibility.

Then I hope you never indulge in premarital sex yourself. There is no such thing as riskless sex.

 

Tsk, tsk...such a need to control.

[Anna Comnena]

Btw, errrr...Anna...as a...woman, who wants to mother men, who is working towards a doctorate...in law, I believe, do you have a man who will be supporting you when you have your children? Also, will you be a stay-at-home... mother?

 

This is going to drive you crazy, but actually I do. When I first started to date my husband, within the first month, I told him that although I am finishing my law degree, I would quite my job to raise my kids and I expected him to support me. I also told him that I didn’t believe I could work 50-60 hours, raise kids and be a good wife. I told him that I won't do it, that I wouldn't be happy. I also have explained, that we’d have to financially plan to have children (put away $$) before planning a child. That if he didn’t agree with my idea of plans, that we shouldn’t date because we didn’t have like lifestyles.

 

He told me his mother was at home with him and his sisters. He believes that it was essential to a happy home, and he’d actual obtain additional degree before we married in order to ensure he’d be able to make enough to support our family.

 

Why did I choose to get my law degree?? Why become so educated to stay home????

 

I purposefully chose to obtain my law degree instead of further pursuing my love of History education because heaven forbid some disaster occurred... (husband died, got sick, or left me) even if I took of 15 years off to raise my kids, I’d be able to EASILY return to my career as an attorney and make enough of a salary to afford my children & their college education. I tell my fellow classmates this, and they laugh at me. (However one guy said with honestly "that’s the most beautiful thing I ever heard)

A law degree is one of the few employment areas that is still useful even if I take a lot of time off. I went to law school for the only purpose of protecting my future family.

 

I am a person who "Hope’s for the best, while planning for the worst." I learned that the most reliable person is myself, and I won’t let myself or my children down.

[Trialbyfire]

This is going to drive you crazy, but actually I do. When I first started to date my husband, within the first month, I told him that although I am finishing my law degree, I would quite my job to raise my kids and I expected him to support me. I also told him that I didn’t believe I could work 50-60 hours, raise kids and be a good wife. I told him that I won't do it, that I wouldn't be happy. I also have explained, that we’d have to financially plan to have children (put away $$) before planning a child. That if he didn’t agree with my idea of plans, that we shouldn’t date because we didn’t have like lifestyles.

 

He told me his mother was at home with him and his sisters. He believes that it was essential to a happy home, and he’d actual obtain additional degree before we married in order to ensure he’d be able to make enough to support our family.

 

Why did I choose to get my law degree?? Why become so educated to stay home????

 

I purposefully chose to obtain my law degree instead of further pursuing my love of History education because heaven forbid some disaster occurred... (husband died, got sick, or left me) even if I took of 15 years off to raise my kids, I’d be able to EASILY return to my career as an attorney and make enough of a salary to afford my children & their college education. I tell my fellow classmates this, and they laugh at me. (However one guy said with honestly "that’s the most beautiful thing I ever heard)

A law degree is one of the few employment areas that is still useful even if I take a lot of time off. I went to law school for the only purpose of protecting my future family.

 

I am a person who "Hope’s for the best, while planning for the worst." I learned that the most reliable person is myself, and I won’t let myself or my children down.

You do realize that with a doctorate in law, you would be making 6 figures per annum. I do hope your husband makes more than you. If I recall, this was something you advocated.

[nittygritty]

Still don't quite understand what you're getting at. Men are financially obligated now!! All women have to do is prove the father, and the ct will hold him legally obligated.

 

Nope, thats not being held legally equally accountable.

 

They need to actually do their equal share in raising their child. Physically, emotionally and financially. If they are unfit or neglectful, they need to be prosecuted and put in prison.

[nittygritty]

This is going to drive you crazy, but actually I do. When I first started to date my husband, within the first month, I told him that although I am finishing my law degree, I would quite my job to raise my kids and I expected him to support me. I also told him that I didn’t believe I could work 50-60 hours, raise kids and be a good wife. I told him that I won't do it, that I wouldn't be happy. I also have explained, that we’d have to financially plan to have children (put away $$) before planning a child. That if he didn’t agree with my idea of plans, that we shouldn’t date because we didn’t have like lifestyles.

 

He told me his mother was at home with him and his sisters. He believes that it was essential to a happy home, and he’d actual obtain additional degree before we married in order to ensure he’d be able to make enough to support our family.

 

Why did I choose to get my law degree?? Why become so educated to stay home????

 

I purposefully chose to obtain my law degree instead of further pursuing my love of History education because heaven forbid some disaster occurred... (husband died, got sick, or left me) even if I took of 15 years off to raise my kids, I’d be able to EASILY return to my career as an attorney and make enough of a salary to afford my children & their college education. I tell my fellow classmates this, and they laugh at me. (However one guy said with honestly "that’s the most beautiful thing I ever heard)

A law degree is one of the few employment areas that is still useful even if I take a lot of time off. I went to law school for the only purpose of protecting my future family.

 

I am a person who "Hope’s for the best, while planning for the worst." I learned that the most reliable person is myself, and I won’t let myself or my children down.

 

 

There are many women attorneys that feel differently than you do and the equality argument will win.

 

I think its great that your going to be at home with your kids.