Serious questions about Women & Relationships

[Anna Comnena]

So your thread was a rant on whiners?

 

No, not at all, I honestly baffled why women do what they do. I read post after post.. the last one that really set me off was the woman who had three kids with a guy she isn't married to, and was actually afraid of asking him to marry her, because he might leave.

 

I just don't understand, why she didn't demand to be married before she had the first kid.. you could tell, she wanted to from the get go.

 

I sense that she doesn't have any self respect or self esteem. She trys to justify it .. calling it a Common Law marriage.

 

What I don't understand was the through process of.. "ok, i'm planning to get pregnant, but i'm not marry.. and he isn't really showing signs he wants to commit to me, and I know I won't be happy with that... but I'll plan the kid anyway"

 

and yes.. I understand it was her freaken CHOICE..

 

I've read soo many posts that fit in one of the three hypo's I started out with.. I just can't manage to begin to understand. That's why I posted.

[nittygritty]

No, not at all, I honestly baffled why women do what they do. I read post after post.. the last one that really set me off was the woman who had three kids with a guy she isn't married to, and was actually afraid of asking him to marry her, because he might leave.

 

I just don't understand, why she didn't demand to be married before she had the first kid.. you could tell, she wanted to from the get go.

 

I sense that she doesn't have any self respect or self esteem. She trys to justify it .. calling it a Common Law marriage.

 

What I don't understand was the through process of.. "ok, i'm planning to get pregnant, but i'm not marry.. and he isn't really showing signs he wants to commit to me, and I know I won't be happy with that... but I'll plan the kid anyway"

 

and yes.. I understand it was her freaken CHOICE..

 

I've read soo many posts that fit in one of the three hypo's I started out with.. I just can't manage to begin to understand. That's why I posted.

 

Well, there is that...but...there was a man involved too.

 

There are also the women whose husbands wanted a child more than anything and then when his CHOICE is that the responsibility of having a family isn't as much fun as he thought it was going to be and he begins an affair and then they divorce and he moves several states away and then his CHOICE is not to pay child support or visit the child.

 

Its my fault that I chose the man that I married and chose to make a baby with but IMO what he chose to do to his own child by abandoning all of his parental obligation and responsibility was a crime.

 

I have seen many women's posts that are very similiar to what I went through and I know they are being held accountable for their choices but I can't see where the father is being held legally equally accountable.

[Anna Comnena]

Well, there is that...but...there was a man involved too.

 

There are also the women whose husbands wanted a child more than anything and then when his CHOICE is that the responsibility of having a family isn't as much fun as he thought it was going to be and he begins an affair and then they divorce and he moves several states away and then his CHOICE is not to pay child support or visit the child.

 

Its my fault that I chose the man that I married and chose to make a baby with but IMO what he chose to do to his own child by abandoning all of his parental obligation and responsibility was a crime.

 

I have seen many women's posts that are very similiar to what I went through and I know they are being held accountable for their choices but I can't see where the father is being held legally equally accountable.

 

Wow, I would think.. 50 posts later, we have already dealt with the fact that of course I hold the the farther responsible.

 

They should be held accountable.. hell, they should make divorce while you have kids under 18, very very difficult to obtain, thus, hopefully the parents will work it out.

 

Did you every speak to your husband, prior to marraige, about what you both expected if you were to to divorce?

 

Honestly though, a man who'd pick up and leave their kid behind has a character problem. Did your parents/friends suggest you shouldn't marry him?

[nittygritty]

Wow, I would think.. 50 posts later, we have already dealt with the fact that of course I hold the the farther responsible.

 

They should be held accountable.. hell, they should make divorce while you have kids under 18, very very difficult to obtain, thus, hopefully the parents will work it out.

 

Did you every speak to your husband, prior to marraige, about what you both expected if you were to to divorce?

 

Honestly though, a man who'd pick up and leave their kid behind has a character problem. Did your parents/friends suggest you shouldn't marry him?

 

My point wasn't to whine about my ex.

 

I wasn't clear 50 posts later that you ever held the father responsible.

Thanks for clearing that up.

[Mz. Pixie]

When you are abused as a child, you learn early on to rely on yourself. You also make a solemn vow to yourself that you will never let someone have that much power or control over you again. So I get where you are coming from.

 

 

Yes, Yes! I tell my husband this all the time. It's sort of a barrier to deeper intimacy.

 

He doesn't understand but he had the Cleaver upbringing.