Serious questions about Women & Relationships

[Lyssa]

Why does a woman plan a pregnancy with a man who won’t marry her. WHY???

 

Because they chose to do so... it is their choice. Why don't you ask the OP WHY??

 

Why does a woman marry a man whom they think is not ambitious enough, or drinks too much, or is too lazy... Have kids, and Divorce him because he wasn’t ambitious, drank, or is lazy.

 

Some women think men will change along the way. Vice versa. When that doesn't happen, they divorce one another. Why? Because they chose to do so...

 

Have you read some of these women’s posts??? They openly admit they planned the pregnancy!!!

 

I have read them. Yup, they chose to plan it and make babies with their men.

 

Bottom line is women do make a choice. It's either the right or the wrong ones. It's their lives, their choice to make it or break it.

[Anna Comnena]

You do realize that with a doctorate in law, you would be making 6 figures per annum. I do hope your husband makes more than you. If I recall, this was something you advocated.

 

Were you not listening? I don't want to be an attorney, never did. I really want to teach history, but there's not $$ in it. I use/used law as a back up. I hope I never have to practice.

 

I've given up a lot in order to practice what I preach. Unless you've done it yourself, you have NO clue what hell law school is, especially if you have no real love of the law. I'm not going to compete with my husband about $$ because he's agreed to support us.

 

And I'd never said - NO SEX before marriage. (Although admittedly, some would be better of if they wouldn't). You can tell your argument is breaking down when you instead attempt to make me out as a hypocrite and use "absolutes" rather than address my points. It's fine you don't agree with me. Discussion is what the forum is for. I honestly try to live my life to meet my own standards. No one is perfect, but I strive to do better each day. I'd have great difficulty holding views which my actions would directly contradict, because I'd feel as though I were a utter disappointment to myself.

[Anna Comnena]

Because they chose to do so... it is their choice. Why don't you ask the OP WHY??

 

 

 

Some women think men will change along the way. Vice versa. When that doesn't happen, they divorce one another. Why? Because they chose to do so...

 

 

 

I have read them. Yup, they chose to plan it and make babies with their men.

 

Bottom line is women do make a choice. It's either the right or the wrong ones. It's their lives, their choice to make it or break it.

 

I understand it's a choice. It's obvious that it's a choice. But Why do they choose to do that? What are they thinking? What drives a person to actually do that? THIS IS WHAT I don't understand.

 

I've explained a little about my life to you.. I'm a pragmatic person. I try to have a back up plan, to be cautious and to make decisions based more on rational thought rather than emotion.

 

so, when a women makes these, seemingly to me, illogical choice, I can't even begin to comprehend it.

[nittygritty]

Were you not listening? I don't want to be an attorney, never did. I really want to teach history, but there's not $$ in it. I use/used law as a back up. I hope I never have to practice.

 

I've given up a lot in order to practice what I preach. Unless you've done it yourself, you have NO clue what hell law school is, especially if you have no real love of the law. I'm not going to compete with my husband about $$ because he's agreed to support us.

 

And I'd never said - NO SEX before marriage. (Although admittedly, some would be better of if they wouldn't). You can tell your argument is breaking down when you instead attempt to make me out as a hypocrite and use "absolutes" rather than address my points. It's fine you don't agree with me. Discussion is what the forum is for. I honestly try to live my life to meet my own standards. No one is perfect, but I strive to do better each day. I'd have great difficulty holding views which my actions would directly contradict, because I'd feel as though I were a utter disappointment to myself.

 

What if your husband knocks up OW while your being a stay at home mom? Would you stay with him? Support and take care of his other child with OW?

 

What if your husband dies in a car wreck shortly after the birth of your twins?

[Trialbyfire]

Were you not listening? I don't want to be an attorney, never did. I really want to teach history, but there's not $$ in it. I use/used law as a back up. I hope I never have to practice.

 

I've given up a lot in order to practice what I preach. Unless you've done it yourself, you have NO clue what hell law school is, especially if you have no real love of the law. I'm not going to compete with my husband about $$ because he's agreed to support us.

 

And I'd never said - NO SEX before marriage. (Although admittedly, some would be better of if they wouldn't). You can tell your argument is breaking down when you instead attempt to make me out as a hypocrite and use "absolutes" rather than address my points. It's fine you don't agree with me. Discussion is what the forum is for. I honestly try to live my life to meet my own standards. No one is perfect, but I strive to do better each day. I'd have great difficulty holding views which my actions would directly contradict, because I'd feel as though I were a utter disappointment to myself.

Something tells me you're not being completely honest with us.

 

Who gets a doctorate in law, as a backup plan to being a history teacher?

[Anna Comnena]

Nope, thats not being held legally equally accountable.

 

They need to actually do their equal share in raising their child. Physically, emotionally and financially. If they are unfit or neglectful, they need to be prosecuted and put in prison.

 

Got to say, don't think that's going to happen. American's court system isn't won to force someone to do something. They will do a prohibitory injunction, prohibiting you to do certain things, but courts don't like forcing people because (1) difficult to monitor, (2) some judges have compared it to slavery. (not saying I agree with any of this)

 

You can't force someone to be a good parent.. you can only fine them, or take the kids away... but then where does the kid go? - another reason why cts don't like taking kids away from parents.. (even really bad ones)

The situation is really sad.

[nittygritty]

Got to say, don't think that's going to happen. American's court system isn't won to force someone to do something. They will do a prohibitory injunction, prohibiting you to do certain things, but courts don't like forcing people because (1) difficult to monitor, (2) some judges have compared it to slavery. (not saying I agree with any of this)

 

You can't force someone to be a good parent.. you can only fine them, or take the kids away... but then where does the kid go? - another reason why cts don't like taking kids away from parents.. (even really bad ones)

The situation is really sad.

 

No you can't force someone to be a good parent but you can punish a bad one. Are you for or against children's rights?

[Anna Comnena]

Something tells me you're not being completely honest with us.

 

Who gets a doctorate in law, as a backup plan to being a history teacher?

 

 

I swear to god, I wanted to be a history teacher. (both my parents were teachers) Highschool history. I've spent over 8 years in the legal industry. It's miserable. Yes.. they make millions of dollars, but you have no idea how many hours they work. I finished my BA and looked into my teaching credentials to learn that it would take me 2.5 years full time to get them, or I could go to law school full time for 3 years. I learned what the pay was, and what it would be if I took years off. I learned that If I quit, I'd basically have to start again and work my way up. History Teachers make about $45K per year starting. Hardly enough to afford a family by myself. I asked my self, WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?? I have a $$ worthless history degree... If I take time off as a paralegal/executive assistant, given 20 years, no one will hire me, or if they did, they won't pay me anything..

 

Then I realized, well, I have this legal experience, maybe I'll be able to get through law school with it, and then.. no matter what happens, I'll be secure. Then I though.. once my kids get a older, with a Doctorate Law, I could teach history or law,politics and society at a local community college , without having to commit to teaching more than once a week.

 

This I swear, was exactly what I was thinking and am thinking...NO way would I ever work 70-80 hours a week for the all mightly $$.

[Trialbyfire]

NO way would I ever work 70-80 hours a week for the all mightly $$.

No? What if you loved the job and wanted to work? Did it ever occur to you that women do enjoy their careers? What you advocate is that women must remain in servitude and men must remain neutered because of how irresponsible they are beyond earning money. Such a double standard...

[Anna Comnena]

No you can't force someone to be a good parent but you can punish a bad one. Are you for or against children's rights?

 

I'm for child's rights.. but what I wrote isn't necessarily my opinion, it's how our legal system is. That's all..

 

I don't believe that in my lifetime, we'll see such laws put into practice. Nor do I believe that laws regarding parents taking responsibility for their child's behavior.

 

I personally think that a parent should be held criminally liable for not supervising their child in certain circumstances, but the principals of our legal system are dead-set against it.

 

I didn't make up the system, I'm just explaining it to you.

[nittygritty]

Anna, your first post talked about the need for women to be more sexual with their husbands.

 

Could you be more specific about how you sexually please your man?

[nittygritty]

I'm for child's rights.. but what I wrote isn't necessarily my opinion, it's how our legal system is. That's all..

 

I don't believe that in my lifetime, we'll see such laws put into practice. Nor do I believe that laws regarding parents taking responsibility for their child's behavior.

 

I personally think that a parent should be held criminally liable for not supervising their child in certain circumstances, but the principals of our legal system are dead-set against it.

 

I didn't make up the system, I'm just explaining it to you.

 

Deadbeat dads are already being put in jail.

[Anna Comnena]

What if your husband knocks up OW while your being a stay at home mom? Would you stay with him? Support and take care of his other child with OW?

 

What if your husband dies in a car wreck shortly after the birth of your twins?

 

I can't control if my husband dies. This is why I'm getting my degree. So that if i need to, I'll be able to bring home enough money for my children so my family won't starve.

 

Honestly, if my husband cheated and I didn't have kids, I'd leave and tell him to go marry the women he knocked up. If I had kids, I'd get my tubes tied and stayed until the kids were up and out. Then, depending on if I was able to forgive him, I may stay or I may leave. I'd swallow my anger, and I'd also be as kind as humanly possible to the other women's child & to the other women... after all, it would be my idiot husband who screwed me over not the poor kid.

[Trialbyfire]

I can't control if my husband dies. This is why I'm getting my degree. So that if i need to, I'll be able to bring home enough money for my children so my family won't starve.

 

Honestly, if my husband cheated and I didn't have kids, I'd leave and tell him to go marry the women he knocked up. If I had kids, I'd get my tubes tied and stayed until the kids were up and out. Then, depending on if I was able to forgive him, I may stay or I may leave. I'd swallow my anger, and I'd also be as kind as humanly possible to the other women's child & to the other women... after all, it would be my idiot husband who screwed me over not the poor kid.

So then, would you run around and look for another man to support you? Or...maybe...you would be a single mom, like some of the ones you made reference to, in your first post...

[Anna Comnena]

Deadbeat dads are already being put in jail.

 

They're being put in jail for being in contempt of court, failure to comply with a court order.

 

Or, the DA will suspended your driver's license for failure to pay, then you drive on a suspended license, which is a crime...and you go to jail for that.

 

If it can be determine the father has no money, they can't be held in contempt of court.

 

This isn't the same thing as not being a good dad and then going to court..

sort of seems that way, but it legally isn't.

[nittygritty]

They're being put in jail for being in contempt of court, failure to comply with a court order.

 

Or, the DA will suspended your driver's license for failure to pay, then you drive on a suspended license, which is a crime...and you go to jail for that.

 

If it can be determine the father has no money, they can't be held in contempt of court.

 

This isn't the same thing as not being a good dad and then going to court..

sort of seems that way, but it legally isn't.

 

No, they look at what he is capable of earning. Minimum wage being the lowest amount set. Having no money when you haven't been paying your child support won't get you out of jail.

[Anna Comnena]

Anna, your first post talked about the need for women to be more sexual with their husbands.

 

Could you be more specific about how you sexually please your man?

 

I'm not comfortable with speaking about certain intimate topics with people I don't know. I'm not avoiding it, it's just private.

 

I have no problems with other's talking about their intimate situations, but I'm not one to comment much on it.

 

I can understand that this seems like a cop out, but it's the truth, ...sorry?

[Anna Comnena]

No, they look at what he is capable of earning. Minimum wage being the lowest amount set. Having no money when you haven't been paying your child support won't get you out of jail.

 

Trust me, you're a bit mistaken about that. If it were that simple, there would be a whole lot of people in jail.

 

What in theory should happen, and what actually does.. are two totally separate things. Takes a long long long time of pissing off a judge to send a dead beat to jail.

[Lyssa]

I understand it's a choice. It's obvious that it's a choice. But Why do they choose to do that? What are they thinking? What drives a person to actually do that? THIS IS WHAT I don't understand.

 

You know what, Anna? I don't understand it either. I read somewhere this girl could be pregnant due to unprotected sex. Why did she agree to it knowing that condoms or pills are not taken into account? So yeah, I do not understand and have no idea what these people are thinking. I am scared of having a child out of wedlock but do I stay away from sex? No, I don't. I still have sex with my BF. I chose to take the pill. Why did I make that choice? Because I do not want unwanted pregnancies. So only those people know why they made that choice and seriously, if you really want to understand then go ask them. You're probably not going to understand their answers too.

 

I've explained a little about my life to you.. I'm a pragmatic person. I try to have a back up plan, to be cautious and to make decisions based more on rational thought rather than emotion.

 

Plans.. back up plans.. they are just that - plans. Who knows what is going to happen in the future? We make plans but it doesn't really turn out the way we plan it - most of the time.

[nittygritty]

I'm not comfortable with speaking about certain intimate topics with people I don't know. I'm not avoiding it, it's just private.

 

I have no problems with other's talking about their intimate situations, but I'm not one to comment much on it.

 

I can understand that this seems like a cop out, but it's the truth, ...sorry?

 

 

I understand.

 

Your mother sure has done a great job with you. Did she quit her teaching job when she was raising you?

 

You have such strong views on the importance of women being at home with their kids. I just wondered, in this day and age, where this would come from?

[Anna Comnena]

 

no **** Sherlock. A woman does have a lot of responsibility. And it is her decision, and women often make bad decisions, just like men often make bad decisions. Usually the woman gets left holding the bag, though, so it gets driven home fairly soon that she should probably start looking out for herself. The problem is that people are people and people are generally not that smart when sex gets in the mix. You want to somehow convince everyone that it's a logical progression. Man A is not financially secure, Man B is financially secure, hmmmm I think I'll fall in love with man B.

 

If it was that easy, there wouldn't be any need for this stupid website, would there? People do not fall in love based upon logic. They fall in love for lots of reasons, but logic isn't usually very high on the list.

 

If you were a man (which you continue to claim you are not) then would you want a woman to fall in love with you because you were a financially secure man who could take care of her, or would you want her to fall in love with you because you were exciting and dynamic and a lovely person who she simply cannot keep her hands off? Well, I'd bet it would be the latter. Neither women nor men want to be chosen because they are the "safe" bet or the "financially secure" choice. They want to be chosen because their partner loves them.

 

Anyway, if you want people to look logically at what you are saying, you have some valid points. It is important for women (and men) to choose their partners wisely. It is important for women (and men) to consider the consequences of the actions. It is important for women (and men) to consider how good of a parent the person they are interested in will turn out to be. The problem is that your valid points are so intertwined with completely stupid ideas that it's difficult to weed out the good points.

 

First, you continuing spats about BC failure rates. I understand there are failure rates, but even those rates don't even begin to explain the many women running around with a ton of fatherless kids. 3 kids with 3 different fathers and you want to blame it on the birth control failure rate??

The facts are straight, a lot of those women don't use birth control.

 

Now your points about love. I do understand and I don't, and this is my issue. People need to realize that sometimes.. LOVE isn't enough.

Take Ted Bundy the mass murder.

No body knows exactly how many he killed, but there were over 30 confirmed deaths. While on death row, some woman married him and even had his child.

how is "but I love him" a rational answer to that women's thinking??

 

I NEVER said men aren't responsible for marrying healthy, responsible women.

 

---The following few statements are my general, but limited observations, so I'm not stating them as fact, but instead, based on my own experiences with people... But I do think, but I could be dead wrong, men are a little better about picking women than women are about picking men. --- You never hear about some man marrying some "nut case" on death row. (overstatement, but get my meaning) I do think men have less choices, because in general, women seemingly have more issues then men. Given a poll of my particular group of friends, the women are far more emotionally volatile and screwy then the men.

[Anna Comnena]

 

Plans.. back up plans.. they are just that - plans. Who knows what is going to happen in the future? We make plans but it doesn't really turn out the way we plan it - most of the time.

 

You're so very right. You can never seen into the future and nothing will be the perfect plan... but it's a far cry from making obviously bad decisions that drive yourself straight into the ground.

 

But you can better the probability and cover your a++ as best you can. Sort of like purchasing insurance... may not always cover you, might be worthless, but it's better than nothing.

 

And yes, the point of all these blogs were in a manner to ask those women "why.. what were you thinking"

[Woggle]

I really hate this idea that women do everything and men would be lost without a woman to take care of them. After my divorce I spent 2 years as a single man living alone and I always managed to feed myself, keep my house clean, and manage my life very well. Women seem to have this idea that without them doing everything the world will fall apart and that is just not the case. If women just learned to relax and realize the world will still stay in place if they took a moment for themselves they would be a whole lot happier.

[Anna Comnena]

I understand.

 

Your mother sure has done a great job with you. Did she quit her teaching job when she was raising you?

 

You have such strong views on the importance of women being at home with their kids. I just wondered, in this day and age, where this would come from?

 

I had a very bad childhood nitty. My need for security and drive for stability arises from what I went through as a child. Luckily, my father was always involved with my life and I couldn't imagine growing up in a home without one. I do realize that my strong relationship with my father, speak to him nearly daily as most women do with their mothers... and the utter lack of a relationship with my mother is likely a major reason why I relate to and understand men better than I understand women.

 

I love children, look forward to my own. My views of women taking care of their children stem from the misery I hear from the overly - stressed working mother. They were really views I formed until I hit my early 20s and began to see the destructive nature our family structure set up has become. Now, hey, if a wife is ok with her husband staying home, I don't have an issue about that, although, it may be more problematic then if a wife stayed home for other reasons I've stated before..

[nittygritty]

I had a very bad childhood nitty. My need for security and drive for stability arises from what I went through as a child. Luckily, my father was always involved with my life and I couldn't imagine growing up in a home without one. I do realize that my strong relationship with my father, speak to him nearly daily as most women do with their mothers... and the utter lack of a relationship with my mother is likely a major reason why I relate to and understand men better than I understand women.

 

I love children, look forward to my own. My views of women taking care of their children stem from the misery I hear from the overly - stressed working mother. They were really views I formed until I hit my early 20s and began to see the destructive nature our family structure set up has become. Now, hey, if a wife is ok with her husband staying home, I don't have an issue about that, although, it may be more problematic then if a wife stayed home for other reasons I've stated before..

 

I thought your mom was a teacher that had a lot of time off?

 

I'm sorry that you had a bad childhood. Don't let your bad relationship with your mom interfere with how you see things.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. You have just proven to all those who read it that its better to have one good responsible parent raising a child than it is to have one good and one bad irresponsible parent around.

 

Take Care