RoseyEM Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 So...I'd like some help. From whoever, whenever. Here's the deal. I've been cheated on in 4 major relationships in my life. I've only really had 6...including the one I'm in now. One was a constant lie for 2 1/2 years...to the point of telling me she loved me, while she was having sex with someone else. I'm scared. No doubt about that. My new girlfriend has never cheated on anyone. She tells me that she's in love with me and that will never change. Things are perfect when we're with each other. Here's the problem. Her best guy friend happens to be her ex boyfriend. They only dated for about 3 weeks, and she never slept with him or anything...but he's extremely in love with her. She continuously talks to him and/or hangs out with him even knowing how upset it makes me. Her defense is that I have nothing to worry about and that they've been friends for a long time....and if I keep it up, it will end up ruining us over something completely stupid. This guy hates me...because her and I are dating...she left him because she only saw him as a friend and is in love with me. He will send her messages, and "myspace" comments to make me upset, implying that something between them has happened while we dated...but she erases them, tells me its not true, and that he is trying to make me mad. She'll get mad at him for a few days...and bam. friends again. I already have a problem with paranoia...and this just doesn't make things better. I love her. I really do, and I don't want this to end because of me being completely stupid. But I'm not controlling either...I'm not going to tell her she can't hang out or talk with her guy friends...because I have tons of great friends that are girls. I trust her...things just don't settle always. Every little thing makes me suspicious. What should I do? Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I feel for you. The way you explained the situation seems like a disaster in the making. I mean, the guy is inlove with your girlfriend, he hates you (does that mean that you all don't hang out together? Does she include you to their plans?) and she spends time with him (one on one, I take it?) so yea, I can see why you'd be paranoid and suspicious. And, with your past, having other girlfriends cheat on you, trust IS an issue! Your girlfriend is aware of this and should be much more considerate and understanding... She is putting herself IN that situation where something could happen. Trust her, just don't trust him. If he does really want her, he'll be waiting till she's vunerable enough to take advantage of her. Also, she needs to start respecting you...I mean, she is inlove with YOU, she should be letting go of this guy. One cannot be 'friends' with someone who is inlove with them...It is unhealthy for him as he's just going to be waiting in the wings! Talk to her and let her know how serious this is upsetting you. Ask her how SHE would feel if you were close to another girl who was inlove with you, and hated her! My guess is, she would be jealous and upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseyEM Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Well...she doesn't really hang out with him just those two. Either her best friend...who is a really good, respectable friend of mine is around...or at least I'm in ear shot. There's been a couple of times when he's weaseled his way over to her friends and been like "come walk with me" or something. But she told me about it...so it wasn't really sneaky. I did tell her it upsets me, and she told me that I have nothing to worry about, and I need to stop worrying. I can tell its getting on her nerves. So I generally shut up about it. Even other people say it seems sketchy...but I've always taught myself to trust my own decisions. I don't trust him, but I trust her not to let anything ridiculous happen. But I still feel crazy scared. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Okay, then you need to just try your best to trust her. She says she isn't into him, they're just friends...Noone can control what he thinks or does, so that is out of your hands. I think that if you just 'act' like nothing is bothering you when he is around, ooozzzeee that confidence around him, he'll back off more. Make HIM feel uncomfortable, if you know what I mean. That aside, how is the rest of your relationship with her? Focus on the positives and maybe you two need to spend more one on one time together, without having the friends all around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseyEM Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Everything else is absolutely great. I guess I just let my past get the best of me sometimes? Thanks for all your advice. It is well appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 I too have had girls play me. My mistake was 1) Not being proactive (wanting to believe all ppl are good & honest). 2) Not reacting & running away when I KNEW something was going on, waiting for 1 year before confronting my ex. 3) Getting involved with females that are already involved. Don't go crazy over her having a friendship with an ex, it may just be an important relationship for her, but it also has the potential to explode. Keep a vigilant eye on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Everything else is absolutely great. I guess I just let my past get the best of me sometimes? Thanks for all your advice. It is well appreciated. Does your current GF know about your past relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 I too have had girls play me. My mistake was 1) Not being proactive (wanting to believe all ppl are good & honest). 2) Not reacting & running away when I KNEW something was going on, waiting for 1 year before confronting my ex. 3) Getting involved with females that are already involved. Don't go crazy over her having a friendship with an ex, it may just be an important relationship for her, but it also has the potential to explode. Keep a vigilant eye on the situation. You are in a tough spot brother. I agree with BG. Stay vigilant. Look for red flags and then act (ask) on them. Keep your self respect and you have a right to voice your feelings. It is in how she acts that will show the path you need to follow. And sometimes it is the road less traveled. Have you met him? If you two are so into each other, why would you not be included in "stuff" that they do? Link to post Share on other sites
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