Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 OK here goes again...my vents,my frustrations and why I live with this sometimes I ask myself!. My boyfriend and I have a joint cell phone account and we can go online and check it anytime we like.I went in to see how my bill was going and when looking at his I found he had been texting his EX wife.Now I have no problems with him contacting her as they have a child together however,she hates his guts and does not want him to see their daughter.I asked my boyfriend why he never told me he had been sending her text messages and he said to me he knew I would get angry....what a load of bull!he knows I want his daughter to be a part of his life. Last night when he walked in from work he still had the message to her on his phone so I looked at it and found he had said all this stuff like,I really loved you and blew it and we had a beautiful girl together.....things I was not expecting from him so I did at that point get angry and started thinking he wanted his ex wife back. I walked out and went to a friends to have some time out and to recollect my thoughts and while over there I phoned his ex.I wanted to know just what he was sending her and his intentions.She assured me she is not interested in him although told me that whenever he is in a relationship and things are not going right he text things like that to her. I then discussed with her the possibility of him seeing his daughter....she agreed then that he could BUT I would have to be there when he got her for the day as she does not feel he is responsible enough to take care of her on his own.Meanwhile she told me she did not wish to speak with him at all,that she would mediate through me. I came home to tell him two things...first one was,when he was feeling insecure about our relationship NOT to be texting his ex wife about the love he had for her,she does not want to hear it and does not want to speak with him and secondly...that he was able to see his girl...WHICH I THOUGHT WAS GREAT NEWS...well guess what?he yelled at me,accused me of sticking my beak in,told me that I am not married to him so I cannot tell him what he can text others...it got UGLY!.He seemed more worried about the fact his ex really did not want him messaging her those kind of things anymore then seeing his child. Now I am nothing but a trouble maker...how so?because I opened a door up for him and his child?I see that as a good thing.Is he MORE consumed by the fact his ex is sick of his text messages?Is he over this woman?or is he still emotionally connected to her and possibly still inlove with her?...you tell me.Either way I am confused and wondering whats going on and now this afternoon he is moving out...ALL BECAUSE HE THINKS I CAUSED TROUBLE.His ex called up last night and said on loud speaker...I dont want to speak to you but I would like you to see our child...he walked over and hung up the phone.You see,he did not believe me she said those things to me and he knows he is wrong but has turned this all around on me.Should I just help him pack his bags here?. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaNotLiza Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 You did all the right things in my oppinion. And I hate to say it, but I don't think this relationship is gonna work with him acting like that. I have no idea how long you two have been together, but I would already start looking into a plan B ... organize myself, slowly pack my bags, and go. He obviously doesn't want to talk it out with you and work it out. His loss! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Lisa,this is my place so it is him that has to go.It's like speaking to a brick wall...he gets his mind set on something and he wont alter it. I had two glasses of wine last night with my friend and when I got home he was yelling at me saying YOUR DRUNK!I told him I had two drinks and was far from being drunk....he just wanted to find whatever he could against me. This man is severely stubborn and somewhat narcistic!I am a peacemaker and am so calm at the best of times yet he seems to want to cause dramas. Do you think he still has a thing for his ex wife here?Due to his reaction I am thinking this now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 We have been living together for a year now. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaNotLiza Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Jee, he sure sounds like a winner From how you describe it, it definitely sounds like he's not over her at all. And that's really messed up. I'm not sure if you can make somebody turn the page like that if they're not willing to, but one thing's for sure, a relationship cannot work like that. I'd be curious to know why his past relationships ended. His ex told you he always gets back in touch with her when things get rocky; I'm suspecting it isn't the first time he's ruined a relationship over this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 he was cheating on his ex...yeah what a winner huh?I always believe everyone deserves a chance to try and change so I went into this relationship with an open mind.I knew his past was colourful and although he denies the cheating his ex wife assures me it happened.I know he is not cheating on me...he works long hours,has a check in and out card for work with his times on it and when he is not at work he is with me.I believe in that sense he has changed but this business with his ex is what bothers me.How can he tell me he loves me and is inlove with me if he still hasn't gotten over her? Link to post Share on other sites
StaringContest Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Should I just help him pack his bags here?. F*ck yeah, you should! I then discussed with her the possibility of him seeing his daughter....she agreed then that he could BUT I would have to be there when he got her for the day as she does not feel he is responsible enough to take care of her on his own.Huge red flag. His ex doesn't trust him to take care of his daughter, but she's willing to trust a stranger. Either she's manipulating you in some sick game the two of them have together or he's ridiculously irresponsible. Either way, not someone you want to be with. Anyway, he sounds a bit crazy. Good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 I want to add,they have been divorced for a year and a half and seperated a year before that so it has been two and a half years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 F*ck yeah, you should! Huge red flag. His ex doesn't trust him to take care of his daughter, but she's willing to trust a stranger. Either she's manipulating you in some sick game the two of them have together or he's ridiculously irresponsible. Either way, not someone you want to be with. Anyway, he sounds a bit crazy. Good riddance. He and I use to get her before but when he moved away to be with me his ex wife decided that she wanted him in her life more or not at all as it was too confusing for the child.We live 3 hours away and at that time due to his work commitments etc we were unable to go there as much as she wanted but that was then and things have changed. A screw loose you think?lol Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 The lady was married to him, and had a child with him. I'm guessing she has a pretty damn good idea what his character is. I then discussed with her the possibility of him seeing his daughter....she agreed then that he could BUT I would have to be there when he got her for the day as she does not feel he is responsible enough to take care of her on his own.Meanwhile she told me she did not wish to speak with him at all,that she would mediate through me. And THIS is what she thinks of him. I'd take her word on it - she knows who he is, and she knows he's not the kind of man a woman should be planning a long, happy future with. Have you seen any different? Do you have lots of reasons to believe that she's wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 At times Nora I do...he has a very loveable,kind and caring side then he has this side!The side I just cannot begin to understand. One cannot always listen and judge a person by what their ex says,I take people how I find them and how they treat me,each person is different.Many people have marriage breakups,marry again and it works fine,some don't....maybe he is one that just never will find peace in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 since his birthday two weeks ago it's almost like he has been trying to sabotage this relationship!I know he misses his daughter and his family really are messed up and didnt bother to call him on his day but this has been ongoing for the last two weeks yet now...NOW he knows I want out he is backing up and saying to me "is this what you want"....he will come in this afternoon after work and try and worm out of all this as usual but I am NOT going to take this anymore....it's time to take a stand and I will say...get a place of your own...GET THERAPY! Link to post Share on other sites
StaringContest Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 He and I use to get her before but when he moved away to be with me his ex wife decided that she wanted him in her life more or not at all as it was too confusing for the child.We live 3 hours away and at that time due to his work commitments etc we were unable to go there as much as she wanted but that was then and things have changed. Hmm. From the way you described his blow-up about you being a trouble-maker, I figured you'd never had much contact with his ex-wife or his kid, and you'd had to snoop to contact her. To me, that would be the only half-way reasonable excuse to get mad at you when you did him the HUGE favor of convincing his ex to let him see his kid. I don't even have kids, and I'd expect that a normal guy would be so ecstatic to be able to see his daughter again that anything else he was upset about would pale in comparison. Kinda makes me wonder about this character when that's not the case. A screw loose you think?lolFo' sho'. Link to post Share on other sites
StaringContest Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 it's time to take a stand and I will say...get a place of your own...GET THERAPY! Good plan. Kick some *ss!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Hmm. From the way you described his blow-up about you being a trouble-maker, I figured you'd never had much contact with his ex-wife or his kid, and you'd had to snoop to contact her. To me, that would be the only half-way reasonable excuse to get mad at you when you did him the HUGE favor of convincing his ex to let him see his kid. I don't even have kids, and I'd expect that a normal guy would be so ecstatic to be able to see his daughter again that anything else he was upset about would pale in comparison. Kinda makes me wonder about this character when that's not the case. Fo' sho'. AHHHH yeah well.I have kept in contact with his ex so my boyfriend could know how his daughter is going.I have done this for HIM!His ex even when I first met him would want to speak with me not him,I guess like myself at times she felt frustrated trying to reason with his illogical mind!.I respect her for being a MOther as I am to my own...mind you mine are 16 and 18 so thank God they are no longer small children huh?.MOST guys like you said would have been ecstatic but not this dumb a*$!!!.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussie65 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 I called him up today and gave him the ultimatim...get help OR get out..he chose the get out...was easier for him as he still wont admit he is wrong...thats life huh! Link to post Share on other sites
StaringContest Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Fu@K him! Well, not literally. You made the right choice. He would have started to bring you down. Link to post Share on other sites
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