someone2 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Hi, One of my best friends is clearly suffering from depression. We are very close friends, but now he lives in a different state. He is 26, male. He just sent me a horrifying email where he openly said he is very depressed, and said stuff like "I am pathetic"... "I feel better when I say I am a loser"... etc. This was a horrifying email, and it came out of nowhere. I am trying to make him feel better. Unfortunately, I can't fly to where he is right now, but I will definitely be flying in Christmas to him to try and make him better. For now, I am trying to get help on what to do. I don't know what to say 1. Is it good to say something like "I know how you feel, you must feel like life is worthless and everything is terrible and there is no hope"... etc. In other words, is it good to repeat to him what he feels? Or will it make him feel worse? 2. Is it good to say something like "Things can't be that bad. Probably there are some good things in your life"... etc. Will this actually make him feel better? Or will it make him think I don't understand him? 3. Is it good to suggest going out and having fun and just forgetting everything about life for sometime? I don't know if he will listen, or just ignore me? He has specific reasons for his depression. basically, lack of money and women. Can I offer to lend him money? Or even give him some? Will this make him feel better? I am really new to this. Any advices would be highly appreciated. Thanks a lot in advance Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hi, One of my best friends is clearly suffering from depression. We are very close friends, but now he lives in a different state. He is 26, male. He just sent me a horrifying email where he openly said he is very depressed, and said stuff like "I am pathetic"... "I feel better when I say I am a loser"... etc. This was a horrifying email, and it came out of nowhere. I am trying to make him feel better. Unfortunately, I can't fly to where he is right now, but I will definitely be flying in Christmas to him to try and make him better. You can't "make him better", as much as you want to help him, he needs to go to therapy and get on medication. You can be supportive, be a loving and caring friend, but you can't help him get over this...He also has to want to get better...Nothing worse than trying to help someone who isn't willing to get help. I'm not sure if he is in therapy or not, but suggest that he go talk to someone to help him cope with his depression. 1. Is it good to say something like "I know how you feel, you must feel like life is worthless and everything is terrible and there is no hope"... etc. In other words, is it good to repeat to him what he feels? Or will it make him feel worse? I don't know him so I don't know how he'd respond to that...I would though be more positive and just let him know that you care about him and hate to see him so down and out, in so much pain...Sympathize with him but don't enable his behaviour. When you do go see him, get him out of the house, even if it is just a walk around the block... 2. Is it good to say something like "Things can't be that bad. Probably there are some good things in your life"... etc. Will this actually make him feel better? Or will it make him think I don't understand him? No, that will just minimize his feelings..To him, things SUCK badly. It will make him feel worse. Again, be positive and TELL him what you like about him, and all his good qualities. All the family and friends he has, how much everyone cares about him. How much he's accomplished in his lifetime so far...Stuff like that. 3. Is it good to suggest going out and having fun and just forgetting everything about life for sometime? I don't know if he will listen, or just ignore me? Do some reading up on depression. Understand what it is and what it does to people who suffer from it. Now, is he functioning? I mean, does he work? Or is he bed ridden, isolating himself and not going out at all? If YES, then forget suggesting to him to go out and have fun...That won't happen. Last thing he'll want to do is be around alot of people. If he is just down and out, but still working, and able to function, then maybe the two of you going out to dinner, see a movie or shoot some pool together might be fun for him. He has specific reasons for his depression. basically, lack of money and women. Can I offer to lend him money? Or even give him some? Will this make him feel better? Okay, I should have read your whole thread instead of reading it in sections. Don't lend him money, unless it's a loan and to help pay afew bills (emergency situation). Bottomline, noone can diagnose him, so he needs to see his doctor if he is suffering from depression. Re-reading your post, it seems more like he's insecure and needs to build up his self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 The following is my personal opinion only, and everyones depression and reactions are different: The nicest things to say are "I'm really sorry you are going through this, and I am here for you." "Stop beating yourself up, give yourself some love" and "Theres always hope, every second brings a new chance".... I know how I would have felt with any of those first responses. 1) You dont understand 2) You bastar* (LOL) 3) They want me to be like my old self, I wish I still was This is just me though. Other people may respond differently. Link to post Share on other sites
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