problems, problems problems

[zingy]

i've had this cat for six years in august, and my fiancee for five years in july. about a few months or so ago i bought this packet food for my cats thinking it was like tender vittles, just soft stuff, and that they may like it for a treat now and then.

 

well it turned out to be like canned food only in a packet, and i got my one cat totally hooked on it now. she wont even touch her dry food hardly anymore and each morning she bellows until i finally feed her the soft stuff and each evening she does the same.

 

i have tried breaking her of this by just ignoring her but it's hard too cause she has a loud persistent yeow. well today my fiancee said that she was going to have to go if she didn't start shutting up and sooon!

 

i didn't say a word cause i knew he was mad about her constant yelling for food. i don't know what to do now, i am NOT getting rid of my cat for this reason even though it does annoy me too at times, other times it don't bother me.

 

the other thing is and i think i've brought this up before, but i'm still at a loss as to what to do. i think of leaving him for his own sake, it seems that i put him through so much turmoil and he can't hanlde pressure and takes it out on me and or my daughter.

 

my daughter recently got into an accident with my vehicle and it was totalled, and now has no way to work and nor do i.

so he has been taking her to work and i just ride along and get dropped off to.

 

well now he is pist about doing that too. he yells when she is late getting ready cause it puts him behind on his day.

i can understand that but he works for himself anyway and he can work at home, and most mornings he goes to the gym first anyway and runs errands and just does what he wants.

 

it seems to me that when we ask for his help, he takes his sweet ass time about it but when he wants something done you better jump or he will get mad and just do it himself cause he wants it done now!

 

when my daughter was in the accident i swear he drove slower then normal to the hosptial. then a couple days later we had to pick him up (the grandbaby) from daycare and take him to the hospital cause he had a temp of 102 and having trouble breathing.

 

he took his time in leaving his office by answering the phone again when it rang. he later said he knew nothing was wrong with the baby that is why he did not panic, unlike we did.

 

i don't know what to make of all this stuff. can someone give me an unbiased opinion on all this.

 

please understand that i do understand too that it is a lot of pressure on him too, but that he does not handle pressure very well to begin with.

 

today i offered to go pick her up with his car and he could borrow his brothers vehicle who is right next door to go to his appt. at ten.

 

he didn't want to do this either, instead he was just mad cause she did not answer the phone. i don't know why she is not answering the phone, and i am very worried about it.

 

he thinks she just don't want to work and i think something could be wrong. she does not ever blow off work like this so there has to be some logical explanation for it.

 

my other daughter is picking me up now to go out there, and mean while my heart hurts at his lack of caring and concern.

 

what to do?

[Patty]

We usually feed my cat Spooky "Science Diet" and the vet recommended not to feed him anything else cause he would become finicky and not eat anything else.So he gets the same meal everyday.If you start giving your kitty other foods you will notice thats how they become finiky and wont eat anything else.Thats what the vet recommendid for Spooky.Perhaps you could try that with your kitty.Its best to keep them with one certain brand.Its ok to reward your kitty once in awhile but doing it to much,they will become finicky.The only time we give Spooky tuna is when he has to take a pill.We put is pill in with the tuna cause it makes it easier for him to take his pill,plus at the same time he thinks hes getting a treat.Other then that we keep him on just one brand all the time of kitty food,to avoid him getting finicky.

 

Patty

[Tony T]

You guy has a number of maladaptive disorders mostly rooted in anger. He is moderately passive agressive and has a lot of suppressed anger as well.

 

I think there are many more things going on inside of him that only a therapist, upon interviewing him, could discover. There is simply no way of getting accurate information on his problems without a personal interview.

 

It's obvious that stress is something your guy simply can't handle...and life is all about stress. It's really too bad you got engaged to him before you found out what a butthead he can be. If you think it will get better after you marry him....boy are you in for a shock!!!

 

Right off the bat, he could use some good instruction in stress and anger management techniques. There is no rational reason for his harsh reactions to the events you describe.

 

As for the cat, I would simply put out what you want it to it...in a secluded place in the house and let it meow all it wants. Before it dies of starvation, it will eat the food you want it too. But you have to totally cut out the packaged food you don't want it to have. The change should take place gradually in no more than seven days.

[yes]

I want to stress the GRADUAL part of tony's advice for the cat. Letting her meow all she wants is not a good idea - just like you wouldn't do that to a baby. You can pick her up, pet her, play with her - just because you're insisting she eat a particular kind of food doesn't mean she's punished or anything.

 

I have two cats and lemme tell you - their nervous system is pretty sensitive, you don't want to damage it.

 

-yes

[zingy]

this morning when i was trying to come to some simple solution with him about picking up my daughter for work, i had even offered to go get her myself so he wouldnt have to do so, he just got mad about it and i asked him what happened to that calm, nice guy i was with yesterday and he said he was getting nit picked to death and asked a thousand and one questions.

 

i told him "fxck you" something i have hardly ever rarely if ever even said to him!!! i was just at the end of my rope with this about this on-going issue.

 

he is the only one that i/we can depend on right now for transportation and what is she/i suppose to do? so we found her this a.m. at 7-11 calling me and wondering why we did not pick her up for work.

 

i told her why we did not come because we could not get ahold of her to get her and he did not want to go all the way there to get her only to find her dragging her ass out of bed and making us late too.

 

his words not mine, and that has not happened as of yet so he was just assuming that is why she did not answer the phone.

me being her mother was worried and scared that maybe something was wrong.

 

so now she quit her job cause she is so tired of having to put up with him as well and his accusations of why she didn't answer the phone. she simply lost her cell phone, maybe the baby got ahold of it? anyway he always just assumes the worst of her and i hate it ieven if at times i may agree in my own heart i never speak those words to him.

 

so this drama keeps unfolding now, and i am feeling such stress in my stomach that i don't know what to do either. as for the cat, i would never let her starve to death, and she will eat some dry food, but first she has to hollow for hours on end before she gives in and goes and lays down.

 

she does not like to be held so i can only pet her, so i try that and i keep putting her at the dry food dish so she knows it is there.

 

right now i guess that is the least of my worries. i know my daughter can get her job back if she wants it back, but maybe until i can get the insurance money to buy another cheapo vehicle she can just take some time off work instead.

 

he says it is not our responsibility to get her each day for work and no one ever said it was, but he knows damm well that she has no one else to depend on so what is she suppose to do?

 

am i wrong in assuming that he should help her? i know he don't have to but wouldn't make sense if he cared that he would want to help her out some? or has "some" come and gone?

 

i just don't know where the line should be drawn on this. i do have a headache though and am going to take some advil now. and thanks to everybody for your kind responses and your help.

[HokeyReligions]

am i wrong in assuming that he should help her? i know he don't have to but wouldn't make sense if he cared that he would want to help her out some? or has "some" come and gone?

 

As far as I remember in your posts, your BF has never made a formal commitment to you, or to your family. So, I would have to say "yes" you are wrong to assume that he should help her. Just because he does not help, or complains about helping, does not mean he does NOT care.

 

To assume or expect him to act and react to take care of you and your daughter can get old - not matter what the circumstances, and now you are asking him to inconvenience/intrude on his brother and use his brother's car. That can push things too far.

 

How would you handle all of this if he were not around? Try to figure that out and ease the burden on him. It's nice to be depended upon sometimes, but not total dependence.

 

As for the cat, just do the best you can and don't give the cat up. The stress of the other situation is magnifying the problem with the cat. If the cat does start meowing when he's around, take the cat somewhere else and do what you can to quiet it, and show your BF you respect him in that way.

[ZiNGY]

I GUESS the point i was trying to make is that there is no one else she can ask nor that i can ask either.

to take the baby to day care first which is clear across town on a bus but only 20 mns away in a car is alot to have to do twice a day especially with a two year old.

 

i don't expect him to do anything, i guess if it were me, i am so much more easy going and just go with the flow but every little thing seems to stress him out, and at times i wonder if he just isn't looking for excuses to fight about something.

 

at this point, i just don't know. as for his brother, his brother is very easy going and would not mind one bit to let his brother use his truck as it is just sitting there all day anyway because he is working too.

 

if his brother did need his truck instead he would say so, and that would be no problem.

 

i realzie that none of this is his responsibility but i feel he is being a total jerk about alot of it then the next minute he is fine with everything.

 

most confusing is the up and down and back and forth crap that he puts me through with the moods of his.

[Just A Girl2]

About your cat, truth be told, canned food is actually better for a cat than constant dry food. Dry food hardly contains enough quality meat in it, and cats are carnivores. Canned or soft food also contains a LOT more water, which is much better for a cat, for their skin/coat, urinary tract, kidneys, etc. I had a cat with kidney failure, and currently have one who was recently diagnosed with diabetes. I believe that years of not knowing any better, and feeding only dry (used to feed Science Diet, too) attributed greatly. Just leave some of the Science Diet out each day...cuz most cats are nibblers. And give some of the soft stuff daily, where's the harm in that? I know here, you can get that stuff cheaply at Walmart (was just there tonight on the way home from work, you can get canned food and the soft stuff in the pouches (Whiskas) SOOO much cheaper there. So go stock up on it and tell your b/f to stick a sock in it. Make sure, too, that you leave a good sized bowl of fresh water out each day, too. (make sure to wash the bowl frequently cuz it can get kind of slimey inside if it's not washed..and make sure to use a glass or stainless steel or ceramic bowl, versus plastic..that goes for feeding, too...cuz plastic bowls can harbor bacteria, which can lead to feline acne and such).

 

Maybe your boyfriend figures that your daughter is an adult and should be living on her own and taking care of herself. Isn't she like 22 or something? I'm guessing he never had children of his own...and maybe he's just not one for children or having to have the added responsibilities....which include having to drive around an adult, you know? He likely feels she was irresponsible for having totalled your car, and that she should have to tough it out to learn her lesson (I'm assuming it was her fault, the accident?). Does insurance cover your car at all? Can't she save up and buy her own car?

[ZINGY]

JUST A GIRL.

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THOUGHT YOU PUT INTO YOUR POST.

I REALLY HAVE no problem at all feeding my cat the canned stuff.

actually it is the whiska's packets that she is hooked on. the only reason he bellows about it is because she is constantly meowing to be fed in the morning before we hardly have our eyes open.

 

some mornings he just goes off and others mornings he goes and feeds her. i try to always get up and feed her before she can make too big of a fuss.

 

as for my daughter and the accident, well she was traveling down the highway in the far left lane, and some other girl in the far right lane, had to swerve to the right because some suv was coming into her lane and forcing her into the other lane.

 

then she swerved back to the left and over corrected and lost control and did a u-turn across all three lanes and hit my daughter head on!

 

luckily neither her nor my grand son was seriously hurt nor was anybody else.

my insurance is giving me only $2000.00 for my twuck, snif. but i will get that tomorrow and my b'f says a friend of his is selling her car for trade in value and he might loan her the money just so we can all get back on track with our lives!!!

 

God willng anyway!

[i forgot]

i was on here a while ago about my daughter that was in an accident with my vehiclek (not her fault) and my vehicle was totaled and i received only $2000.00 for a replacement vehicle.

 

well i have come to realize how different our lives were since day one and the problems it seems to be causing.

 

my b'f is the oldest of three boys and i am the youngest of seven boys/girls.

 

he grew up with both mom and dad that both worked and he graduated high school then went to college barely having to study for good grades and always suceeding in anything that he puts his mind to.

 

i on the other hand grew up with mainly my three other sisters since the others were older then me and out of the house by the time i knew them even.

 

my mom worked odd jobs here and there and had very little schooling, my dad was no one that i ever knew, not even a name but there were a few boyfriends of hers around here and there.

 

by the time i was eleven or so i was running away from home and just not a happy camper at all.

 

i was drinking and using drugs by the time i was 13 and pregnant at 16 and two kids at 18.

 

he on the other hand never married, no kids, no problems, but he did get involved with cocaine for about ten years and drank an awful lot as well.

 

he overcame all that though and he says it make him a stronger person who does not want to live pay check to pay check so he is deeply driven.

 

i agaain on the other hand had no motivation to even finish high school but did my ged when i was about thirty two years old or so.

 

since then i have not accomplished anything in my life. i have taken some computer classes but they are now obsolete, i did nurses aide training and permanently injured my back so i cant do that kind of work anymore.

 

so i do retail now and i am fine with it. so my problem is that i have no car as of yet but he did buy a second car for backup and he paid for a week car rental to help us out and to reduce the stress that was going on between us with only one vehicle.

 

so when he bought this new car his mom had a fit because she thinks he bought it for my daughter to use because he is letting her use it possibly with the agreement she pays the insurance and he will use it as a tax write off for a company car.

 

so now it is like they are both mad at me for all this mess, and i feel more impending doom around his mom, whom i love dearly and fondly call (mommy).

 

now i've heard them both are saying things that they (my daughter and me) don't get anymore handouts and we are not being responsible for our own selves.

 

i am shocked to hear this from his mom, he (b/f) says the daughter needs to be more responsible and take care of herself, which i agree but how do you think one gets aound living miles away from a day care and take a bus?

 

yes she is going to look closer to work now for a day care but that still does not eliminate the whole problem.

 

i don't know what to say, i'm just deeply frustrated and very hurt that they are thinking this way about us.

 

they act as if they are so perfect and without fault and they don't remember where they came from only what they have acomplished while we go on being irresponsible and dependent on them.

 

i don't feel that way at all. and neither does my daughter, we never ask them for anything!

 

it was his sole idea to buy this extra car and to do the rental car for me.

 

i am deeply appreciative about it as well, don't get me wrong on that please, but it seems the price i had to pay for all this is that now i am being looked down upon from him and his mom.

 

his whole family is successful business wise but does not mean they are bette then us?

 

i swear i am oh so close to leaving this "perfect" family who can only see the flaws of my daughter and myself and look down their noses at us.

 

i don't think we deserve this, even if for some reason they were right about us, it still does not mean we deserve to be treated like crap and talked about by them does it?

 

he does not do it that much, but he does agree with his mom.

anyone gone through family drama like this and how does one deal with it?

 

i'm embarassed about the whole thing now in front of his mom.

and another thing is that when i've been out looking at vehicles and i tell him about them he has something to say about everything.

 

then i ask him to come with me please for his input and he dn't have the time, so what ever i get then that is it and if he don't like it then i don't really care cause he does not want to car shop with me so i am doing this on my own.

 

he tells me to drive them first and then if i like them he will too but then he don't have the time so i am at a loss, scared to buy anything now and needing something desperately at the same time!