She dumped me saying that she didn't love me anymore: possibility of winning her back

[michiganmale27]

Here is my dilemma. I have dated a girl for the past almost year and a half. On many occaisions, we have talked about marriage, the future, buying a house kids etc... Back in Februaray, she dumped me saying that she didn't love me anymore.

 

Well after some discussion, via email, and calling her about a day after the fact. I was able to reconcile with her. Everything seemed great, almost better, than it was before.

 

All of the sudden, with the past week and a half she started to seem to become distant towards me. Finally, after finally getting her on the phone Friday she said it was over and that she didn't love me again.

 

I tried to email her, call her, one of her friends was going to try to talk to her. She finally replied, via email, saying to stop calling.

 

She told me the last time that she didn't love me anymore and dumped me under very similar circumstances that I had no idea why it happened.

 

I know to not contact her, but the question is what possibility would there be of winning her back? This women is my soul-mate, I thought she was mine as she said it on MANY different times.

 

Thanks for any input

[Tony T]

1. "I know to not contact her, but the question is what possibility would there be of winning her back?"

 

Yes, about as much possibility as me winning the Florida lotter jackpot on Wednesday. Forget it! She has dropped you twice and told you to get LOST. Show both of you some respect and get on your way.

 

2. "This women is my soul-mate, I thought she was mine as she said it on MANY different times."

 

People change their minds. People are run on chemistry and that chemistry is subject to change. She may have loved you at one time...she may have some love for you now...but she's not committed to you in any way and she doesn't want you in her life. That's OK. She's entitled to her feelings and you must respect them.

 

Now, get over her and go find a lady who does want you in her life. The more you make attempts to get this lady back, the more of an annoyance you will become and the more she will want you to disappear. If there's even a morsel of a chance she'll have you back so she can dump you a third, fourth and fifth time, it will diminish every time you seek her out, send messages, etc.

 

By the way, this woman is NOT your soul-mate.

[michiganmale27]

I've read several of your postings, and have agreed with all of them. It is really nice to have an independant, outside, appraisal of the situation. I do admit I am heartbroken about this now, but I'm going to have to let time take over here.

 

Thanks man

[JAKE94952002]

Saying and doing are two different things. I am in the same situation but it was for four years. To boot, it was along distance relationship while she went to grad school the other side of the country. I was engaged to this lady. I agree that people do change and she changed about how she felt towards me. The long distance relationship did not help matters. She broke up with me over the phone.I did call her back and e-mail her. It did no good. She agreed to meet with me for breakfast before she went back to school for some sort of closure. It did no good to talk to her about it. We had a wedding date and many, many memories to just let her go. I am in my 30's and seen people come and go without caring. She was my "greatest" love of my life. I always kept my physical distance. I did contact her only a few times. I wish that I had the strength not to care. and not call her back to reconcile. I am writing this to confirm your instincts not to call her. My relationship was alot more involved that yours, not less important. I am also writing this to help me to move on.

Take care.

[Pateastcoast]

I as well am on the same boat. We had been going out for 5 years now and just last week she broke it off. We also had the long distance relationship I was working up here while she went to school to get her Masters and now PHD. This isn't easy and I don't want to let go but from what you all have said it just might be best. It just doesn't feel right in my heart.

[Arcane]

I guess I'm in a similar position as well. My ex of 3 years left me back in January. I went out of town for two weeks with no contact. When I got back she decided she wanted to try again, but the next day she told me she had slept with someone else we both worked with while I was gone. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy, and my reaction caused her not to want to be in the relationship anymore. After that point we remained in contact. We tried "casually dating" for a couple months, which now that I look back on it was just a cover for her not wanting to just out and out dump me again. We're still in constant contact now, trying to remain friends, but it's incredibly difficult. I miss her more than ever and would do anything to get her back. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that's going to happen, and she's stated in no uncertain terms that she is no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with me. The others are right though. Break off contact. If she has a chance to miss you, she may realize that she does actually want to be with you. If you bug the crap out of her writing pathetic letters and begging her to take you back, you're just going to look like a wuss and a loser and kill any sort of attraction she may have ever had for you. The more you bother her, the more she's going to want you out of her life. I wish I had gone that route myself because I'm afraid I've ruined any chance of anything more than a friendship beyond repair.

[Oxydol]

"Winning" people back is almost always a lost cause. Don't beat your head against a brick wall.

 

I always find myself asking people who have been thrown away...why would you want to be with the one who considers you disposable?

[bossman]

I go on this site looking for info and find this topic.. and i couldnt help but reply. I was in a relationship for about 2 years.. ive had good relationships in the past but this one was different.. so different in fact that i did the wrong things to not get hurt.. i knwo i was falling for her more than anyone..(even somehow bought a ring) but thought if i asked shed say no.. i knew i was truly in love with her and not in lust like all the others..anyway long story short our attitudes seemed to make the relationship harder and harder. so instead of asking her to marry me i asked her if she wanted to take a break.. she agreed.. i didnt even want that but we never tried to work things out. we were both just like that.. anyway i talked to her through email usually a few times a month and we always seeemd glad to hear from each other.. eventually somehting happened in me and i changed.. i realized how much she meant and that i truly loved her more than anyone in my life.. and made the mistake of telling her that.. but i did it the bad way.. i emaild her and let it all fly.. if i didnt hear back i wrote again and again and again making it worse and worse.

the thing is its easier said than done.. if you have somebody who you believe is your one and only its pretty hard to walk away and look for another one and only.. its a contradiction becasue she was the one and only..

but i guess its easier to look at it like this... even though its not somehting youd do becasue your made weak and insecure... but in my case the more she didnt write the more i missed her.. the more i would think what shes doing, if shes seeing anyone. and it made me write more..she gave me nothing but a chance to miss her.. i gave her nothing but for her to never miss me.. she doesnt miss me because im always there in her face sending emails. and i miss her more.

so the best thing to do to actually get her back without trying to lose feelings you know are strong is to play the game.. do what she does.. let her miss you.. make her think you dont care about her because thats whats she doing to you by not wantin g you back and it makes you miss her more, i know its harder to do.. i even havent learned to take my own advice but its the only actual way to see if she really does care.. if she was able to change her mind and not love you, whats to say she cant change it again? in my experience you have to truly lose someone before you can see how much they really mean. (sorry this was so long man)

but i hope all works out for you, as i do myown situation..

[parishcuteguy]

I've dated this girl for six months and everything was going great we both were in love with each other I let peolpe get in my head and they thought Iwas whipped and a bitch. So i got so tired of that abuse I broke up with her and didn't want to break up with her. Then I lied to her about the situationwhere I called from and everything. now she can't trust me and I only got 1/4 of a chance of getting back together with her. I don't want to lie any more I want to get back togther so I can do it right this time. Tell me what should I do?

[parishcuteguy]

I've dated this girl for six months and everything was going great we both were in love with each other I let peolpe get in my head and they thought Iwas whipped and a bitch. So i got so tired of that abuse I broke up with her and didn't want to break up with her. Then I lied to her about the situationwhere I called from and everything. now she can't trust me and I only got 1/4 of a chance of getting back together with her. I don't want to lie any more I want to get back togther so I can do it right this time. Tell me what should I do?

[Oxydol]

You broke up with someone whom you love because others told you were "whipped and a bitch"? The first thing you need to do is to find a backbone and some testicles. Why was it that what others thought was more important to you than your love for this girl??

 

The only other thing you can do is to confess everything to the object of your affection, beg her forgiveness, and try to do right by her in future. Hopefully, she will forgive your immature and injudicious behaviour and give you another chance.

 

I wish you luck and happiness.