Finally, Finally, Finally Done (I hope)

[the_otherhalf]

I've given up even bothering to look at the "breaking up" or "second chance" threads. Who am I kidding? It's been way too long for either of those.

 

After he broke off our four-year relationship last March, he decided that he still wanted a friendship. I couldn't imagine never talking to him again, so I went with it. We've only "hung out" two times since March, and the last time we didn't talk about the relationship at all (which actually really sucked, because that's all I really cared to discuss with him ).

 

But I'm starting to realize that I haven't healed enough to forge a friendship with him. I can't stand the fact that I still analyze his e-mails maybe for some figment of hope that he'll come back. I can't stand the recurring dreams about him. I can't stand that twinge of desire that I feel every time I see him. I can't stand how frequently I want to look at his Facebook, just to hurt myself by seeing how well he's doing with his new girlfriend and new life. I feel so pathetic because it's been so long, and I feel like I'm not moving or progressing at all.

 

Of course, I don't want to put an end to things, but it's obvious that that's what has to be done. I can't be held back anymore, by him or by myself.

 

God, how I hope I stick to this.

 

I really think that a change of scenery would do me good, but I think to be effective that change would have to be permanent. And unfortunately, I am a college student, and that won't be an option for at least 2-3 more years.

 

I don't know how much longer I can take running into him and having him come to the same club and group meetings that I do though...

 

I can't talk to my friends about him anymore because they don't get it, and after this much time (and at my age), I can't expect them to get it. This is my only outlet about him. I'm usually silent because I don't feel like I should be talking about him anymore, but sometimes I just can't help it.

[18T]

I trully feel your paint and I understand what you are going through.

 

So what is your decision now? Are you going to see and wait for him or are you just going to forget him and move on with your life?