ria305 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hey all! Here is my dilemma...I snooped inside my boyfriends nightstand a couple of weeks ago while he was in the bathroom and found a box of condoms (a box of 12 or 36 i am not sure). I didn't see any actual condoms, just the box which was kind of opened, just seemed thrown in there with a bunch of other crap. We have been together for about 9 months, and we have never used condoms. Before we became a couple he was single for about 2 years. I do recall he had condoms when we first started dating because we were going to use one the first time we had sex but obviously didn't. Just this past weekend as I helped him move into a new apartment I took the opportunity to look in his nightstand again and the box was gone. I have been lied to and cheated on in the past, and I am paranoid about it happening again, that’s why I searched in his nightstand, I am very cautious about everything, and I look for every little sign to find out if he is cheating. About the condom situation, I am not sure if I have actual grounds to be suspicious or can it be a misunderstanding. My boyfriend knows what I have been through, and he knows I can get suspicious at times. He has told me in the past that I see every little thing that's out of place as a red flag. Of course, he doesn’t know I searched his nightstand. I don’t know what to do. The sad part is that he is the best guy I’ve had; he has been good to me. He’s done nothing but welcome me into his life. I have met his co-workers, family and friends. We have gone on trips together, he cares about my feelings, and has been honest with me so far, even about stuff that most guys would lie about (like communicating with exes). I am so paranoid, that it’s gotten to the point where I think about breaking up with him. I really love this guy, but I am really confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Some condoms have a 5 year expiration date .. so the fact they were in his nightstand really doesn't mean anything solid as they could have been in there since before you both started dating. It sounds to me that they were just left over from before he met you.. Why not ask him ?.. Hey what happened to the box of condoms that were in your nightstand ?.. gauge his reaction Link to post Share on other sites
Author ria305 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 If I did, I would admit to snooping. He's been it that apartment for like 4 years and that nightstand is really old too, he's had it forever. He actually got a new one for his new place. I just think that is weird that the box is gone. I have thought that maybe since he knew I was going to help him move, and he knows that I see red flags in everything he may have gotten rid of them before the move so I wouldn't run into them and get mad. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Then let it go. Is there anything that he does that makes you wonder if he's cheating on you? How does he treat you? Is he loving, and caring? Please you in bed? I know it's hard to let go of past hurts, especially if trust is an issue, but you need to try your best to rationalize what's what and not bring your past into the present and into your relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Carefully unpackage each condom and sprinkle some cayenne pepper into each one and seal it back up. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 I didn't see any actual condoms, just the box which was kind of opened, just seemed thrown in there with a bunch of other crap. Just this past weekend as I helped him move into a new apartment I took the opportunity to look in his nightstand again and the box was gone. Uh, maybe it was an old box, or an old, empty box - and he threw it out when he moved. People throw out all kinds of stuff when they move. Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 asking him really won't gain her anything. if he's not innocent, he can just lie and she has no way of knowing or proving he's lying. And will just give him more reason to be more careful about not getting caught. If he's innocent, he could still seem nervouse by the question, as if he were guilty, b/c he knows she has a suspicious nature. So she still cannot tell if he's being truthful or not. At the same she will have insulted him for no gain. was other stuff thrown out too? is it a messy draw with lots of old stuff in it? Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Congrats!!! Another needless obsession and emotional sabotage that never needed to happen. Brought to you by... snooping. Have fun! My only advice is either ask him or accept the consequences of snooping. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 - Relationship going great - Woman snoops - Woman gets paranoid and cautious - Man picks up on vibe, feels pushed away - Woman gets more paranoid and distant, relationship falls apart - Man cheats - Woman says "Aha! I knew you were cheating!" Self fulfilled prophecy... would any of this have happened if you hadn't snooped? Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 - Relationship going great - Woman snoops - Woman gets paranoid and cautious - Man picks up on vibe, feels pushed away - Woman gets more paranoid and distant, relationship falls apart - Man cheats - Woman says "Aha! I knew you were cheating!" Self fulfilled prophecy... would any of this have happened if you hadn't snooped? I don't believe you just quipped matter-of-factly that if her bf chose to cheat, SHE would be the one responsible. I'm not saying there is no valor to the suggestion that one should not snoop on their SO, but I will say that I know PLENTY of women who were trusting, and respectful and unquestioning to their later-revealed cheating men. (not saying that it doesn't happened to me too of course.) Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 I will say that I know PLENTY of women who were trusting, and respectful and unquestioning There's a difference between being aware and observant and snooping through someone's things. The former is healthy, the latter is destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
my_life Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 - Relationship going great - Woman snoops - Woman gets paranoid and cautious - Man picks up on vibe, feels pushed away - Woman gets more paranoid and distant, relationship falls apart - Man cheats - Woman says "Aha! I knew you were cheating!" Self fulfilled prophecy... would any of this have happened if you hadn't snooped? WOW!! This is hit home for me! I think I am doing this RIGHT NOW!! Thanks for the wake up:) Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 So what if you looked and found it. It is not even a red flag. OMG STOP THE MADNESS! Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 He has told me in the past that I see every little thing that's out of place as a red flag. like what, then? this obviously isn't the first time this has come up. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaRat Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 I found a little hidden stash of condoms and some pornographic material in my partners spare backpack one day when he asked me to grab it out for him. No harm done, He didn't even remember them being there. I highly doubt he has reason to cheat anyway - I figure he'd tell me before it ever came to that. It comes down to trust. If you want to think he's cheating, you'll find "evidence" to back it up. If he really was cheating, there would be more to it than condoms, the relationship would change - the feelings, friendship etc. If I'm wrong though, and he is cheating... at least he's using protection! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 It's obvious to me that since he didn't need them anymore- since you guys don't use them- he threw them away when packing to move!! Nothing to worry about IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 I'm more concerned that you never and aren't using condoms! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts