ixnay22 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hi everyone...I pretty much just found this forum and it seems to be what I was looking for, people are writing their situations and asking questions and I've really wanted to explain mine somewhere, even if it doesnt get read or replied to... This is my current situation: I met my girlfriend last September when my new course began, she was the random roommate of a previous coursemate, she's extremely shy and we did nothing other than idly text each other for months, though through that, learned an awful lot about each other. Towards Christmas time feelings were revealed and at the end of January we became a couple, no one makes me happier. We're both currently 20... We fell in love, you can say we're too young to know what that is if you want and heck I won't blame you, its your opinion, but its how we feel, we spent so much time together, enjoyed one another, talked about everything and nothing and stayed at one anothers places almost every night, we've never had sex*, she doesn't feel ready and I respect that and never questioned it, we just love the comfort and closeness of sleeping with each other. She hated her college course and dropped out in January sometime, worked for the remainder of the year till summer since her accommodation was paid up till then, when summer came we were apart, she lives about 4.5 hours away by bus and her familys house isnt equipped for any extra people really. She travelled for a month in mainland Europe with her sister and it was hard...really hard...when she came back she spent two weeks at my familys place and then I spent 3 weeks travelling in the exact same fashion (we had both already pre-planned these trips before we got together and couldnt back out). During her 2 weeks at my place she had to decide where to start a new course...she'd hated being in college in the city where we were for reasons not including me and didnt like being so far from home (college is 1.5 hours bus from home for me and was 4.5 for her though both lived in the city last year), there was drama, I wanted her to be with me, so did she, but also wanted to be near her sister (twins), and family, and not in the city she didn't like. At one point the online application got stuck after multiple course changes by her on the closing date and it was thought she was going to be going to college in the same city as me...there was hysterics, she revealed how much she'd hated that city and the other people there...tears...the whole lot, eventually we discovered the choice was still changeable and the city near her home was chosen. I went along with this because it hurt so much to see her how she was before when she thought it would be the other city... To jump to the present, she's currently in a college thats 4.5 hours bus away, we both arranged our part-time work so we have weekends free and plan to spend almost each one together, alternating each week to be fair on travel. I even managed to procure a bunch of 50% off bus fare vouchers so we ride half price till new years which helps... Can we continue this way though? We do text, and call (she has free calls to me through some plan with her phone company), and visit, but the point is, her course is 4 years, I have 3 more to go on mine as I'm only in second year, so aside from possibly living together in the summers, we're going to only see each other weekends for what is (potentially), 3 more years. (I don't mean to detract from anyone in a LDR who doesnt see their partner for months at a time but this is truly hard for me, every weekend so far has been a joyful hello and a painfully tearful goodbye, it really does hurt us both for it to be this way.) There's more I meant to write but I've lost my train of thought as its late, sorry. Will this work though? Can it work? Its a long time...will I eventually resent her for choosing another city when she had the option to choose mine? I know she loves me and I love her but still...theres almost identical courses here, it was more about the people and proximity to home...and to her sister and I know twins have this thing...though to be honest her sister treats her like crap a lot of the time. She loves her anyway though, of course. I probably should have used a more anonymous username but to be honest if she ever did come across this post she'd know it was me regardless of the name. I can't think of the rest of what I was going to say at the moment so I'll just stop here...sorry if its overly large or descriptive but I just felt I needed that much detail to illustrate the situation fully. If you do read all of this, thanks for listening. If you offer some advice, thanks even more, I really appreciate it. Thanks. * If you're wondering why I included this odd detail, I was trying to let people know that we're not hanging on to each other as a result of having sex young or something like that and becoming highly attached for that reason. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 She lives in Boston, you live in NY, no? I'm in the same situation with my bf and one of us has to take the bus ride each weekend. Who knows, maybe we've even seen each other in transit! (I apologize if you're talking about two different cities, and I'm jumping to conclusions.) Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Can it work? Why not. I was invited to this forum but also belong to another similar romance forum. Do you know how many people meet on line and never physically "meet" for years? That was me. And when we "met" we were ready to go off to the church.(it was that GREAT!) Our meeting was one that that we will always consider as our honeymoon. But with our own "complications" we had to wait it out a little longer. You have to find ways to be inventive and entertaining. Think of new ways to rekindle your romance. This way the love... that first feeling will never die. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixnay22 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 @shadowplay: We're actually in two different cities in Ireland @Zona76: That sounds so great that you were ready to be married when you met! Thanks for the reply, reassurance is very helpful I'll keep what you said in mind! Link to post Share on other sites
marty Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 have been in an LDR with my last partner,, all i can tell you is, it will last aslong as BOTH of you wants it to last. you may well finish your courses and get together full time. who's to say it wont happen. as long as both of you are on the same page and heading in the same direction there's nothing to stop you. just try and be as honest as you can with each other. if one or the other is feeling different about it all , for whatever reason, you must be upfront early about it. if you dont try, you'll never know. Go for it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixnay22 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Sooshaboo Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Hi, 4.5 hours drive in Ireland, thats like different parts of the country. id say it can work out as someone said here if ur heading for the same page. but... if she wasnt ready for sex a year after, when are u going to get the chance now? i mean u wont be spending much time together so she will never get enough time to relax and feel at ease if you know what i mean... without that kind of intimacy it sounds to me more like she is keeping u as a friend, am not trying to hurt your feelings or anything like that. i know someone who didnt want to have sex with her bf for a year (they were each others first) she put everything first before her bf, and just seemed like she was keeping him like a friend with benefits - not talking about sex here she didnt like it with him, she liked benefits of someone who could give her a lift, take care of her, give her presents. she was very shy and not outgoing so for her it was a case of having a really good friend, she never admitted that to her bf though, so was extremely unfair on him i think. anyways, so before u turn bitter in couple of years time, see whether she actually wants u more than just friend who she can sleep in one bed with, who cares about her and treats her well. cause yo u are young, you will want your share of fun and thats about the right time to do it. take care, shoosh Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixnay22 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 You may be right of course, anythings possible, but I don't know, it doesn't feel like she's keeping me as a close friend. In any case, the sex part doesn't really bother me (shocker!) for some reason, I'm happy to wait till she's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
MissD213 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 i've been with my boyfriend since i was 16. i'm 21 now he is 23. he went to a 1yr tech school out here and my friend worked there which is how we were introduced. for the past 3 1/2 years we've been driving back n fourth 2 hours one way to see eachother. we both work full time and im still in school so it is pretty tough, and i admit i HATE it and at times get really mad about it BUT if you both want it to work, it can. we've def had our bad times but we absolutely love eachother. u can do it Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixnay22 Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 Awww thanks Thats so nice! Link to post Share on other sites
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