JhnZ71 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hi, I am 19 and I cannot talk to girls. Girls that are just friends I can chat away for hours with, but girls that I like I get so da*n nervous in front of that I can barely hold a convo, even if I know they dont like me. I dont know what to do anymore, I am about ready to just give up. What do I do? I am so shy that sometimes I cant even say hi to girls that I know. I am really lost. Please help Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Are you in school? If so, I'd suggest visiting counseling or psychological services. You likely feel particularly anxious in "romantic" situations. Plowing through them -- i.e. forcing yourself to take risks and change your behaviors -- is one thing you can try, but it is important to be able to cognitively handle how you think about yourself, the situation, and the outcome. If you are not in school, FLIRT with EVERYONE. Make small talk as often as possible. The girl at the coffee cart. The person behind you in the checkout line. The cashier. Go to a mall, enter a store where female clerks will help you, and ask them to help you with different things. If you are looking at a jacket, ask them if they could help you find a shirt that would go well with it. Seriously, make them take you (or rather, you lead them) from one part of the store to the next. Next, take risks with GUYS. Are you at all uncomfortable asking a guy to hang out as a friend? To go do something you want to do? Take the risk with a dude. I used to struggle severely with women, but then I realized, it wasn't easy for me to say "I want to go to this concert or movie, you down?" to some of my best guy friends, particularly on the phone. Call them up and invite them someplace. You will be rejected. You will deal with it. Once you don't hesitate to call a guy, it will be easier to call women. Finally, find a role model. Find a guy you think is good with women (someone you are already friends with). Admit to him "you know, I lack confidence with women. How do you do it?" He'll probably help you out. Observe him. Link to post Share on other sites
iFinix Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I am in your same situation. I can't talk to girls. Plus I have no regular friends. I've never had a serious relationship. I am simply not very social, even though I want to be. I don't really mind not having friends all that much, I just want one friend, a girlfriend. That will be the day I am happy. I almost had a girlfriend recently but I blew it. It seemed like the perfect set up for me, she was doing all the work, right down to putting her number into my phone, but that was the problem... she was doing all the work and I couldn't even force myself to call her. I ruined my chances yet again. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 When you are talking to girls, pretend youre in a video game its not real.. girls will shoot you down but there are others that wont. Goto the book store and pick up a book called The Game. Its a good book. take tips outta the book. its fun to use them and see what happens... Oh yeah stop thinking what another girl thinks about you.. step it up! Link to post Share on other sites
halfarock Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 You know, it is really common for guys to have problems talking to girls. But, girls tend to have the same problem. The only way to get over it is to talk to girls, or really anyone. I used to be extremely shy but never had problems getting girls. There is this thing about shyness, it fades over time. Once I got it into my head that I didn’t want to be shy anymore, I used to walk a local walking trail and say “hi” to everyone I passed. It got easier the more I did it and even made a few friends, of sorts. There are people that will stop and talk with you just because you become familiar with them and by saying “hi” you are in a way inviting them to be friendly towards you. Now in my forties, I’m no longer shy but after studying myself for awhile, I’ve realized that even now, when I approach a woman who I like, I do so in a shy flirting manner, much as I did when I was in high school. You don't have to talk to a girl to flirt with her. Goto the book store and pick up a book called The Game. Its a good book. take tips outta the book. its fun to use them and see what happens... Just keep in mind that the tricks one can learn from The Game are really best suited for picking up girls at bars/clubs – that is, girls who are drinking and looking for guys, in other words, easy targets. It might be instructive to know that the guys depicted in the book were good at getting women, but none of them were successful at having relationships with women. Link to post Share on other sites
betterthandead Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Would you talk to a random girl if you knew you would die in 72 hours? Free your balls... Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 You just have to desensitize yourself. Life is short... it will bother you longer if you knew you wussed out than if you got rejected... Seriously. That's how I see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lance Taylor Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Go out and talk to random girls for a day. And try to get shot down, take all the pressure out of it, look at it like an experiment. See that it doesnt effect your life at all. You literally have nothing to lose by talking to women. Yes, you might get embarrassed every once in a while but if you know its going to happen, then it wont bother you as much. Some of the guys i know who are the best at meeting women get shot down all the time. Its just that they dont care, b/c they know another girl will be along in just a few minutes. Thats the attitude you have to have before talking to a girl. You have to tell yourself that it doesnt matter if she likes me or not b/c im going to be talking to another girl in 15 minutes either way. This takes all the pressure out of the conversation and allows you to act less nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
tomwiz Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 this may sound strange, but go to a strip club. THe girls will be naked and more than willing to talk to you. It may help you get over your paralyzing fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Here is another tip I thought about... Goto the mall, just walk around and when you make eye contact with a girl just smile. Thats IT! see if she smiles back. keep doing it all over the place.. just like halfarrock said you will get used to it. A smile to a girl makes you look more put together and attractive too. After a while start to approach. the rest should start coming naturally P.S. remember the three second rule. If you see a girl you like you have three seconds to look at her and smile. otherwise you look like ur staring and will look really creepy or like you said you will think about it to much and get scared.. 1....2....3.... SMILE! Link to post Share on other sites
T - mac Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 i used to have the same problem... like 8 months ago i used to never be able to talk to girls that i liked, people would always tell me you will never have a girlfriend and that if i do they will be really ugly and stuff like that and then suddenly it came naturally and a lot of girls just liked me a lot and now i have lots of female friends, and everything is fine... sorry to tell you but i dont know how to explain what happened lol, all i have to say is be yourself and try to just chill out... and also, be nice to girls. dont be a dick. Link to post Share on other sites
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