Why oh why?!!

[Lyssa]

You seem to be unwilling to close the door on him. The fact that you can't tell him you won't meet with him because you simply don't want to means that you want to leave the door open. Why is it so difficult for you to say the words "because I don't care" to him? Making excuses is being evasive. Is that intentional? You give all indications that you don't want to make this final with him, why?

 

Clearly you do not read my last post carefully. I said I would tell him off. You do not know me personally and what he did to me - not in full story and you're not in my situation

[Spinderella]

With respect Lyssa, you do seem unwilling in some ways, not neccessarily because you still have feelings though, maybe because you have been friends, or some other reason. You two have been friends for awhile havent you?

[blueladybird]

lyssa your pretty. no homo.lol.The same thing happened to me recently.lol.

 

silly boys. I hope it hurts him real bad..lol...i know how much pain he put me through...i dont even know to what to say to you. A part of me wants you to make him feel so bad..lol..but anyway you've done it now.

[Krytie TV]

Clearly you do not read my last post carefully. I said I would tell him off. You do not know me personally and what he did to me - not in full story and you're not in my situation

 

I have no interest in knowing you personally or what he did to you. You wanted opinions and mine still is that you are avoiding making a firm declaration to him and I wonder why.

[Lyssa]

With respect Lyssa, you do seem unwilling in some ways, not neccessarily because you still have feelings though, maybe because you have been friends, or some other reason. You two have been friends for awhile havent you?

 

 

You're right, I don't have feelings for him anymore. It's hard because a lot of times he feels he's a loser when it comes to relationships. Most of the time, it was because of his mother. Like I mentioned earlier, he lets her dictate his life. In some ways, I don't think he let her do that to him but he just gives up, you know?

 

He told me once that he can't go against his mother because she carried him for 9 months and cared for him for all these years. That thinking will never get him in a relationship. Seriously, any woman would be afraid to have a long term relationship with him, if he let his mother dictate him. He's my age... any man would not let a mother dictate his life!!!

[Lyssa]

lyssa your pretty. no homo.lol.The same thing happened to me recently.lol.

 

silly boys. I hope it hurts him real bad..lol...i know how much pain he put me through...i dont even know to what to say to you. A part of me wants you to make him feel so bad..lol..but anyway you've done it now.

 

Thank you, BLB! Lol - no worries, I don't think women who compliment me are homos.

 

Honestly, I am hoping he would be real hurt. He has no clue what he did to me in the past had hurt me real bad. I didn't even want to have anything to do with men at one point. Thank goodness I got over that!!!

[oppath]

Well, you did get over it, and now you need to put him in the rear view mirror and let him eat your dust.

 

Women who have really hurt me, I don't have much compassion for. The one's I'd do anything for are the ones who were honest, transparent, and were assertive with me, even if it meant hurting me, because assertive behavior and communication, even during a breakup, is respectful. You do need to hurt him, not in a malicious way, but he needs to know he is not welcome in your life. And really, he's not, as he is causing you drama. You were there for him despite how badly he hurt you, and he is still causing you pain. Be selfish. Drop him like a bag of bricks from a boat.

 

I for one would stand up for my girlfriends (usually) to my family. I've dated girls who it turned out, weren't so good for me as my family and friends suggested. But my family would never dictate my life. I'd tell them off if they said something bad about some of my girlfriends.

[Ssheena]

I kinda of get the feeling that to him he sees you (unconsciencely) as a mother figure.

 

You have always been there for him, right? Fixed him up with other girls etc, always an ear for him. Now, he thinks he can cry and throw a tandrum and say I want to see you and get back together and you will jump. What mother would want to see her little boy in pain and unhappy?

 

Guaranteed, he has not changed. Guaranteed a bad idea to be in contact with him or to meet with him.

 

I would guess that you feel sorry for him and challenge you to remember how badly you were hurt and realize he never had a clue how you were feeling and if he did, he did not respect the fact that you were hurt. La la la, I'm going through my life, she feels bad, not my fault. Time for him to have to accept that his actions have some reactions.

 

Be firm. Tell him you are not interested in meeting with him, wish him well.

 

I don't mean to offend you at all with what I've written. I don't know you or the situation you are in with this guy. However, I have been in relationships with guys who are looking for a mother figure (the ol Madonna/whore thing) and have found myself going into that role with them and ending up having no respect for them.

 

Immature, childish boy. Time for him to grow up!

[Lyssa]

Ssheena - Thank you. No worries.. I wasn't offended at all by your post.

 

I do think he saw/sees me in that way.

 

I just can't believe at his age, he still let his mother dictate his every move. She pulls that psychology ***** on him all the time. It's amazing to me that his younger brother stood up for what/who he (the younger bro) wants!

[Lyssa]

Well, you did get over it, and now you need to put him in the rear view mirror and let him eat your dust.

 

Women who have really hurt me, I don't have much compassion for. The one's I'd do anything for are the ones who were honest, transparent, and were assertive with me, even if it meant hurting me, because assertive behavior and communication, even during a breakup, is respectful. You do need to hurt him, not in a malicious way, but he needs to know he is not welcome in your life. And really, he's not, as he is causing you drama. You were there for him despite how badly he hurt you, and he is still causing you pain. Be selfish. Drop him like a bag of bricks from a boat.

 

I for one would stand up for my girlfriends (usually) to my family. I've dated girls who it turned out, weren't so good for me as my family and friends suggested. But my family would never dictate my life. I'd tell them off if they said something bad about some of my girlfriends.

 

I agree with you, Oppath. I don't have much compassion for those who hurt me but with him, I think I feel sorry for him therefore I feel it is just something that I needed to do - to be there for him.

 

Like you, I would stand up for the man I love. I did for one of my ex-es (the one before this mama's boy). Boy, was I wrong to do that. He turned out to be mentally abusive and almost hit me once! After I was very careful about standing up for someone.

[Lyssa]

Don't go Lyssa. What will opening this can of worms achieve for YOU?

 

No, I didn't go, SB129! I wouldn't achieve anything but I just wanted to see his face when I tell him I'm not getting back with him!! Lame, I know!

 

You have moved on, and he needs to do the same.

 

I have and so happy now. That's the thing, he was the one that acted as if he was sooo over me. That is why I don't get it, why now? Just because he can't find someone, he comes after me? Knowing that I am happy with my BF. WTH, you know??

 

I suggest you drop him a call or a text saying something like

 

"Hey, I don't think meeting up is a good idea, I don't want to re-visit the past, take care, and good luck for the future."

 

This is what I would say if my exBF wanted to meet up with me.

 

Yeah, I did. I just received an sms from him. Said he's been thinking a lot about the past... yeah whatever.

 

The only past I think about (actually it just comes rushing in) was the way he treated me (asked me out and totally ignore me WHILE we were out!) and the way his family (except his dad and bro) treated me!

[Spinderella]

He probably isnt happy, and perhaps he is just realising how he let his mother influence him to the degree of throwing a great girl away. I have to admit I did something similar not long ago, and looked up a very old ex! In reality though, I think I was just going through some self analysis and realising that I may have thrown some pretty good things away due to my mental state at that time, wondering if those issues were still influencing me and that kind of thing. It was something that needed to come out, but, as for actually getting back together, probably that would never have worked.

It sounds as though, you half want to enjoy seeing him realise how awful he was, and half feel sorry for him. I dont think you need to say anything more than you have though. I should think he realises on some level, that you are not going to be getting back with him. I also think he has regretted the way he treated you, or at least regretted that he lost you.

[Lyssa]

Thanks, Spinderella!

 

You are right. He isn't happy because of his mother. I know they get along well but when it comes to relationships, he's going to have a hard time.

 

I know for sure it wouldn't have worked out if he came back to me a year later, let alone right now. I wanted to meet him to tell it to his face so that I can see the hurt look on his face but knowing him, he's pretty good at hiding it so you know, eff it! I don't need to waste my time.

 

I have had enough of how his mother looks at me when we bumped into each other. As if I was the one that hurt his son big time. Oh well... I do wish him the best. I haven't heard from him since the sms I sent telling him I won't be around anymore.

 

Thank you again for your reply, Spin!

[oppath]

I know for sure it wouldn't have worked out if he came back to me a year later, let alone right now. I wanted to meet him to tell it to his face so that I can see the hurt look on his face but knowing him, he's pretty good at hiding it so you know, eff it! I don't need to waste my time.

 

I understand your emotions. You want him to feel the pain he once caused you. You want to witness him be rejected and how it hurts. I know that my ex has NO idea the pain she inflicted, not because she broke up with me, but the way it went down. The thing is, she thought she was SPARING my feelings by not being assertive and honest with me. Really, she has no clue. I would love to see similar pain in her eyes. That would satisfy me. It's not revenge, I just think she had no idea why what she did was so hurtful to me, and she couldn't even apologize to me knowing she really hurt me.

 

Your ex...I agree, he probably realizes now what happened and feels bad about it, but he is probably more enchanted with the idea of getting back together than the reality. I'm sure it would be a big ego boost for him if you considered it. I suspect he wants validation that he is a good person despite what he did to you and that you don't hate him for it.