Want to pursue girl"friend" from college, 2 years later

[stepbehind]

PLEASE, PLEASE help!!

I really need help figuring out my friends feelings and intentions. I have had these incredible feelings for her since the first night we met, but I have always had a girlfriend or she has had a boyfriend, so timing has been off. I apologize that this is a long post, but I want to paint the picture accurately. She is the only person I have ever felt that I could spend my whole life with, so this is very important to me. I get flustered when I try to explain our interaction because it is more of a "feel" and seems very subtle.

 

I met this girl in college six, years ago, and haven't seen her much in the last couple years. I was really hurt by my girlfriend prior to meeting this girl of my dreams. After I met her, I spent the majority of my "party/free" time with her and her roommates.

 

When ever I get depressed, just thinking about her snaps me out of my mood. Neither of us have been single at the same time, and I would have been apprehensive about approaching her because I didn't want to mess up a friendship. Now I figure that there is nothing to lose since I don't see her any more.

 

Here is what I am confused about. I need to know what this means in girl talk/feeling. She always had a boyfriend at a different school. Whenever she would go out, I would always be with her for part of the night. She would call, I would call. I always knew where she was. We spent tons of time together, often alone at the end of the night. She would call me at the end of the night, I would meet her at a party and walk her home to her apt (in my complex). I would support her while she “stumbled” home, holding her hand, arm etc. It felt great!!. It felt like she was faking being drunk. We would often end the night together at my place, alone on the couch for an hour or so, talking and smoking bud. I never made a move for many reasons. There was an unspoken connection (I think).

 

If her car broke down, I was the person she called and I would pick her up and give her my car to go to work. She could have called 30 other friends.. I was HAPPY she called.

 

I just felt a connection when she looked and smiled at me. We would watch TV and when something stuck us as funny, odd, exciting, stupid, etc we would look at each other, always thinking the same thing.. I felt a mental connection with her like we agreed on politics, social issues, parenting, food, health.

 

She always pointed out what she was cooking (she is a

great Italian cook!!) like she was showing that she could be a great wife.

 

I would come up to her apt while she was getting ready to go out for the night. She would take her shower, and get ready in front of me (in a towel, robe or clothes) it drove me NUTS. Her smell, wet hair, putting lotion on her legs, drying her hair!!! I miss it so much.

 

She would work out for hours at the gym I worked at, always looking fine!!

 

Once I graduated, she was there 1.5 years longer. I would visit every week while I had a girlfriend and sleep on her couch. They always offered to do things and it seemed that they never wanted me to leave. It felt great! I miss them all so much.

 

The following I'm not proud of, but I had self esteem issues then and these girls were great to me.. I hooked up with 5 of her roommates. I'm not sure if she knows about all of them but she laughs about at least 3 of them. I didn't have sex with any of them, just fooled around a little. I was good friends with all the 6 girls, but feel like I love the other one.

 

I always wanted to make a move, but I respected her relationship's and I didn't want to make a move while I was in a relationship and have her think I was a cheating *******.

 

I think I had to be her best guy friend at college. I felt that she wanted to have something more. I had tons of guy friends who were extremely envious of be because I was always with her, they all thought I was having sex.

 

I had a low self-image at the time and thought this girl was out of my reach. After talking to friends, they told me I was out of my mind for thinking that.

 

Finally, she started dating a guy towards the end of college. I was heart broken. He had been “just a friend” with her, so I thought that I really had a chance. She rarely talked about her boyfriend around me and when she did, she didn't seem happy.

 

This woman lives about an hour from me in a large city. I live 15 mins from her parents as we went to neighboring high schools. I want to figure out a way to meet up with her and find out how she is doing and maybe tell her how I feel.

 

BTW, a HUGE reason I never pursued a relationship with her was because I thought she was so perfect, I didn't want to mess it up. I wanted to make sure I could “settle down” and treat her how she deserved to be treated. I didn't want to make the mistakes I had in previous relationships. I spent the last 2 years figuring out how to be a good partner. I also wanted to see if my feelings continued and possibly "fate".

 

Any insight, suggestions etc would be greatly appreciated. Should I talk to her friends and find out if she ever liked me? What if she is dating? I want to see her sooooo bad!!!

 

Also, she would tell me that my girlfriends were beautiful (they were) but I would hint that there was a lot missing and that it wasn't serious. .

 

I look back and really think she liked me, but I just second guess myself and have self-esteem issues.

[norajane]

It doesn't matter how you or she may have felt back then. It's years later now, and if you were to develop a relationship, the only think that would matter is how you feel about each other now.

 

If you manage to contact her, do it as a friend. And do not make the mistake of pouring your heart out at the first conversation! Get to know her again, find out who she is now and if she is with someone.

 

If she's not with anyone, flirt with her, ask her out, and see what happens. But, again, do not pour every feeling you have on her shoulders. You're in love with your fantasy of how things could have been - what you need to do is develop a relationship now, a more mature relationship based on the people you are now.

 

See it as starting from scratch with a new person - because if you're no longer the guy who would hook up with 5 of her roommates, she's probably not the same as she was back then either.