Don't laugh, but... love spells ??

[LucreziaBorgia]

You sort of dodged the question, by focusing on the nature of free will and whether I was implying it was a moral problem. The question wasn't about free will. It was about the nature of your 'love' for her and your willingness to strip her of her free will in order to get what you want. Let me try again: You say you love this girl, yet you would resort to anything that would force her into a situation that she clearly wanted out of. When you love someone, you generally want what is best for them. You don't try to force them into situations they don't want to be in. So, if you love her - why would you want to try to force her to want to be with you, when she made it adequately clear that she does not want to be?

 

Its about the nature of your love for her, and what drives you - not about morality or free will.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I don't know if it will make a difference to you, but I've been reading the cards for over 21 years now, and studying various 'crafts' if you will for that long as well. While I don't actively practice and am as agnostic about it as religion, I know a little bit about what you are asking. I can tell you this: if you lose sight of the true motivations behind what you want to do, the outcome will never be what you expect, and moreover never what you wanted or intended either.

 

All I'm asking for is to play devil's advocate - to get you to look a little deeper into what it is you want to do, and why you want to do it. Anyone who does practice, and who is even remotely scrupulous (and not just a money grubber) will tell you the same.

[Trialbyfire]

That's the main sticking part for me at the moment. For me, it was 100% working. I was happy. For her obviously not. Why? I do no know. She broke it off. Clearly she was not happy with something.

I've copied and pasted this from your other thread. It adds to the feeling that you are oblivious and uncaring towards someone else's needs.

 

In the current thread, you will do anything to get her back, without consideration of what she wants.

[Krying]

You sort of dodged the question, by focusing on the nature of free will and whether I was implying it was a moral problem. The question wasn't about free will. It was about the nature of your 'love' for her and your willingness to strip her of her free will in order to get what you want. Let me try again: You say you love this girl, yet you would resort to anything that would force her into a situation that she clearly wanted out of. When you love someone, you generally want what is best for them. You don't try to force them into situations they don't want to be in. So, if you love her - why would you want to try to force her to want to be with you, when she made it adequately clear that she does not want to be?

 

Its about the nature of your love for her, and what drives you - not about morality or free will.

 

Before I came along this girl was a mess. She hadn't spoken with her father in over a year, was out partying every night and was mentally out of it. Some months before I met her, she had mended things with her Dad. I come into the picture. Things are good. In fact they are so good, I keep telling myself this is too good to be true. Things continue on. She starts to get distant, evasive and withdraws from the relationship. She also starts to exhibit behavior to when she was the partier from previous times.

 

Let's say you love someone. They are a drug addict. You want to see them in a healthier frame of mind. Do you let them just do drugs because you love them and don't want to impose on their free will, or do you act out of love to help that person.

 

While my situation is not that extreme, there is a small similarity here. By me stating I feel we were right together and seeing the results, seeing her family come to love me due to the influence I had on her, well that tells me something was going right.

 

Most everyone replying here is using their will to influence my own. You are telling me, guiding me and some even making fun of me. Are you not using your will to change mine? You're doing it to help me no doubt. How is that any different to my belief that I can help her. And just because she called it off, doesn't mean that at some point in the future, she might realize what she lost.

[Kasan]

I kinda confused here. From what I have read you broke up with her via an email. Instead of a love potion, how about a sincere I am sorry?

[marlena]

I'm hoping to actually come across someone who has actually tried this or paid someone to cast a spell for them.

 

Yes, I do know people who have been taken in by charlatans who feed off other people's despair. In some counties it's a booming business! To believe in spells, love potions and future predictions is to say the least naive if not downright stupid. It's silly superstitious nonsense!

 

The closest you can come to casting your own spell is to think postive.

[Krying]

I've copied and pasted this from your other thread. It adds to the feeling that you are oblivious and uncaring towards someone else's needs.

 

In the current thread, you will do anything to get her back, without consideration of what she wants.

 

I kinda confused here. From what I have read you broke up with her via an email. Instead of a love potion, how about a sincere I am sorry?

She didn't have the courage to do the formal breakup. Her father told me this. Thus to give her space and help her, and me thinking that in the long run it would keep us together, I ended things to relieve her of any pressure she might have been feeling from me. She ended this relationship, I simply said the words, well I emailed them since I knew she would not take my call. She was in no way angry or bummed I called it off. I will gladly apologize for any and all things I've done wrong, even if I haven't done anything wrong. But that's not the problem here.

[Trialbyfire]

She didn't have the courage to do the formal breakup. Her father told me this. Thus to give her space and help you and me thinking that in the long run it would keep us together, I ended things to relieve her of any pressure she might have been feeling from me. She ended this relationship, I simply said the words, well I emailed them since I knew she would not take my call.

So now, you choose to find methods to address...what? Power balance?

 

If you really love her, you will let her be and not look for some form of return for the things you did for her or to somehow get her back into your life without her consent.

 

Your behaviour is frightening, in the way it's headed for or is obsessive thinking. Someone obsessed will stop at nothing to get another person back into their lives.

[Krying]

I've copied and pasted this from your other thread. It adds to the feeling that you are oblivious and uncaring towards someone else's needs.

 

In the current thread, you will do anything to get her back, without consideration of what she wants.

I'm an idiot clearly. I'm trying here to deal with this. I love her, I want her back. I haven't called, texted, emailed, or contacted her in anyway. I am aware of how she is feeling and at this moment, I know she doesn't to talk or deal with this in anyway. I'm simply trying in ways to change that. She has been known to flipflop on many things, while one day hating something to the next loving it. Stupidly I get hope from this, thinking that she'll snap out of it and come to her senses. But that's hope springing eternal and most likely not a reality.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm an idiot clearly. I'm trying here to deal with this. I love her, I want her back. I haven't called, texted, emailed, or contacted her in anyway. I am aware of how she is feeling and at this moment, I know she doesn't to talk or deal with this in anyway. I'm simply trying in ways to change that. She has been known to flipflop on many things, while one day hating something to the next loving it. Stupidly I get hope from this, thinking that she'll snap out of it and come to her senses. But that's hope springing eternal and most likely not a reality.

Start to focus on moving on, then. You're wasting precious energy on something that you cannot control.

[Krying]

So now, you choose to find methods to address...what? Power balance?

 

If you really love her, you will let her be and not look for some form of return for the things you did for her or to somehow get her back into your life without her consent.

 

Your behaviour is frightening, in the way it's headed for or is obsessive thinking. Someone obsessed will stop at nothing to get another person back into their lives.

You've not been supportive to a single post I've ever made. I see no sense in replying to anything you've written. You make me sound like I'm a nut. What on earth are these forums full of? People crying their hearts out in pain of a loved one lost. Some people assist others and help them, you seem to be taking our your pain or anger on those very people who are in distress.

 

How on earth is talking about a love spell obsessive. Turning up at someones house is. Calling them 50 times is. I've done nothing but speak with her father and a mutual friend who betrayed me.

[Trialbyfire]

You've not been supportive to a single post I've ever made. I see no sense in replying to anything you've written. You make me sound like I'm a nut. What on earth are these forums full of? People crying their hearts out in pain of a loved one lost. Some people assist others and help them, you seem to be taking our your pain or anger on those very people who are in distress.

 

How on earth is talking about a love spell obsessive. Turning up at someones house is. Calling them 50 times is. I've done nothing but speak with her father and a mutual friend who betrayed me.

Yup, spoken like someone who only wants to hear agreement...

[Krying]

Yup, spoken like someone who only wants to hear agreement...

On the contrary. Go view some of my previous postings. If someone brings up a point and it's valid, I cannot refute that. It make sense. You on the other hand don't appear to care. So why would I listen to what you have to say. You're not doing this for my benefit, but you own.

[Spinderella]

If you are going to do a spell, maybe it is better to wish for a happy relationship that is right for both of you, with a person who wants to be with you, but not be specific as to what person you are asking for. That way, you are not imposing on anyones free will.

[Trialbyfire]

On the contrary. Go view some of my previous postings. If someone brings up a point and it's valid, I cannot refute that. It make sense. You on the other hand don't appear to care. So why would I listen to what you have to say. You're not doing this for my benefit, but you own.

I have nothing to gain from this. You on the other hand appear to want to latch onto something that's already gone. Why? It's not love, from what I can see.

[Lostgurl]

You can't MAKE someone want to be with you. You need to move on, and leave her be. If she has a change of heart, it will be her decision.

[Kasan]

I've done nothing but speak with her father and a mutual friend who betrayed me.

 

What is this about betrayal? I am wondering how old your ex is, as it seems that her father has an awful lot of influence on her.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. You ex also exhibits some self destructive behavior and I see you as her rescuer trying maker her better.

 

I am not sure a love spell would work right now, as maybe she wouldn't/isn't in a place where she could receive it.

 

Maybe you should wonder how your life would be if the spell worked?

[Krying]

I have nothing to gain from this. You on the other hand appear to want to latch onto something that's already gone. Why? It's not love, from what I can see.

No, what I should do is go out get another girl, have sex, make my ex jealous and dada! I get her back. That's love according to all the win your girlfriend back books. Even to some degree that's how NC works too. Maybe I'm being cynical, but I see very few people posting the opposite saying they should keep the faith. It's all the opposite. You know, go out have fun, if she doesn't care for you, then she's no good kind of attitude.

 

I'm not latching on here, I simply haven't given up on her. Do I have to let go to move on. Yes I don't doubt that, but I'm not able to at this point give up on hope. Stone me already, but that's how I feel.

[Trialbyfire]

No, what I should do is go out get another girl, have sex, make my ex jealous and dada! I get her back. That's love according to all the win your girlfriend back books. Even to some degree that's how NC works too. Maybe I'm being cynical, but I see very few people posting the opposite saying they should keep the faith. It's all the opposite. You know, go out have fun, if she doesn't care for you, then she's no good kind of attitude.

 

I'm not latching on here, I simply haven't given up on her. Do I have to let go to move on. Yes I don't doubt that, but I'm not able to at this point give up on hope. Stone me already, but that's how I feel.

I disagree with any of the games. Real NC is not a game. It's a way to pull yourself together, internalize your wasted energy and use it to heal your emotional distress.

 

Okay, hang onto her, think about a million different ways to get her back without her consent. In the end, you will take longer to heal and risk scarring.

[Krying]

What is this about betrayal? I am wondering how old your ex is, as it seems that her father has an awful lot of influence on her.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. You ex also exhibits some self destructive behavior and I see you as her rescuer trying maker her better.

 

I am not sure a love spell would work right now, as maybe she wouldn't/isn't in a place where she could receive it.

 

Maybe you should wonder how your life would be if the spell worked?

The betrayal part was a mutual friend who I had spoken with. She thought us breakup up was a bad thing, and was going to prod and find out more. Turns out she then reveals I had spoke with her to my ex, and then begins to attack me verbally with my ex nodding in agreement.

 

My ex doesn't do stuff like that. Yet she did with this person. So she is impressionable in doing things she later knows where not good.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Let's say you love someone. They are a drug addict. You want to see them in a healthier frame of mind. Do you let them just do drugs because you love them and don't want to impose on their free will, or do you act out of love to help that person.

 

Sure, you can act out of love to help an addict. But understand this - if an addict doesn't want help and doesn't want to stop they won't. Period. You could take away their free will and have them incarcerated in a high security drug rehabilitation clinic against their will and force them to go cold turkey, but you won't make them stop wanting the drug any more than you would be able to make your girlfriend want to be with you again. You want to control a factor that is out of your control: you want to find a way to make her want to be with you again, and I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. No book, no spell, no 'dating technique' out there will make a person want to be with someone they don't want to be with.

 

I am not making fun of you. I'm not sure why you would think that. As for me trying to influence your free will - I'm not trying to make you do anything, only get you to really consider what it is you are doing before you decide to do something. If you want to go at it blindly, then go right ahead. I find its always better to think things through from all angles though, even the ones you don't want to consider.

[Krying]

Sure, you can act out of love to help an addict. But understand this - if an addict doesn't want help and doesn't want to stop they won't. Period. You could take away their free will and have them incarcerated in a high security drug rehabilitation clinic against their will and force them to go cold turkey, but you won't make them stop wanting the drug any more than you would be able to make your girlfriend want to be with you again. You want to control a factor that is out of your control: you want to find a way to make her want to be with you again, and I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. No book, no spell, no 'dating technique' out there will make a person want to be with someone they don't want to be with.

 

There's nothing I can say to reply to this. Everything you say is correct. While deep down I still feel I can help this girl, I am powerless to do anything. That's what scares me and got me on this whole love spell crap to begin with.

 

I have to ask honestly though, if you knew of such a thing, knew it worked. Would you yourself use it. That's a question for everyone. At this point I would.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have to ask honestly though, if you knew of such a thing, knew it worked. Would you yourself use it. That's a question for everyone. At this point I would.

 

No. I would not use it. I could not live the rest of my life happily knowing that the person I am with is not with me by his own free choice.

 

I can say that in hindsight, though. I have had a few times where I was feeling a similar way to how you are feeling now. It is a painful thing, I do know that.

[Krying]

My intent was not to make or change a person for life. Simply to snap them out of whatever they are dealing with now. That was my intent when I first asked about them. Clearly you cannot control someone for a lifetime. I don't think you need to. I felt if I was able to get over this obstacle, then things would be right. I would be able to fail or succeed based on my own efforts. Right now it feels like something else caused this relationship to end. That means I'm powerless, and not able to change it. Scary thought, but a reality I am living in.

 

But it's all hypothetical. Saying I shouldn't use a spell to control someone, means that such a thing actually exists. And no one here seems to be giving any creedence to these things actually existing or having any potency. Rather, the topic is not to change someones free will.

 

That brings me to a thought. When you are interested in someone, let's say before you are boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever, are you not following your own desire to be with that person. Thus you are trying to satisfy your own will and feelings or need to be with someone special. You don't go out with that person or marry them just because they want to, but because you both want to.

 

Right now I'm in a relationship by myself. She checked out. I want to check her back in. I cannot, thus I failed.

[finallyhappyme]

As much as you claim to love this girl I just don't see it. You don't like her habits and you want to change them but thats who she is. It seems to me you want to get her, change her to your ideals, and then keep her locked up with you forever. Anyways.. in the end it comes down to this : When a person truly wants to be with you, there is nothing that will hold them back.

 

Have you even really spoken to her a listened to what SHE had to say? Really listened to what she wants? ANd I don't mean listen and think in your head, ' yea she wants that but she doesn't know better so I have to show her. She's wrong..she's impressionable I KNOW BETTER' That's not listening and that's only thinking about YOURSELF.

 

Maybe thats why she left you..because she ALREADY has a father.

 

I don't know the whole story but thats what I am picking up from what your saying. Emphasized more by the fact you want to try a love spell to win her back so that YOU can be happy.

 

Let her be, she is her own person, and whats meant to be will be. Sounds to me like you do like to understand everything in your life and control it and you can't control this one thing and thats why it's driving you crazy. I don't even think this is about her.. it's about you.

 

You can have faith and still love her and when and if she decides to come back you can be there to forgive her and accept her with open arms but you cannot try and make her want to be with you.

 

You keep saying how 'perfect' and ' happy' you both were but clearly that is not the case because she left.

 

In my opinion which you can chose to ignore all you want : I think you should let her go and let her decide on her own where she wants to be.