Question for Women about being approached

[redfathom]

I agree, there are right & wrong ways of showing interest towards a woman, but I think it is wrong to give someone the finger & tell them to fu<k off, especially if they do not know you are committed to someone else (Wedding/Engagement rings being the exception here). But yep, i'm sure all you women haaaate when men give you attention . Sucks to be desired.

 

I have to say that I look young for my age, I often get asked what high school I go to, so when a 40 year old man tells me I am looking fine when walking down the street, it creeps me out. Or when a 40 year old man at the ice rink with his kid asks me if I want to go to the movies with him, I get creeped out. I guess it's my normal reaction to most guys and yeah sometimes my reaction is unwarrented and rude, but that's my defensive.

 

P.S. Maybe it was the vote for Bush sign he was holding, haha! Just kidding.

[solo_flyer]

 

That's what always bugs me about men that approach a woman in a non-social situation, they get upset when the woman doesn't want to talk. Surely that's MY perogative?? Hate being hassled and the men that do it would usually do it pretty much to anyone so it's not a compliment

 

Well I think the main thing is that it takes considerable guts and balls to approach someone like that. Many women don't appreciate that because they are not expected to do it.

 

When when a guy genuinely tries to approach you in a polite way, I think it's only fair that you be at least polite to him.

 

Many women complain about how they don't get approached enough by guys, or that the guys are creepy, or how good guys never ask them out... but often the best quality men are worried about rejection because they are not jerks and actually care about other people's feelings. So when the guy actually goes out on a limb and puts himself in a very vulnerable situation (that she would not have to enter because she is a woman,) she brushes him off like it's nothing? I wouldn't blame him for getting upset.

[LN99]

I just got hit on this week at the grocery store. The guy looked like a hippie....glasses....long beard....long hair. He was polite and sweet, but he kept following me around the store. Then when I checked out, he stood behind me in line. It was then that the thought of wearing a fake "wedding ring" to stop unwanted guys from hitting on me crossed my mind. But then if I did that, that would be the time that a cute guy hit on me and would THINK I was taken.

 

The point of this all is .....a simple compliment or show of interest is flattering. Following someone around in a stalkerish kind of way is creepy. I was flattered up until the point I was followed.

[riverbender]

I'm having problems with this at the moment. There's this guy at my gym who I like. I can't get him to talk to me. He'll only watch me from far away. Up close there's very minimal eye contact. I'm guilty of this too because he is like a walking pheromone. Scares the crap outta me. I freeze near him. Anyway, I caught him looking once - up close. As soon as our eyes met his darted the other way. I don't know what this means.

 

Anyway, I have no problem with men speaking to me in the manner already described. Maybe the problem is that men have a hard time hiding sexual interest? Or women are just good at reading people?

 

I get the creeped out feeling too often when approached. Maybe it's only because it's the freaks that approach me?

 

I think eye contact is critical. If I make eye contact, look away, and then look back, I am looking back to see if you are still looking because I want you to be looking. If I make eye contact and don't look back it probably means I'm not interested. Or it could just mean that when our eyes met I didn't see you - my mind was on the other 20000 things I have to get done in the next 45 minutes. So....

 

Approach in a polite, casual manner but learn to tell when there's not mutual interest. I find that once you talk to a guy, or even make eye contact, many think it means you want them. It doesn't. It's really hard to be a woman and just be friendly or social. If we are nice but uninterested in more - then we become stuck-up and all sorts of four letter words.

[WitchyLady]

I'm a bit old fashioned but I don't particularly go for strange men walking up to me and checking me out. I'm a tad bit um, blessed in certain ways, have been since I was nine, and I am petite otherwise so I am used to men staring but frankly it creeps me out, and I don't like it.

 

I don't mind talking to someone in an aisle about groceries or books or whatever, but it's a strange place to meet someone, and feel secure about it, so that's where it usually ends for me. I might take a guy's number, to be polite, but I'd probably never call him because I couldn't be sure he's not some wack job who can still keep it together long enough to look normal , you know?

 

I tend to date people I can check out for a while, like guys I meet at work, in my spiritual groups, or that friends or family introduce me to. I don't just date some guy off the street. About the only two good exceptions I have ever made were a guy I met in the library at school when I was back in college and a guy I'd seen in the local coffee bar and had talked to about a dozen times before he finally asked.

 

Paranoid?

 

Maybe, but the few times I have not gone by that decision I have lived to regret it. I've been stalked a couple of times, and pursued by some very persistent married men more times than I can tell you. For the sake of my own personal security, I want to know as much as I can about any guy who asks, and will, long before I ever say okay to a date.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I get approached at the grocery store, church, starbucks, CVS, Walgreens, Outback - you name it... I find it interesting how different types of men approach me and what they say (some are really funny, creative and some are just lame).

 

However, when with the girlfriends', they are reduced to an antedote

[GoodOnPaper]

Well I think the main thing is that it takes considerable guts and balls to approach someone like that. Many women don't appreciate that because they are not expected to do it.

 

When when a guy genuinely tries to approach you in a polite way, I think it's only fair that you be at least polite to him.

 

Many women complain about how they don't get approached enough by guys, or that the guys are creepy, or how good guys never ask them out... but often the best quality men are worried about rejection because they are not jerks and actually care about other people's feelings. So when the guy actually goes out on a limb and puts himself in a very vulnerable situation (that she would not have to enter because she is a woman,) she brushes him off like it's nothing? I wouldn't blame him for getting upset.

 

Solo,

 

Well said. You are getting the standard answers. If you are "hot", "cute", or "a walking pheromone", women are happy to be approached anytime, anywhere. If you are a regular guy or -- heaven forbid -- a little nerdy, they are suddenly exceptionally picky. Most women are used to having "hand", if you don't mind the Seinfeld terminology.

 

Having spent my whole life giving away my personal power to women, let me suggest that you do everything possible to hang on to yours. That means approaching women when and where you feel comfortable. Try not to take her response (good or bad) personally, and make sure your intentions are plainly known one step at a time. That is, a chat about lettuce in the produce section is simply a chat about lettuce. Inviting a woman out for coffee simply means coffee and conversation, etc. I understand that there are legitimate safety issues women must be concerned about, but if you show integrity while pursuing what you want, things will ultimately work out for the best.

[sumdude]

Interesting thread and I've been curious about this too. Every once in a while I'll see a woman in a public place that i just want to say hi to for some reason. Take a chance on a whim. But from most responses here it appears that approaching as a stranger usually greeted pretty cooly. Odd though that in a club situation it's OK, and there you usually have alcohol, lowered inhibitions and poorer decision making involved. Ironic isn't it?

[KrZyJLyn]

I personally like it when a man is willing to step out of his comfort zone and approach me (politely). I wish a few more would do it. I don't mind stopping and conversing for a moment. And yes, every once and a while I do get a creepy vibe about the person, but regardless I will smile and hold a polite conversation.

 

The thing is that rarely am I at the the grocery, video, or book store in a rush. Those aren't things I'm doing when I have no time (typically). I enjoy browsing, and what better way to strike up a conversation than "have you seen that move?" and either give or ask for an opinion. ITs an innocent question that can tell you a lot about a person and their personality and iterests. When I go to rent a movie or buy a book I'll smile and say little blurbs to people walking by, and some people look at me like I'm crazy, and others talk with me like they've known me for years (men and women).

 

If you think there could be chemistry and walk up to someone, and they act like a jerk, it would never have worked in the first place, so get over it and move on. Not everyone reacts the same. We all have environmental factors that influence how we perceive other people. I grew up in a home that was taught to be polite and respectful, but then I've also been put in some traumatic situations and both of those things have different repercussions.

 

I think you just have to take things in a more relaxed manor if you are going to be approaching people. If they seem disinterested then let them be and maybe someone better will catch your eye and smile back. Things always work out in the end.

[EYECANDY000]

of course not. I mean you have to meet people some kind of way . weather its at churtch, in the grocery store, or at a restaurant. If someone dont approach you then and there , then whats the odds that they will see you again

[lindya]

Let's say that you are at the grocery store or in line somewhere and a man approaches you and starts to chat with you and it is clear that he has a romantic and sexual interest. The guy is polite and not vulgar.

 

It depends on whether there's something attractive about his demeanour, and if the comment sounds natural and genuinely interested. I remember waiting for my baggage at an airport carousel. A guy came over and said he noticed I'd been reading a particular book on the plane, he'd read a review and what did I think of the book?

 

I thought it was a good approach - though a resultless one as I was happily involved at the time. If a guy's watching you closely enough to see what book you're reading, it seems fair to assume there's some level of personal interest there. Provided he isn't being, as you say, vulgar or overly encroaching on your personal space, it's nice that he's confident and honest enough to indicate interest, and not muddying that message with bashful/confusing apologies or qualifiers.

 

For instance, an "I'm not trying to pick you up or anything" preliminary might plant an idea in your head that he's been accused of being a pest by other women for approaching them. Or it might come across as an "I'm not sexually interested in you, I just want some specific information here..." message. Either way, that defeats the purpose if the purpose is to spark up some chemistry and interest.

 

Happy shopping.