yes Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 Family trouble... my dad's bringing his parents to town, which means a lot more expenses for my family, since they don't have any income. Mom's against this since she & them don't get along at all. There're also going to be endless problems since his parents don't speak English, and so on. Result - endless arguments. I more or less take my mom's side but really, I'm not sure who's right & who's wrong - and I don't know what I'd do in their shoes. It's all a long winded story, and I feel like it's upto them to figure it out, really. Am I wrong to think so? I'm not planning to help with dad's parents much - I barely know them, anyway. I'm just thinking more -n- more often about moving out, but there's at least one more year before I can do that. I just feel like whose stance i'm going to take adds tension between them, - perhaps i should come right out and say that i won't be expressing my opinion on anything anymore... My father thinks i say certain things b/c my mom's good at "teaching me" what to say, grr. It's true to the extent that she can persuade me of things, of course, but I still have a mind of my own, I think. Just ranting... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 Be nice to yourself and don't get all worked up. Remember, you may one day be in the same position as your dad's parents. To the extent that you can try to be kind and understanding of their situation is the extent others will be understanding of yours in the future. Just take one day at a time. It's going to happen no matter how you feel about it so why not just be OK with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 23, 2003 Author Share Posted April 23, 2003 thanks for the quick reply, Tony. It's going to happen (their moving), but i do worry how it will affect us - my mom's mentioning divorce more-n-more often. Naturally, she doesn't want people who hate her guts to be taking away money and her husband's attention from her. anyway... i think from now on, i'm going to stay neutral in their arguments, and just hope it works out. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
steffany Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 Dang sounds a lot more complicated than it is I bet. I don't know my grandparents well either...us being the first generation here in the states. I understand the language barrier too. Have you ever talked to some one from Germany who doesn't know English or even better someone from the poorer tracks in Ireland? I know it can be tough. But they are your family... No matter how well you know them or how poor they are. I'm not saying give them money but try and talk with them. They have only a short time left here. Maybe what 20 years at the most? Shoot that's not much at all. And they may be very insightful to your family history and things our generation has never seen. Last time my mom's parents came I finally tried (now that I'm older) to talk with my grandmother and learned about how she survived one of the Holocaust camps. And how she stole peoples passes to get on the boat to leave to the USA to give to her 6 children. I just think that this really is not a situation to fight over. These are people coming to live in a better place because your father feels that where they are is not good for them not monkeys from the zoo coming to eat all your food up. I bet you would do the same for your parents in their old age even if your husband didn't like it. They are your parents. I hope it all works out. Doesn't seem right to be so up in arms over two elderly people who may need help in their old age in the next few years. I hope my children do it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 23, 2003 Author Share Posted April 23, 2003 That's all very true, but they've treated both of my parents (their own son and my mom) pretty badly in the past. Some of the things they said, i find it hard to forget. They're masters of emotional blackmail. Btw, I do know them to the extent that I know the family history, their health problems, etc. Oh, and I speak their language fluently, so no barrier there. I also hope it all works out, in the end. The issue is that my dad needs to make mom feel like a priority, he needs to make up for the negative he's about to bring into her life... i hope he figures that out. I'm going to help when they ask me, obviously, as long as they respect certain boundaries. Yeah - this is going to take some months of arguments, but i'm sure it'll all quiet down... Thanks for your reply =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 it's getting worse & worse ... my dad's parents are basically telling him that either they come on their terms, or they don't come at all, which implies he's a terrible son, and as far as they're concerned they dont have a son at all (their own words). Their terms are ridiculous - they want to come and PICK an apartment - hello? who said we have the $ to pick? we find the cheapest decent one, and here you go ... And if not, they want to live with us - hello? who invited them? Worst of all, they keep saying that my dad is the one who invited them to move, while really, they yelled and screamed that he's the worst son on earth for not bringing them to live in the same city as us. After all that, he finally said - fine, move, I'll give you what I can. my dad's feeling terribly guilty in all this... he wants them here, but he doesn't want to give up his whole life to be played on their terms... I'm seriously starting to worry that this will end up in a hospital with a heart problem... grr... Their whole life, they didn't share their good living with my parents. Now they expect my parents to share everything with them. WTF??? ranting. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
steffany Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 That is very sad that two grown people act like that. I suggest you try and keep your comments to yourself. And learn how not to act when your old and need others to help you. Your Dad is only going to do what he can tolerate in the end. He may try and help them and then through his hands up when he's had enough. He obviously has let them treat him like this his whole life. I bet your Dad has a big heart and that's why he keeps putting up with it. I know my Dad also has one...but luckily our family doesn't take advantage and isn't mean. Try and be a ray of sunshine and keep things fresh and chipper when your around. Others attitudes rub off on to others...try and be the one that rubs off and leave the hurt and anger behind. It may help more than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 thanks, gal. i do try to keep quiet and nice. I'm going out for dinner with folks tonight, for one thing. my dad does have a big heart. he's also very unlike his parents, probably largely b/c he moved out when he was 17... anyway, thanks for reading my rants =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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