Cell phone

[Lyssa]

So many of the posts are right on the money.

Truth and honesty will bring about a level of intimacy in a relationship that many are lacking. If a SO does not open up, they are missing a level of intimacy that they really could have.

 

I agree with that. I have never quite been so open in a relationship. Not saying that I lie a lot but I have always refrained myself from opening up to my SO. Only in this current relationship that I am in that I have opened up. It feels great!

 

There are so many reasons why a person may lie and you can't possibly try to fix that in someone. You can't possibly know or even want to know all or everything about a SO. In some regards, knowing too many details can be damaging.

 

That's true and even when one says "you know EVERYTHING about me now"... do we really? We will never know, do we?

 

I personally think knowing too many details is good. I asked questions that I know I wouldn't really want to know the answers but when I have gotten the answers, it made me see things differently. I can't quite explain it but I don't see it as damaging our relationship.

 

Trust and honesty are huge cornerstones. They are needed. Once broken, it takes so much work and effort to get it back on track.

 

Oh yes! That is so true! It's hard to get it back but if both work hard for it, it can happen.

 

Anyway, great post there!!

[confucious]

Thanks for all your replies guys. I thought I'd stop in and give an update.

 

So -

1. there was the lie about going on a trip with just her sister when there were two other guys going (one of whom she admitted there had been mutual attraction awhile back but nothing happened as he had just broken up with her good friend). I am confident that she did not intend for anything to happen between them.
   
2. there was the late night text to an old flame after we had had a fight. I am not confident about that at all.
   
3. there was (just last week) the straight out lie about having lunch alone (she even broke off a somewhat emotional talk about our relationship pleading she was too hungry and emotional and wanted to go and eat something when in fact she was meeting some guy for lunch...she only admitted the truth when I confronted her). I do know, as she showed me the email, that it was an old friend she hadn't seen in a couple of years.
   
4. and she just told me, because I insisted she come clean with anything that may f#ck things up if found out later on, that two months into our relationship she stayed at a guy friend's house on a 4 day business trip and not her sister's like she had told me. She had even made up anecdotes about her sister's kids waking her in the morning, and how her sister was sick as hell, etc.

There are some questionable things about her:

1. she has few old/close friends
   
2. her family evidently doesn't get along with her, siblings AND parents
   
3. she has been emotional, blowing up at me, treating me like sh*t etc. whenever she feels I have done something to hurt/wrong her (I think this is what she does with her family, thus the reason her sisters hate her)

BUT - I know she has genuine anxiety problems (she is on meds now) which I understand because I have some of the same problems. We get along great and see each other 5-6 days a week (when we are getting along) and go hiking, biking, for dinners and drinks, friends houses, study/work together. She tells me she loves me , that she has only felt like this once before, and she wants more than anything for things to work out.

 

The bigger part of me says to just walk - I know she is lucky I have stayed this long and these lies are starting to feel like the final straw. However - another part says perhaps she has learned an important lesson, that I could be good for her, and she would never lie again as she wouldn't want to ruin things. Stupid, I know.

 

So that's how things stand - I know this is long...I think it is more me trying to put the pro's and con's down on "paper" to try and get some perspective. I think I need to wake up and smell the rotting roses...

[Cobra_X30]

Four points

 

1. Her family hates her... Dump Her now!

2. She is a pathological liar... Dump Her now!

3. She had the opportunity to stay with her sister but chose to stay with another guy on a trip.... Dump her now!

4. She actively treats you like crap... blames the results of her actions on you. ... DUMP HER NOW!

 

Do not be blind! She doesnt love you, if she did it would be nothing short of 100% honesty. She lies because she only cares about herself! She is going to resent and blame you for everything that goes wrong... and use that to mentally justify any bad behavior she does! Plus... She will straight up lie to your face about it!

 

You have one shot! One opportunity to cut the ties! 10 years and 2 kids down the road your going to regret staying with her... even if she never cheats on you!

 

Take control of your life! Give her the boot!

[Lyssa]

I'm with Cobra....

 

No point of staying with her when clearly she can't stop lying...