Why do we love our MM's/MW's so much?

[lovernotafighter]

What is the appeal of being in a relationship with a married partner?

 

some people say you can just walk away but really is that true?

 

have you found you true love with your married partner? what is it you love most about him or her that made you head over heels in the first place?

[lovernotafighter]

give me some love stories people!!

 

I want so real romantic stuff too!

[NoIDidn't]

Brainwashing comes to mind.

 

Seriously, I have no opinion on why the OP loves their MP. I do have one on why the BS loves the MP - even if they cheated. But that's for another thread.

[reboot]

Brainwashing comes to mind.

 

Seriously, I have no opinion on why the OP loves their MP. I do have one on why the BS loves the MP - even if they cheated. But that's for another thread.

Maybe you should start that thread.

[Jinnah]

What is the appeal of being in a relationship with a married partner?

 

 

psychosis?

[frannie]

What is the appeal of being in a relationship with a married partner?

 

some people say you can just walk away but really is that true?

 

have you found you true love with your married partner? what is it you love most about him or her that made you head over heels in the first place?

 

Well, LNF I don't think there's anything appealing about being in a relationship with a married partner... but I don't think that's what you meant..??

 

I think 'just walking away' is very difficult when there's love (or even lust) on both sides, or certainly unfinished business that you both want to continue. Usually, with a relationship ending, one or the other or both of you want out... affairs aren't like that.

 

I don't know about 'found true love' as that's somewhat gushy for me... but I certainly do love him, and as far as I can possibly know the feeling is mutual.

 

What do I love most about him..? I think that at this point, it's the way we've grown together and sorted through most of our problems (and we've had plenty!)... so that right now everything feels 'right'. It's that feeling of comfort and 'being home' with someone that I really appreciate at the moment. Not that it's entirely 'effortless' but we both put a lot of effort in.

 

What made me fall for him in the first place..? Hmm... I think it was his honestly and openness about his own feelings... and his lack of fear of listening to my emotions, ideas... we always had great communication right from the first, and shared a lot of interests and ways of looking at the world. It was like meeting someone I'd 'always known'... basically, that was it.

[NoIDidn't]

What do I love most about him..? I think that at this point, it's the way we've grown together and sorted through most of our problems (and we've had plenty!)... so that right now everything feels 'right'. It's that feeling of comfort and 'being home' with someone that I really appreciate at the moment. Not that it's entirely 'effortless' but we both put a lot of effort in.

 

Reboot, I don't need to start that thread since Frannie already gave a great answer for why we do. Unfortunately, when a spouse says it, its discounted or treated as an excuse to keep the other side from "winning" (for those that believe its a competition - I don't).

[luvmy2ns]

Because they are master manipulators

[reboot]

Reboot' date=' I don't need to start that thread since Frannie already gave a great answer for why we do. Unfortunately, when a spouse says it, its discounted or treated as an excuse to keep the other side from "winning" (for those that believe its a competition - I don't).[/quote']

Wow. Her post would indeed fit in that thread wouldn't it. In fact, if I were to post in that thread, I'd have said something similar. Life is strange sometimes.

[Jinnah]

If you OW/OM love your MP so much, let them go so they can have a peaceful life where they don't have to do all the unhealthy sneaking and lying and cheating... so they won't have to live a life full of guilt and confusion. It's eventually going to catch up and have unhealthy consequences... do you want their life in that much turmoil just so you can have them?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm in the minority here in terms of my long gone OW days. I was never 'in love' with any of the married or involved people I was with.

 

It was always a short term FWB thing, never lasting more than a few months. It sounds really terrible, but I would get involved with married or involved people, because they were easier to end things with than single people, and less likely to mess up my status quo in whichever relationship I already had going at the time. Could I walk away? Yes, I did. It was easy, and I was always the one who walked away first. Did I ever fall in love with any of them? No - simple really, I knew myself well as a cake-eating cheat, and knew them to be the same. Just because I was one, didn't mean I would want one for myself full time or trust them if I was in a relationship with one. I cared about them, but it was not what one would call 'true love'. Not by a long shot.

 

The only time I ever fell in love in that situation, I was single and dating a guy for six months. I fell head-over-heels madly in love with him. I was obsessed with him, passionately in love with him, wanted him all the time, etc. I noticed at about the six month mark after he told me he loved me for the first time, that his ex girlfriend started hanging out at the coffeeshop where I worked. I thought that was strange and commented on it to a mutual friend and the mutual friend finally spilled something that he should have told me a while previous: that the guy I was dating never broke up with her, that they had been together the whole time, and I was the OW, and that she was coming into the coffeeshop to size me up. Well, I dumped the guy immediately. I remember it well - it was on valentine's day.

[lovernotafighter]

Well, LNF I don't think there's anything appealing about being in a relationship with a married partner... but I don't think that's what you meant..??

 

your right Frannie I didn't mean appeal, more like whats keeping us in these relationships. it might be different for every one, thanks. I knew what I wanted to ask I just couldn't clarify

 

I think 'just walking away' is very difficult when there's love (or even lust) on both sides, or certainly unfinished business that you both want to continue. Usually, with a relationship ending, one or the other or both of you want out... affairs aren't like that.

 

I don't know about 'found true love' as that's somewhat gushy for me... but I certainly do love him, and as far as I can possibly know the feeling is mutual.

 

see I hear allot of people on this forum saying "well love or not you should end the relationship" it really isn't easy to walk away from any one you care for, it's hard for me to understand why people say things like that.

 

What do I love most about him..? I think that at this point, it's the way we've grown together and sorted through most of our problems (and we've had plenty!)... so that right now everything feels 'right'. It's that feeling of comfort and 'being home' with someone that I really appreciate at the moment. Not that it's entirely 'effortless' but we both put a lot of effort in.

 

my MM and I just talked about that...when people say oh he used you, or I used him and visa versa the thing they are missing in a big way is a affair is a relationship whether they believe it or not and the truth of the matter is because of the nature of the relationship it's 10 times the amount of work and effort to keep it alive then a quasi normal relationship..lots of work, yep, me too!

 

What made me fall for him in the first place..? Hmm... I think it was his honestly and openness about his own feelings... and his lack of fear of listening to my emotions, ideas... we always had great communication right from the first, and shared a lot of interests and ways of looking at the world. It was like meeting someone I'd 'always known'... basically, that was it.

 

that is beautiful. people will say our relationships are built on lies and this and that but we are all people and these relationships are as real as any ones.

 

it sounds like you have made a real loving and caring connection with your MM and that would be hard for any one to walk away from.

 

me, my relationship with him despite what people would think was talked through forward and backward. we both realised we needed another relationship to full fill our needs, however we fell in love which really wasn't something we anticipated but what we wanted and expected was always talked about and thought through.

 

the only thing for he and I to do at this point is enjoy our love and we do very much with no expectations, it's as unconditional love as one could possibly hope for.

[Lizzie60]

I have never fall in love with any of my MMs... it's very clear from the start... no commitment... I will never want them to leave their family.

 

It's a FWB thing... but more benefits for me..

 

Why MMs... because they are sexier... maybe something about the 'already taken' thing.. not sure...

 

With my MM from work... it is for sex, he is my best lover so far... he's a giver...he is extremely intelligent and funny. He's also a manager and within a few months he will get in the higher management which can be good for me... (long story)...

 

Can I walk away... of course, anytime since I'm not in love with any...but why would I?

 

But I have to say that I'm getting older and I downsized quite a bit in the last year.. I dumped more than half...

[NearlyThere]

What is the appeal of being in a relationship with a married partner?

 

some people say you can just walk away but really is that true?

 

have you found you true love with your married partner? what is it you love most about him or her that made you head over heels in the first place?

 

Well like Frannie has said, there is nothing appealing about being in love with someone married to another person and like her, I take it your mean why fall for someone who is married as oppose to single, who knows why that happens, chemistry has something to do with it. Some people are lucky and meet their ideal person first time, however many people dont.

 

Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse) after they are already married.

- from -

[url]http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/quizzes/public/infidelity_statistics.html[/url]

 

Walk away, well boy, that sounds easy when people see it in black and white or type it on a computer screen. Well if it was that easy I would have done it along time ago and so would the hundreds of other people who have been involved in an A.

 

Why would I walk away from a man who professes to love me, who makes me laugh so much my sides hurt, who has made every effort to see under my outer skin, who listens to me, treats me as his equal, who looks at me with passion or kisses me tenderly or just holds me in his arms, brings me flowers for no reason, gives me his last rolo, treats me with the same respect that I treat him, fulfills my needs whether they are whimsical or emotional, wishes me good-night and good-morning every day, who have supported each other through some very hard personal times in the last 2 years and come out the other side still together, stronger than before and become what we are now. Were these easy times? Of course not but real life is not easy and that is when you know it is more than just a fantasy. So, no, I cant just walk way.

 

Is he my true love? not too sure about the whole "true love" "soul mate" concept myself, however, I do believe that I have met someone who makes me truly happy, like no man I have met before, otherwise I would not be where I am and all the time he continues to do so, we will continue as it is.

 

What made me fall head over heels, "the first kiss", which funnily enough there was an article about in a newspaper -

 

 [url]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=479512&in_page_id=1965[/url]

 

however, it was the things that have followed that have made it much more than that first head over heels feeling.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I could fill the whole forum with reasons why I love him. But to break it down...in no particular order...

 

• He listens. Not just pretendy listening when really he's thinking about something else, but really listens. Asks about problems without me initiating, is genuinely interested in my life, my fears and always has two big arms to hug me better or a warm hand to hold when I feel I've lost my way
  
• He makes me feel like I can do anything. Anything I put my mind to. His belief in me helps my belief in me and has taught me so many wonderful things about myself
  
• We make each other laugh, all of the time. Anything can give us a giggling fit, and we giggle a lot
  
• He cant walk by me without touching me, brushing my arm, touching my knee. He stops me just to peck me on the lips. Even when he's driving, we hold hands. We hold hands everywhere, it just comes natural to us. We're very affectionate with each other
  
• We have shared interests and goals. We play sport together, we cook together, garden together, travel together. We dont even ask each other any more, we just know what we're going to do like its some unspoken conversation
  
• He's humble. He's had everything, all of the riches and profile somebody could ever have. He's been knocked many times and has crawled back, and has done it out of sheer hard work and belief in himself. He always remembers his roots
  
• We've been through such a lot together, so many problems, not just stemming from his M, but from work, my pregnancy, friends, enemies. He's made it his priority to work them out with me. You'd think as an MM, they would have him running for the hills, but no
  
• He was the first person in my life to make a positive out of my poor mums mental illness. When I was in a black hole scared to death about the voices in her head, he turned it around and said "Think of it this way. If the voices aren't bad, at least she doesn't feel alone". It made such a difference. He's got such a great way of looking at things and giving me a different perspective
  
• He's gorgeous, in my opinion anyway. Its his eyes, they are beautiful. He is physically fit and proud and he makes an effort (a manly one anyway, no waxed eyebrows or anything)

Can I walk away?

 

• Yes I can. I want him to be happy. I want him to wake up every morning and thank his lucky stars that he is alive and he is loved. If he asked me to, I would walk away and leave him to his life. If I get to a point that I can no longer wait for him to decide or I am no longer happy, I will walk away. I know I can do it now. The world doesn't end. The sky doesn't fall down.

What is the appeal in being with a married partner?

 

• There is absolutely no appeal at all in being with a married partner. For all the love I have had, i wouldn''t change much. But I would never encourage anyone to get involved with a married partner knowing how much pain it causes to everyone involved.

[Nyx]

psychosis?

 

No it's not, well, not in most cases I imagine as most people do not set out to hurt someone who they don't know from Adam (or Eve), let alone themselves!

 

This may be a load of hyperbole, because this is not an area that has been studied to any extent, to my knowledge. But with hindsight and objectivity on my side I think in some cases not wishing to commit might be the initial attraction whether realised or not. You don't have to get emotionally involved - ha, you keep your independance, you have time to yourself, you have someone dote on you at your best and they don't see you at your worst, yadda yadda.

 

You believe no one is going to get hurt, whoever that might be, and it doesn't seem that big an issue on entering the affair. After all, it's not going to last long is it! Maybe you only intended to go out for a couple of drinks have a chat, enjoy eachother's company for a moment or two. Maybe you had a physical encounter, but it's a one off isn't it! It's not - we all know it's not. If we were given the gift of foresight, there wouldn't be nearly as many OWs in the world.

 

Then there's the 'all the good ones are already taken' angle. As one gets older this does become increasingly true, and you have to catch them in that brief moment between relationships if you possibly can. Timing is crucial for this - there should be a public list posted on the internet and in national newspapers of all available (and sane) men.

 

So there you are, happily ensonced in this delightful relationship, but unless you are very strong-willed or you can cut the chord before you become emotionally involved, you do find yourself starting to yearn for the one thing you can't have. Is it healthy? Absolutely not. Is it enevitable - absolutely yes.

 

Big generalisation coming up - MMs are strong, confident, motivated individuals - frequently with half way decent jobs and prospects. They have a family for whom they care and provide. They've proved themselves already without us having to 'road test' them. That can be quite attractive. All the hard work has been done, and after all we're not going to get emotionally involved with them are we. They're the finished article - they have proved themselves to be worthy of our attention. It's only a fling and no one is going to get hurt.

 

Modern man (and by man I mean humankind of both sexes) has a level or morality. How much we could be self-governed without rules and regulations is not something we will ever know. At a deeper level lies instinct and to overcome millions of years of instict with a few thousand years of morality, if that, is a tough call. For all our teachings, for all our political correctness the need to find the invidividul who we would most feel will make the best father for our children (it doesn't matter if you have no intention of having children) is one of woman's most basic driving forces. On the other hand, a man's primeval instinct to procreate and father as many children as possible with as many women as possible to guarantee his genes are passed on to the next generation, means the marriage certificate for many has no more value than the paper it's printed upon.

[scaredinlove]

LNF

 

I think because most MM are starving for love and attention they really enjoy the R with the OW since they recieve so much love from us!!!

 

In excahnge they give us so much love too.

 

Mine is a sweetheart...

 

JNRR gave plenty of good reasons and i would back them all.

 

Mine even got a job 10 minutes from my home so we can spend more time together, until he can be with me fulltime. It will happen , we talk about it, but it may take years...

 

He said he wants my wait more barable so he changes jobs to be closer to me ....

 

He is there for me when i need , even when he is not there physically.

 

To give an example... My son got sick and I had to ake him to the hospital and missed work. I came home and there is this long message on my machine..

 

 

"Heard that your baby is sick , i hope everything is fine. Caling to say I love you and will call again to chek on both of you. Love you"

 

I guess he called my work and they told him what happen, I was in shock when I heard the message,we never talk on fridays because his W is home, I guess he must have sensed I needed him or something. It was soooo sweet. Can wait to talk to him...:love:

[Lyssa]

JNRR, let me ask you this.... DOES YOUR MM HAVE A TWIN BROTHER?!

 

He sounds so much like my MM. Damn. You making me miss him right now!! Think I'll call him right now. It's only 06:30 over where he is. Should give him a wake up call... he's playing golf later anyway.

 

As for me, I love my MM because he made me see a lot of things differently. He isn't afraid to talk and discuss about anything and everything. It doesn't scare him away when I have my blonde moments.

 

Now, I am spoiled. I love the finest things in life. I can easily afford to buy anything with the money I earned but what he has taught me is that, material things are just things you have here on earth. I know that but I never actually given that a hard thought about and now, I feel bad for those who don't even have a decent pair of shoes!! So because of how he made me see things, I have organised a charity carnival where I am giving away clothes, shoes, toys and food! He has been very supportive of everything else in my life.

 

He talks a lot which is something I am not used to when it comes to the man in my life. Most of the guys I used to date, don't talk much let alone want to discuss about anything. Not even when things were going down the drain.

 

With him, I can be myself. I can be silly with him, he'll be silly with me (sometimes he is sillier!!), we are so similar in a lot of ways that it's a bit scary.

 

My MM said that I bring out the best in him, that makes two of us. He brings out the best in me, things I thought I couldn't do. He is very supportive of my career and always around to help me out in any way he can.

 

Would I be able to walk away? I know I can. It's not the end of the world. I may walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me but at least, I had experience the love that no one (most people, I would say) could possibly dream of.

[Lyssa]

I think because most MM are starving for love and attention they really enjoy the R with the OW since they recieve so much love from us!!!

In excahnge they give us so much love too.

 

SIL! You got that right!!! I know for a fact that even if I met him when he was single, he would still be as loving because that is just him, you know. I don't agree when people say he's like that etc cause he is married.

 

Mine is a sweetheart...

 

I'm sure he is and all of us OW would agree to that!!!!

 

Mannn... that was very thoughtful of him! I hope your child is in good health now!!!

 

[[[sIL]]]

[GreenEyedLady]

What is the appeal of being in a relationship with a married partner?

 

some people say you can just walk away but really is that true?

 

have you found you true love with your married partner? what is it you love most about him or her that made you head over heels in the first place?

 

I don't believe that there is appeal with a married partner...my partner just happens to be married...

 

Can you walk away from the love of your life so easy? I think not, or they're not the love of your life...

 

I have found true love with my partner and he with me...And we are happy together...We don't need anyone's approval to tell us what we feel for each other is acceptable...

 

I fell head over heels in love with him when I thought he was divorced...He was the perfect other half of me...he completes me...We are both similar and different...the perfect combination for someone like me...and we accept each other's flaws as just quirks that come with a killer package...

 

I guess I am different to some OW's that have come before me because when I think about "us," I see a future, I see I am first in his life...and mostly when it comes down to me either wishing I was her or me, I am glad I am me...because he has shown, time after time, that I am the one he cares about, I am the one that he makes sure he pleases, I am the one he cannot live without...

 

And it actually makes me feel sorry for her...She may have his last name, but I have his heart, his love and his consideration...

 

Does anything else really matter? To me, no...He loves me and he shows me, every day...not in fleeting moments or hurried fumblings in the back seats of cars, but in a way that would be acceptable in a real R...

 

A's can be R's...They are not always short-term or about sex...Sometimes they are almost like magic and before you know it, they have a life of their own...And for the people who are in R's like that, it makes it all worth it...

 

Just being real...

 

GEL

[Lyssa]

And it actually makes me feel sorry for her...She may have his last name, but I have his heart, his love and his consideration...

 

You got that right!

[OWoman]

She may have his last name, but I have his heart, his love and his consideration...

 

My MM's W doesn't even have his last name. In fact, all she has of him is his parenting of his kids. They don't share a bed, meals, time or interests. They don't share thoughts, humour, concerns, dreams or a future.

[Lyssa]

My MM's W doesn't even have his last name. In fact, all she has of him is his parenting of his kids. They don't share a bed, meals, time or interests. They don't share thoughts, humour, concerns, dreams or a future.

 

He shares all of that with you, right? If so, that all that matters. You keep him happy, he keeps you happy!

[GreenEyedLady]

My MM's W doesn't even have his last name. In fact, all she has of him is his parenting of his kids. They don't share a bed, meals, time or interests. They don't share thoughts, humour, concerns, dreams or a future.

 

Alot of people don't understand that there are some R's where "arrangements," and schedules differ than the regular 9-5 that appears to be the norm on LS...Or that M's sometimes deterioriate to little more than the occasional "hi" and "bye"...

[lovernotafighter]

Alot of people don't understand that there are some R's where "arrangements," and schedules differ than the regular 9-5 that appears to be the norm on LS...Or that M's sometimes deteriorate to little more than the occasional "hi" and "bye"...

 

it happens to allot of relationships..it happened to mine.

 

next thing you know we were no more than room mates. I do love him but my love for my MM is romantic and still infatuating after all this time. my husband has my love as my friend and companion.