IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 But it could matter to him. If he told you not to visit him, you'd have to stay away... I agree they would if asked BUT if allowed then they would when the BS wasn't around. If there's a will...then there's a way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Any of you watch the TV show Brothers and Sisters?? If not, google it and read up on last season. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 we have actually spoke of this very scenario, and he made no request that i not visit him. he told me he would do whatever he had to do to be at my side in such a situation, and i told him the same. he made no objection. of course, i am sure he hopes the situation never arises, as do i. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 we have actually spoke of this very scenario, and he made no request that i not visit him. he told me he would do whatever he had to do to be at my side in such a situation, and i told him the same. he made no objection. of course, i am sure he hopes the situation never arises, as do i. If he didn't want his W finding out he'll do whatever he can to make sure she doesn't find out. He may say that now to you but change his mind later. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 If he didn't want his W finding out he'll do whatever he can to make sure she doesn't find out. He may say that now to you but change his mind later. Is that a polite way of saying he might be lying? Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Is that a polite way of saying he might be lying? Take might out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 of course he doesnt want her to know, but lying possibly unconscious in a hospital bed would not allow him any say in what happens at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jinnah Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 The bottom line is, as "stupid/skewed" as these questions are, you know that doing them will prove you are not number one... LB, you are great! I love your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 of course he doesnt want her to know, but lying possibly unconscious in a hospital bed would not allow him any say in what happens at that point. omg... You saying you'd be willing to chance her knowing? Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 i assume by your silly little face that you are being sarcastic? anyway, i was just saying that if he was seriously injured i would be by his side, no matter what. because i love him and would have to be there. at that point and time, what she knows would not matter to me anymore, and if he survived and had to deal with the fall out so be it. he would know the reasons i was there and why i did it. i am getting tired of the incessant need some of you have to tell the OW how their MM lie to them all the time! not everything they tell us is a lie, just as not everything they tell their W's are lies. hell, not everything i tell him is the truth either! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I agree: i am getting tired of the incessant need some of you have to tell the OW how their MM lie to them all the time! not everything they tell us is a lie, just as not everything they tell their W's are lies. hell, not everything i tell him is the truth either! If you think the MM lies to his OW.. imagine all the lies he tells his W.. btw, in my case, they have NO reason to lie to me... as they know I am not in love with them... so they have no problem talking about their personal life at home or even outside... I know some of them see other women... no problemo. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 i assume by your silly little face that you are being sarcastic? anyway, i was just saying that if he was seriously injured i would be by his side, no matter what. because i love him and would have to be there. at that point and time, what she knows would not matter to me anymore, and if he survived and had to deal with the fall out so be it. he would know the reasons i was there and why i did it. Wonder what he's take would be on that. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 as i have said, we discussed it and i told him i would be there. he knows how i feel about it. i am sure she would have a problem with it as she already knows me in a way. i would do my best to not upset her more though. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 6, 2007 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 6, 2007 Please stick to the topic of this thread, cease the personal banter and eliminate the personal attacks or it will be closed. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I am assuming that the OP had certain OW in mind when this thread was created...I do not wish to address the OP per se except to say this: It is too bad that you consider yourself the know-all in R's...Don't propose to tell anyone the status of their R until you walk a day in their shoes...Life is not always black and white or right and wrong... There are some things in life that no one would ever understand until they experience it...and I experience that I am number 1 in my MM's life...I will not give further details because I am intelligent and will not have my information wind up on someone else's board...I am not blind nor dumb...My R is what it is, a R...and if that is so hard for you to believe or understand, perhaps you should put me on ignore... I am here to help others, to deal with the choices they have made and support them in that choice...I am not here to be saved or judged...No one has to agree with me or even like me or the R I am in...The fact of the matter is that there are many women like me and this is a place we come to support and encourage each other... And I hope there are times that we help open people's eyes to the fact that we are not villains, we are not victims, we are simply humans dealing with the choices we have made... But don't attack us or our men...Just like you protect yours, we protect ours... Peace...GEL Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 sorry to burst your bubble, jinnah, but i would bet that most OW have said most of these things, and still have remained in the "relationship" even without the best results, with the hope that things will change. and even if they didn't, they will claim that they don't want these things anyway, just so they don't have to admit defeat. i am sure, actually, i know that there are women who have no problem dating a married man with no strings attached, but if every woman on here says she's happy with what she's got and doesn't want him for herself, someone is lying. in any case, i don't think you'll get any of the OW's here to admit they aren't number 1, because they don't want to admit it to you or anyone else...or themselves. i also think some of these OWs who post are the same person. just my opinion. What I find so interesting is that why should an OW have to prove she is #1 to anyone outside the R...It's more sad that a W would need to prove it... And I am not going to give out TMI over a public board so I guess you'll just have to remain in suspense...But I'm happy and I know it so that's really all that matters... And if you can't tell the difference between the writing styles of posters, then there's no evidence I could ever show you that would convince you anyway... JMO Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 And if you can't tell the difference between the writing styles of posters, then there's no evidence I could ever show you that would convince you anyway... JMO eh GEL you see it takes one to say a thing like that...KA is very TF-ish..so the skunk smells there own stinkies first! Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 The bottom line is, as "stupid/skewed" as these questions are, you know that doing them will prove you are not number one... LB, you are great! I love your responses. well now your divorced so doesn't seem like your number one either guess the only number one is the cheating spouse go figure Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I am assuming that the OP had certain OW in mind when this thread was created...I do not wish to address the OP per se except to say this: It is too bad that you consider yourself the know-all in R's...Don't propose to tell anyone the status of their R until you walk a day in their shoes...Life is not always black and white or right and wrong... There are some things in life that no one would ever understand until they experience it...and I experience that I am number 1 in my MM's life...I will not give further details because I am intelligent and will not have my information wind up on someone else's board...I am not blind nor dumb...My R is what it is, a R...and if that is so hard for you to believe or understand, perhaps you should put me on ignore... I am here to help others, to deal with the choices they have made and support them in that choice...I am not here to be saved or judged...No one has to agree with me or even like me or the R I am in...The fact of the matter is that there are many women like me and this is a place we come to support and encourage each other... And I hope there are times that we help open people's eyes to the fact that we are not villains, we are not victims, we are simply humans dealing with the choices we have made... But don't attack us or our men...Just like you protect yours, we protect ours... Peace...GEL Very well said, GEL! Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Whomever a man loves, is the #1 woman in his life, period. It can be the wife or it can be the OW. It cannot, in my opinion, be both. By the way, Which Way.....a "blonde moment"? What might that be? As opposed to a brunette one, I suppose... Sorry to be sensitive, but as a (natural) blonde PH D I thought those jokes went out with Polish ones.....(the Polish now being all millionaires...uh you get the point) OE Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 1.Tell him to leave his BS and go live with you. I didn't tell him to do this, he decided for himself it's what he wants. We're working on that. 2.Tell him to come over when you want him to, not when he can conveniently trick his wife... heck wake him up (while he is sleeping next to his wife) and tell him to come over right on the spot. It's a 2 hour drive to the airport, and 10 hour flight and then another 7 hour flight. And then another hour's drive from the airport. But he's done just that, once, when I said we needed to discuss something face to face. Must have cost a fortune, too. On the other hand, we were staying with his family once (it's a couple of hours drive away from where he lives) and his W phoned in the night. She phoned his family's landline and woke them up to tell them he must come home because she was frightened and lonely. His mother told her to grow up and no she wasn't going to wake him up to tell him that. Next morning he saw there were lots of missed calls on his phone (it was switched off) and he just ignored them 3.Tell him you want his wife to know about you so you won't be the "dirty little secret" anymore. She doesn't want to know, or she knows and doesn't want to hear. 4.Call him while he is sleeping with his wife and tell him to stop and come sleep with you. 20 hours later I'd be wide awake! Anyway they sleep in separate rooms so it doesn't really apply. (And yes, he answers promptly when I call him any time of the night. Takes the call without hesitation.) 5.Ask him to spend every holiday with you because you miss him/are lonely. He already does. Not because I'm lonely, because he is when we're apart. 6.Tell him you need some money out of his paycheck I would never do this to anyone! But he offers all the time, and when he thinks I need something he just buys it without my asking. This is a no-brainer - if I needed something, he wouldn't hesitate. Just as if he needed something from me, I wouldn't hesitate either. All friends do this for each other all the time. 7.Tell him you want to be the one to live in his house with him instead of the wife and kids. We did discuss this at one point but it would take so much effort to get rid of all her crappy decor and kitsch that it would be easier just to get a new place and start from scratch! Not sure what this proves, or not. But for the record, I don't want to be number one in his life. I want him to be number one in his life and for him to love all the people he loves in appropriate ways and appropriate measures. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 as i have said, we discussed it and i told him i would be there. he knows how i feel about it. i am sure she would have a problem with it as she already knows me in a way. i would do my best to not upset her more though. You are not his wife or family. The hospital staff will not allow you in his room if he is in critical condition. Your place in his life will have clear boundaries when the hospital staff closes his door in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I..and I experience that I am number 1 in my MM's life... Well then that's at least one person in your relationship who thinks you're number one. GEL, ignorance really is bliss, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 And to all the OW who claim they don't want MM to leave his wife or that he's "working on leaving", please, don't make me laugh. A lot of people here are in serious denial. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 What I find so interesting is that why should an OW have to prove she is #1 to anyone outside the R...It's more sad that a W would need to prove it... This statement is sad and this whole thread just pins BW against OW all over again. How the heck does a wife prove that she is number 1 when she DOESN'T KNOW that her husband is having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts