To all the OW who think they are number one...

[Lyssa]

I'm going to break it down for you...

 

You are not going to suddenly wake anyone up...We are in our R's because we want to be...some of our R's are actual, normal R's (if there's such a thing)...I personally was mislead about my MM's status, I didn't know he was married...when I found out it had been over a year and I chose to stay...He is good to me, it is not what you are thinking an A is...

 

I do feel it's unfortunate that he is married, but because of the way this board is, I will not give any more info because I don't like being attacked...I'll defend myself, my MM and my friends here...

 

And I realize that religion is very important to you, but it's not the case for everyone...and I really believe in forgiveness as opposed to damnation...

 

So I see that you feel that you are on a crusade (although I thought you were just bored from your comment on "Rant's") then you won't get many followers by being rude or mean or nasty or insulting...The way you get followers is to lead by example, to show that you are happy and then people want to be like you and have your happiness...

 

But if you're mean and nasty, no one wants to be like that, so no one will listen...and your purpose is lost...

 

But the real bottomline is that if it was just so easy as saying "Ok, I'm going to end my A today," there wouldn't be a need for this forum at all...So you can say everything you've been saying 1 million times and it will fall on deaf ears...This is about love which is something that is hard to erase...

 

And if you get angry coming here, maybe you shouldn't come here...Life should be about being happy...Life's short, why live it unhappily? Why not make the most of it?

 

And you can call me and the others a mistress until your blue in the face and it boils down to: who cares what you think? You're not my judge, you're not my boss, my mother, my friend or my lover...

 

So, sticks and stones...

 

GEL... This is a really great post. Thanks, gorgeous!!!

[Lyssa]

about BS and OW... it make me smile when I read things people say that makes it OK for them...

 

for ex... when they're having an EA with someone but don't think it's an A...and it's OK... LOL because they are such good spouse....and they would never ever even think of other men/women... *cough* *cough*

 

They have 'perfect' M...but are still having EA with other men/women... pathetic... really pathetic...

 

I can say the same thing... it's OK.. it's only physical in my case...so it makes it OK.. no harm..

 

EA... PA.. IMO they're all the same... once someone takes your mind away from your partner...you are 'cheating' whether you want to admit it or not.

 

Then this OP becomes your No. 1... because you can become 'obsessed' with this person...

 

Humm....

 

I agree, Lizzie! It's always okay for 'them' if it's EA...

[GreenEyedLady]

Maybe she wonders how people can be so selfish to only care for themselves, never concerning themselves with who they're hurting or what child's home they're wrecking?

 

Believe it or not, most people are absolutely fascinated by the pathology of people who can live their lives with complete disregard for others.

 

Kinda like the way you spew out your venom on strangers in this very forum?

 

Now that's someone who doesn't concern themself with who they're hurting...

[Jinnah]

...And I realize that religion is very important to you, but it's not the case for everyone...and I really believe in forgiveness as opposed to damnation...

 

You have to repent to be forgiven.

 

I understand that you were lied to (I really do - that sucks), but we still have choices to make and they aren't always easy.

 

None of you hear the nice things I say to you (like I feel for you and think you deserve better)... you only hear the frustrated things people say. I do apologize if I have offended you.

 

God Bless.

[Lizzie60]

I agree GEL ... great post... so true... Who cares...really?

 

Are we going to stop seeing our MMs because someone has made her life a mission to preach for marriage? Don't think so ...

[CAT100]

Everyone makes their choices in life & there is little that people on a internet forum can do to change their minds. Lets just say it doesnt work out for me & my MM, do you think Ill come on here & tell all other OW that MM are a total waste of time & they should stop being so stupid & just dump them? And if I did, would any OW take my advice?? No and no! There is no point whatsoever. Everyones situation is different so what is relevant to me might not be in the least relevant to others.

What I am saying is that people choose to be an OW for whatever reason, they are consenting adults & whilst certain people may think it is wrong/pointless/unfulfilling/whatever, you cannot force someone to share your viewpoint!

I thought the main point of this section of the forum was to help & advise people that are or have been OW/OM to deal with the situation they are in?? Not to mock/berate them. They have already decided to be an OW/OM so bashing them for it is a bit like closing the door after the horse has bolted, no??

[Lyssa]

They expect us to understand them? Funny.

 

It's amazing how they can never stay away from OW/OM forum. Even when the thread is just about a bunch of us minding our own business!

[sarme]

If I say everything over and over, then why haven't you realized why I am on here? I want the mistresses (!) to realize that they are really hurting another woman out there and that is wrong, that they themselves deserve better than this, that the MM is a lying cheat, who isn't leaving his wife, that adultery is a sin, it destroys people lives (lots of the OW claim to care about the children, but they are the ones doing the destroying of a child's life along with the MP), etc... the list goes on. Also, I do have anger towards people who selfishly participate in affairs, not as a BS, but as a child who's family was destroyed b/c of an affair... even today (all these years later) it affects my life and the lives of my siblings.

 

I have realized that everyone can talk "till their blue in the face", and the mistresses will never change.

 

 

If I try really really hard I can almost understand what your mission is, what you don't seem to get or want to understand is that the people that come here who are deep in a situation that has surpassed them, be it in "judgment or morals or even will", are people who are very much emotionally invested in their significant others. What you don't seem to get it is that telling any of these people that what they are doing is wrong and what they are doing is hurtful and all the other obvious stuff that you are wanting to insisit on, goes in one ear and out the other because a lot of women you are trying to preach to are have already made their educated grown up decisions on their own. They are adults with will power and the power of choice.

 

I suggest you leave the surmons for those who are looking for conversion, because here you are preaching to the non-convertible. Not to mention your "higher than thou" almighty attitude only pushes people away.

 

If there is any reason at all any of these ladies might have a change of heart in their ways you are making sure they resist simply for the fact that they do not want to hear what you want to say because of your attitude.

This pretty much goes for all the people that harp so strongly on the agression. IMO

[Jinnah]

...I suggest you leave the surmons for those who are looking for conversion, because here you are preaching to the non-convertible. Not to mention your "higher than thou" almighty attitude only pushes people away...

 

I do not think I am better than any of these women... I just expect better. I have made mistakes, as we all do.

[sarme]

You have to repent to be forgiven.

 

I understand that you were lied to (I really do - that sucks), but we still have choices to make and they aren't always easy.

 

None of you hear the nice things I say to you (like I feel for you and think you deserve better)... you only hear the frustrated things people say. I do apologize if I have offended you.

 

God Bless.

 

 

You really do have a grandiose complex don't you. I'm sorry but who are you exactly to decide what they deserve? What if what one woman deserves according to what she needs to feel fulfilled doesn't coincide with what you want for your own personal life? That means they are not getting what they deserve? Or does it mean they are not gettin what you would think you deserve, if you were in their shoes?

 

 

I hate that expression, sorry. I hate it when people say you deserve X. What do you know what someone deserves or doesn't, I think we all set out own standards on what we need to feel happy and fulfilled.

 

People in communist countries probably "deserve" to have more material goods (well according to a capitalist mentality, they do) But the reality is a lot of people who are in socialist countries live happy lives, and so they are not getting what they deserve even if they look very happy?

We get so much in NA and yet everyone looks so damned miserable all the time.

 

So everyone gets "what they deserve"

[sarme]

I do not think I am better than any of these women... I just expect better. I have made mistakes, as we all do.

 

Well that's fine your expectations are yours to own and no one can deny them to you, as you cannot deny other people's expectations for their life.

 

 

Well thank goodness you are human afterall, for a second there I thought you were one of those Japense robot human clones they just came out with.

 

Did anyone see those by the way they are soo damned creepy, talk about throwing a wrench into the mix pretty soon the OW/OM are going to be robots...forget the blow up dolls or actual OW/OM. :laugh:

[Impudent Oyster]

Kinda like the way you spew out your venom on strangers in this very forum?

 

Now that's someone who doesn't concern themself with who they're hurting...

 

Don't insult everyone's intelligence by comparing the attempted destruction of a family to me posting my opinions about OW on a message board.

 

If I were having any effect on you you'd reconsider lowering yourself to the status of the other woman, but since you claim to be thrilled with your role in helping MM deceive his family, I'm perfectly harmless.

[Impudent Oyster]

Well that's fine your expectations are yours to own and no one can deny them to you, as you cannot deny other people's expectations for their life.

 

 

 

What are your expectations when you choose to be with a cheater? Will you be upset when he cheats on you, or will you understand that you were no longer meeting his needs and wish him well with his new soulmate?

[GreenEyedLady]

Don't insult everyone's intelligence by comparing the attempted destruction of a family to me posting my opinions about OW on a message board.

 

If I were having any effect on you you'd reconsider lowering yourself to the status of the other woman, but since you claim to be thrilled with your role in helping MM deceive his family, I'm perfectly harmless.

 

Too bad your high standards don't apply to yourself, or across the board...

[sarme]

What are your expectations when you choose to be with a cheater? Will you be upset when he cheats on you, or will you understand that you were no longer meeting his needs and wish him well with his new soulmate?

 

 

Oh I don't know I think you can answer that question yourself considering you chose to stay with your H who also happened to cheat on you and probably will again because you already have the living proof?

 

My guy never cheated on me, he was cheating on hiw W. When/ if?? he ever does cheat on me get rid of him as quick as I can say (insert name here ------> _______ who?

 

and yeah I will wish him well with his new soul mate, he will be of absolute NO use to me cheating on me. Once is one time too many.

I have very strict standards for myself when it comes to infidelity in my rel.

[NearlyThere]

What are your expectations when you choose to be with a cheater? Will you be upset when he cheats on you, or will you understand that you were no longer meeting his needs and wish him well with his new soulmate?

 

Surely then we are back to whether you believe in the "Once a cheater, always a cheater" phrase, you either believe that philosophy or you dont. BS's who take the WS back after infidelity obviously dont believe in it, so why should the OW.

[bunset]

I married my single AP as soon as my D was final.

SG told me all about his 1st M and how he was a 'dog' and serial cheater.

For nearly 17 years as my H he has repeated to me how he's totally committed to me.

That he has never lied to me and wouldn't ever do the stupid, childish things he did in the past.

Do I believe him? Yes.

Am I worried because I had an A, that I will again, or he will need to get revenge or just find a more virtuous woman to be with?

Hell no! He's a big boy. He can do what's best for himself. I do not control his feelings (if I could, I'd wipe away my infidelity so he wouldn't feel betrayed) or his actions.

Am I worried he's going to abandon me because he has 'good cause'?

No, because we have a minor son that needs his Dad, and his Dad cares deeply about him. If H feels the need to leave me, he will.

If he wants to be a 'cakeman', well, I'd cross that bridge if we ever come to it.

As my MM said to me when I questioned his motives and rational thought for an A...

"I enter here of MY OWN FREE WILL."

 

Quit obsessing over 'could' happen to any one!

[Havn_a_life]

Oh I don't know I think you can answer that question yourself considering you chose to stay with your H who also happened to cheat on you and probably will again because you already have the living proof?

 

My guy never cheated on me, he was cheating on hiw W. When/ if?? he ever does cheat on me get rid of him as quick as I can say (insert name here ------> _______ who?

 

and yeah I will wish him well with his new soul mate, he will be of absolute NO use to me cheating on me. Once is one time too many.

I have very strict standards for myself when it comes to infidelity in my rel.

 

Obviously not if you think it's ok for him to cheat on his W with you, but not cheat on you with any other "woman".

Sounds like you ripped yourself off by even associating with a MM who cheats on any woman.

[Smiling again]

Hi, the problem with the title is even though some may not think they are number one, you have pulled every OW in the direction to read your questions...and I get your point...but I think you have missed the point on what we get by not being number 1. Not every OW wants the whole package. If you honestly want the answers to the questions you pose, then please think about it from number 2's position.

 

1) We get him at his best. Always. We may be the "dirty little secret" as you put it, but trust me, he likes this little secret. A lot.

2) Yes, you spend the night with him in the same bed. When he is home. That business trip he took...chances are #2 was there with him, being wined and dined and sleeping in that big hotel bed with him.

3) Need money from his paycheck? With all the gifts he lavishes on #2...jewelry, clothes, trips, flowers...I think its fair to say, we dont need his cash...

 

We both could go on and on, and that isnt my point...really...I just was drawn to your thread, and I think maybe if you are asking those questions, you might need to think about it from #2's position.

[Touche]

I know I don't get that either. I'm really trying to understand. The woman claims to have "high standards" for herself. Wow.

 

So let me see if I understand this. You don't think he's sleeping with his wife? You believe him when he tells you that he's not with her? Or is it ok if he sleeps with his wife but no one else? Are you saying that if he sleeps with his wife that doesn't count as cheating on you?

 

Gosh, I'm so confused. I'm really trying to understand.

[sarme]

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:...

 

...?...

 

...oh, you were serious?...

 

....

 

I don't see anyone else laughing or what is so funny?

 

Here let me requote what I said since you obviously didn't get it the first time.

 

I have very strict standards for myself when it comes to infidelity in MY rel.

 

What a man does in his past is his problem, my current partner had never cheated in his life. My ex, whom I was with for 7 yrs cheated on a past girlfriend he was not that into while he was travelling abroad, yet he never cheated on me. What's your point? And he might or might not again, not really my problem anymore. While he was with me he was faithful and stuck to his word, promise.

 

I am not NOT going to give someone a chance because the circusmtances of a past rel. lead him to do something stupid. I've done stupid things in my past rels. and I am hardly "undatable"because of that.

 

Now if I knew a man was physically abusive to a past relationship I would have all sorts of aprehensions in getting involved with him but a past infidelity it does happen. I write people off who do me wrong, but I don't judge people by their pasts when it comes to a screw up like that.

The thing is you have to trust your instincts and my instincts are a-ok!

 

The day my instincts fail me you'll be the first to know, until then, one day at a time and I am happy this way. That's the bottom line isn't it? feeling satisfied in the choices one makes.

 

Would I forgive a man who cheated on me? Not in a million years.

[Jinnah]

I didn't even think she was referring to you...kinda funny that you did...

Oh, so she quoted me, but wasn't talking to me? My bad... or are you the one who's confused?

[GreenEyedLady]

Oh, so she quoted me, but wasn't talking to me? My bad... or is it yours?

 

She quoted you but directed it at you and then said on a side note to someone else, so I didn't even think that was meant for you, but I could be wrong...

 

Me and my run-on sentences...

[sadbuttrue]

i agree. i would not tolerate cheating from MM. if i thought for one moment he had another OW out there, he would be gone. i would want nothing more to do with him. as for the W, i know about her, and i am not intimidated or jealous of his R with her.

[Lizzie60]

I'm back... and this thread is still going on...

 

I was just no 1.. for one MM... who needs TLC every couple of weeks... when his wife is away for work... (I personally think she's having her fun too, she's away waaaayy too often ).

 

It was fun... some light BDSM... he likes that... my bum is red...