To all the OW who think they are number one...

[nittygritty]

Nope, never. I'm a hardened cynic who didn't think such things really existed. I've had plenty of lust, that I recognised as lust, at the time. Plenty of desire, and the odd bit of infatuation that I also dismissed as infatuation. I really didn't think love was possible. Certainly not for me.

 

 

 

I don't think it was a choice. In the beginning it was supposed to be just a fling, at least from my side. I was honest with him about that, and after a lot of talking he finally gave in to the idea. It's not his kind of thing at all - but I got him in a weak moment and I can be very persuasive when I put my mind to it. Neither of us planned on this. It just happened.

 

 

 

I think we're both fairly realistic about what lies ahead. Although I never did a moment's guilt about leaving my own M at the time, because I harbour no illusions about M or about "staying together for the kids" after watching my parents stick it out when they should have split, I know that that's not so for everyone, and some people do feel guilt.

 

There's no right answer for his kids in this situation. Him staying with W will make them unhappy, all the fighting and hysteria are not good for them. Him leaving and them staying with W will not make them happy, as they've said they want to be with him. Him leaving and them going with him will not make them happy as they'll only see W twice a year. We're all going to have to settle for "best of the the possible" on that one, and only time will tell whether it is best or not.

 

The A is not the cause of the problems here, though. It may have exacerbated them (he says not, but then I'm not sure he's in the best position to say) and it may have brought them to a head (so to speak) by creating a platform for comparison with the unhappy M.

 

We've lived together during the A, for extended periods of time. It's been surprisingly easy, despite teenagers (mine though, not his) and jobs and chores and money and all the other sticking points I expected to get in the way. I don't imagine that a permanent move would be anywhere near as easy, and I imagine that traumatised teens will certainly add to the challenge, wherever they choose to be.

 

But our conflict resolution skills are well-aligned, we've got a solid communication basis and if it doesn't work, we're both big and ugly enough to deal with that and move on. Which doesn't mean we aren't going to give it our best shot. Yes, the odds are against us. But to walk away from the one shot at love, at real happiness that has come to us, because of bad odds? We're neither of us that kind of person!

 

 

Its unfortunate for all those involved in the painful, dramatic ordeal. I can't say that you've won anything good but it does sound like his wife will be better off. Whether she realizes it or not, someday she will be greatful that he is no longer her problem.

 

You and MM will have a difficult time finding happiness with this type of foundation that the relationship was based on. The passionate secretive affair will soon become a distant memory now that the reality of the real life relationship begins.

 

Perhaps, your sharing the intimate details of the painful reality of an affair will help those involved with someone thats married see that the fun fling has repercussions and pain for all those involved. It will be a long time if ever, for the two of you to live peacefully with a love that was based on lies.

 

Good luck, your certainly going to have a difficult road ahead.

[sb129]

Why did Jinnah start this thread? From what I can see, she isn't a BS, so why take it upon herself to try and make the OW "see sense" re: something that has nothing to do with her?

If its out of boredom, thats a little twisted....

 

I can't be bothered wading through the pages to find out, can anyone enlighten me please?

[luvmy2ns]

Why did Jinnah start this thread? From what I can see, she isn't a BS, so why take it upon herself to try and make the OW "see sense" re: something that has nothing to do with her?

If its out of boredom, thats a little twisted....

 

I can't be bothered wading through the pages to find out, can anyone enlighten me please?

 

I actually wondered that myself. But so many "others" feel they are really the love of their married partner's lives. It's kind of sad, because most of them are only being led on, whether consciously or not. That's the only reason I can think of for beginning a thread like this.

[sb129]

I actually wondered that myself. But so many "others" feel they are really the love of their married partner's lives. It's kind of sad, because most of them are only being led on, whether consciously or not. That's the only reason I can think of for beginning a thread like this.

 

I know, but its a topic thats done to death. The OW here aren't looking to justify their situations they are looking for support from other OW. Obviously the Infidelity boards get heated because BSs go there for support too, but why not just leave them to fight it out amongst themselves?

 

I just think its wierd that a woman who isn't even affected by infidelity (or is she???) would bother with this kind of thread unless it was for some kind of flaming sword crusade.

[nittygritty]

Why did Jinnah start this thread? From what I can see, she isn't a BS, so why take it upon herself to try and make the OW "see sense" re: something that has nothing to do with her?

If its out of boredom, thats a little twisted....

 

I can't be bothered wading through the pages to find out, can anyone enlighten me please?

 

 

Jinnah's said she grew up with her father having had affairs. I think she was trying to show the reality of the existance of a wife and family that usually takes priority over affairs outside of the marriage, until a divorce occurs. I think it was an enlightening thread.

[GreenEyedLady]

Jinnah's said she grew up with her father having had affairs. I think she was trying to show the reality of the existance of a wife and family that usually takes priority over affairs outside of the marriage, until a divorce occurs. I think it was an enlightening thread.

 

I think the most enlightening part of it was the fact that the OW is not always #2...and for those that are, that's ok with them, for whatever reason...

[sb129]

Jinnah's said she grew up with her father having had affairs. I think she was trying to show the reality of the existance of a wife and family that usually takes priority over affairs outside of the marriage, until a divorce occurs. I think it was an enlightening thread.

 

 

OK, thats fair enough.

Thanks!

[nittygritty]

I think the most enlightening part of it was the fact that the OW is not always #2...and for those that are, that's ok with them, for whatever reason...

 

I agree with you about that.

 

It doesn't really matter who #01 is, in this type of situation because its painful for all those involved.

[bunset]

I think your missing the point. A married man is unavailable to you. His wife and kids take priority in his life. He would get a divorce if you were more important to him than his wife. If his kids truly were his #01 priority he wouldn't have the time to have an affair.

 

Your relationship is limited to being just f*ck buddies.

 

If just being F*ck buddies is your idea of what love really is then I'd say thats REALLY f*$ked up.:lmao:

 

Ummm, excuse me NG,

but why do you write these replies as if you know LNF and her R?

I doubt you do.

 

Anyway, I don't keep score with my MM. He has a rich and varied life. Sometimes other things take priority over our R. Other times, he's told me that all he has at he moment is us.

I love my MM and sometimes I do not make him #1 in my life. I hope he can be mature enough to understand that I'm a whole individual and our R is extremely important to me, but I do not rely on it to rate my own worth in the world.

I hope no partner requires such assurance, and they can be healthy and fulfilled.

[bunset]

You're not kidding. An inconsiderate, selfish bastard of a husband and a woman who has no respect for marriage or commitment. How long do you think that will last?

 

Good luck OW, you're going to need it, and congratulations to the BW for getting rid of her joke of a husband.

 

I might have missed it in all the many pages, but could you (IO or someone else) tell me to whom you are referring when you speak of "An inconsiderate, selfish bastard of a husband and a woman who has no respect for marriage or commitment"

 

Because I am unable to gauge "How long (I) think that will last" just from that description alone.

 

Thanks,

[Havn_a_life]

I think the most enlightening part of it was the fact that the OW is not always #2...and for those that are, that's ok with them, for whatever reason...

 

Well, for the OW and for the BW, they each think they're #1, when infact, to the MM, he is #1. That's why he's stringing 2 women along.

[whichwayisup]

he is #1.

 

And he's more than likely lovin' it too. I mean, what a high for him...Having two women, having all his needs met 24/7.

[Havn_a_life]

And he's more than likely lovin' it too. I mean, what a high for him...Having two women, having all his needs met 24/7.

 

Exactly, and looking at it that way, neither the OW or the BW are #1, they're both at the bottom of the MM's list of priorities.

His 1st priority is to his genitals.

[Tomcat33]

His 1st priority is to his genitals.

 

 

Riiight because it is striclty about the "genitals".

Like he can't get his genitals taken care of at home.

C'mon what an oversimplistic view, can it get any more simplistic than that?

 

If life were that easy we wouldn't need VISA or is it MASTERCARD?

Oh no..."for everything else there is MASTERCARD"

[luvmy2ns]

Riiight because it is striclty about the "genitals".

Like he can't get his genitals taken care of at home.

C'mon what an oversimplistic view, can it get any more simplistic than that?

 

If life were that easy we wouldn't need VISA or is it MASTERCARD?

Oh no..."for everything else there is MASTERCARD"

 

His genitals are just one piece of the puzzle. It's also about the ego stroking. Hmmm... "Stroking" in one form or another.

[TogetherForever]

His genitals are just one piece of the puzzle. It's also about the ego stroking. Hmmm... "Stroking" in one form or another.

 

:lmao:luvmy, alotta stroking going on with mm:lmao:

[Tomcat33]

His genitals are just one piece of the puzzle. It's also about the ego stroking. Hmmm... "Stroking" in one form or another.

 

 

Genitals are just one peice of the puzzle in any romantic setting, you are stating the obvious. We were born with them we cannot seperate them from our being to relate to people, it's the way god intended it.

[CAT100]

I think your missing the point. A married man is unavailable to you. His wife and kids take priority in his life. He would get a divorce if you were more important to him than his wife. If his kids truly were his #01 priority he wouldn't have the time to have an affair.

 

Your relationship is limited to being just f*ck buddies.

 

If just being F*ck buddies is your idea of what love really is then I'd say thats REALLY f*$ked up.:lmao:

 

I really cannot believe the audacity of this comment. Every MM/OW relationship is different and some MM do love their OW & spend lots of time with them doing many other things apart from sex. How on earth do you know what other peoples relationships are like?? I find your above comments not only offensive but very judgemental & frankly ridiculous

[Havn_a_life]

Riiight because it is striclty about the "genitals".

Like he can't get his genitals taken care of at home.

C'mon what an oversimplistic view, can it get any more simplistic than that?

 

If life were that easy we wouldn't need VISA or is it MASTERCARD?

Oh no..."for everything else there is MASTERCARD"

 

Sometimes the most simple things are staring one in the face.

This guy sounds like a real winner. And yeah, I'm sure he's getting himself taken care of at home, as well as at the OW's house.

It has been known to happen.

[Havn_a_life]

Genitals are just one peice of the puzzle in any romantic setting, you are stating the obvious. We were born with them we cannot seperate them from our being to relate to people, it's the way god intended it.

 

Well, not quite in that way. He didn't intend for a man to have more than one "servicer".

[Havn_a_life]

I really cannot believe the audacity of this comment. Every MM/OW relationship is different and some MM do love their OW & spend lots of time with them doing many other things apart from sex. How on earth do you know what other peoples relationships are like?? I find your above comments not only offensive but very judgemental & frankly ridiculous

 

Sorry, but any man who's M and has an OW isn't in love with either one.

He's inlove with his genitalia and how it gets taken care of.

[lovernotafighter]

Exactly, and looking at it that way, neither the OW or the BW are #1, they're both at the bottom of the MM's list of priorities.

His 1st priority is to his genitals.

 

 

MM go through for them's genitals

[OWoman]

Sorry, but any man who's M and has an OW isn't in love with either one.

He's inlove with his genitalia and how it gets taken care of.

 

That's a very simplistic POV and doesn't explain EAs, or MM who go without sex for months at a time waiting for the OW.

 

If it really was just all about sex, they'd walk down to the main road with their small change. "Hired help" costs a lot less than the costs - financial and emotional - of an A.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I expect that a good deal of MM would abandon OW if she told him that she was cutting off the sex, and any physical interaction that was sexual or intimate in nature because she wanted to make sure it "wasn't just about the sex". Some MM would stick around, but not many. Its funny. They'll fight to stay in a sexless marriage, but stick with a sexless OW? Nah. Not too many. They'll put up with that in the marriage, but not with the OW. They'll just go find a new OW.

[Tomcat33]

Actually, I cut mine off several times at one point it was for two months. We continued dating but as friends and everything was exactly the same, only difference was that at the end of our nights, he would go back to his place and I would sleep in mine.

Sure he wasn't "thrilled" but he handled it very well understood my concerns and patiently won my respect/trust for him once again.

 

At any rate, it's a completely simplistic view and as it appears some of you just "simply"want to believe that and it doesn't matter what you hear othewise you'll find a way to make it about sex, because that is what comforts your thoughts, the notion that any A is "strictly about sex"

 

You know I was going thought personal stuff once in a ltr and was not feeling very sexual, my bf at the time says to me "well how much longer is this going to go on because I am going to need sex again you know!" It had been maybe 2 weeks. Show any man there is a possibility that sex could be gone and watch him overreact.

 

Wouldn't you if your man decided not to have sex with you anymore?

Well some women I already know the answer...some women would rather clean up dog barf all day long than sleep with their husbands but in general most women wouldn't like it. No one would. Sex is an integral part of any rel. PERIOD.