sarme Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Yeah, sure he does. I have absolutely nothing to prove to you. I am not the BS who stayed with her cheater of a H and spends her life on LS hurling insults at OW because she just can't seem to trust her own decsions so she needs to put down other women. So I really have nothing to prove to you, of all people. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 A lot of people here are in serious denial - yup. Denial for some stops when that person is no longer with their MM/MW. They get away from the situation and begin to see it for what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I have absolutely nothing to prove to you. I am not the BS who stayed with her cheater of a H and spends her life on LS hurling insults at OW because she just can't seem to trust her own decsions so she needs to put down other women. So I really have nothing to prove to you, of all people. So you're saying he didn't divorce his wife and marry you? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Oh so your MM divorced his wife and married you? I can't understand why so many BW harp so on the piece of paper aspect. Surely they, like us OW, know that M is a porous institution, that a piece of paper is actually not much of a trophy? My MM wants to marry me. I am completely opposed to the idea as I find the institution of marriage anathema to my political and personal beliefs. He feels that the social sanction of a piece of paper will signal to the world how serious he is about me - the same way that he's made a point of integrating me into all aspects of his life, of being openly a couple and of being proud to be seen to be my partner. One of us is going to have to compromise on this and no doubt lots of people will read lots of things into that, whichever way it goes, but in reality it has nothing to do with anyone but MM and I and the way we choose to designate and define our R. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 So you're saying he didn't divorce his wife and marry you? This is exactly why I never felt the need to post the update on my rel. because of people like you. I have nothing to prove to anyone in this world other than to myself. Imagine what you want out of my situation because I am giving you nothing to work with, it will be all your own imagination doing the work. I'm . That's all that matters to me. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I can't understand why so many BW harp so on the piece of paper aspect. Surely they, like us OW, know that M is a porous institution, that a piece of paper is actually not much of a trophy? . I know. I'll tell you why? Because the only way they can securely grasp on to a man is with a peice of paper. Seen the movie Misery? The only reason some women haev men stay with them is because the peice of paper holds them hostage. For some women that's good enough I supppose.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I think your missing the point. A married man is unavailable to you. His wife and kids take priority in his life. He would get a divorce if you were more important to him than his wife. If his kids truly were his #01 priority he wouldn't have the time to have an affair. Your relationship is limited to being just f*ck buddies. If just being F*ck buddies is your idea of what love really is then I'd say thats REALLY f*$ked up.:lmao: that YOU are missing the point... The MM is unavailable but not because he doesn't want to.. he just prioritize his kids... and that's fair enough...I would do the same thing... My children are the MOST important persons in the world for me...eventhough they are now adults. I can see why a man never leaves his family... not because he loves his W...not because he doesn't love his OW... but because of his children... It's strange that some people think that men do not love their kids just as much as the mother... this is SOOOO not true. It's not always because of sex... For me.. it is.. but not for my MM and I know it... I know him... he loves me to pieces... we've been together sometimes and we didn't have sex... Do I want him to divorce ... no... because 1) I don't want him... I don't want any man in my life... 2) I wouldn't want him to be miserable without his daughter (his adoration)... 3) I don't want to destroy the good life he has with his wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 A married man is unavailable to you. Tell that to my MM, and many of the others. Their availability is their choice. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 A married man is unavailable to you. His wife and kids take priority in his life. He would get a divorce if you were more important to him than his wife. If his kids truly were his #01 priority he wouldn't have the time to have an affair. Your relationship is limited to being just f*ck buddies. If just being F*ck buddies is your idea of what love really is then I'd say thats REALLY f*$ked up.:lmao: I think you're missing the point: my MM is available to me... Children are always dragged into the argument, but the fact is, children are a priority, period...The parent/child bond supercedes all other R's...and I think that's a given, so I think that argument is null and void... And thank you once again for the barometer of how to decide when someone is a priority in another's life... My R is not limited to sex, but that is a satisfying part of it... The only thing that is funny here is your idea of what love is and how to express it... Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I think your missing the point. A married man is unavailable to you. His wife and kids take priority in his life. He would get a divorce if you were more important to him than his wife. If his kids truly were his #01 priority he wouldn't have the time to have an affair. If there is one thing my MM never was, was to be ""unavailable"to me. The whole reason why we even fell in love was because we spent so much time together. Time he chose to spend with me. Time he chose not to spend with his W. We would not have fallen in love had he been spending that time with his W. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jinnah Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 No I don't. I don't behave the way she does. Unreasonable behaviour provokes an unreasonable response, often, and I'm really glad that counselling has taught him to stand up to her abuse. They're educated people - they don't respect "marriage" uncritically. They respect marriages and relationships that have value. They've never liked his W because of the way she treats him - they've consistently advised him to dump her. They were very happy to hear he had an OW, one that he loved and who made him happy, and insisted on meeting me and welcoming me into the family. W is not welcome in their house - when MM visits, he visits alone or with the kids. There is a long history to this - she has been very abusive to them too and they're not prepared to tolerate that in their own home. Yes his W knows he's leaving. As do the kids. Good... if she knows he is leaving her it still technically sucks, but isn't quite the same as a man stinging the W and the OW along. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Jesus ask any guy at the begining of any rel even if you ARE sleeping together to give you any of these things and they will run for the hills. Only if you know for a fact you are spending the rest of your lives together do you ask for these things. I couldn't even being myself to promise these things to my guy and I am head over heels on love but it is still relatively new, I am a "take it a day at a time kind of girl" to each their own I suppose...... # 13 - acutally he wants to get pregnant I am not ready... "Love" is not there at the beginning of a relationship. Even a sexual relationship. The married couple are having the actual real life "love" relationship because he's not willing to divorce her. Only when a divorce takes place is someone available for "love". Scr*wing someone isn't "love". Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 a competition is coming soon.. and the high management wants him to fill this position... When he first told me about it.. He was very insecure and said he didn't think he wanted all those responsibilities and a zillion meetings a week with the high management... But this position would bring him close to me... in the same building, on the same floor... so I convinced him to take it... His wife advised him NOT to take him since he was happy with what he had.. and money is not the most important..blablabla... He will take it.. he is getting ready for it... and I know he will get it... LOL... good for him.. and good for me.. cause I want him to do some cleaning up in my departement... mouuhhhahahahaaaaa... So he chose to be close to me... eventhough the job makes him nervous... (I will encourage him LOL.. I know he can do it)... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jinnah Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 I can't understand why so many BW harp so on the piece of paper aspect. Surely they, like us OW, know that M is a porous institution, that a piece of paper is actually not much of a trophy? My MM wants to marry me. I am completely opposed to the idea as I find the institution of marriage anathema to my political and personal beliefs. He feels that the social sanction of a piece of paper will signal to the world how serious he is about me - the same way that he's made a point of integrating me into all aspects of his life, of being openly a couple and of being proud to be seen to be my partner. One of us is going to have to compromise on this and no doubt lots of people will read lots of things into that, whichever way it goes, but in reality it has nothing to do with anyone but MM and I and the way we choose to designate and define our R. Usually religious people are the ones that hold "the piece of paper" seriously. That's the problem I have with this. I am a Christian and I think this is 100% wrong... and if I was not religious, I would still not agree that a person deserves to be betrayed like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 It may seem hard to believe but there are different levels to loving someone or people.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 "Love" is not there at the beginning of a relationship. Even a sexual relationship. The married couple are having the actual real life "love" relationship because he's not willing to divorce her. Only when a divorce takes place is someone available for "love". Scr*wing someone isn't "love". I actually think this is the dumbest comment I've ever read on LS... Do you even believe that crap?! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 "Love" is not there at the beginning of a relationship. Even a sexual relationship. The married couple are having the actual real life "love" relationship because he's not willing to divorce her. Only when a divorce takes place is someone available for "love". Scr*wing someone isn't "love". I agree they have the real life.. the bills, the house chores, the kids.. He's not willing to divorce because she's like an old slipper... comfortable.. he doesn't want to lose his kids.. he doesn't want to lose his financial security... Love has nothing to do with all the marriage crap... it has to do with the soul, the heart.. Scre*ing is not love, I agree... but if you think that when the W gets scr*wed as you say... and he closes his eyes and his mind is with the OW... humm.. I wonder who gets the 'love'... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I find the logic here bizarre. The MM chooses to spend time with his W and kids and it's "well you see, you're not his priority and you'll never be, you're just some gutter-dwelling piece of filth he uses to satisfy his baser instincts." The MM chooses to spend time with the OW and it's "well look at the rubbis he is, neglecting what's most important to him. How could you possibly want to spend your time / life with such a piece of sewage? You must be a gutter-dwelling piece of filth to prize yourself so lowly." There really is no right answer here, is there? Unless it's self-flagellation, self-immolation and sack cloth and ashes all round. With so much misery in the world, why is the idea that some people might actually be happy so intolerable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jinnah Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 that YOU are missing the point... The MM is unavailable but not because he doesn't want to.. he just prioritize his kids... and that's fair enough...I would do the same thing... My children are the MOST important persons in the world for me...eventhough they are now adults. I can see why a man never leaves his family... not because he loves his W...not because he doesn't love his OW... but because of his children... It's strange that some people think that men do not love their kids just as much as the mother... this is SOOOO not true. It's not always because of sex... For me.. it is.. but not for my MM and I know it... I know him... he loves me to pieces... we've been together sometimes and we didn't have sex... Do I want him to divorce ... no... because 1) I don't want him... I don't want any man in my life... 2) I wouldn't want him to be miserable without his daughter (his adoration)... 3) I don't want to destroy the good life he has with his wife and kids. If you don't even want a man in your life why's he in it? If you could care less (and just want sex) get it from one who isn't married where you are not desrtoying another woman's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jinnah Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 I have absolutely nothing to prove to you. I am not the BS who stayed with her cheater of a H and spends her life on LS hurling insults at OW because she just can't seem to trust her own decsions so she needs to put down other women. So I really have nothing to prove to you, of all people. Are you jealous that the W sometimes stays with the husband and you don't get him anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Are you jealous that the W sometimes stays with the husband and you don't get him anymore? Jealous of what? I didn't get that!?!? If it's what I think you said I think it is the other way around, some BS just can't accept they have no control overy their wayward spouses, even if they stay with them! I would be a basket case too if I chose to stay with somone who just can't stay faithful to me! Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I think you're missing the point: my MM is available to me... Children are always dragged into the argument, but the fact is, children are a priority, period...The parent/child bond supercedes all other R's...and I think that's a given, so I think that argument is null and void... And thank you once again for the barometer of how to decide when someone is a priority in another's life... My R is not limited to sex, but that is a satisfying part of it... The only thing that is funny here is your idea of what love is and how to express it... There is a big difference between "being available" and "being available to have sex, when its convenient". Love is an action. A married man's action towards his mistress is not love, unless he divorces his wife. He is just having sex with a mistress. If your wanting a purely sexual relationship than having sex with someone whose married would be a solution but if your wanting a love relationship, don't you think its wiser to start off by picking someone thats not married to someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 There is a big difference between "being available" and "being available to have sex, when its convenient". Very much, I agree. I've had both, and can tell the difference very easily. And guess what - the guy's marital status had nothing to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 There is a big difference between "being available" and "being available to have sex, when its convenient". Love is an action. A married man's action towards his mistress is not love, unless he divorces his wife. He is just having sex with a mistress. If your wanting a purely sexual relationship than having sex with someone whose married would be a solution but if your wanting a love relationship, don't you think its wiser to start off by picking someone thats not married to someone else? Don't worry, his availability is not dependent on sex...But you don't mean enough to me for me to explain anymore... I have a relationship with my partner that is based on friendship, love and mutual respect... I guess that's what really pisses you off... Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Don't worry, his availability is not dependent on sex...But you don't mean enough to me for me to explain anymore... I have a relationship with my partner that is based on friendship, love and mutual respect... I guess that's what really pisses you off... GEL.... You go, girl!!!! That's what relationship is... based on friendship, love and mutual respect.... which mine is based on all three and more!! Link to post Share on other sites
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