Author coath Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 Regarding the AD\'s ~ If I am correct ~ you only went to your doctor in the last week or so ~ if this is how long you have been taking the meds then I would give it a little longer before you up your dose ~ AD\'s can take up to 8 weeks to really kick in and perhaps a week or so longer before you actually start to FEEL better ~ stay positive Coath ~ You\'re doing OK. Breaking up with someone isn\'t easy ~ especially when you\'ve got children aswell ~ just keep bimbling along ~ and take each day as it comes ~ it will get better soon i hope you right about it getting better its a constent battle with myself everyday i feel suffucated i dont wat to do anything when i get home apart from watch tv , myfriends are starting to distance themselfs scary thought but suicide is always on my mind dont worry i wont do it cowards way out if you ask me , i will get through this pain for jasmine i will keep coming to work for jasmine she means the world to me !! im not going to give up !!you guys are a real god send ! keep it coming Link to post Share on other sites
joekurtz Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Like Missy said mate, ADs take a bit before they really get built up in your system & begin to take effect. It varies how long depending on which specific meds you're on. With about four weeks being the average from my experience, but you should start to begin feeling somewhat better after about two weeks. Just be sure to take them properly & don't miss any doses. They can't do their job if you're not taking them as prescribed. As for increasing your dosage on your own, as tempting as I know that might be, don't go that route because not only will you run out of your prescription early, thus having to go without until you can get your refill ( which will defeat their purpose ), but your doctor won't be able to get an accurate take on whether the dosage he or she has you on is working or not. OK? Also, at the risk of disillusioning you somewhat, don't expect the ADs to be some sort of miracle pills. They WILL help, but it won't be a sudden change for the better. Their effects are gradual & often subtle. In all honesty, you'll still get depressed & you'll still feel sad about the same things that you're feeling sad about now. But, you'll cope with it better. You'll find yourself climbing up out of that deep, dark pit of despair that you've been in. And you won't be plagued by that suffocating veil of hopelessness & those fatalistic thoughts that haunt you now. Anti-depressants won't cure your heartbreak, but they'll definitely help you get through it. I like to think of them as a sort of emotional decongestant, if you will. You know how when you're in the midst of a bad cold & your sinuses are all plugged up & it feels like head is going to explode & you can't breath at all? And you're in a state of physical misery because of it? Well, a good dose of decongestant obviously won't cure the cold, but once it begins working, it sure does make you feel a whole lot better & it allows you to recover from said cold in a much more comfortable state. Right? Well, the ADs will work in much the same way. You'll get through this heartbreak on your own, but the meds will allow you do so in a better emotional state than you'd be in without them. Got it? Hope I helped a wee bit. Take care mate. Link to post Share on other sites
joekurtz Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Oh ****e, forgot about your friend's insensitivity. Sorry to hear that they're not being as supportive as they ought to be being. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. But, that being said, now's not the time for you to be spending all of your time alone either. So, don't go becoming insular over their being a bunch of wankers. Might I suggest getting together with your mates as much as you can ( or want to ), but avoiding the talk about your wife, her affair & your feelings regarding it all. Try to ignore it when you're with them. Don't bring it up unless they ask about it & in that case, talk a bit about it, but don't dwell on it. I know it's hard to think of anything else in times like this, but just do your best to when you're with your friends. Also, if you really feel the need to speak face to face to people about everything that's going on, you might want to see if there are any sort of support groups that hold regular meetings in your area. Those might be a big help. Just a suggestion. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Coath I am so sorry about your situation - sounds like what is happening to me - wife of 6 years is leaving me and we have two children, 2 and 5. I am so scared of the idea of her being gone - she decorated the house so it is full of all kinds of girly things like flowers and lacey things all over. There's a wall full of wedding pictures - I just keep looking at that wall of pictures and seeing it as a blank wall, and it kills me inside. She decorated the house for Christmas and it looks so nice, I know next year I will have to do all the decorating myself and I break down and cry when I think about it. She hasn't left yet and that's the only thing that helps me get by each day but she brought home a bunch of boxes to pack all of her stuff into and it felt like someone punched me right in the stomach several times. I still love her so much but I love my children just as much so I stay strong for them. I was crying upstairs and my 2 year old daughter came up and said "what wrong daddy?" she smiled at me - she is so caring, such a sweet child and I know that my wife won't take them away so I get by and I go on. I don't know how I am going to cope when she is finally moved out, it just kills me, but I know I have to deal with it and I hope to see that you have finally dealt with it and that might give me some hope that it will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Coath I am so sorry about your situation - sounds like what is happening to me - wife of 6 years is leaving me and we have two children, 2 and 5. I am so scared of the idea of her being gone - she decorated the house so it is full of all kinds of girly things like flowers and lacey things all over. There\\\'s a wall full of wedding pictures - I just keep looking at that wall of pictures and seeing it as a blank wall, and it kills me inside. She decorated the house for Christmas and it looks so nice, I know next year I will have to do all the decorating myself and I break down and cry when I think about it. She hasn\\\'t left yet and that\\\'s the only thing that helps me get by each day but she brought home a bunch of boxes to pack all of her stuff into and it felt like someone punched me right in the stomach several times. I still love her so much but I love my children just as much so I stay strong for them. I was crying upstairs and my 2 year old daughter came up and said "what wrong daddy?" she smiled at me - she is so caring, such a sweet child and I know that my wife won\\\'t take them away so I get by and I go on. I don\\\'t know how I am going to cope when she is finally moved out, it just kills me, but I know I have to deal with it and I hope to see that you have finally dealt with it and that might give me some hope that it will be ok. i really feel for you mate its hard , i have been through so much the last 13 weeks , watched her family tear apart my home boxed all my stuff up watched my little girl cry aslo jasmine told me she prayed for me everynight this is the hardest thing i have ever done but it does get easyer just takes time and alot of help !! hang in there ride the rollercoaster !! if you want to email to talk im here would help us both i think !!href=\"mailto:[email protected]\">[email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 UGH! I know what you mean - this is so freaking hard. Today was a pretty good day - I thought about stuff but I didn't shed any tears nor did I feel like I needed to. I felt I could get over her and be ok. I came home from work and left her alone, talked about the kids with her a bit. Then she was ready to leave work and said goodbye to all of us. Usually she gives me a goodbye kiss - but today she just started walking out the door, so I went over to get a kiss and she gave me a pretty half-hearted one and then left. All the feelings like I was getting over her left me and I just kind of broke down and the tears started to flow. They were gonna flow anyway, after seeing her again - probably would have been worse if I didn't bother to get that goodbye kiss at all. God it sucks I want to be close to her but I can't. I use to be able to just go up and kiss her anytime I wanted to but I can't. I don't let her see that I am upset, I just act like everything is ok around her. I've been down that clingy road and I'm not going down there again, even though inside I am still clinging to her. Geez I feel weak sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 you sound alot stronger than me mate ! i still cant even see sam everytime i see her i fall to bits , i have just got to stay strong i front of jasmine !i dont know your whole situation mate but if we all stick together we will make it through this !just keep me posted on how your doing ! Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Coath - you can read about my ordeal here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138046/ Had another depressing day today - lots of hiding and crying. I was crying all the way home from work but she's home and I am pretty good when I am around her, until she goes upstairs and I'm downstairs by myself, then the tears will sometimes flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Coath - you can read about my ordeal here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138046/ Had another depressing day today - lots of hiding and crying. I was crying all the way home from work but she\'s home and I am pretty good when I am around her, until she goes upstairs and I\'m downstairs by myself, then the tears will sometimes flow. just finished reading your post i feel you pain cryed a tear even! i feel like i am getting better , more posative at work i just wait till i get home now to brake down ! i have just got to keep going and it will get better !anyway how are you holding up any update on the situation !! hows the children chin up mate Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I wish I had something good to update - but things are bad as you know. Spent some time with the STBXW Sunday night, watched a movie together on the couch - which was nice. Too nice, it just keeps bringing me pain to know that she no longer loves me. She still pursues the other man, even though she knows I know about him. I told her I found out her myspace password is "Ilove___!" and she just told me she's sorry I had to see that. She never even bothered to change it to something else! Now I see that she is checking her soul mate status with his name on an astrology site! AAAAAAAAAAAaaaa - I just stopped crying long enough to type this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 I wish I had something good to update - but things are bad as you know. Spent some time with the STBXW Sunday night, watched a movie together on the couch - which was nice. Too nice, it just keeps bringing me pain to know that she no longer loves me. She still pursues the other man, even though she knows I know about him. I told her I found out her myspace password is "Ilove___!" and she just told me she\'s sorry I had to see that. She never even bothered to change it to something else! Now I see that she is checking her soul mate status with his name on an astrology site! AAAAAAAAAAAaaaa - I just stopped crying long enough to type this.... just hang in there mate , i am forcing myself to have a good day at work toady i havent seen jasmine since friday and its killing me just looking forward to the weekend now so i can see her !! it will get easyer trust me i doing things now that 10 weeks ago i couldnt im at work earning money seeing friends , have you got anyone helping you though this , close friends etc take care mate Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 hi everyone , well things are looking up for me just glad i had you people here to help i owe you alot , well whats going on with me , i have met someone else things are going great just taking it slow and meeting her has shown me that you was all right things do get better in time , i am moving in to a new house in two days with my best mate , jasmine is happy and all this has shown me that maybe i wasnt in love with sam as much as i thought and have been missing out on alot !!i just want to thankyou all and to everyone who is looking for help to get you through the bad times you have come to the right place !!you people are amazing thanks !!take care everyone ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coath Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 well i just read all of the thread i cant believe some of the things i was saying and doing i surpose people deal with it in defferent ways !its the first time in 4 weeks that i cryied a tear reading the thread not sure why maybe some of the pain came back !!a little update on sam she is seeing this bloke i have seen him once but it didnt bother me as much i thought it would , and guess what apparently shes engaged wtf !! but now i had i taste of what i have been missing out on i dont want to ever get back with her she has done me a massive favour !!!thanks Link to post Share on other sites
jeffrey_e Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 My wife has a history of emotional problems. Lately things for her have been going down hill. She had surgery to remove a fatty growth on her shoulder, then 3 weeks later had a bone spur removed from same shoulder. She lost her job, screwed up a good job interview, cant find work and moneys getting low. Then her friend Merrie from Washington comes to visit and is so happy. She net a man and is in love. She's never been so happy. My wife says, I dont feel that way about Jeffrey. Three days later, after 27 years she says out of the blue, " I want a divorce. I've retained an attourney and it's expensive. Call your Aunt and ask for a loan. I've been advised not to discuss anything financial. Please move your things from the bedroom and into your office(one of the bedrooms) since you cant afford your own place you can sleep there. My bedroom is off limits" And just like that. After nursing her back to health for all those years, her 3 stays in the psychiatric ward. I stood by her and she wants a divorce? "You want one? you got it." and I left. Reason? I'm not ambitious enough and dont make enough money. I have champaign taste and caviar dreams and you dont.. Oh by the way, shes about to turn 50. I feel sick. The pain is so intense. I'm scared, feel sad and lonely. I just lost my best friend. Gone. Just like that. Shes not the same person. My youngest ,19, doesnt want to see her he's so mad. Everyone was surprised. Shocked. Most everyone has been supporting me and avoiding her. They all think she snapped. I know shes not seeing anyone yet has contacted an old boy friend whos rich. I cant do that to myself so I stopped looking. Must concentrate on me. My friends all say, even her 2 best friends, that I'm better off without her. Shes turned into her mother and will face reality soon enough. Run and dont look back. All good advice. And I will go on with my life. But for now. My heart is broken and It hurts so much. Link to post Share on other sites
jeffrey_e Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I hope that in a few months I feel as good as you. I've read the threads and you have come a long way in a short time. GOOD FOR YOU!!! All the best, Jeffrey Link to post Share on other sites
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