Friend Zone

[peter333]

Quick information about this girl:

She has not really had a long term boyfriend. She is still a virgin. She is same ages as me (19years). She really like dressing up and going out. She says I’m her best friend in the whole world and trusts me with anything. She knows that I hate hearing things about Guys she meets out.

 

I met this girl just over a year ago at being off October at university though a flat mate, just after meeting her I moved into their flat as it was more exciting than mine.

Around December I and this girl, started to become really good friends and we would stay up all night talking until 8am. This when on for a while until we left for the Christmas holidays. I didn’t speak to her during them but when I got back from the holidays we started to talk again. This is when I first started to have romantic feelings about her.

As the time when on, I felt stronger for her. In February at a birthday party I told her that: ‘I have feelings for her more that a friend’.

She reacted surprised and said sorry I see you as my ‘best friend’.

A few day when by and she was acting like nothing had happened, I was feeling really bad about this but carried on talking and being friends.

One night out at a student party I saw her kissing this other guy, instantly I feel excruciating pain in my heart and complete loss of breath, and I had to leave at once.

The next day I spoke to her and said that I’m sorry but I don’t think I can see you anymore because it hurts too much. She did start to complain and say that it’s not fair and after crying for a couple of hours she agreed with me.

We didn’t talk to each other again for 8days although she tried to phone, text and msn but I didn’t reply.

On the 8th day I was out in with some friends in a night club, and she found me after asking my friends where I was, she was cry and started to hit my chest gently saying: ‘WHY WHY I don’t understand, you cannot just not see me, it’s not fair’

At this point I could stop myself from hugging her after not seeing her in 8days, we both hugged each other really tightly and wound let go for the rest of the night. We then walked back and fell asleep together.

After this we then deiced to become best friends again, but I didn’t go out with her just in case she met someone she liked and they started to kissing, as I found it to be one of the most painful things someone could experience.

A month went by and I was starting to do much better. Until the 19 April when I decided not to go out as I had university work to do. I was sitting in my room when she came back really early from a night out (about 30min since they left). She sits on my lap and put some music on, and asks what I have been doing tonight. She then started to play with my hair, and then rolls onto the bed. I then asked have u been drinking tonight? She said ‘no’, I then ask why have u come back so early then? She says ‘to see you’, and told me to lie down with her.

Anyway we end up talking for a while then I kiss her and she kisses back, we carry on doing this into early next Moring until we fall asleep.

Time now goes by and nothing else happens, but we carry on talking and being really close. Mid May university ends and she has got a work placement abroad for 4months, so she says good bye crying her eyes out and leaves, promising that she will speak to me every day.

When she gets there, we talk most days for a fair bit of time.

When she arrives back she phones me asking me to meet her, as we are now living in different apartments. I really want to see her but make an excuse because I feel that if I see her all the emotions I have for her will come back.

4 days go by and I have been making dozens of excuses, until one night when she finds me out.

We both freeze for a second and then she started to gently laugh as her eyes water, I then hug her and we didn’t let go for ages. That night we spent ages looking at each other and dancing, although not a lot of talking. At the end of the night I walked her home and we hugged again.

The following Monday, I took her out for dinner. During the meal she wanted me to ask her questions about her trip and said that I would like the answer. She then said: ‘Ask me any question you want you will answer honestly’ I wanted to tell her that I still have feelings for her and if she has any for me, but I was too afraid.

After the meal we when out and I walked her home again.

As we got to hers I asked her if I could take her out for dinner again, but this time if she would bring her passport, ‘suggesting it was abroad’

(I’m taking her to Paris to have dinner then come back on the same day. We are going on the euro train.)

She said yes.

The trip is planned for the next two weeks and I want to know what I should do. Should I tell her how I feel before, during or after the trip? When would the best time be?

I thought that I should tell her afterward, because then she might release that I really like her and that I will do anything for her.

What would be the best approach to letting her see me more than a friend?

[peter333]

I'm seeing this girl later today, please can anyone give me some advice.

[Liquinn]

No idea, sorry xD

[peter333]

Lol, its ok. no one does at the moment

[Poboy]

initially , you were in the friends zone with her for sure. right now , its tough to tell going by her actions with you. usually , when a woman tell you that they just want to be friends , they mean it and dont want anything more than that. so that is a big questionmark if she still feels the same way or not which you will only come to know if you ask her.

 

you need to tell her how you feel about her. there is no point you hanging around and she dragging along in this. trying to remain friends with someone whom you have feelings for rarely work out as both people are looking for two different things.

 

go for the trip , have fun , enjoy and when you feel its right to tell her , do it.

 

i know Paris is THE one place to tell her how you feel about her but it would be better to tell her at the end of the trip in my opinion. you really dont want the trip to suck if you tell her and she doesnt take it the right way and gets upset or something . this will make the trip awkward for both.

 

go with the flow and do as when it feels right.

do tell us what happened and good luck

[peter333]

Thank you, and don't worry i will tell you how it goes

[peter333]

For the last 2days I have got her a flower, first her favorite a red rose, then today a red tulip. (Single flower) when I go and see her.

I was planning on doing this till the 16th October when I take her to Paris (in 6 days) .

One of my friends thinks that this is really romantic and a good idea to show her how I feel, but another friends say that this shows that I’m desperate and doing it once is special, more than once is desperate.

I think that this is a good idea because I know she loves attentions, but then I’m conscious of what my friend said.

Does anyone have an opinion on this matter please?

[tomwiz]

One flower is fine, women like to be appreciated, not smothered as I learned hte hard way. Just let the cat out of the bag already. When i was your age I had a simliar situation, kept it in, let it out after over a year. You've made good progress moving out of the friend zone, just continue doing what your doing, but i wouldnt give a flower a day, let your actions show how you feel...you dont need anything else.

[LoveLace]

I agree with Poboy. Paris is the perfect time/place to tell her your true feelings. And it sounds as though "the friend zone" is long gone to me...it sounds clear to me that she sees you as more. It all sounds pretty romantic. But don't go overboard with flowers ,etc, just here and there with that sort of thing. It sounds as though you two immensley enjoy each other's company and mesh well romantically. Have fun with it..let dinner in Paris be special but don't put too much pressure on yourself, just do what feels right while still thinking before you speak. You might not see it, but this appears to be evolving into something quite meaningful, just enjoy it.

[Trialbyfire]

All I can say is, no pain, no gain. It appears to me she's put out the bat signal enough times that there's no doubt she has feelings beyond friendship for you. As to what those feelings are, who knows until you talk to her.

[peter333]

Thank you so much for your help, i really appreciate this. I will give it a shot.

[Pentula77]

I think you're moving too slowly with this girl...a little more action and less words imo. Step up the intimacy. You did the right thing intially backing off from her and cutting contact with her when she said LJBF's....

[peter333]

The other day, we were talking on msn about being out together and she said that we couldn’t hold hand or show each other affection because she said that there is this guy she likes and she wants to appear single. I got annoyed at this fact and said: so it ok that we hold hands and show affection when it suits you. She replies that she doesn’t want to scare off guys. I then said: so what u are saying is that you like to show affection when no one else can find out. She replies: Ok whatever. Do what u want and ill do what I want, I think we both need to stop thinking of consequences so much, and just go with the flow I guess, I’m sorry, ok, I don’t want to argue coz I’m in a really happy mood and I’m going to a party now, and it ends by her saying: stop putting me and you’re self in a bad mood and go and have fun ok.

 

That night we had gone out and happened to meet in the same club, as it was a student night,

When we saw each other she hugged me and said sorry, I said: I don’t think we should hug as it gives the wrong impression. At this point she slapped me (not hard, not angry but in a hurt sort of way) and I walk off. Much later that night she found me again and hugged and said sorry again. This time I let it go and hugged her back, but left promptly. I next saw her at the bar with another guy and when to speak to her, but she blew me off. I then saw them pulling (kissing) later on the dance floor. OMG this hurt so much, I felt like I was going down a never ending rollercoaster ride, and I felt really sick. My friends saw this and we left. I did feel hurt but still managed to have a good night, Later at the end of the night I did text her saying that I saw her kissing this other person and that It really hurt me. She replies: I’m really sorry.

Next morning when I woke up I had another text from her saying:

Hi, I’ve just been trying 2 work out what happened last night from looking at my inbox and outbox. I don’t know what happed but I’m really sorry for hurting u. I know there is nothing i can say 4 u 2 forgive me but hope u’ll be able 2 talk 2 me soon. xx

I did'nt reply to this message, cos I wanted to give it some time. Later that day at 22.30 I got another message from her saying:

On Tuesday I think u should take someone else. Someone who will really appreciate it. Not me. I think we need 2 spend some time apart, I’m not going 2 talk 2 u for a while and I think u need 2 not talk 2 me coz I’m a bitch and u shouldn’t put up with me. I love u lots and take care. Xx

I said: If we are going to talk I want to do it face to face. Tell me when I can meet you? Please xxx

After this I’m really not sure what to do or say, I still really like this girl loads, Hope from this someone can help me understand. Is she acting like this cos she see me more than a friend?

[Poboy]

she likes someone else and is interested in dating other guys. she kissed some guy in a club, then she tells you all those things in the end.

 

honestly , this girl is not interested in you or atleast doesnt respect you as her friend and not helping in anything between the two of you. if so , she would have shown indications , signs she was.

its your call in the end but i wouldnt put with someone like this. do as she says , spend some time apart and you will see how much she cares or not.

[LoveLace]

I personally it's ignorant, because she's perfectly aware of your feelings (for the most part) and then has the nerve to say "don't touch me cuz I want another guy to pursue me"....Psh! That's insensitive, dont you think? She's trying to have her cake and eat it, too. If you choose to let her have it that way, you probably won't get what you really want in the end.

 

Start blowing her off. Start pretending as though you have met someone else just as good if not better (even if you haven't) or take up something to keep you really busy. If you want more of a chance with her, that means you have to start making her a low priority, cuz that will get her attention. You must play hard to get, and try to meet new girls in the mean time....I just think she's being a little snobby about the whole thing and doesn't exactly deserve all that your trying to give her yet. Make her earn your generosity!

[Trialbyfire]

peter333, why aren't you asserting your rights as a friend and possibly more? You're letting her ride roughshod all over you, backing up and doing it again.

 

Don't be so afraid to lose her, whether it's her "friendship" or more. Be firm and tell her that you're not happy with the games she's playing, in that she gives you the green light and then backs off, in a repetitive pattern. Tell her she's giving you the impression that all she wants is an FWB situation and it's causing you to lose respect for her, due to her disrespectful behaviour towards you.

 

Basically, draw the line and tell her to piss or get off the pot.

[peter333]

Hi, I just want to say that me and this girl broke up forever, I feel really bad and there is no turning back, Thank you all for your help, it has really meant loads to me.

Thank you

Peter333

[Magnatolia]

Sorry, but she has never really reciprocated your feelings, except for possibly that one night but she has never come out and admitted to having feelings for you.

 

Don't mean to be harsh but I wouldn't like to have a female friend who constantly told me how hurt she was seeing me kiss another female (unless I had given her some direct indication that I wanted more than friends).