IATired&Frustrated Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 I have been married for over 10 years and there have been a lot of issues -- money, communication and being able to be truthful. I think I can be honest to a fault and maybe way too understanding and supportive, but enough of that. A few years ago, I caught my husband posting an online personal ad stating that he had so many children, this and that interest and that he was divorced! At the time he said that he was looking for friendship and all of that crap. I was so angry. It hurt so bad at that time that I went into a deep depression. We went to counseling and he said that if I divorced him he would leave town and I wouldn't get any child support. Since then, there have been some good times and bad times. He has improved as a husband (I always thought he was a better father than a husband) but I think about leaving him almost daily. He does a few things around the house, but it is up to me to take care of the house, kids and finances. He now says that what he did wasn't actually cheating as he didn't go through with it. Probably because I caught him before he could hook up with the women who responded. And I feel so stupid for saying this now, but early on there was an incident when I was pregnant and we had to take antibiotics for an infection of some kind. The doctor sugarcoated it and said that sometimes this pops up later in relationships, but he did talk to my husband privately and I wonder if it was to tell him to shape up because he would soon have a child to take care of as well. I should mention that he does have anger and depression issues. I hear so much about working through different things, but when do you say enough is enough? I have tried to be understanding as I always believed that everyone is basically good and want to improve and get better, but his negativity is wearing on me. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Do you think he is cheating now, or are you just upset that there wasn't any closure with the first couple incidents? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 I have been married for over 10 years and there have been a lot of issues -- money, communication and being able to be truthful. I think I can be honest to a fault and maybe way too understanding and supportive, but enough of that. A few years ago, I caught my husband posting an online personal ad stating that he had so many children, this and that interest and that he was divorced! At the time he said that he was looking for friendship and all of that crap. I was so angry. It hurt so bad at that time that I went into a deep depression. We went to counseling and he said that if I divorced him he would leave town and I wouldn't get any child support. Since then, there have been some good times and bad times. He has improved as a husband (I always thought he was a better father than a husband) but I think about leaving him almost daily. He does a few things around the house, but it is up to me to take care of the house, kids and finances. He now says that what he did wasn't actually cheating as he didn't go through with it. Probably because I caught him before he could hook up with the women who responded. And I feel so stupid for saying this now, but early on there was an incident when I was pregnant and we had to take antibiotics for an infection of some kind. The doctor sugarcoated it and said that sometimes this pops up later in relationships, but he did talk to my husband privately and I wonder if it was to tell him to shape up because he would soon have a child to take care of as well. I should mention that he does have anger and depression issues. I hear so much about working through different things, but when do you say enough is enough? I have tried to be understanding as I always believed that everyone is basically good and want to improve and get better, but his negativity is wearing on me. Why don't you request your medical records and find out for sure? If you really want to know... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 A few years ago, I caught my husband posting an online personal ad stating that he had so many children, this and that interest and that he was divorced! At the time he said that he was looking for friendship and all of that crap. I was so angry. In your heart, you know that your H would (and apparently, already has) cheat. So, the question really should be, what do you want to do with that knowledge? Stay and forgive? Leave and start over? Start MC and find out why? Making that decision should be your first step... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Why don't you request your medical records and find out for sure? If you really want to know... You cant do that legally... Hippa! Link to post Share on other sites
rockerdude Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 You don't have a husband...you have a Narcissistic person, trapped in marriage. He threatened you IF you divorce him. (A ploy to control you) He is in denial of his own deceptive heart.(Saying he didn't really cheat) Even if and when, people with N.P.D. (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) ARE nice to you...it is ONLY to get what they want. People with N.P.D. live in 2 worlds. THe one they want everyone to see AND the one they do behind everyone's back. As soon as you try to break through their illusion of themselves....they feel threatened and attack. They often treat you nice, as a way to win you over, the are charmers. But most of the time they don't respect the person closest to them, ie:You don;t really matter, and they treat you badly knowing you'll take it BECAUSE YOU HAVE VALUES AND THEY KNOW "YOU" DON"T want to deal with the mess that it takes to deal with all of their crap. So they wear you down and make you settle for what they offer. As long as you placate and try to appease them...they are happy. This is one reason they get mad at you, the anger and depression....it is a way for them to see "how" much room they have with you and what you will or won't take....everytime they do -though....the always ask for a little bit more. Until you are too weak to make a stand at all. Jheeze where did that all come from..!!???? I digress...don't wait 20 years like I did to see it come true..."the bad way." Hope this helps. There is no easy answer but IF you know God..."pray" on what to do. If you don't...why do you take it? Move on and find someone who will love you. People are judged on "their actions" not there words. He works? My guess...Good. So he is a good provider, so what? So were the Ceaser's of Rome but they still killed people for sport in the arenas, now didn't they? DON't FEEL STUPID...you love, you tried, your who he wishes he could be, that probably attracted him to you to begn with....he wants what you have to offer because he IS a spoiled little brat...who thinks that he doesn't have to pay the price for his actions. Without some rules or law there is....lawlessness and chaos. Rebellion and selfishness. The heart of man is wicked...ever watch the news? How many of us are out there, who have suffered this fate? How many have been through a divorced? Even in Christian circles?(myself-now you know), HOw many people do what is right? Or do they do what is good for their pleasure? The whole world's gone mad, I tell you...laughs! Look back at history...is it filled with peace, love, kindness, strong families, clans, nations -or- is it filled with war, hate, evil, brokenness etc..? Think Hitler, Ceasers, Stalin, even Americans...killing Indians (myself-know you know this too)..Saddam, Bin Laden, Everything is juxtaposed on war because of... the selfish desire of man. Either sexual betrayal and lust, lust for power or control, fame or fortune, greed & avirace(did I spell that right?)... It is and can be a beautiful world but it IS in entrophy and only from a good heart can good come. You'll know them by their fruit....what they produce. It is not hard to do what is wrong.....it is hard to do what is right, WHEN everyone else "ok's' doing wrong. People feel if they don't get a piece of the pie...they are missing out, BECAUSE they are unfulfilled....and truthfully, there is only 1 thing, in my opinion that can fill that...the "power" to have a good heart and act on it...where does that "power" come from?..Yet I digress. Hope this helps...really I do. Link to post Share on other sites
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