Hm. So, maybe it isn't a second chance, but...

[volta]

Here's the deal. I've known this girl for around two years. In this time, we've become best friends. We're incredibly close to eachother. Anyway, during these two years, I've developed one gigantic crush on her. Everything syncs when I'm with her. We get along perfectly. We have the same interests. I'm at my best when I'm around her.

 

I didn't mention my feelings to her until earlier this eyar out of fear of rejection, but when it all finally came out in the open, I came to find out she felt the exact same way about me. Problem was, at the time, she was dating one of my friends, and I didn't want to cause her to cheat on him/she didn't want to cheat on him. So we just remained friends. And got closer. And closer. And closer.

 

So, after a lot of bull****, her boyfriend and her broke up because (long story short) he's a total *******. Like a good friend, I was there for her completely and helped her through the break-up downer that she was on. I didn't make any moves right away, considering I didn't want to cause drama with my friend (her ex), but I had a falling out with him and decided there was nothing stopping me from making a move on her.

 

And so, I did. And it worked. We ended up making out a few times, hanging out every other day, flirting constantly. Everything was on the up and up. I wasn't planning on asking her out right away because I wanted her to be completely over her ex first, which I didn't think she was. Everything was going great... until she ran into an old ex-boyfriend of hers from way back when.

 

A bit of smoothtalking and he had her swooning all over him all over again. He's a total *******, he ****ed her over before, and here she was considering taking him back. When I asked her why, she said, "He's the one guy I could never say no too." So, after a bit of drama, I gave her an ultimatum of sorts. I told her to choose him or me... and she chose him.

 

Needless to say, I was crushed... but i didn't hold it against her. These thigns happen. I didn't want to lose my friendship with her, even if I lost my chance of a relationship.

 

Since then, every time we've hung out, we've ended up flirting like all hell, as usual. On more than one occasion, I've almost kissed her, and she's done the same. Neither of us have done anything for obvious reasons. I don't want to cause trouble. She has a boyfriend.

 

Now, here's where the plot thickens. As of late, she's been somewhat down because she never gets to see her boyfriend. Plus, she's paranoid he's going to **** her over again. A few days ago, she was talking to a mutual friend of ours about this. Our friend told me that it seemed like she was trying to talk herself into believing she wanted to be with this guy. Like, she was trying to be optimistic, but was obviously not at all. After a while, she stopped talking. Apparently, she seemed like she was thinking about something. When my friend asked her what she was thinking about, she said she was thinking about me. When my friend told me this, this restored a bit of my hope that I had some sort of chance in all of this.

 

Now, let's make matters worse. Lately, another girl has been trying to get with me. If I wanted to get with her, I could very easily. It wouldn't have all this drama I'm going through right now... problem is, my feelings for the first girl aren't letting me move on to this other girl.

 

So, what should I do now? Should I wait it out and hope things don't work out betwen her and her boyfriend? Should I make some sort of move now? Should I just say to hell with it and pursue this other relationship? Some other option I haven't thought about yet?

 

Help me out here, guys.

[Zona76]

WOW... all I hear is you are doing exactly the right thing.

Now keep on doing what you're doing.

Do you realize falling in love with your Best Friend is the relationship that will probably last? She cares for you. She's scared to commit to you. And she's afraid if she breaks off with you she'll loose her best friend.

Assure her that she will always be number one. "That's what friends are for."

Assure her that no matter what happens in the future, she will ALWAYS be your Best Friend.

[eric82]

sorry to burst your bubble, but the girl you're crushing on ISN'T into you. she told you she felt the same way because she sensed your fear of rejection and didn't want to hurt your feelings.

 

she also knew that by using the "i like you but have a boyfriend" bull****, she could keep you around as a backup plan and ego booster, as the flirting makes her feel more desirable and better about herself.

 

So, what should I do now?

focus on accepting that she's not into you and nothing you say or do will change that fact. it's ok to feel bad about this, but try not to dwell on it or let it destroy your self-esteem. keep reminding yourself that while not everyone can like you, there are plenty of girls who would be a better match for you anyways.

 

Should I wait it out and hope things don't work out between her and her boyfriend?

no, unless you like wasting your time and making yourself feel worse.

 

Should I make some sort of move now?

no, you already did. she chose him over you. you're not her first choice.

 

Should I just say to hell with it

yes.

 

and pursue this other relationship?

no, because it sounds like you're not into that girl much.

 

Some other option I haven't thought about yet?

yeah, there are plenty of girls out there. focus on getting over the one girl, try not to lead on or use the other girl, and sooner or later you will come across another where there's mutual interest and attraction.

[eric82]

Do you realize falling in love with your Best Friend is the relationship that will probably last?

 

yeah but do you realize in order for both of them to fall in love, there must first be mutual attraction, which there isn't, and that true best friends don't reject each other like she did him?

 

with that said, what makes you think a relationship between them should happen, much less could even turn out to last, considering she has already chosen to be with not one but two guys she admits are a##holes over him?

 

She cares for you. She's scared to commit to you. And she's afraid if she breaks off with you she'll lose her best friend.

 

while she might care for him, what makes you think she would want to commit to anything more than a friendship with him?

 

Assure her that she will always be number one. "That's what friends are for."

Assure her that no matter what happens in the future, she will ALWAYS be your Best Friend.

 

why should he make her his number one when he's obviously not that to her?

[Lyssa]

Hey Volta,

 

Wow - what a mess hey? I don't get people that go back to their ex-es. Must be the comfort zone or whatever. I can't do that. When it's over, it's over and done with.

 

You have to keep being a friend to her but that's just it. Just friends. No making out either. Seriously, that would only make things worse between you both and who knows what will happen if her BF found out?

 

She may be thinking about you but could be she felt guilty for rejecting you. If I were you, I'd focus more on myself and take a step back from getting involve with anyone. Get to know more people. Keep your options available. You sound very young still and this should be the time for you to have fun and explore your options.

 

I wouldn't pursue the other girl just yet... maybe just go out and get to know her more but keep it casual. You might find the other girl more interesting given time. Just don't rush into anything yet...

[Zona76]

Oh Geesh! Volta just try what I suggested. She leans on you. Never once has she told you, she' couldn't see you as a lover.

As for going back to an Ex?

We've all done it. "Most anyway" Jump on that phone call as he/she has called only because there's nobody else. He wont be there for long. That I promise.

You can't tell her what to feel or what not to feel. You CAN be there to pick up the pieces.

Let her know and a casual way how you feel. "I'm here for you and always will be but I have to let you know my feelings for you are beyond friendship. Just don't let this factor make you walk away from what we DO have."