billiejean2511 Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 Right before Christmas time, me and my best male friend ended up having sex. Now, everything's changed. We were both lonely and needed someone, and it should have never happened. But it did. And for a little while, we both got caught up in the drama that followed. I will admit that I went a little crazy. I needed to know what he was thinking, because he didn't seem to know. But after not hearing anything for 3 weeks after, he should have said something to me. My question is: is our 5 year friendship a bust now or can we get it back and how? I feel like there's this tension between us and I hate it. I don't feel like friends should be afraid of being rejected or afraid that the other one is taking something the wrong way. I don't want to lose him; I'm scared to death of losing him. I can't imagine him not being in my life somehow. But, if that's the way it has to be, then so be it. I'll live. But how do I prevent that from happening? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 are you sure all you want is a friend? if you want an r/s with him, i'd maybe talk to him about it, although the part about not calling for 3 weeks after sleeping with you doesn't sound very promising. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author billiejean2511 Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 I understand what you said, and I'm not trying to let him totally off the hook at all, but he got really sick with a throat infection and he works two jobs. Now, I know that he should have said something, and he did send me a im saying that he was sick. But he hasn't talked with me about it or anything. He wants to act like it didn't happen, I guess. Now, I know he sounds like a jerk, because relationship wise, he was one. So why would I need that in my life. But he was a wonderful friend, and that's what I don't want to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 aren't you contradicting yourself: "I'm not trying to let him totally off the hook at all" "But he was a wonderful friend, and that's what I don't want to lose" So what exactly do you want from him?? I'm getting confused, perhaps someone else will come by and give you an insight. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author billiejean2511 Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 I'm not trying to contridict myself, but that's how I feel. As for a romantic relationship, he's not what I'm looking for. He was a jerk. But that doesn't make him a jerk as a friend. The intimacy wasn't as intense with a friendship. He couldn't handle that. But, as a friend, he could handle it fine. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. He was an good friend, we were just bad together in a romantic situation. Made better friends than lovers I guess. So, how do I get that friend thing back? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 i suppose you can give him some space, and then call him up just like you used to, and try to act just like you always did - when you were friends. gotta warn you though, - if one of the people is interested in more than just friendship, it won't work. no matter what, i highly dislike the fact that he didnt call for three weeks after he slept with you. he should've called the next day to see if you're OK, etc. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
stepwater Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 Just remember it’s probably as awkward for him as it is for you. Just because you’re the female doesn’t mean you don’t have to call him. I wouldn’t wait too much longer without talking to him. Make it clear that you want your good friend back without the complications of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author billiejean2511 Posted May 1, 2003 Author Share Posted May 1, 2003 I actually talked to him for a little while the other day. It was okay, but it was mostly small talk. It's going to take some time for things to get back to even semi-normal. I enjoy talking to him, but it's hard also because it does make me miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
spunk 30 Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Hey there! I agree with what stepwater said...you can't afford to let things just drag on, and the old "avoidance theory" just won't work. Be honest (be clear about what you do want!), just tell him that his friendship is really important to you and that that is what you value. Hopefully you're both "adult" enough to put things behind you and get on with being friends... Go well and take care! Link to post Share on other sites
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