to the men...what turns you on and off about a women?

[ninga317]

i have this very good friend. i love her like she's my own sister. we've been friends for 10 years, so i know pretty much everything about her. she's pretty, fairly smart (doesn't apply herself as much as she should), funny and alot of fun to be around. she's got a huge heart and she wears it on her sleeve sometimes (i don't know if that's always a good thing, but i guess it's better than being fake).

 

the problem is, that she comes off sooo needy, in my opinion that is a big turn off to men. she always is looking to fall in love with someone. i can't tell you how many men that she has dated over the years, but she scares them away with her need to fall instantly in love and magically have the instant home life.

 

i've tried to tell her to focus more on herself and her own accomplishments and to start feeling better about herself and then when she isn't looking, she'll find what she's looking for, but she is always on this mission.

 

i know that it's pretty much the same for men and women, that when even though someone has all of these good qualities (pretty, smart, funny) it gets squelched by the negative things such as reeking neediness.

 

i guess my question to the men is, even with all of the good qualities that a person has, what would kill it for you, or could you overlook some of those not so good qualities to try get to know that person.

 

could you list some of the things that men really like and dislike, so that maybe i could show, her in print, what i am talking about. maybe she would listen if it actually came from some men that she doesn't know.

[Cobra_X30]

Well, this isnt really what your looking, but I have to say that there are some guys who are attracted to need. It's a very odd thing because I am the type of guy that doesnt need anyone, yet there is something so attractive in bieng needed, so I tend to gravitate towards needy women. Maybe your sister needs to re-evaluate the kind of guys she is going for!

[jmargel]

Being needy might attract some men, because they think the possibily of this woman straying is very remote. However that is usually the total opposite of what really will happen. Once this new guy slips up (in her head) and doesn't love her like she should be loved, she will start second-guessing everything and possibily look elsewhere.

 

For me, the qualities of a great woman would be:

 

-Affection

-Attractivness

-Financially responsible

-Intelligent

-Fun loving (but responsible)

-Emotionally secure

 

I have a friend who has chased men away pretty fast with her wanting to 'move in' and get married. It's been a diaster twice, and now she is on her third guy (who she wants to move in with). I keep telling her he's not ready (just got a divorce) but she is still pushing it. I see her single again in a month or two.

[heatherlinks]

In my opinion, men will run away if the female become too aggressive and demanding. Tell your friend to control herself when she is dating a guy.

[Phateless]

I like a smart-ass... I want someone strong, confident and outspoken. Someone who can take my teasing and ****-talking and dish it right back at me. She must be intelligent, quick-witted, sweet, fun, active... i'm picky, in case you haven't noticed.

[DutchGuy]

Some degree of needy is nice, feels good to have that sort of effect on someone.

Being too needy, on the other hand, comes across as being insecure and dependent. Although someone may be intelligent and fun, that is the complete opposite of what I associate with "needy".

 

There's no bigger turn on than a woman that can clearly manage things on her own, doesn't need anybody... yet needs you.

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

I'm like that, I'm just like that...

 

 

Ariadne

[mental_traveller]

It would put me off if I felt someone was really needy and trying to rush into a level of seriousness that wasn't there yet. It would make me think "How do I know what they really feel about me, since it's obvious that right now they are just in love with the idea of being in love?". I'd feel objectified, as though they didn't really care about me as a person but just as a means to an end. Also I just wouldn't be interested in that level of seriousness and attendant drama.

 

Other major turn offs are drama and nagging.

[ninga317]

thanks you guys for all of your input. i especially agree with mental traveller. it seems like she's more in love with the idea of being in love instead of actually getting to know someone first and letting nature take it's course. i've actually met guys like that myself and it is a very big turn off. it made me feel like they were not to picky and would take anybody that would pay attention to them. that's such a gross feeling. i am definitely show her this. i hope it doesn't hurt her feelings and she realizes that i just want the best for her.