rajeev.nair Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 My mom and my brother appear to be impossible people to me. My mother emotionally is abusing me very badly. (I am 30 yrs old and married for 5 years) My father who sees all this, supports my mother and sometimes also play supporting role for the drama. This problem didn't start with me until recently. Before that other relatives dealing with my mother were only having problems. Now after my mom visited my home, she started having arguments with my wife. A simple thing like going to a mall is a problem. If my wife walks behind her, she complains that we all want her to get lost. If my wife walks ahead of her, she complains that my wife thinks she is superior. If I don't eat all the food she prepared for me, she complains my wife instructed me not to eat. If my wife is looking for exam results and interviews, my mother complains that my wife is ignoring her and my father and that my wife doesn't want them at my home. One day, I referral my apartment (rental) as "my home" and parents home as "their home", my mom complained that I am treating them differently and that I have changed so much after marriage that I dont consider my parents home as my home. I was mentally stable before my parents visited my home. My wife got so sick of the complaints that she stopped talking to my mom. But I cant leave my parents for their fate. My brother is a selfish individual and doesnot provide any financial support for parent and if I abandon them, no one would be there for them. My brother after being so selfish and so righteous blames me for everything, even though nothing happened to me was caused by me (or my wife). He is using this to talk so disrespectfully to me that I hate talking to him. I am really tired of this accusation-trap but I want to protect my parents atleast financially. ( I have given up hope of having an emotional attachment). It feels so painful inside that it feels like nobody is there for me. What would be a rightful person do - leave their own parents to their fate and have his own sanity? I am planning to break all relations with my brother because it is totally useless. Even after they left unexpectedly, I maintained the relationship for about 2 years now. I get a new drama every 3-4 weeks. (I call them every week.) Once she was at home and when I called she said "Hello" and hung the phone. My father picked parallel phone and said my mother is not there. Till now they dont acknowledge this. I often insulted that I am my wife's toy but they are not even realizing what they are doing. My father stopped talking to me completely and my mom I think have planned to keep on doing some drama or other every few weeks. The latest threat to me NOT to call them and I should not even come even if they die. One week later when I didnt call, she is complaining but I have still the iron heart not to call her. I have not called them back regardless whether they had emailed me or called me. I want them to learn the consequences of their actions. I am really frustrated, hurt and feel deep resentment towards my parents. What would you guys do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajeev.nair Posted October 12, 2007 Author Share Posted October 12, 2007 Can some one please reply? Does any one have parents like this and sibling like mine to deal with? How did you guys deal with it? My guilt of leaving my parents when they are old is killing me. My ego of not letting myself insulted and having to deal with my mother's drama is also high. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Tbh, there's no point killing yourself for someone who doesn't want to understand what basic family relationships should be like. Your parents, who are definitely a generation older and should be more mature and understanding, are behaving in a very childish manner, forgive me for saying that. And your brother is compounding the matter with his selfish behaviour. Ignore your brother because he may not be such a big factor in your life. Try talking to your parents about how their behaviour is making you and your wife feel. If nothing helps, leave them to their fate for a while. Once they realize that they may end up losing you, and may not have you in their life because of the way that they have behaved, perhaps they might get a wake-up call and change themselves. It's doubtful though. There's a saying, "The older they are, the more ornery they get", which means that when they are older they are harder to change. If there is anything you can change about yourself and your wife without killing yourselves, do it. Otherwise just let it go, mate. Sometimes some things are just not meant to be. Maybe they will see the light, and maybe they won't. But if you're dead you won't notice either way. Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajeev.nair Posted October 14, 2007 Author Share Posted October 14, 2007 Thanks Bobby. Sometimes, I wonder how can a parent treat their child like that? I can understand why they are doing this to my wife - probably mom feels intimidated because my wife is intelligent (she is a doc) and does not talk silly things or play games. But my mom is doing this to me and top of it my father plays along with it. The comic factor is that the person playing the games and people supporting her also act as if they are the victim. You are right, somethings are not meant to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajeev.nair Posted November 6, 2007 Author Share Posted November 6, 2007 After long silence for about 2 months, my mom came to chat and told me to call her and that is she is sorry. The next line after "sorry" was blaming me how I did do things wrong with her (her new manufactured lie) and how I hurt her. She says and does things and comes back and says "sorry" and blames me again. I cannot understand this kind of double talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts