rtHawk Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Oi! really having angst this weekend! my guy, we have been with each other 6 + yrs with a pause in-between. We have a very good R now... the past; 2 3/4 yr ago he cheated on me.... ( I suspect it wasn't the first time now that I look back) but he got caught... we managed to resolve and get past and make the best of our R from there. forward to about 8 month after that known D-day and I contracted Herpes... yup--from him--- I was faithful and committed so I know it wasn't my indiscretion. but the one he caught in. again we move forward and keep the R alive and love for each other.... sheeesh I don't know how I did it and do it still. but for this weekend.. he sort of blew off plans for us and decided to go fishing with his friend. and then I find out also to travel to Montreal... well, Montreal in his past was for partying with women... strip clubs etc...and the SC there allow full legal contact-ughhhhhhhh so my first response and the first time in these 2 past years was to ask if he was going to the SC? he said not with the guy he was going with... as if to say his friend wouldn't be interested (has a GF) I have only asked him once in these two years in a time when it came up not to go to them... he did in the past b-4 I knew about the cheating and I tolerated it, didn't like it but didn't make issue of it. NOW--that is not how I view them anymore,,, it is as close to cheating as you can get without actually being with another woman... for me it is a sign that he wishes he could cheat but won't because he knows he is + for herpes and could give it to someone else. Never mind what it would do to my sense of self as a woman .... I do everything with him to keep our sex life happy and exciting..and hot.... I am in shape and do the best I can to be a damn good woman in his life. so, SC now would just set me off the edge...I can't ever ever experience being cheated on again--the pain is too damaging; never mind the fall-out for the rest of the R-- trust, worry, anxiety, I finally got to a place of greater peace with this before this weekend.... I have dealt with the herpes outbreaks even tho they remind me each single time that I got that from him cheating on me I have NEVER smeared his face in it .... never pushed guilt into his daily life... but I have also, cried and been angry and sad alone for it.... esp with the herpes OB. and it has done even more damage and compounded my self-image, self-esteem and sense of self as a woman in his eyes.. sometimes I feel devalued, ugly, unattractive, unworthy, compared to, by and that he is with me because it is easier than dealing with a non-hepres partner. anyway, this weekend has made me feel all the feelings, sadness, hurt, anger, of when I learned he cheated on me, all because I am worried that in the environment of Montreal, SC there , hit the regular bars that he would go, and chat-up some bar-fly women looking for a "free" drink.. his response to me about what he was going to do there was to go the bars and out to dinner. Before he left I told him I had some worries about montreal and his past there etc. and his response for me was not to be crazy about it... I then told him that having been cheated on certainly never helped my sense of sanity about these things and that was it, I haven't heard a thing since.. am left feeling the worry of the unknown, the temptations, the possibilites and the hope for his honesty when we get together again... if he went to the SC... I don't think I could actually hold onto the R anymore, I love him with all my heart, but can't hurt anymore either.... so anxious and desperate for some thoughts and words to lift me up a bit. thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 This guy has treated you like garbage, and given you an incurable sexual disease. I think you should seriously consider breaking up and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
poiuytrewq Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I'll give you my opinion....you are a brutal woman. You caught him cheating, but handled it. He gave you herpes, and you handled it. Now this is his chance. He knows you are a tough women, so he is going all the way to Montreal now to see some naked ladies. You need to forget him. He is too weak for a brutal lady like you. He falls for nipples in a strip club rather than a loving wife. what a LOSER. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 He has also learned that he can hurt you and you have forgiven him. He will continue this as long as there are no boundries. Boundries need to be set and stuck with. If I missed something, and boundaries were established and he crossed them, then be a person of your word and stick to them. IMO, he will not change. It has been how long in this relationship without a full commitment? You have done nothing wrong and deserve better. Do some soul searching on what you really want and need in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
mwhitlockus Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I'm sorry you're feeling blue . . . I just left my boyfriend 2 weeks ago for cheating. I couldn't take the anger, sadness, anxiety and stress anymore . . . how can you? Don't know about you, but I've lost more than just a couple pounds from the stress I've had. I can only imagine how you're feeling. Walking away is the answer, but can you deal with the pain after you leave? Yes, you can. I'm going through it right now. It's been 2 weeks, and I'm doing better each day. Keep yourself busy! Surround yourself with friends! Also, read online articles about FORGIVENESS. It helped me. Forgiveness is about letting go of your anger and letting go of the past. You can't be a victim for life. You can Forgive, Walk Away, But don't forget! Link to post Share on other sites
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