how many times do i have to put a subject in here?

[dedo]

Hi there, I have spent that last hour reading archives here to see if others have experienced something similar....but I havent found anything concrete, so here is my story.

 

I am female and in my 30's. About 2 years ago I met a guy online, we were both looking for a friends with benefits relationship. Both of us had never had one before. We became friends first, doing friend stuff, then progessed in the beneficial part.

 

Over a year and a half, we were together, we did all sorts of friend stuff and with the benefits; but werent committed to each other. We had awsome sex togther and got along well together otherwise.

 

Since I had never done this before, I realized that I wanted a real relationship with him, but didnt know how to go about it. I also dont have much experience dating cause I am so shy. He is as well.

 

Then, about a year ago, a female friend of his, who dumped him for 6 months came into the picture, wanted him back out of competition. He got together with her, as he had been hoping to have fantastic sex with her, as she portrays herself to be wild.

 

It didnt work out, she has dumped him again for good.

 

During that time, I tried to remain in some contact with him as we were friends. I dont dump friendships.

 

Over the past several months he has been online trying desperatly to find someone to date. I have given him space.

 

Over a few months he and I would see each other every once in a while and he would snub me, like I didnt exist. I thought perhaps it was his shyness and his feeling of guilt for the way he treated me when he dropped me for the wild chick.

 

We have since had a face to face chat. I told him that we will never have a friends with benefites relationship again. That I dont want this from life; I want to get married and share life with someone who loves me etc. I know that this is what he has always wanted all along as well.

 

I explained to him that he doesnt have to act afraid of being around me, that it takes two to tango so to speak...and I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship with him.

 

I told him that I just want friendship with him (and I am hoping this will turn into something more) he told me that he was afraid that I wanted to get back together again and he doesnt want that.

 

But. What I dont understand is that every once in a while I will get a strange out of the blue email from him that has nothing to do with anything...its just a statement, no question for me to answer. Its almost as though he is just seeing if I am still around. I must admit though, he does know that I do want a real relationship with him still. He has said that he is not interested. But he is sending me mixed signals.

 

He will ask if I am going out Saturday night to an event, and be excited that I am going; then when I get there I find out that he has invited another girl??? Or, he will be super chatty on the phone and then clam up, once he remembers he is talking to me.

 

I'm thinking that he realizes that he isnt getting anywhere dating and that he is confused with his feelings towrds me, as I want him. That he is just seeing if I am still around....

 

But, i dont want to keep doing this....

[dedo]

ok...I guess 6 times... lol

[Tony T]

You've known this guy long enough! If he isn't crazy about you and if he doesn't want to be around you often to enjoy your company then he's not into enough for a relationship. Simply move on.

 

There is no need to play games with a grown man who is obviously fickle and confused. Go find someone who is into you in a major way. This won't happen as long as you're playing games with your old buddy.

[norajane]

I think he likes keeping you on a string as a back-up, or ego feed. Regardless of what's going on in his mind, you said you don't want to keep doing this. So don't.

 

Stop talking to him so much, keep the conversations short, get on with your life and go out with other guys - he's certainly dating other women. Stop being so open and available to him.

[Timberlane]

This one is a done deal. You had a year and a half relationship, called it what you wanted, and now he is not into you and snubs you. He was into that other girl and lost her. No doubt he is looking for something more like her. In this case, either the FWB ruined any chance you two had at something else or things would have ended on their own anyway. Definitely move on.