What would you do if your wife tells you she has feelings for someone and dont want..

[Bajas]

so my wife sits me down tonight for a heart to heart conversation and says I have feelings for someone else but I still love you and I dont want to lose you. I am very confused here on what to do.

She has been calling this guy on a daily basis and when I ask she has been lying about it. So after a few days passes she wanted to come clean and admit that she has been talking to this person. She also told me she has feelings for him. I asked what kind of feelings and she would not answer back. When I said, how can you love me and have feelings for someone else, it was no response again. I do love my wife but I am a type of a guy that can just walk away. Would that be the right thing to do?

She also said she is confused and does not know what she wants?

And it gets better. I find out yesterday that she added a line on her cell phone account and gave this guy a phone. She said it was free and was not costing anything and he needed the phone and she was just helping out. wow...

we have only been married 4 years and jealousy on both ways have been a big issue. so where do we go from here? actually where do I go from here?

[hot123]

so my wife sits me down tonight for a heart to heart conversation and says I have feelings for someone else but I still love you and I dont want to lose you. I am very confused here on what to do.

She has been calling this guy on a daily basis and when I ask she has been lying about it. So after a few days passes she wanted to come clean and admit that she has been talking to this person. She also told me she has feelings for him. I asked what kind of feelings and she would not answer back. When I said, how can you love me and have feelings for someone else, it was no response again. I do love my wife but I am a type of a guy that can just walk away. Would that be the right thing to do?

She also said she is confused and does not know what she wants?

And it gets better. I find out yesterday that she added a line on her cell phone account and gave this guy a phone. She said it was free and was not costing anything and he needed the phone and she was just helping out. wow...

we have only been married 4 years and jealousy on both ways have been a big issue. so where do we go from here? actually where do I go from here?

If i were you id tell her to call his ass on his new phone...cuz ya cant stay your skanky cheatin ass in my house tonight....biatch!...just a suggestion. hehe:o

[Gunny376]

If i were you id tell her to call his ass on his new phone...cuz ya cant stay your skanky cheatin ass in my house tonight....biatch!...just a suggestion. hehe:o

 

BINGO! THAT'S A GOODY!~ RIGHT IN HER EYE!

[Lyssa]

When I said, how can you love me and have feelings for someone else, it was no response again.

 

She probably loves you differently.

 

She also said she is confused and does not know what she wants?

 

Hate it when women use that line. She is probably confused. She wants you but isn't in love with you. She wants the other guy God knows for what reason...

 

And it gets better. I find out yesterday that she added a line on her cell phone account and gave this guy a phone. She said it was free and was not costing anything and he needed the phone and she was just helping out. wow...

 

Wow - you got that right!!! I can't believe she did that. Why is she doing that for the guy? Wth?? That's too much in my opinion.

 

we have only been married 4 years and jealousy on both ways have been a big issue. so where do we go from here? actually where do I go from here?

 

You know, only you know what's the right thing to do. I mean you know your wife and how things are between you both. Would it help to go separate ways for a while? If you want to make work things out, maybe try MC?

 

I'm sorry you're going through this...

 

I still can't believe she got him a phone line.....

[Gunny376]

Like they said in the Auburn~Alabama gane of '72?

 

"PUNT BAMA PUNT!"

 

Kick her azz to the curb!

[Trialbyfire]

Bajas, she'll walk all over you if she can keep both men. Make her decision for her 'cause realistically speaking, why should she, if she can keep the two of you? If she maintains contact, she can do so from a hotel room. Before you make a move, drain any joint bank accounts and shut down any joint credit cards...NOW...

[lovelorcet]

Hi there!

 

Let me start by saying that I have been exactly where you are, about 2 years ago for me. The first thing you have to realize is that there is going to be VERY LITTLE IF ANYTHING you can do to turn this thing around. If things are going to get better it will be due to the fact that your wife decided that she is ready and willing to fight for this marriage.

 

Now, what you need to do is to grow some balls and get ready for some real tough love. Accept the fact that if your wife has not already slept with this guy that she probably will be doing it soon. She is in a totally irrational fantasy land at the moment and it could take a good year to get her to snap out of it. My STBEXW (soon to be ex wife) for example, still has her head up her a$$.

She feels guilty and confused that is why she has started talking to you about this. Her intention is not to save the marriage (at least not at the moment) as can be clearly seen by her giving this guy the phone. Actions speak louder than words!

 

If your wife completely loses respect for you then there is no chance to save anything. Keep your dignity, be angry but don't be mean. Show your wife that you still love her but don't let her think she can walk all over you.

 

You need to get your act together and get ready to protect yourself. Get your finances all organized but don't be spiteful about it, don't take was is not yours.

 

 

Now my personal suggestion is this:

 

Do you really want to save this marriage? If you are sure then it depends on what your wife wants. This would mean that she has no contact with this man, ever again. If that means new job then though luck for her she had better start looking. The two of you really need to head off to counseling ASAP because you are going to have a lot to talk about.

 

Unfortunately, there is a very god chance that your wife has already stepped out of the marriage. That is why it is so important to take care of yourself.

 

Keep posting! The is a really good place to play out your thoughts so you can have a much cooler head when you have to deal with your wife. You just got on one hell of a roller-coster so hold on tight because the ride has just started.

[Bajas]

I am going more in the direction of your personal suggestion. I am going to suggest her counseling with one condition that she sets it up . I am going to leave it to her. If she does it then at least we might have a chance. If she does not want to go thru counseling then its definately that she stepped out of the marriage already.

I do need to take care of myself. Its hard when lot of feelings are involved. I guess I need to be stronger..

Appreciate your input and reply. Thank you.

[lovelorcet]

I know how hard it is. The things that are right to do right now feel all wrong. You think by acting like a doormat you are show her how loving and important she is to you.

 

She needs to feel that you have it in you to kick her to the curb if that is what you need. That you are going to be just fine with out her. It is good that she knows that you love her but love is a two way street. It is this moment, right now that she will show her true colors.

 

She got herself into this mess and how is she going to get herself out. Is she going to fight for this marriage or is she going to let some other dude bang her... Based on those actions I think you can act accordingly.

[sumdude]

I am going more in the direction of your personal suggestion. I am going to suggest her counseling with one condition that she sets it up . I am going to leave it to her. If she does it then at least we might have a chance. If she does not want to go thru counseling then its definately that she stepped out of the marriage already.

I do need to take care of myself. Its hard when lot of feelings are involved. I guess I need to be stronger..

Appreciate your input and reply. Thank you.

 

Even if she agrees to counciling nothing can happen unless she drops contact with this other guy 100%. Giving him a cell phone? Oh man ... that's just for easy phone access, wow...

[Moose]

She's cheated on you. Plain and simple. She's been having this emotional affair with another man, it's as bad, (if not worse) than sleeping with him.....

 

Time for her to leave jeaves....

[Mustang Sally]

OP -

Just curious...how long have you two been married? Any children?

 

I would think that you need "No Contact" with your W. Institute a separation, and try to get on with your life best you can. She needs to make a choice. Unless you go NC and get on with your life, she doesn't need to make a choice, but can go on (disrespecting you) in this way.

 

Was she telling you this because she wants to work on your M, or is she trying to get out of your M?

[Cobra_X30]

I am going more in the direction of your personal suggestion. I am going to suggest her counseling with one condition that she sets it up . I am going to leave it to her. If she does it then at least we might have a chance. If she does not want to go thru counseling then its definately that she stepped out of the marriage already.

I do need to take care of myself. Its hard when lot of feelings are involved. I guess I need to be stronger..

Appreciate your input and reply. Thank you.

 

Counseling will not fix this situation! Just like everyone else has said... you need to force that choice. Make sure she understands that there is no going back either! Once that choice is made... its made!

 

That will tell you more than if she accepts or declines counseling. Read some posts by Thumbingmyway! He was in Marriage counseling for like 8 months before his wife confessed her ongoing affair!

[Bajas]

OP -

Just curious...how long have you two been married? Any children?

 

we have been married little bit over 4 years and no children together. We had kids from a previous relationship/marriage. She was married once before. This is my first marriage.

She also tells me we are soulmates. She seemed upset when i told her recently that i am moving on. She told me she does not want to see me with other females or loose me. She confuses me.

[Trialbyfire]

we have been married little bit over 4 years and no children together. We had kids from a previous relationship/marriage. She was married once before. This is my first marriage.

She also tells me we are soulmates. She seemed upset when i told her recently that i am moving on. She told me she does not want to see me with other females or loose me. She confuses me.

She's holding onto both sides. Once again, why not? If you allow it, you will be the doormat she's always wanted for Christmas.

 

How long are you willing to be with someone who doesn't consider you a priority? Are you willing to share?

[lovelorcet]

She's holding onto both sides. Once again, why not? If you allow it, you will be the doormat she's always wanted for Christmas.

 

How long are you willing to be with someone who doesn't consider you a priority? Are you willing to share?

 

Yup, yup...

 

She has to decide which team she is on because you can only save your marriage if both of you are on the same side giving 100%.

 

She is confusing you because she is trying to manipulate the situation so that she can have her cake and eat it. If she was giving you her all you would know it because her actions would be clear.

 

But she did show you something that can be very useful for yourself to gain back some dignity and control. The thought of you being able to move on is already driving her crazy and you need to capitalize on that.

 

Be a gentleman but not a doormat. If she is not going to give you 100% then get ready to move on with all the dignity you can muster and DO IT.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Okay here's scorched earth policy time!

 

Cancel the Cell phone!

 

Immediately!

 

Cancel all joint credit cards!

 

Cancel everything that is in your joint accounts and take half!

 

Serve her with seperation papers with the intent of divorce. and force the sale of the house or buying her out with the equity of it!

 

Her betrayal should not be tolerated! Everyday you sweep this under the rug the worse it gets. Reclaim your house and your life. Tell her either she acts right or she get's out!

 

There is no negotiating, no talks , no nothing.

 

How dare she put another man she wants to screw on your family plan!!! That's like her paying for your mistress!!!

 

That is so unbelieavble! I could not believe it!

 

Whether she is in the fog, not capable of rational thought. One thing is for sure, no one deserves this amount of disrespect. Whether you have the stomach to tolerate the nonsense. That is up to you.

 

But I knew if I was ever in a similr situation, once she leaves she btter not come home, she may not likes what she finds!

[joekurtz]

we have been married little bit over 4 years and no children together. We had kids from a previous relationship/marriage. She was married once before. This is my first marriage.

She also tells me we are soulmates. She seemed upset when i told her recently that i am moving on. She told me she does not want to see me with other females or loose me. She confuses me.

 

 

If you take the time to look for all my posts here over the past week or so since I discovered this nifty place, you'll see that I'm not exactly in the position to be giving out advise as I clearly have PLENTY of my own issues!

But, with that said, as an outsider to your situation, I'd suggest taking matters into your own hands.

 

If you really want to fight for your marriage, don't put the councelling decision in her hands. By doing so, you'll be giving her control over your marriage & your life. YOU make the appointment & give her the choice of whether to show up & participate in it or not.

 

If she shows up, you'll know that at least there's a part of her that legitimately wants to save your relationship & marriage. Conversely, if she fails to show up, for whatever reason, no matter what her excuse may be, you'll know that your marriage is over.

 

If she tries to tell you that she "needs time" or that she thinks that the two of you can "work this out yourselves", again, it means she's given up on your relationship already. Because, if she's a reasonably intelligent person, she'll know that the marriage councellor is definitely NOT going to give her a "free pass" to continue her relationship with this other man. He or she is going to tell your wife to cease contact with this individual immediately. And they're not going to allow her to play games with them. Not if they're remotely good at their job anyhow.

 

As for the phone, if it's within your power to do, cancel it right away.

Sure, she'll find another way to keep in contact with him if she wants to, but at least she'll be aware that you're not a total patsy that she can continue to disrespect right infront of you.

 

Who is this guy anyhow? And how did it come about that she was talking to him every day? How did the situation get to that point?

[hot123]

Okay here's scorched earth policy time!

 

Cancel the Cell phone!

 

Immediately!

 

Cancel all joint credit cards!

 

Cancel everything that is in your joint accounts and take half!

 

Serve her with seperation papers with the intent of divorce. and force the sale of the house or buying her out with the equity of it!

 

Her betrayal should not be tolerated! Everyday you sweep this under the rug the worse it gets. Reclaim your house and your life. Tell her either she acts right or she get's out!

 

There is no negotiating, no talks , no nothing.

 

How dare she put another man she wants to screw on your family plan!!! That's like her paying for your mistress!!!

 

That is so unbelieavble! I could not believe it!

 

Whether she is in the fog, not capable of rational thought. One thing is for sure, no one deserves this amount of disrespect. Whether you have the stomach to tolerate the nonsense. That is up to you.

 

But I knew if I was ever in a similr situation, once she leaves she btter not come home, she may not likes what she finds!

Im just curious as to how it is that she had the nerve to look you in your face and tell you she got her other man a cell phone...I mean really...you must not have a clear understanding of what youll tolerate...had that have been me and my ex husband...i wouldve considered saying that to him changing my identity and than joining the witness protection program!