roller coaster relationship

[Andy in ohio]

I've got this little problem in the relationship im in. its a long story, and nothing has ever gone our way. my girlfriends name is kristen, we have been going out for fiveand a half months. the big problem in our relationship is that i am couple yaers older than her, so her parents wont allow her to see me. thats why this is longdistance in a way. anyway, we decided to stick it out in hopes that her parents would lighten up and trust me, but it has not hapened yet. there was just something about kris when i met her that really attracted me to her. she is a lot more mature than her age group is and she is very pretty. she is a very independent and strong willed person. after these five months my feelings for her are very strong. i think i can honesty say i love her and she loves me. the only problems i have with her i tellher about, we are very open and we dont hide anything from each other. there is one problem i have that has almost made me fight before.

 

there isthis guy at my school named aj, he is a big ugly dude and a real pervert. i try to stay away from him butthere is a problem, his sister is kris' best friend. so therefore she is over at her house a lot. aj always harasses her and touces her in areas i dont like. i confront kris on it when she tells me this on the phone and she is afraid to do anything about it, he has hit her before. he all the time calls me a wuss and i dont know whre he got that from. then when he has his friends over they all say crude things and always touch her butt and stuff. i havebasically almost gone to war with tis kid, but then krs got grounded and didnt go over. now she is ungrouded and is going over again friday. i dont know what to do bout this kid and im about to go crazy. i need some advice, it kills me that she is too afraid to stnd up for herself when she is so strong-willed.

 

another problem is just sadness. this weekend we were suposed to go to an amusement parkm but now we cant because her mom might be there. i never got a chane fro her family, they dont even know me! i havent seen kris in 7 weeks now, and i hurt all the tim. she doesnt sem to be affected like me but i do exxagrate sometimes. i cant break up wth her because we are too special and our feelings for each other are too strong. can someone please give me advice for coping with this pain and please help me on how i could try to get her parents to give me a chance? i would realy appreciate it. thanks.

[Tony T]

There are a lot of problems here that need to be straightened out in the situation you have described above. First, you've got a girlfriend who has no respect for her parents and sees you against their wishes. There's you who shares that disrespect. Not making a judgement on his, simply an observation.

 

Now you've got kris who has no respect for you and no respect for herself. She freely, without any coersion whatsoever, goes over to her girlfriend's house when she knows how much it hurts you. She also goes there knowing that kris' brother is going to touch her body all over...but she keeps going. That shows deep lack of self respect and absense of boundaries and absolutely no respect for her relationship with you.

 

Then you've got kris' girlfriend, who has no consideration or respect for kris. She allows her brother to touch and feel kris' body and does nothing about it. I'm making no judgement here but I see a lot of this on the Jerry Springer Program.

 

You have no right to do anything. You've got a girlfriend who you're seeing against the orders of her parents...a girlfriend who freely goes to a place where she knows a guy will feel up her body and she keeps doing it.

 

Sounds like you ain't got much at all, my friend! I wouldn't do anything about it, either. Getting in a big fight...or shooting somebody...wouldn't be a good answer for you. People you would serve with in jail have little respect for others either and would turn you upside down in about five seconds...and talk about touching up somebody's body..... These people don't sound like the type of people you can just have a friendly talk with...they are classless trash.

 

Touching somebody sexually, fondling, grabbing private parts, etc. is against the law and subject to legal penalties. So in addition to having no respect, kris' girlfriend's brother is a criminal...a sexual predator of sorts. And kris keeps coming back for more. Very interesting!

 

I love Aretha Franklin's song, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T." Listen to it sometime. It's so much nicer to have a relationship with a girl you don't have to sneak around to see...whose parents know you...and who doesn't go over to other people's houses all the time to get her body felt up by other guys.

 

Go find a nice girl, with understanding parents, and some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Over the years, you will treasure my advice. Right now it pisses you off royally. That's OK...I piss a lot of people off.

[Andy in ohio]

thanks for the advice tony, ive heard that before and ive given it some thought.

it goes a little deeper than that though. ive though about that respect thing too, and i agree. shes going over to her friends house again this weekend, i get sick at the thought because it puts me through hell and im not even there.

she used to live in north carolina and the guys down there werent too swell either, apparently shes been molested a few times, and hit and i think shes deep down afraid of telling but she tells me she isnt. that could add to the fear she has. im the first good boyfrind she has had and i treat her like she should be treated.

i wanted a girl hat was a virgin, that had morals, and some of the same interests as me. so far she has been the only one ive met that has been that, and she is good to me for the most part, but she can be a bitch, i admit that. i have been looking though. i just dont know what im going to do about this aj kid, he starts stuff with me too and tries to start fights by telling me i cant defend my gf, and i dont like that.

[Andy in Ohio]

me and aj are 17, she is 15