susanl Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 Well this is my first post so i hope to get some help. To make a long story short, I have been married for 19 yrs 2 wonderful kids and found out last november in order for my husband to keep his job needed to go to an alcoholic treatment facility. He was there for 3 months, one month before he came home found an apartment, came home the end of Feb. filed for divorce the week before he came home and served me with papers the day he came home(he never said a word about any of this). Any how I have been blessed to have many wonderful friends during all this. Which has kept me sane. Anyhow this is divorce is going to drag out for months because he is being a horse's petutity. So am I allowed to go out with a male to dinner or to a game etc just the two of us during the divorce proceedings? Why should I put my life on hold because he can't agree upon the alimony? Well I guess if anybody has any insight into this it would be greatly apprecaited. By the way the kids are doing fine, they are 18/16 and there dad was a workaholic so they really don't miss him, which is making things a little easier for me. Thanks again for any help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 1. "So am I allowed to go out with a male to dinner or to a game etc just the two of us during the divorce proceedings?" You have my permission if that's what you're seeking. In the context of the ongoing divorce proceedings, I see no reason why you can't do whatever you want. However, this is something I would ask one of the paralegals in your attorney's office...just to be sure. 2. "Why should I put my life on hold because he can't agree upon the alimony?" I can think of no reason in the universe. I am amazed at your post. It is absolutely classic and textbook for recovering alcoholics to seek major changes in their lives. Don't take it personally. Your marriage would probably have lasted forever if he would have continued to drink...but it would have been pretty unfulfilling as well. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author susanl Posted April 24, 2003 Author Share Posted April 24, 2003 Well thanks for the reply I guess I was wondering if anyone out there had any experience in this matter. And what happened--good or bad. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 save yourself a lot of grief and don't be caught in any situations where you are alone with anyone of the opposite sex. I've heard too many horror stories about ex-husbands twisting an innocent incident into a tawdry scenario where the woman was "whoring" around while they were still married, even though she was in the process of a divorce. For some reason, society wants a woman in the midst of the divorce process to not be seen with anyone of the opposite sex, while turning a blind eye to men who are blatantly cheating on their wives during that same period. Divorce turns otherwise sane people into hate- and vengence-filled creatures, and you really don't need to be giving your husband any fodder for trumped up charges. Play it safe and socialize in groups until your divorce is final. Link to post Share on other sites
Author susanl Posted April 24, 2003 Author Share Posted April 24, 2003 Okay so you might think this is agruementative--but yes things are getting ugly but why should i put my life on hold for who knows how long for a ##@@$@$@. When he is taking no responsibility for the children, makes a great living and is not willing to give me any as of yet. It has been over 3 months and not a drop of temporary alimony, only child support that ends next month for one of the children because she graduates --yet she will still be living at home for the next 4 months until she goes to college. Yes I know this sounds bitter but god come on--look at his situation, new apt, new furnishings not a care in the world and no responsibility---what more can one ask for???? Again sorry for the bitterness and i know life is not fair--but has anyone else experienced all of this??? Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 24, 2003 Share Posted April 24, 2003 quankanne WRITES: "Divorce turns otherwise sane people into hate- and vengence-filled creatures." This couple is already having disputes over child support. Otherwise, both have agreed to divorce. The children are grown. What she does now in her personal life is absolutely irrelevant to anything in this proceeding. The best people to get advice from is your attorney. However, I see no reason for wasting another minute of your life because this baxtard is giving you a hard time. I do agree with the above statement by quankanne. However, I don't agree that your going out with another man at this time would be relevant in any way to your divorce...except to the extent that if your ex should find out and get pissed, he may give you more grief in support negotiations. Be discrete with your outings. Link to post Share on other sites
PamelaMcCoy Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 Gosh, you are nice! I say, since you are in the process of getting divorce, and ESPECIALLY because of the way your estranged husband went about it, you are by all means entitled to date other men. He gave up his right to have a say-so when he discarded you and your children. However... I would keep your opposite sex socializing discreet, for your kids' sake. I went through a divorce with a teenager, and kept my dating discreet for two years, before introducing my son to the many to whom I am engaged now. Even then, it was hard for him to accept his mom being with somebody other than his dad. Link to post Share on other sites
km82794 Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 Dear Susanl, Although I wish I could help you, I don't think I can. Everyone has made such good points with their advise and I agree with each and every one of them. Since I can't give you an opinion either way, I'll throw some things out there for you to think about and maybe you can come up with the answer for yourself. 1. I agree with you, I think you should be able to move on, date and find happiness. Your husband has made it clear that it is over. Like my Grandma used to tell me... "Honey, don't waste your time on a man who won't waste his time on you". 2. I think you should be very discreet. Tony is absolutely right, if your ex finds out he could very well stretch things out even longer just to be a pain in your derierre. 3. (By your words), I am taking it that there has been a certain man in particular that has asked you out. If I am right and you are having any serious thoughts on new guy, I think you should ask yourself ... "What is this guy going to think of me down the road"? Would he consider this cheating one day? It could come back to haunt you. 4. Last, BUT DEFINETELY NOT LEAST, have you talked to your kids about Mom dating? Will they be happy you are moving on or will they see it as Mom is cheating being you aren't divorced yet? Sorry for the confusion, just food for thought. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
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