alli02 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 i have been in a fwb relationship for about a month now...i have started to want more than just that. i kind of think he may also...but im not to sure. lately when we have been getting together he is very sweet to me and does things that he didnt do before. like holding my hand during sex, or kissing me softly, when we wake up early so i can get ready for work he always tells me to call in and stay there with him. he also sends me random text messages at random times like "hey pretty lady" or "hey cutie pie" when he sends these kinds of messages it never leads to sex. he also just recently moved to a new place (we started the fwb relationship originally because neither of us wanted to get serious..him because he was moving) and the first night that he stayed there he invited me to stay with him. i dont want to get to excited about this...but i also want to know what he is thinking. how do i ask him without pushing him away?? Link to post Share on other sites
T - mac Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 it definately sounds to me like he wants more, but i would wait untill someone else responds too before u take my word... and i dont think that theres much that could go wrong by just asking him... Link to post Share on other sites
BrandonBlues Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Well, as a guy who's going through something similar it sounds to me like he's attached. Lots of times a girl will confuse a guy's need for sex as affection, but thats doesn't seem to be the case here. It sounds like he genuinly likes being around you - I'm guessing he's not opposed to cuddling with you after sex? If he's texting you randomly through the week then he must be thinking about you a lot. A simple text is his way of reestablishing a connection with you during the drudgery of his daily work week. He probably looks forward to seeing or hearing from you. I say this because the things you mentioned are exactly the same things I do with my FWB. Only, I don't tell her how I feel because I don't think she wants anything more, so I'm afraid to bring it up. He may feel the same way and possibly more so because in the beginning he's the one that brought up the fact that he didn't want anything serious due to his moving away...but it hasn't changed much has it? FWB usually doesn't work because we're human after all, we're not machines that can go through the motions of sex and not crave a little more eventually. But it sounds to me like you two aren't just having sex anymore, it sounds like it's becoming more intimate and personal. The hand holding, the soft kissing, the pleads for you to stay home...yeah, I'd say he's taken a liking to you :-) Now, as for how to bring it up w/o scaring him away - which would only happen if he doesn't want to change things the way they are now. You could playfully hint at it and gauge his reaction, but never underestimate the power and simplicity of sincere honesty. If you really wanna know, then just ask him straight up. If I were you, I'd start it off by complementing him e.g. 'I want you to know that I really enjoy spending time with you...' and then explain whatever you feel e.g. '...but I feel I'm wanting more than a casual fling'. Most importantly though is to give him some time to mull it over in his head. Bring it up some afternoon as you're leaving his place and tell him not to answer you right off but to think about it. I would imagine asking him at the start of the day and expecting a response immediately would freak him out a bit. You want him to give you a sincere answer that he's had time to think about, so I would probably take this approach. But I'm pretty sure he's already thought about it and knows what he wants. Anyway, that's my 2 cents :-) Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 How does he feel about your child? Sometimes a guy will be really into a woman, but only as a single woman and doesn't make more out of the relationship because they don't want any 'instant family' type entanglements. Its hard to say in this case. The prospects for a relationship depend largely on whether or not he is in love with one aspect of your life, or whether he can accept all parts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alli02 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 ok so i should have started my story by saying that we had been "together" for about a month a few months ago and then some stuff happened and we decided to end it but then we started this fwb thing (he initiated it btw)...and in that time we were together my son and i stayed at his house a few times...he was really good with him, if we went to the store or something he would take him and go to different parts of the store without me. but since the fwb thing i havnt wanted my son around him cause i dont want him to get attached so Saturday he sent me a message...the "hey pretty lady" one...and that was all it really was we didnt get together or anything...just texted back and forth...i was at a party (he did not know this) and he had been moving all day. then this week i really havnt heard much from him..no calls and very little texting, every time we talked i had to get a hold of him. i am starting to wonder that if he is interested in more he may think that i am not and is affraid to say anything to me...when we started everything i may have told him that i didnt really want a real relationship....but things changed. also everytime we get together it is normally him that calls me...i rarely call him ugh i dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 i am starting to wonder that if he is interested in more he may think that i am not and is affraid to say anything to me...when we started everything i may have told him that i didnt really want a real relationship....but things changed. also everytime we get together it is normally him that calls me...i rarely call him ugh i dont know what to do. Two possibilities: (1) he just wants a booty call. (2) Since you don't initiate things, he doesn't want to push for more. The way to distinguish between those two is to ask him: how do you feel about me? Is FWB all you want? I'd like to start dating you again (assuming that is what you want, which it sounds like it is). If you want a healthy, loving relationship, you need to be able to stand up for yourself and ask for it. Otherwise, you empower someone to give you less than you want, and you'll only end up feeling used and victimized. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alli02 Posted October 13, 2007 Author Share Posted October 13, 2007 ok so it has now been a week since i really talked to him...what do i do. i am afraid i screwed things up. i really like this guy...should i call him or should i wait for him to call me? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Let him call you. When he does, do not question him as to why he didn't call. Just sound happy to hear from him and make yourself NOT talk about anything that suggests any sort of relationship obligations. If you call him, question him about not calling you, and you sound angry when he does call - this will surely cause him to pull waaaay back. You want him to want to call you and be with you, not regret it when he does. When the two of you are physically together you can bring up your needs in this situation, but I surely would not suggest doing it over the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
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