mylovegrowsdeeper Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Hello Everyone, I need to vent..and with any luck I'll find someone out there who has gone or is going through this similiar experiece with me and can offer some good insight on the situation. A few months ago I met a great man, a successful man who runs his own conpany which is so large there are three branches of it. Now for the first few months, he admittedly took a lot of time off to build a foundation with me.I know in the real world life can't be the complete fairytale but for a few months IT WAS. Then reality set in, not only did he have his enormous company projects to do but the clincher- he took on another mechanics project. So we're talking..he'd work from say 8 am until 5-8 pm just on the mechanics supervising project which had NOTHING to do with his current company, and then he'd spend several additional hours in a night working on projects pertainent to his company. It's been like this for over a month now and he tells me he's debating wether to do the mechanics thing fulltime.(Damn, I panicked!)I want him to have a job and I support him, don't get me wrong but he wants a serious relationship with me leading to marriage and kids and the whole kit-n-caboodle, I want the same with him but I am not used to someone being THIS busy.Also, a little about me- I work 2 jobs and run a starter company, this isn't a case of "well you need a hobby/a life/a self esteem boost". NO I'm not worried about him cheating, NO I'm not just "bored" and looking for an entertainer. YES I would just like a few times a week to feel like he is there for me and that I am not "dating" myself. He's a really sweet and respectful wonderful man. He's also been single for several years and I understand this is probably how his life was BEFORE he met me and we fell in love and so this is all just probably second nature to him. How do I handle this realistically, where do I compromise and how do I keep from feeling so much like I'm dating myself now Signed, Lonely in MN Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 and I'm a workaholic....a little about me- I work 2 jobs and run a starter companyIt'll level out at one point or another.....give it time...not to say that it'll get busy later on, but these things are like roller-coasters. Personally I think that when he finds his, "niche", he'll settle down a bit..... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 You have your work cut out for you keeping him from his work... I have been where he is in the number of hours and the drive.. but I did only do it when I was younger and then one day I got married and I had a little conversation with myself about how I didn't want my company and work habits to ruin my marriage like it had ruined many other relationships. I chose the family life over the work life and here 11 years later I'm still not working anymore than 55-60 hours a week. Even though the marriage didn't make it past 5 years I kept up the lifestyle and put my workaholic days behind me. The only thing I can say is that his job is the most important thing to him.. it was that way with me and many many GF's.. Until the day he decides to end the drive to build and to work semi normal then you are stuck in 2nd place.. Try and speak with him about it.. maybe he is getting close to a place in his life where he can change and give it up.. Hope I helped Link to post Share on other sites
GeminiWoman Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I am in the midst of divorcing a workaholic. Built a very successful business, which he started after we married. Makes tons of $$$$. Here are some things I have learned over the years: A person who has built a successful company is usually by definition a workaholic. Doing something like that requires a tremendous amount of drive and dedication. Nothing wrong with that but it is a lifestyle, not a job. When you are in a relationship with someone like that you will in all likelihood take a backseat to their career. That's just the way it is. I not only speak from my experience but I know many men who have their own businesses and it the rule, not the exception. They are all workaholics in some form or fashion. My soon to be ex has said repeatedly for the last 12 years, "It's only because I am understaffed" "It's just this particular project", etc. That's not true. There will always be another project, a lack of staff, too much to do, a new client that requires a lot of attention. Even if they are not actually working mega hours, work can invade their thoughts and conversation to a degree that it interferes with their relationships (this is true of any addiction). If you are feeling neglected this early in the relationship, it will only get worse as time goes on. Here's the thing. You have some basic needs and they don't sound unreasonable at all. He can't meet those needs because of other obligations. You need to decide whether you can live with this because he probably won't change - at least not for long. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 and I'm a workaholic....It'll level out at one point or another.....give it time...not to say that it'll get busy later on, but these things are like roller-coasters. Personally I think that when he finds his, "niche", he'll settle down a bit..... I think Moose is right. I run a company with 50+ locations and the growth and attendant challenges seem to go in spurts. At times, it absorbs a disproportionate amount of my waking hours and energy while, on other occasions, it settles into a routine. I will agree that it takes both people on the same page and working towards the same goals to accomplish this and the "non-workaholic" partner needs to understand what they signed up for. Sounds like you two have a serious conversation ahead of you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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