This needs to be said here

[sarme]

Hi Mr Wright -

 

for the exact same reasons you posted in your original post I have not bothered to tell my story on here but I ended up with my MM as well. We are very happy together and much like yourself, he was in the wrong marriage now he is in the right relationship, at least that is what he tells me and what I fee.

 

I am happy with my decision to pursue this relationship because I feel like we truly found each other. Sure it wasn't easy at times but if there is love and the man is not a coward, you can overcome the obstacles and find happiness.

[TogetherForever]

What "good name"??? Isn't your screen name anonymous like everybody else's?

 

And what "retaliation" are you talking about? It's not like anybody can DO anything to you. Last I heard, it's not exactly necessary for adulterers to enter The Witness Protection Program.

 

If you've got something to say worth saying, something you believe in... why be all chicken**** about it and hide behind a new user name?

 

 

It doesn't matter if he's hiding behind another username. So far most of us here liked his post. No need to be mean now.

[reboot]

It doesn't matter if he's hiding behind another username. So far most of us here liked his post. No need to be mean now.

The implication might be that he is possibly hiding behind a new user name for reasons other than stated.

[Tomcat33]

The implication might be that he is possibly hiding behind a new user name for reasons other than stated.

 

 

Well better to hide behind a name, if that's even the case here, to send a happy message than to hide behind a name to spew mean crap all the time.

I'll withhold names, we all have eyes.

[TogetherForever]

The implication might be that he is possibly hiding behind a new user name for reasons other than stated.

 

 

Well we can put a different spin on every thing now can't we?!

To each his/her own.

I'm outta here. Til tomorrow ......

TF

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Thank-you Mr Wright, for reminding us all that there are men out there who love their OW, who are trapped in a loveless marriage and who follow their dream - and the only real matter is "timing".

 

You haven't given me false hope, not in the least - we're all different people. But you married for love and made a life for yourself and I celebrate that.

 

People sometimes see positivity in these boards and bang their chests until its been beaten out of OW who dare to think of their situations in a positive light. Its nice to see something positive around here, so thank-you again for that.

[whichwayisup]

So to cut it short, after quite some time of this, I did meet someone else. I knew it was different this time, and I was right. We were friends first, and it developed into close bond that did not become sexual until well after we met. I do consider most of my relationship with her an "emotional affair", because it did not become physical for a long time, and I ended my marriage only months after it did become physical.

 

I haven't read all the posts, just yours and I will say this. You handled your situation the right way, you knew you weren't happy in your first marriage, and you didn't let the affair go on too long before ending the marriage. You didn't disrespect your OW, you didn't lead her on, you deal with the problems at home by ending it with your wife quickly...

 

Unfortunately, most of the MM that the OW here post about, are not you. They aren't considerate of anyone else's feelings but their own and that's what is disturbing, and similar with most of the affairs going on. The MM won't make a choice either way, to stay or to go..They do nothing and continue to have a wife at home and an OW on the side. It's unfair, it's cruel and the bottomline is....If a man truly wants to end his marriage and be with his OW, he will...Just like you did for yours...

[whichwayisup]

They aren't considerate of anyone else's feelings but their own

 

Just to clarify, 'they' meaning the MM.

 

I'm glad you found happiness...

 

Can I ask? Has your first wife moved on and found someone else?

[overandout]

WWIU you stole my thunder as they say!!

 

I noticed that Mr Wright did leave his wife within months I think, of the affair becoming physical.

He is a good example that a mm who is truly in love with the OW will do what he has to do to be with her, and that means packing his case and moving out.

No excuses: Mr Wright just did it and that is what men or women in love do isn't it?

That is why those that stay married come up with loads of excuses to justify them staying put, when the reality of the situation is that they are just not that into the OW and do not look or want to be with her on an exclusive, full time basis.

If they did they would make it happen, bottom line.

[Art_Critic]

I haven't read all the posts, just yours and I will say this. You handled your situation the right way, you knew you weren't happy in your first marriage, and you didn't let the affair go on too long before ending the marriage. You didn't disrespect your OW, you didn't lead her on, you deal with the problems at home by ending it with your wife quickly...

 

Unfortunately, most of the MM that the OW here post about, are not you. They aren't considerate of anyone else's feelings but their own and that's what is disturbing, and similar with most of the affairs going on. The MM won't make a choice either way, to stay or to go..They do nothing and continue to have a wife at home and an OW on the side. It's unfair, it's cruel and the bottomline is....If a man truly wants to end his marriage and be with his OW, he will...Just like you did for yours...

 

 

Clap Clap Clap...

[Tomcat33]

WWIU you stole my thunder as they say!!

 

I noticed that Mr Wright did leave his wife within months I think, of the affair becoming physical.

He is a good example that a mm who is truly in love with the OW will do what he has to do to be with her, and that means packing his case and moving out.

No excuses: Mr Wright just did it and that is what men or women in love do isn't it?

That is why those that stay married come up with loads of excuses to justify them staying put, when the reality of the situation is that they are just not that into the OW and do not look or want to be with her on an exclusive, full time basis.

If they did they would make it happen, bottom line.

 

 

why don't you speak for all people out there?

 

This is percisely what Mr Wright said in his opening statement he was sick of seeing, people commenting on other's situations like it was theirs.

 

 

You are entitled to your opinion but you cannot speak for all the situations that don't turn out as they should you simply don't know, you can speculate but no one really knows.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks OAO.

 

The thing is, as I mentioned in my other reply, the MM whom the OW here post about are allowing their affairs to just stay affairs. None of them are actually leaving. They say they are going to, make lots of promises, attempt to do it, but still don't. And, as much as an OW has a choice to say enough, just leave or I'm gone! They won't because their hearts are all in it. All the pain, the trust, the hopes by believing the MM's words...

when the reality of the situation is that they are just not that into the OW

 

They may really be into their OW and love them fully, but they aren't ready or can't give up what they have in their life - Kids, house, family, inlaws, friends, the comfortable lifestyle...So, they're happy enough and make ends meet.

 

If someone is truely miserable with their life, they do something about it, they change it. To not do anything can mean many different things, but most of the time it's because they're scared of big change and it's easier to deal with what and whom you know rather than to start over again and take the chance for a new change.

[MrWright]

I may have missed Mr. Right's point but I'm taking his message to mean that as a long time poster to these forums, he would like to see this site used to its intended purpose and not used to criticize and bash the OW (and OM) at every possible point and time (especially when some of these posts are obviously in a great deal of pain - self inflicted or not!) and to say that some MM do find the love of their lives a little too late - some like him chose to leave the M and pursue happiness , some do not for reasons only they truly know!

 

Yes, you got it exactly right. Thank you for paying attention. It is not about providing false hope, it's that it's no one else's business (or knowledge) that any hope be declared false by an outside party.

 

Someone might be making a mistake, but it is their mistake to learn. Other people need to learn to let them, but to offer support instead of being so undeservedly, overly righteous. My thread proves you don't always know what you're talking about---or WHO you're talking about.

 

I will not be posting anymore on this thread, so if anyone else gets confused, please point them to this post, or they can reread my original post more thoroughly.

 

Good luck to you all, if it is meant to be, it will be. Either way, no one here has any measure of control on which way it goes.

[overandout]

why don't you speak for all people out there?

 

This is percisely what Mr Wright said in his opening statement he was sick of seeing, people commenting on other's situations like it was theirs.

 

 

You are entitled to your opinion but you cannot speak for all the situations that don't turn out as they should you simply don't know, you can speculate but no one really knows.

 

 

If you read his post Mr Wright is fed up with people calling the OW horrible names (whore etc) which I don't do because I have been one!

 

So TomCat I don't intend to pussy foot around in case you see me as speaking for everyone.

I maintain that if a mm is really that in love with the OW he will leave home to be with her. It is a risk but life and love are risks.

 

Most of the people who get annoyed with my views are OW whose mm don't want to be with them 100% of the time and will only ever see them as the OW.

[luvmy2ns]

I maintain that if a mm is really that in love with the OW he will leave home to be with her. It is a risk but life and love are risks.

 

This is the real issue. This guy says he left his wife. While I don't necessarily agree he did things in the best (oops - almost used the word "right") order, at least he did take steps to have ONE woman in his life. One. Not one here and one there.

[Impudent Oyster]

I wonder why Mr. Wright is so afraid to reveal his usual posting identity (as if we didn't know). What are you ashamed of Mr. Right, that you're wrong?

 

Listen, there isn't a BS on the planet who will fault a person for getting out of an unhappy marriage and finding their love again. Not a one.

 

The problem is the order in which certain selfish individuals go about getting involved with someone else. Divorce first, THEN start sleeping around. It tends to tick people off when married people start sleeping around and lying BEFORE they get divorced.

 

You do understand that, don't you?

[Impudent Oyster]

What "good name"??? Isn't your screen name anonymous like everybody else's?

 

And what "retaliation" are you talking about? It's not like anybody can DO anything to you. Last I heard, it's not exactly necessary for adulterers to enter The Witness Protection Program.

 

If you've got something to say worth saying, something you believe in... why be all chicken**** about it and hide behind a new user name?

 

I agree. Oh and, Mr. Wright is certainly an anomoly.

[wiresurge]

I've been together with my wife for over 7 years, but now I feel no love, I love her but I don't feel the same in return. I do everything as well. I clean, do the dishes, do the laundry and I never am treated like a husband. No time together, she's always online playing this stupid game -And when I say she's online, shes on from AM till 4AM. Is this healthy?

 

Now I don't know what to do?

 

I too feel like a void, like something is missing.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What is stopping you from requesting marriage counseling, or seeing a lawyer to start divorce proceedings?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I've been together with my wife for over 7 years, but now I feel no love, I love her but I don't feel the same in return. I do everything as well. I clean, do the dishes, do the laundry and I never am treated like a husband. No time together, she's always online playing this stupid game -And when I say she's online, shes on from AM till 4AM. Is this healthy?

 

Now I don't know what to do?

 

I too feel like a void, like something is missing.

 

you should probably start your own thread in the right section instead of taking over someone else's.

 

i was an ow (i know, shame, shame, save it) and my experience did not turn out like mrwright's....at all. but it probably didn't turn out like anybody else's either, so i see where he's coming from. i left him before he could leave his wife. for some reason, as soon he started talking about divorcing her and being with me, i started to lose interest. so really, it didn't matter whether whether he really loved me or not, because it turned out i didn't really love him after all.

 

just goes to show, you never really know!

[Impudent Oyster]

I've been together with my wife for over 7 years, but now I feel no love, I love her but I don't feel the same in return. I do everything as well. I clean, do the dishes, do the laundry and I never am treated like a husband. No time together, she's always online playing this stupid game -And when I say she's online, shes on from AM till 4AM. Is this healthy?

 

Now I don't know what to do?

 

I too feel like a void, like something is missing.

 

So what are you trying to do, justify having an affair?

 

Here's what you do, GET A DIVORCE.

[greengoddess]

So what are you trying to do, justify having an affair?

 

Here's what you do, GET A DIVORCE.

 

No you begin by talking o your wife about the problem.

 

Go wher she is and turn the computer off and tell her you need to talk and make it serious and known how very unhappy you are and you need her back in this marriage or you want a seperation.

TALK cheating is never the answer and will make you out to be the bad guy.

[OpenBook]

Mr. Wright (in case you are still reading), what a breath of fresh air you are. Regardless of whether you are or are not an anomaly:D, you certainly seem to have a level, rational head on your shoulders, and you made a great point about the ineffectiveness of passing judgment on others when we don't really know the whole story. I'm taking that one to heart.

[lost4ever]

I read once that (most) of the MM's that leave there wives for the OW do it within the first 4 months of the affair and after that the chances of them leaving drop a lot...that being said, three months into my A my MM was ready to leave, I thought he was crazy, how could we break up two M's when we didn't even know eachother that well, so I said lets hold out...now the tables have turned, I often wonder why and the truth is during the first three months of an affair all they remember is how unhappy they are at home (of course this is directed to ONLY the ones who are unhappy at home) and the OW is wonderful, after the three months they slowly start to remember: You can change the wife, it's still a marriage! meaning in man talk: she is going to nag at me just as much, about the same stupid crap you do, as my wife does, just give her time

[bunset]

I'm not sure people should offer judgement at all, but I think there's a fine line between offering hope and blowing smoke up someone's butt.

 

You really think some of these women should just be told, "Oh stick around honey, he'll eventually leave, they always do" when the statistics don't support that view?

 

I've seen people being unnecessarily cruel here, and I don't agree with that, but a lot of the people that come here don't just need sympathy, they need to hear some cold, hard truth.

Pardon,

but statistics do NOT apply to EVERYONE.

And who are any of us to KNOW what someone needs?

Your truth maybe brown, but others see red or green.

Please do not project your fears or negativity on people who look for support. There are ways to express you views without declaring your authority.

MrWright's story demonstrates that many posters (particularly non-OW/OM) insist their POV to be most apropos when they haven't even 'been-there-done-that. I have seen many posters imply that their perspectives are unimpeachable. That is a definition of judgement.

Personally, I cannot vouch for statistics, I can only present knowledge of my own and friend's experiences.