This needs to be said here

[Ladyjane14]

When ya gotta start bringing out the asteriks to express yourself, it certainly is an emotional response.

 

Maybe so in your vernacular... but not in mine.

 

If we accept that people "develop a certain personality" in an anonymous venue like this one... hey, these kind of colloquialisms are just a part of mine. Feel free to put me on iggy if you're offended by it. It won't bother me a bit.

 

Still though, I find it weird that the general idea of the OP's post was "don't assume cheaters are all bad people or whores" and yet he's too ashamed of his own story to present us with even an anonymous user name. His testimony lacks weight, IMO, because he wasn't willing to stand on it.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Still though, I find it weird that the general idea of the OP's post was "don't assume cheaters are all bad people or whores" and yet he's too ashamed of his own story to present us with even an anonymous user name. His testimony lacks weight, IMO, because he wasn't willing to stand on it.

 

i don't think it was out of shame at all. his post and how he posted it made his point the way it should have.

 

i have no beef with you, ladyjane. i just don't see it as his being shameful. i see it as he is happy with how his regular "persona" is on ls, and sees no reason to have to be subjected to judgment by other people on this board, because he knows he will be, and thinks it's a waste of time...which it is. that was what most of what he said was about anyway.

 

i am sure there are many people on here who wouldn't give a rat's a$$ if he came out and said "hey, i'm so and so, and today i think this needs to be said because of some of you have the wrong idea about a subject that is close to my heart." some would appreciate his honesty and candor, but there are some people on here who would make it a point to inject this new info into everything he said on this board, some to the point of interrupting non-related threads to bring it up and infect it with nonsense. does that make any sense at all? sometimes i think i use too many words.

[nittygritty]

It seems to me like Mr. Wright posted from the perspective of a now happily married man who left his first wife for his second wife. Which is slightly different than someone who is posting from the perspective of currently being the OW/OM having an affair with someone whose currently married to someone else.

 

Every situation in all of the LS forums are individually unique to each person that posts a thread topic for support and discussion. The advice and support that is given also varies but the threads that contain unhealthy behavior or situations where someone is being emotionally or physically harmed usually will receive more emotional responses. Its difficult not too.

 

I don't think that it would be helpful to anyone who posts a thread on LS if the only acceptable responses were those that agree with what the original poster posts. Nor is it helpful when the thread deteriorates because of poorly worded disagreement.

[vaguelette]

Oh for goodness sake! Just like every other bloody thread in this forum, no one is going to take any advice given in it.

 

This is just a forum for all those involved in an affair to justify what they're doing and gives the BS an opportunity (probably much needed) to vent at the representative of their own cause of pain.

 

No OW in the passionate throws of an affair is going to listen to anyone telling them (however sweetly) that it's damaging and they need to move on. And no BS in the throws of recovering from D day is going to play nicey nicey. As for the posters with no obvious agenda, this forum is full of the righteous or the voyeuristic, neither of which are going to influence anyone*

 

Besides, it's damn arrogant to expect anyone to be influenced by a post just because we made it...

 

See it for what it is and don't expect anyone to modify their behaviour. It's far less tiring...

 

Oh, wait.....

 

 

*Like every rule, there is one exception.

[littlegirl35]

to Mr. Wright,

 

thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. You have brought tears to my eyes, and given me hope. Your story is trully inspiring and has helped me with my own problem. Its so nice to see it from the perspective of someone who has found happines, and I hope that I have the stength to do the same.

[bunset]

Well, you're quite wrong there. Statistics most certainly DO apply to everyone. That's what make them statistics. That's not a very smart thing to say. *shrug*

 

You can choose to believe in the Easter Bunny if you want, but math is quite real.

 

I wasn't insisting on my point of view, I wasn't even sharing my point of view. I was simply quoting numbers. How about some of 'you people' stop twisting everything people say here.

 

I'm sure they've surveyed ALL 6 billion inhabitants or this planet.

Statisticians can make the numbers come out almost any way they want.

Ask a real CPA, and the fine folks at the Federal Reserve.

I know those numbers you state DON'T apply to me, or many of my acquaintances. Because none of us has ever responded to a survey like that! Those statistics don't apply to me, I am a little tiny piece of this wonderful mosaic - Logic dictates that the statistics do not apply to everyone. What is 'not very smart' about logic?

 

Please, when you quote a source it is customary to credit the origin.

 

So if you're not sharing your opinion, it appears to be leaking out, or perhaps we're supposed to swallow it all.

[luvmy2ns]

He left a woman who made him miserable, and married a woman who made him happy.

 

Yes, this would seem to be rational behavior in this instance, wouldn't it? I agree.

 

If the above is true, then why aren't all these MM who are so in love with their OW's who post on this forum divorced by now? And I'm talking about the affairs that have been dragging on and on and on and on and... Well, you get the point.

[reboot]

So if you're not sharing your opinion, it appears to be leaking out, or perhaps we're supposed to swallow it all.

I really don't care what you swallow. The great thing about a forum like this is that I have just as much right to my opinion as you do yours. And if you don't like mine, there's an ignore button.

[Bobby NoBrains]

The point trying to be made was (and hopefully is) that no one minds your opinion, but please stick to a general "no bashing just because I don't agree" rule, make the posts civil as far as possible and constructive hopefully. You don't have to agree with someone, but that doesn't deny them the right to ask for help here. Offer your wisdom and leave it at that. If the OP don't agree with your views, they also have every right not to be force-fed your opinions, just as you have every right to offer them up

 

By posting unnecessarily harsh and motivated/hate messages a poster is only opening himself/herself up to dislike and ridicule, not to mention damaging their own credibility and losing the respect of their peers because of their own inflexible attitudes. It's not the end-all and be-all of the forums, but it's a request for basic dignity of every poster to be maintained, and it's not too much to ask really.

 

Come on folks just take an objective look at what the OP has asked for, and some more like him/her over the last few days/weeks.

 

Just my two bits ..

 

Bobby

[reboot]

The point trying to be made was (and hopefully is) that no one minds your opinion, but please stick to a general "no bashing just because I don't agree" rule, make the posts civil as far as possible and constructive hopefully.

I agree that we shouldn't bash people, and I don't. The problem there Bobby is that, even when you offer your advice with NO bashing, people often get pissed at you anyway if they don't agree with your opinion. Seems kind of hypocritical to me.

[kchiapet95]

Just my 2 cents:

 

When I posted my dilemma, someone made a post that was clearly unhelpful and just wanted to vent their own feelings. Nothing they said was of any value to me. It wasn't like she offered an opinion that I didn't like, at all, she simply said, "What an idiot the MM is, and the BS should change her locks and give him the boot." But there was no constructive advice given to me at all. However, it wasn't condescending towards me or bashing, it was just not helpful at all. So I put her on the ignore list, rather than report her.

 

I came here for advice, help and support. All kinds, whether I "agree" or not. What I don't need are random comments intended just to express the poster's opinion, that have no value for me whatsoever.

[Bobby NoBrains]

Oh that was not even aimed at you, reboot. I was making a very general statement. But it's true that people would rather hear what they want to hear, and leave the bad news on the side, but isn't that just human nature ? Not everyone is tough enough to accept the harsh criticisms in the same instant they get them. I do that myself sometimes. I know something is good for me, and someone means well, but I'd rather take my time about it and wait to see if it just goes and hides under the carpet so I can believe it's not there. But then it doesn't go away and I gotta do the needful.

 

Maybe giving the posters time to let the advice sink in might help, I dunno. I mean, when I'm really hurting the last thing I would rather hear is that I've been an idiot, even though I know that it's true, hehe. I'd just like a little sympathy first to make it all better before I handle the harder parts of getting out of a tough situation.

 

Once again, I'm not saying don't give them the harsh bits, I'm just saying let them handle the advice at their own pace, and don't get upset with them if they don't take up the advice immediately the advice is offered, and please, please, don't bash them for being human.

 

Just my two bits ..

 

Bobby

[Faith4u]

What you did was the best and you knew it- You had faith and courage and we all need that in here.

 

I hear you so well, you can live with a person and you know you are not the same person and that it is over so why stay?

 

Unfortunatly people judge, they go by the bible and it makes sense to say you do not cheat and this and that. Who PLANS on cheating in their lifes anyway??? In fact when 2 people marry out of LOVE and after years of marriage they start having unsolved issues and pains and trials that lead nowhere they drift apart...!

 

Ideally couples should leave each other and start dating after but we are only human and have emotions and needs and we have responsabilities- and while all this is happening life goes on, nothing stops for us to make a decision, life goes on even faster! I think that is one of the reasons why this whole finding another person just happens.

 

No judgment is the best policy.

[Lizzie60]

You've made a good point, but my only problem is the fact that you hide behind another user name... as if you want this point to be taken seriously but you are ashame of it... I find this strange but it's your prerogative.

 

Very good point though..

[OpenBook]

You can choose to believe in the Easter Bunny if you want, but math is quite real.

 

I believe in the Easter Bunny.

 

I'm in love with a man who does things of which I morally disapprove (but others of which I approve). I am guilty! Shoot me!

 

:D:D Stay anonymous frannie, it's safer that way!!

 

Right or wrong, the writer behind the screen name wants to live up to that reputation because essentially he or she is flattered that their help is sought out.

 

Wright? Wrong? or just "Lucky"??:D

[HappyAtLast]

I am hoping that, although Mr. Wright's story is extremely similar to mine, no one believes that this is me? I've posted my situation honestly right from the start.... (and taken the good and bad comments along with it)

 

HAL

[bluebluesky]

Hi. I'm new here. Been browsing for a little while, but decided to join.

 

First of all, I wanted to thank the original poster (OP - is that right?) for sharing his story. Reading it brought a smile to my face, because it's great to see someone who has obviously gone through a difficult and emotional time end up so happy. So here's to you and your happy wife, Mr. Wright!

 

Next, this might be a threadjack, but I think it could be said in almost any post in this forum. This is the other man / woman (OM/OW in shorthand, I think), right? I read the banner above, which says:

 

The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 

Now whereas I did see some people providing Mr. Wright some support, there seemed to be a lot of other posters who were bashing him AND other posters??? And it doesn't seem to be just on this thread. It's almost every thread in this forum.

 

Now, I don't know enough about people's background yet, but by the language and tone in the posts, I'm willing to bet that a lot of posters here are not involved with a partner who is committed to someone else, yet they are not only joining in the discussion when they aren't part of the target group (those who find themselves involved.....), but they aren't providing support either.

 

I guess that doesn't make sense to me.

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'm not saying that anyone's here is wrong. But I do think there is a right place/forum for everyone. And if you're not involved with a partner committed to someone else or are not providing support, maybe this isn't the right forum to post in. I saw that there is a forum dedicated to infidelity issues on this board. And I noticed that a lot of the posters above also post in that forum. Doesn't it seem like that would be a better place to post some of the things that come across as being non-supportive in this forum?

 

And to be fair, I don't consider support to be unabated cheerleading. But on the other hand, a lot of the other women here (and it does seem to be mostly women) involved in an affair seem to be in an emotional situation where they really do need support from others who may be or have experiencing(ed) the same thing. I don't think it was in this thread, but I saw another one here where a woman was asking for advice and a poster jumped in and said something like "all married men are liars and cheats and sorry it happened to you, but you're probably not his first or last" Huh? I thought to myself, "that's awfully judgemental. Do they know her partner?" If you think about it, if that person had substituted a race or religion for "married man" they could be cited for hate speech. So is this that different?

 

I don't think a lot of the women here are proud of being in a relationship with a committed partner. But they and their partner are adults and have made a decision. And it's a difficult one. Stressful and emotional. And they should have a forum (like this one) where they can find support and have discussions with those in similar situations (as defined above). Yes, we know that there are other opinions that may be contrary. And for those, we can read other forums.

 

Yikes. OK. Sorry if I came across as bitchy. I just think this forum could use a little less hate.

 

Back to Mr. Wright....

[nittygritty]

Hi. I'm new here. Been browsing for a little while, but decided to join.

 

First of all, I wanted to thank the original poster (OP - is that right?) for sharing his story. Reading it brought a smile to my face, because it's great to see someone who has obviously gone through a difficult and emotional time end up so happy. So here's to you and your happy wife, Mr. Wright!

 

Next, this might be a threadjack, but I think it could be said in almost any post in this forum. This is the other man / woman (OM/OW in shorthand, I think), right? I read the banner above, which says:

 

The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 

Now whereas I did see some people providing Mr. Wright some support, there seemed to be a lot of other posters who were bashing him AND other posters??? And it doesn't seem to be just on this thread. It's almost every thread in this forum.

 

Now, I don't know enough about people's background yet, but by the language and tone in the posts, I'm willing to bet that a lot of posters here are not involved with a partner who is committed to someone else, yet they are not only joining in the discussion when they aren't part of the target group (those who find themselves involved.....), but they aren't providing support either.

 

I guess that doesn't make sense to me.

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'm not saying that anyone's here is wrong. But I do think there is a right place/forum for everyone. And if you're not involved with a partner committed to someone else or are not providing support, maybe this isn't the right forum to post in. I saw that there is a forum dedicated to infidelity issues on this board. And I noticed that a lot of the posters above also post in that forum. Doesn't it seem like that would be a better place to post some of the things that come across as being non-supportive in this forum?

 

And to be fair, I don't consider support to be unabated cheerleading. But on the other hand, a lot of the other women here (and it does seem to be mostly women) involved in an affair seem to be in an emotional situation where they really do need support from others who may be or have experiencing(ed) the same thing. I don't think it was in this thread, but I saw another one here where a woman was asking for advice and a poster jumped in and said something like "all married men are liars and cheats and sorry it happened to you, but you're probably not his first or last" Huh? I thought to myself, "that's awfully judgemental. Do they know her partner?" If you think about it, if that person had substituted a race or religion for "married man" they could be cited for hate speech. So is this that different?

 

I don't think a lot of the women here are proud of being in a relationship with a committed partner. But they and their partner are adults and have made a decision. And it's a difficult one. Stressful and emotional. And they should have a forum (like this one) where they can find support and have discussions with those in similar situations (as defined above). Yes, we know that there are other opinions that may be contrary. And for those, we can read other forums.

 

Yikes. OK. Sorry if I came across as bitchy. I just think this forum could use a little less hate.

 

Back to Mr. Wright....

 

 

Even though Mr. Wright isn't technically a OW/OM I think he should be able to post in which ever LS forum he chooses.

 

I'm being pursued by an ex boyfriend thats now married to someone else and I find it to be upsetting but I don't want to hijack Mr. Wrights thread either.

 

My point is that I think it would be difficult to define who qualifies since everyone has the potential of being "involved with a committed partner" because that could mean different things to different people.

 

I think that some people are misinterpreting the OW/OM LS forum as being some sort of exclusive, defined type of person or relationship and thats just not true.

[Virgo1982]

 

So don't call me a bad person, and don't my second wife a whore. And next time you badmouth a man and his so-called "other woman", don't forget you might be helping to sabotage a person's chance at real happiness, making them feel guilty enough to let go of their happiness and stay in a loveless, miserable marriage.

 

We knew what we were doing was "wrong" because you're not supposed to cheat, etc, etc. It was everyone else's definition of wrong. But to us, it was right, and it's been right ever since. Not every man who leaves his wife is a jerk, sometimes his wife is the jerk---and he leaves for real love.

 

Well said, Sir. I am so glad you spoke up. Some people think that all BS walk on water. Some people think all OW/OM are homewrecking demons. Some of those people might be right some of the time, but some of them are wrong too...Well done :-)

[Virgo1982]

Hi. I'm new here. Been browsing for a little while, but decided to join.

 

First of all, I wanted to thank the original poster (OP - is that right?) for sharing his story. Reading it brought a smile to my face, because it's great to see someone who has obviously gone through a difficult and emotional time end up so happy. So here's to you and your happy wife, Mr. Wright!

 

Next, this might be a threadjack, but I think it could be said in almost any post in this forum. This is the other man / woman (OM/OW in shorthand, I think), right? I read the banner above, which says:

 

The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 

Now whereas I did see some people providing Mr. Wright some support, there seemed to be a lot of other posters who were bashing him AND other posters??? And it doesn't seem to be just on this thread. It's almost every thread in this forum.

 

Now, I don't know enough about people's background yet, but by the language and tone in the posts, I'm willing to bet that a lot of posters here are not involved with a partner who is committed to someone else, yet they are not only joining in the discussion when they aren't part of the target group (those who find themselves involved.....), but they aren't providing support either.

 

I guess that doesn't make sense to me.

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'm not saying that anyone's here is wrong. But I do think there is a right place/forum for everyone. And if you're not involved with a partner committed to someone else or are not providing support, maybe this isn't the right forum to post in. I saw that there is a forum dedicated to infidelity issues on this board. And I noticed that a lot of the posters above also post in that forum. Doesn't it seem like that would be a better place to post some of the things that come across as being non-supportive in this forum?

 

 

Back to Mr. Wright....

 

I agree and disagree. The main problem for me is you have people posting on this site like they are perfect, bashing people and throwing them into a category-speaking to them as if they're less than human. Basically, there is no respect shown for people who have the right to post wherever they'd like.

 

This rage stems from experience, but these people were NOT involved in YOUR relationship. There is no such thing as black and white on this website, yet time and time again, people see the need to see OM/OW and stone that individual like we are back in the Old Testament. The last time I checked, God told them He would take care of it. You've got your own issues to fix within yourself. Being judgemental is His job. I'm sorry for those of you who aren't religious, but I felt the need to say it. Adultery is also forbidden. So, I guess we all have some things to work on.

 

I've been addressed by a "basher" and the thread went on so long that it was shut down because I refused to back down. In the end, I came out victorious because the posters only point was to attack me. What are you gaining? Making yourself feel better by putting other people down makes you seem insecure-a charge always put on the OM/OW. We all have insecurities. Anybody can get married (look in People magazine). It takes two compatible/dedicated/like-minded individuals to make a marriage work and marriage is hard work. And you can not do it on your own.

 

Also, no "homewrecker" can come in and destroy anything on their own. It is unlikely that a partner will just up and decide they want to start a full-fledged affair. More than likely, they've made their needs known in some way. Like Mr. Wright said, she gave up on him and he found someone who would not.

 

I guess I just wish people would stop being so judgemental and nasty. Until people start pointing out the real issue and standing up for themselves, the cylce will continue.

[Kasan]

It is very easy for all of us to be judgmental and to only see the shades of black and white on LS.

 

Why? Because all we are is letters on a page--I don't know you, or your situation.

 

I often wonder when the bashing is in full gear how much different our responses would be if we were sitting face to face observing facial expressions and hearing the tone of voice. I think we would be much more civilized in our interactions.

 

Most of us are not gifted writers--it sometimes take several pages to get the story--although do you really ever understand all the OP is trying to say? Is is right to jump in and make critical comments--probably not--although I have been guilty of doing this as well.

 

Because this is an anonymous board we are allowed to express our thoughts any way that we please. If someone is rude--you can just put them on ignore. Seems a little to simplistic in my book. I often have wondered if some posters enjoy bashing as it happens way to much. I really try to give the bashers the benefit of the doubt, as I believe that attacks on situations and posters are born out of fear.

 

I have found this site to be provocative. It has caused me to re-think some things, and given me the kick in the *ss to change things that I am not happy with.

 

You simply have to take the good with the bad until a better way is found.

[brownsugah]

Why don't people who are in unhappy relationships just get therapy or get a DIVORCE for crying out loud instead of putting their family through the pain of an affair and divorce. To me its selfish. In then only we only really have to answer to our maker I guess. And people shouldn't be caring out what other people say on here in my opinion, they should be more worried about the REAL people in their lives who will be hurt by their actions.

[cheryl14]

I am so happy to hear someone say that it does work out. I have been the OW for 2 years and 2 months. The other night was the first time I read any posts from this site.I must say I was devastated and went into a deep depression. These two years have been the best and worst times of my life. I have been waiting for my life to begin with my MM but he keeps delaying while all along telling me how much he loves me and needs me but this is very hard for him because he has so much guilt about leaving both wife and 2 daughters. I have tried so many times to break up with him but the bond we have is so strong we just end up getting back together-he always comes back to me I have never went after him. I just want to say thank you for your kind words about OW and it's great to know not all MM are skum.

 

I am a regular poster of this forum, but out of fear of retaliation and my good name being smeared here, I am posting on another name because, after seeing these posts lately in this section, which I rarely had ever visited, I feel I have the right to defend myself and others like me.

 

I am a married man,who has been married for many years. That's all I will say about my personal life because some of you know too much about me already and will put two and two together.

 

However, what most of you don't know is that I am married to my second wife-----who started out as my other woman.

 

I have been saddened, not to mention sometimes angered lately by the amount of posters who take it upon themselves to decide whose relationship is "real" and whose it not. You don't know really anything about anyone here, or their whole stories, and especially the party who is not here to explain their part, not they should have to explain themselves to a group of strangers whose sole purpose is meant to offer support.

 

Here's my story, it won't take too long. My first wife and I married. We stayed married for a few years and all was fine, and then she started to drift away from me, partying with her friends again like we were back in college, even when we were home together, we weren't really...together, if that makes sense. I was always left with the responsibility on my shoulders, everything that needed taken care of was left to me. Our sex life became non-existent, but that was the least of our troubles. I felt like I was living with a child. Now, she didn't treat me badly, she just treat me like anything, not a husband, not a friend, she was just there. I was good to her, because I still loved her and still cared.

 

So to cut it short, after quite some time of this, I did meet someone else. I knew it was different this time, and I was right. We were friends first, and it developed into close bond that did not become sexual until well after we met. I do consider most of my relationship with her an "emotional affair", because it did not become physical for a long time, and I ended my marriage only months after it did become physical.

 

Now I am married to her, been married for many years, and very happy. I do NOT cheat on her, I am not looking for another woman to fill the "void the OW left" when I married her. I have no void anymore. I had a void with my first wife, not the second.

 

I cannot stand seeing some of these posts calling all other women whores, trash, tramps, useless garbage, dogs. My wife is NOT any of these things. I never even considered her an "other woman" because at the time, my wife was barely my wife other than the past arrangement we made. I loved my "other woman" so much that I left my wife for her. I also left my wife for msyelf.

 

Was what I did right? Probably not, I did after all cheat on my first wife with the second, but my marriage had ended for both of us long before we signed divorce papers. My first wife may not have cheated on me, but the way she treated our relationship was no better than if she did.

 

I hope this serves as a reminder to you that everyone has a story, and everyone's story is different. To see people I respect here getting in on this gang-up of evil men who don't respect their marriages and move on is disheartening. I know that it is better to end one thing before starting another, but to be honest, our marriage was so non-existent that it was hard to feel I was doing anything wrong. I tried to save it and hang in but it didn't work, and I can tell with God's honest truth that I didn't hang in there for me, I did it for me, because I loved her and I didn't want to hurt or give up on us. The problem was she had already given up. Staying in a loveless marriage when you might as well just leave isn't any better or worse than cheating in my opinion. She didn't have to cheat on me to feel the marriage was over and treat me like I didn't exist.

 

So don't call me a bad person, and don't my second wife a whore. And next time you badmouth a man and his so-called "other woman", don't forget you might be helping to sabotage a person's chance at real happiness, making them feel guilty enough to let go of their happiness and stay in a loveless, miserable marriage.

 

We knew what we were doing was "wrong" because you're not supposed to cheat, etc, etc. It was everyone else's definition of wrong. But to us, it was right, and it's been right ever since. Not every man who leaves his wife is a jerk, sometimes his wife is the jerk---and he leaves for real love.

[HeartBrokenInNY]

I've been reading the forum for a few days, and I find it (somewhat) comforting sometimes to know that I am not alone in my situation...

 

I had dated my ex for 13 years when things started to go terribly wrong. I was 31 years old and he was 39. We broke up 3 years ago. At that time in my life, one of my best friends whom I've known for 10 years became very close, and he confided in me that his marriage was missing something as well. I started seeing the MM, my best friend. We were both unhappy in our relationships, and didn't see a way out. After a few months, I discovered my ex had cheated on me a few times (I was faithful up to that point).

My MM/bestfriend never said he would leave his wife and 2 kids for me. And I accepted that at the time and took it for what it was. He was unhappy with his marriage (wife was unsupportive, didn't talk/listen to him, didn't return his affections, didn't want to have sex, always complaining, etc), while I was totally the opposite. After a few months, I started dating another guy, and my MM started getting very jealous even though he tried to be happy for me. All this time he said he loved me, he was crazy about me. They make very good money and put away most of their money towards the kids' future. We also happen to work in the same field where everyone kind of knows each other. He has told me not to be surprised if she didn't already suspect (but she was always cordial to me, and she knows we've been friends for a while).

Well, at that time, the guy I was seeing, I kind of knew things wouldn't work and it was more of a way to get emotionally away from the MM. But the MM kept pursuing me until I finally gave up and went back to him(MM).

Ever since that time, I have given almost everything, my self esteem, my time, my energy...waiting for him.

We used to see each other every day, used to talk for hours on end, we could talk about anything! But then I started saying I wanted more, and I can feel him withdrawing from me. Then he told me that it was very hard for him as well, and the kids are getting older and he's afraid they might suspect as well. He tells me he is not miserable in his marriage, and she is a good mother to his kids. He has told me that he loves her, and he loves his kids more than anything else.

When I try to withdraw, I feel him coming back emotionally to me, but then he feels guilty and tries to limit contact with me.

I am so confused. I am not an ugly girl and I have a very good heart and somewhat naive I guess. I don't know what to do. I love this guy very very much and it hurts when he says that if he weren't married with kids we would have made a really good couple. I asked him to tell me he loves me like a sister but he refuses. I feel really bad for doing this to his wife but then sometimes I think she might be cheating on him (one time he saw a text message from another guy saying he missed her).

I would do almost anything to be with him, he is everything I would want in a guy. Someone tell me what I should do please... I have thought about telling his wife but I am afraid of the repercussions. He has made it clear to me that he will never leave them...unless she leaves him first.

We can be really good together one day and the next day he will feel guilty and call me and talk like we were "friends."

I am so confused.

I'm so sorry to jump in on this thread but I don't know how to start a new one. Sorry. I wish I could see past this.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Heartbroken, you can start a thread of your own in this section if you want. You will get more replies and advice that way.